• Member Since 1st Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 14th, 2014

Zong The Nefarious


A human knight from a far off and distant land finds himself stranded in Equestria and sets off to complete the mission given to him by his king. Along the way he will come across many challenges and gain both ally and enemy alike. While this wayward knight begins this quest alone and with a single goal, he will find himself as either an instrumental part in the survival of Equestria or in its destruction.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 53 )

First comment stolen by the editor lolololololol
Loving the different character perspective for the prologue, it adds flavor to the story and gives us more information on Gaius.
Can't wait to read the next!


What do you mean accidentalied? I have every chapter from ch4 onwards, lol.

Anyway, looking forward to the rewrite.

Guess I have to read this one again as well, le sigh.
Looking forward to the next chapter.

Accimcdentalied the whole... wait, what?
Surely there must be backups, or something...
I have the first 14 saved :derpytongue2:
But oh well, time to read a new take on an old story, I suppose...


Blog post explain most of it. I just wanted to rewrite it to make it better.

Well...shit happens xD

DosenĀ“t matter dude, if you think that it was for the best, then is all good.

Chapters? WHERE ARE THE BLOODY CHAPTERS!!?! But seriously, I'm looking forward to this rewrite.

Well... Good luck with that... Tell me when you catch up to the old version, I suppose.

Post Reading: That Dorn character better not stick around... At least he shouldn't be in the first person. Mostly due to the fact he seems very boring at this time.

He's just a prologue char that's there to add some detail to Gaius without it being Gaius himself.

Good... Good...
You should reference his painful demise, later in the story.

I am so glad you decided to do this over again. Love Gaius and all the mayhem he goes through. I wish you the best of luck creating this sure-to-be masterpiece.


Might be missing an i there, Zong.

If the stories are to be believed, this strange man could kill a man with no more than a glance, cause a tower to crumble to dust with a single punch, and had slain the last of the mighty dragons. But despite these great feats, he was above all a monster. He slaughtered the innocents, burnt down holy churches of the gods and the High God himself and many-a woman widowed.

I thought of Monty Python.

Wait what happened to... everything.

That took me by surprise. Can't tell if it's better or the same as the original because of time passed, but I'm certain that few chapters further on will help.

New characters, new issues gonna come up, new character traits, new locals and plot developments. It's gonna be different, and better I hope.

2503866 We'll see. For now I wish you luck with delivering, and wait for more. I hope this version will come out quicker than the previous one.

Well, with finals up, this is gonna be taking a back burner. :raritydespair:

Sir Pain Hurtsalot is very generous, always going out of his way to share with everybody.

"No," I mumbled, looking at some storm clouds brewing over the sea. "Is this not why I'm here?" I turned my attention back to him. "Did my father not send you here for this very reason? Besides.. I quite like it."

Shouldn't this say 'me' as well, or am I just reading it wrong because of how late it is and I am tired?

first, my back let out a horrendous crack and then, the salty water that had been pooling on the side of my helmet came round to splash into my poor eyes.

Okay these two were a slight mistakes, but easy to fix. Just remove the comma after "first" and then move the comma from after "and then" to in front of "and".

Using my superior intellect, I reasoned that a huge amount of water -- plus a tremendous amount of sand meant that I was on a beach.

Either add another "--" after the word 'sand' and before 'meant', or instead put it into parenthesis so that it reads like this: "I reasoned that a huge amount of water (plus a tremendous amount of sand) meant...".

I turned around to see a slaving gully

Should read "galley", as a gully is a type of land formation (like a ravine or ditch).

Inside the chest was both my short sword and claymore, its steel blade was notched and dented from battle and its hilt was a simply thing wrapped in leather.

Multiple errors in this sentence. The subject in the first clause is not the chest, but the two blades, so the "was" should be a "were". Also, which of the two swords has the notches, dents, and simple (you accidentally put "simply" here as well) wrapped hilt were you referring to? I am assuming the claymore, so how about making this two seperate sentences? Maybe reading like: Inside the chest were both my short sword and claymore. The claymore's (If you don't wish to repeat the word 'claymore' again, substitute it with "the larger weapon's") steel blade was notched and detented from battle, and it's hilt was a simple thing wrapped in leather.

I stated at the shovel for a moment, questioning why he had it.

Should be 'stared'.

I mean, they can be used for digging, bludgeoning things; but as the man had found out, they weren't to great at putting out fires.

Improper use of a semicolon (they should be used to connect two independent clauses), some misplaced commas, and a misuse of 'to' instead of 'too'. The full sentence should be changed to read as follows: I mean they can be used for digging and bludgeoning things, but as the man had found out they weren't too great at putting out fires.

Next was the matter of the wizard. What Bethold wants with the dead loving bastards is beyond me...

Since in the sentence before you were only referring to a single wizard, there is only one 'bastard', not its multiple wizards. If however Bethold is after more than one wizard in the overarching plot (to be seen in later chapters), then the use of the plural is correct and I am an idiot :P.

I then began to look about for any sign of a trail and, with great luck, I found one!

Okay, this one is a bit tricky for me so I would suggest asking another editor to make sure if I am right about this or not. But get rid of the commas and put the words "with great luck" in parenthesis. Again, this one I am not too sure about so ask for a second opinion.

The hope was slim but my entire life so far had been based on slight happen-stances

"Happen-stances" is actually spelled "happenstances". No need for the hyphen :).

Anyways, sorry about all that editing and such I just provided. Great chapter overall, so I cannot wait to see what new stuff you have in store for us (though I do hope that Blacktooth will be coming back).

I like you.

If you like the story at all or have the time, you could be an editor for me :D.

wait a minute, wasn't this already up to like, chapter 14 or something?

2505712 Heh, I have enjoyed the tales of Sir Gaius "The Bloody" even before the reboot you've started up... so sure, I wouldn't mind being a proofreader/editor for you now and then. :pinkiehappy: Just send me via private messages a link to where you write the Google documents (or even email me the completed new chapters, whichever is easier for you) and I can give'em a look-see. I admit I am not perfect when it comes to grammar (I am Southern... listening to me speak would tell you that story in a heartbeat hehe), but I will do my best. Try to locate some other editors too, cause I will be doing the same. :twilightsmile:

2505901 Yes, it was up to 14 or so chapters earlier. However, Zong decided to completely overhaul the story (sorta like how Cardslafter did with his "Through the Eyes of Another Pony" story).


Honesty you'd be a pre-editor to catch blaring mistakes and then it would be ran through another editor I've known longer.

Maybe shovel-man intended to sand the fire, because he saw the beach nearby? That's what I'd hope for in the least

2506295 Sorry it took so long to respond back (busy busy day lol), but sure, I don't mind being the pre-editor. :twilightsmile: Again, you can send me a link to where you're working on the story in Google Docs, or I can send you my private email address via private mail on this site so you can send me the chapter. Whichever is most comfortable with you. Anyways, till later, hope you have a great week and good luck on your exams.

Sir Gaius better not be trying to steal Sir Pain from me, he and I are the bestest of friends! :pinkiesmile:

Favorited the original, saw it was redone, and then ignored it. Honestly, it disappointed me the first time around.
Second chapter comes out.
Finally I read the prologue-and I already like it, more-so than the original.
I have high hopes for this.


Can you go into a bit of detail on what disappointed you first time around? I intend to avoid past mistakes and such,


I have explained. Quite a bit. On several different occasions, be it author's note, comment or blog. I did it because I felt the story was too contradictory and the characters becoming meshy and bland. So I decided to do a complete overhaul where everything gets cleaned up a lot more.


Well you said it yourself... Every thing started to mesh together. The story started getting hazy around the middle.

What? Huh? Buh? I afk for a few measly weeks and all my precious chapters of an awesome story disappears?!?!?! WHAATTTTT?!?!?! :twilightoops:


EDIT: "Where do chapters wat?" is a perfectly legitimate actual comment. In fact, I'm surprised there aren't more of them because it's totally legitimate!

It already looks better than how it was before. The same, but with more details and an actual prologue.

Hope you keep working on it.

I thought that was what happened! I knew there were more chapters here! Damn, they were good, too! ...Oh well... Nothing we can do except throw stones at him. ...Well, I'm not going to, but you can. :pinkiesick:

I hadn't even gotten around to reading this yet, and suddenly there are only TWO chapters :(

You know, at this point inbthe rewrite there is no pony at all in the story... ya shoulda replaced the chapters as ya went.

is this fanfic dead? i would love to read more of it.

Hey why did you quit the story I just read it but notice the giant gap in time of update you going to man

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