The equestrians have forgotten us, forgotten of those they once fought side by side with, lived and coexisted with. Those who they had once called brothers and sisters. I am here to remedy that, to bring back the forgotten histories of Equestria.
Part one: First contact
EDIT: The story has undergone a rewrite and I added a few new elements to the existing chapters. You may want to reread them ^^
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My first Fic (dabbled in small shorts in Warhamer battlereports only really) so please comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated. Greatly inspired by the two pictures done by Moe (one of which is used in this story
)
“Who there? Show yourself!”
Aboce it two small eyes stared defiantly ahead.
the pony noticed was a distict lack of hair
Only 3 spelling/grammar mistakes. <-- Grammar Nazi at work.
Good story with decent description and narration. I wish to see more of this, consider yourself watched. By a stalker
This is something, indeed!
Damn good start for a story, hope it continues to be as good as it is now.
I'm looking forward to seeing more of this story.
First, minor grammar stuff. Both are very pedantic. "Looking around the mare sighed before resuming her treck ahead into the gloom .It didn’t matter now,"
1. Technically treck is supposed to be trek but really that is debatable. 2. Also, just fix the period position.
Now to the actual stuff. I'm a sucker for humans in Equestria stories (writing my own even,) and I must say that your description really pulled me in and that this was a great prologue. Both piqued my curiosity. I can't wait to see how you fit humans into the past of Equestria. (Hopefully either good, ambiguous, or understandably bad.) It's something I wanted to see stories address. Can't wait to see what happens next.
this is being followed for the epic cover art
It's got potential.
Not bad. Kind of reminds me of the fic I have in the works. I'll still track this.
~Jack
Wow, this is pretty good.
Keep it up!
Looks good
and the bad 
Hope humans aren't made so cut n dry like most fics make them
I don't want another "humans are bad" or "humans are good" thing, you need both the good
448392
Couldn't agree more. Too many Hitler VS. Jesus like stories out there. IT's cool when there are many characters and motivations.
almost no mistakes and great story..FAVORITE. and watch
447773 Grammar Nazis make the writing world a better place!
Great concept, I eagerly await more!
447394>>448047
Thanks you two, mistakes fixed.
To the others thanks for the kind words. Its nice to hear especially if you're like me and easily become overly critical about my own work ( I was half tempted to rewrite the prologue so many times since i thought it stunk). Hopefully the first chapter will be up later today if video games dont distract me.
I'm definitly tracking this!
I liked it but up at the top "through the poniesmind" it should be pony’s
thats a dam good thumbnail "wallpapered"
You have my attention.
Nice Opening, looking forward to seeing where it goes.
A very cool start to what sounds like a good story. Tracked for good measure....
Through The Fire And The Flames - Dragonforce
Also, how did the mother of all Thresher Maws learn how to use a keyboard?
I looked up at the top and... Holy crap. Featured already? On Friday the 13th no less. That certainly says something.
448620 I know the feel. I went through somewhere around 10 major drafts (and dozens of tiny edits) before putting my first few chapters up. Sometimes you just got to remember that the critical eye means you will be far harsher to your story than anyone else could ever be. While it does lead to doubt, obviously the positive results of that self-critique show... and now back to ponies.
If this doesn't tern into a massive conflict of so kind......(finishes reading )....shit just got real
DAMN, CLIFFHANGER! I can't wait to see where you take this, hardly ever am I interested in a prologue especially in the 1000 words region, but you sir, deserve it. Fave and a track, thumbs up? Of course
Ooooo, this is an interesting premise.
Very intriguing prologue... Alright, I'm hooked. Please continue
Curse these fimfics they drive me to insomnia
Hmm....This....is in accordance with my interests. Carry on, chap!
448077
agreed.
Cliff...hanger?
THE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE
YES YES YES I can already tell DIS GUN BE GUD!
Again thanks for the kind words everyone, i hope i can continue to exceed the expectations you all seem to have placed in me. I'm currently working on chapter one and should have it up tomorrow (possibly). And wow. Featured already?
I don't know what to say.
As for those of you wondering how a thresher maw can use a keyboard... What do you all think i did with that reaper? Ate it? Ugh, no no, i turned it into my new personal computer.
Now this looks promising... Tracked.
There are a few mistakes here and there. But now that your story got featured, finding a pre-reader might be something to look for.
I like where this is going. Let's see what you bring us!
I'm interested, that's for sure. Can't say much more from what is here. Tracked and I'll be watching for more. Keep up the good work.
Also, Mass Effect 3 reference name. Nice.
Hmm, I really like this concept, but this needs some editing. Lots of little errors here and there, though nothing too serious.
I am thoroughly impressed and will be watching.
666 views...
MUST READ.
EDIT: Interesting.
Anybody who reads my The Other Side, stop reading my comment here.
I see we have humans in Equestria's past in both of our stories, and the relations were not all pleasant...
My reaction:
static.fimfiction.net/images/avatars/24424_128.jpg
Interesting prologue.... let's see if you can make it as good as I expect it to be.
447773
Teh gramma natsis dey es keeling us wit dere supah grammah skeels
This is looking interesting. Keep it up.
Very interesting concept and prolouge. Cant wait for the next instalment.
wugr.biz/Benny614tv/Main/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/this-is-gonna-be-good.gif
y u stop so soon??
Grammar needs a bit of work, but otherwise, you have my attention.
Wow, this beginning seems very interesting. Tracked!
I think i just shoot a nigga out mah arse. Tracking...
Well, there were a few errors, but none of those are really bad and I think they have been pointed out above already. The story itself seems very promising
, so keep up the good work!
I could have sworn i make some edits last night before bed but it seems they were not saved. (Didnt realize you had to click the save button) That'll teach me not to work with things half awake -.- Bunch of grammar mistakes fixed. Thx fvdf for you help. Chapter one is complete but probably needs editing so... yeah