paparazzi

I dont get it. The story happened before events of the cartoon or after? Because i dont think, that paparazzi is usual characters for middle age.

Tulip for his cool ass sketch.

Ass? What ass? You are welcomed, anyway. Tell me if you`ll write something like this, i can draw more stuff.

5732737

I dont get it. The story happened before events of the cartoon or after? Because i dont think, that paparazzi is usual characters for middle age.

Rose is being figurative, he's not literally a paparazzi complete with a camera, but he's obviously some kind of reporter working for a publication. (See: Him writing down on that notepad/looking through the window.)

Ass? What ass? You are welcomed, anyway. Tell me if you`ll write something like this, i can draw more stuff.

It's no problem, I was really pleasantly surprised when you posted it. Hope you enjoyed the story.

So...You made an open end story? If not, sequel? Or will anyone be able to borrow this part of the story and go on from there?

5732786 I meant as in the ending was open to personal interpretation, specifically in regards to Rose and Sombra's relationship.

5732793 Ok...
It's not exactly my kind of endings since I don't really have that much of an imagination but I can say that it is a whole lot better than some bad and rushed endings I have seen...Like when they simply kill the main character then and there with some sort of betrayal from someone who is suppose to be a loyal companion, friend, and boom, done.
Overral, nice story...But, it still have so much potential...aside from Sombra and Rose, there are the stuff with the whole Equestria and its princesses and stuff...
On a side note: I can see there might be a few things here and there that will be changed if we ever get to the whole Mi Amora Cadenza...
Rose might turned out to be a beloved queen, and Sombra being not so bad and mellowed out by Rose will affect a whole lot of stuff...making many interesting scenarios available...

I'm still kind of lost, there are still so many loose ends and unanswered questions. I kind of feel like the end of Cowboy Bebop but without the sad end. I was half expecting Warm or somepony to assassinate them.
I would probably start speculating on when and why Sombra has his big conflict with Celestia, but I don't think it really matters at this point. the story is done and I don't think I could get invested in the sequel.

A perfect ending.

my self I thought this story was real good you need to give your self a huge hoorrraaa for it.
and if anything you should put a little thought in to a sequel the last chapter is vary open for just that.
after all ware are Sombra and rose going from here ?????
I know you let it to stand as the ending but I defiantly see a possible sequel here.

Harts Fire

This was a good story, all in all. You certainly took some more risks with your story, like changing the format from smut to serious or making the relationship with Sombra more ambiguous. It was a fun (if long) read, and I look forward to reading some of your other stuff.

And, even though I'm guessing you won't do it, I'd really like to see you do a sequel or maybe side-story to this. I feel like there are a lot of narrative possibilities with it.

No matter what, good job.

I enjoyed this greatly. Not what I expected when I clicked on it, but certainly not a disappointment. Well done author. Well done.

please do a follow-up story!

I'm not going to lie, i came for the clop, but ultimately stayed for the wonderful story, I'm glad you decided to change your mind!!!

Story gets an A-, ending in particular gets a C. It's simply weak compared to the story before it.

I really liked the story aside from it, too; there simply wasn't enough content to the end.

Admittedly, I started reading this story for the clop. As the story developed I got over it and became more interested. Every chapter I would always wonder if there'd be clop, because that was the original intention of the story and the cover never seemed to change. I'm not saying I hated the story, quite the contrary, I loved it and hope for a sequel.
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This brings me to my next point.

Sequel?

5740020 One day, maybe. But right now I'm itching to move onto something different for a while.

Really interesting. I liked that. And Fury's fate... brilliant. Anyway, I hope for some kind of sequel or spin-off too. I'm curious how Equestria looks like in this fic's world... and how much Equestrians know about Rose and her adventures.

The masturbation scene was not out of place in my opinion. It just showed how much Sombra/the collar toyed with her mind.

I loved every part of the story, even though I missed the clop. But what you lacked in sexual content, you made up with story telling.

A while ago, maybe half a year's time I saw this in the feature box. Read the description, skimmed the first half of introductory chapter and threw it away and moved on. Three days ago, I saw it again, forgetting until the very end that I'd seen it before, only thinking that this was going to be another generic, half-assed clopfic but as soon as I bucked up and continued on past the third chapter, I was entranced.

I felt Rose's pain, understood her reasoning, and above all else, loved the imperfections, not those in the grammar, but those are tolerable, but the characters. Not flaws, but imperfections. Avoiding the common Mary/Gary Stu and creating a reasonable environment than can have people back craving more. Leaving Sombra and a more reasonable, but not perfect stallion. Having Rose somewhat more trusting, even compassionate towards Sombra, but still giving him the stiff arm if need be. Even the identity of the mystery mare talking with Fury at the end, continuing to be ambiguous was well put. The idea of not delving into every last nook and cranny to explain everything in full detail can be tiring to the reader and the author alike. (Lilly dying was a detail I personally liked, I found her irritating to say in the least)

I may not have been around for any but the last update to this fic, but I will say that it was well worth burning almost two day's worth of free time to enjoy this little slice of well-rounded, well-ended and entrenching piece.

You deserve more credit than you've gotten, and I hope you have a marvelous future in your writings. I even hope to see work from you in the future! Keep at it mate, you do well!

What that's it? No!! This can't be it! I was in love with this! You have done a fantastic job!! This must be finished!!

I clicked on this story because i had thought that there would be clop, and after reading the entire 50,000 page novel i realized that the only clop was in the first five chapters. i didn't enjoy the story that much, but it was still very intriguing.Good job

huh.. Human male to Pony mare TF, doesn't make much sense in this story if its no clop happening.
if you transformed the human to a stallion and Rule 63 sombra (umbra?) or only made the human a stallion, pretty much nothing about the story had changed.
(yes i know, some people like it, but i don't get it why somebody would want to be transformed to a pony mare from a ordinary hetero human male (or not freaking out more when it happens).)

Would have been interesting to read what Celestia & Luna thought about what's happened.

[Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one - but some just smell worse than others.]

TL;DR, I'd scrub out the early snu-snu, because it just doesn't fit in with the rest of the story. Please flesh out Rose's character development and explain why Sombra suddenly became a good guy. A final pass on edit would also make sure characters don't forget things they knew or said several chapters ago, and make sure their decisions (good or bad) actually make sense. Other than that, it's always interesting to see the Crystal Empire fleshed out.

TL:

I actually read this on a recommend, skipping the weird part as indicated (you know which one). I think the biggest problem with the story is that its tonal shift took Sombra with it. He went from being a slightly more perverse version of the chaotic despot we all know to a misunderstood romantic beset on all sides by betrayal and tragedy.

With a bit of elbow grease, I think it could be fixed by writing out the story's early tone and replacing it with what the majority of it became. You know, the war, the point of experimenting with interdimensional spells, creating a bio-weapon, etc. Importantly, it would leave more room to explain why King Sombra is so intimidated by the kind of blood magic he (presumably) and both of his brothers wield, and why he became besotten with Blood Rose beyond the fact that her body was precision-engineered by magic.

It would also allow Rose to fall for him without looking like an abused, meek housewife who casually attributes that period she was forced to wear a bulky, mood-altering sex collar against her will to him being in a "bad mood" at the time. Rose herself is difficult to relate to, especially from a first-person perspective. It's kind of tricky to put my finger on exactly why, but I think it's something to do with the fact that she can't make up her mind about anything so does everything. She's been given superpowers and presence, and uses them to be openly resentful to the apologetic evil king she does everything in her power to both back and sabotage. Even for having a grade-A identity crisis, it's indecisive.

(Sigh) well. That was... interesting. At first, I came for the clop. But, I'm glad to say I stayed for the excellent story.

10/10

Would pone again

What it's over well whatever. Hmm well I liked it though more if an epilogue would be nice cause I feel like we only got like half the conclusion with rose and sombra becoming closer and warm getting the bar but I feel like it's missing spyglass and what happens to the kingdom and how celestia really feels about what happened in the frozen north.

7104634 I have to say the latter third of the story is the worst part on reflection. I really should have thought some things through more.

The loose ends are numerous and remain loose.
The relationship is inconclusive.
Over half of major players have not even been revealed.

Yet the story is marked as complete.
What are you playing at Mr. Author?

Oh well. At least it's been an interesting ride, but it reminds me of a cancelled anime with its budget cut short.

7564885 Well it's sequel bait for the most part. Although I honestly wanted to leave the relationship between Rose and Sombra ambiguous for the end, there's a lot more to it. I was planning on doing a sequel right away but I decided to go back and re-do adjustment like I'd been promising for the past year.

It's still on the cards, although I'm not sure how much time I'm going to have for writing. I've just gotten a new job.

7566205
Alrighty, thanks for clearing that up!

If you ever get to it I'll be looking forward to it.
Thank you for writing this piece, I really enjoyed it!

Lord this was such a good read in the weekend, this story had me hanging in th edge of my seat, I'm hoping for a sequel, and hopefully the human finally gets the D Magic.

I wish their was more

7705759 My memory is super trash man. I think I leave some pretty bad plot holes in later.

What?! One more chapter! Totally needed one more chapter! We need a definite closure! Thank you M Night Shamallamadon!

7706293 I was wrong the bacon was in there. But we need one more chapter! Come on! Lol maybe there's a sequel?

7566205 >>
You can write on your breaks!
I don't usually have anything good to say about any of the storys on here towards the end! Hell, most of them ended up being too long with too much "filler."

This story. "YOUR" story left me wanting more! This story is second only to "FS/4" and "To Love the Moon"

Please we need more!
I need more!

And thats rather impressive considering in the show I always saw Sombra as an egomaniacal idiot!

hello

I think this song describes the situation of the main character. Almost perfect, what do you think

Hello!” a chirper voice greets

That'd be 'chipper'.

This story was a weird one, but still enjoyable nevertheless.

7892628 Thanks for the comments. Should probably find a proper proofreader in the future because word likes to autocorrect what I type to something else entirely sometimes, as well as good old human error.

Glad you enjoyed it.

7898974 Dude, anytime. I kinda wish the admins had a proper proofreader group, so you can properly set up an editing thing, but whatever. I'd be happy to edit for you anytime, just not anytime soon, 'cause my laptop is dead.

I'd be interested to know if you're thinking of writing a sequel to 'The King and I'.

7899097 For the sequel question. Probably, I originally wrote this ending with the intent of leaving the relationship between Sombra and Rose still somewhat ambiguous. Almost as sequel bait, but I think even so it still shows that they're in a very different place from the beginning.

Obviously there's still other stories to be told in this world, specifically with characters like Spyglass who's the focus of an idea I have for a continuation. Still debating where to set it. If I were to write a sequel Spyglass would get his own story arc included as a start, because I feel like he's somebody we didn't see enough of here.

You've probably seen me mention this, but this story really ballooned past what it was originally. It was meant to be a short clopfic about some Anon and King Sombra, but I kept adding new ideas to it, eventually dropping the smut part completely. I think it probably suffered for it, but going into writing a second story I could definitely take my time to figure out what I want it to be.

I haven't really been writing a lot of MLP stuff recently, because I've been doing some other stuff for different media instead for a change (also I'm busy IRL again.) I'll have to pick up the pace and kick myself a bit to finish Adjustment and move onto developing a sequel to this.

7899159 Well, whatever you decide I will be there to read it. On the subject of smut, I, personally, think I wasn't needed. Just because his gender got flipped doesn't mean he has to immediately lose his V-card, y'know what I mean?

Good luck!

Not the most perfectly put together story. There's a lot of holes and weird shit going on, particularly with the first few chapters... And yet... I'm not sure, I feel like you did just enough to expect the reader's expectation that it still felt good anyway XD This is actually one of the hardest stories to pin down that I've read on this site. Something about it made me not pissed off about the kind of things I typically get pissed off about. So many small errors and forgotten things. But, honestly, there's something about it; makes me feel like if you'd written the whole story before posting, re-edited it once it was finished so that things seemed a little less dis-jointed and you'd have a commercial level novel.

So, in the end, even though part of me wants to complain; I left really liking this story. Good job, have a favourite, you bastard.

8052069 Thanks for the feedback, this was my first REAL story and it shows. Written before I realized the importance of proper planning (well there was a little) and editing. I re-tooled it completely about a third in so that might explain why there's such a difference between the start and the end. The last few chapters in particular make me want to die from embarrassment. It's a real learning experience. Crazy to think that it's two years old now.

I've gotten into screen-writing recently as it's really changed my perspective on how to structure a story. I'd love to re-do it, but that's a lot of effort, even more than writing something entirely new with everything you have to consider.

8052080 Don't worry, I'm not gonna beg you to re-write or anything. Just, I dunno, I feel like I learned something from reading this. I've spent a long time reading and coming up with stories. Pretty much none at all writing them, despite my wish to do so. If I ever did finish one, the "diamond in the rough" type thing you've got going here is something I'd be proud to write. Especially as an early try.

I just moved onto reading Adjustment at this moment. Which may or may not make you cringe XD Sorry, but I felt the need to give it a look. I hope to see more of your writing in future. And good luck to you with the screenwriting thing. It's hard to find good stories on this site, sometimes.

Thank you.

Any sequel?

Great story, about halfway through it felt a tad bit forced, and the fight scenes are not that great.(especially the last one) The obstacles put before the protagonist are much better planned than the solutions. Still, it was very immersive, read it in one go (minus sleep).

When I poked my head in the door I was prepared to jump ship at the sight of this being mindless porn, but I find myself pleasantly surprised. It's not easy to make something so open ended feel satisfying and complete, but it's really nice how you leave it up to interpretation what happened, on all fronts. I half want to see a sequel, but on the other hand the way you left it is almost better than confirmation.
The writing was generally good, and I wasn't distracted by any glaring issues, foreshadowing was well done and surprisingly thoughtful at times.

8/10 a fantastic story with only a few small flaws.

Amazing story for what its worth. There were a few obvious teases and several unfinished plot points but other than that it's really well made. Surprisingly few Chekhov's Guns.

Any chance you might make a what if story where you keep to the "generic TF smut fic where a second person character becomes Sombra's consort" concept? Because well I really enjoyed the story you did write, I was kind of looking forward to reading one like that. It's always Sombra falling in love and turning over a new leaf. I'd love to see one where a human turned pony actually becomes his sex slave and ends up enjoying it. >w<