• Member Since 27th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Synesisbassist


A washed up old writer who still tries to live in a heyday that has long since passed...

Comments ( 95 )

Well that escalated quickly.


:|

This story, I like it. ANOTHER!

Needs another chapter.:pinkiecrazy:

so will this be twilight only or a herd fic ?

Thanks to all who liked it so far! (Yes, I said so far.:ajsmug:) I will be continuing this story, I don't know when I will update it, but I will eventuality. I have a lot on my plate thus far, with my other stories I write. (On Fanficiton, some are way too long to post here, with italics, some song lyrics, and the first couple chapters are not that great compared to my current writing abilities, I will only post newer material here.)

This may be a herd story, but I'm not fully sure as of yet, seeing how I haven't written anything for chapter 2, so anything is game. :twilightsmile:

3751755
Escalated quickly indeed.
When will he understand the importance of line breaks?:eeyup:

five foot twelve

Otherwise known as 6 feet?

based off the xeno-verse gotta love it:pinkiehappy:

will there be more of this?

Did it ever say that they stopped the stove before she teleported them out if not well is house is mostly going to be set on fire but hey a miracle could happen.

"Goodnight squeeze" Lol

I am currently working on another chapter for this story, a sort of prequel chapter, told from Twilight's perspective and telling some events leading up to her knocking on Nicks door.

This may be a herd story if people want it (I am planning it to be.) So post who you would like to see added into the herd next next, and that might just happen!

GMP

Well its more of a prequel than a sequel

The beginning of this chapter felt rushed, with you throwing information at the reader in rapid succession, and some of the dialogue later on seemed rather awkward.

Other than that, this looks like it might develop into a decent story if given some TLC. I shall be following this to see where it goes. :pinkiehappy:

Another nice read. :twilightsmile:

Some of the paragraphs are a little big. Try to break them up a bit if you can.

This was good also kinda sweet I liked both chapters a lot. Keep up the good work. :rainbowdetermined2:

3797905 will they ever find out that he's sixteen?:pinkiegasp:

3832358 Yes, in the next chapter Twilight will learn that he is indeed, only sixteen.

I am working hard on the next chapter, although it should of been done a long time ago :unsuresweetie: Sorry about that! But it is underway, also has a scene where it shows back to when Nick first arrived in Equestria.., But no more spoilers :trollestia:

So next chapter is finished, I just need to Edit it some, so people won't freak out. :twilightsmile:

Should be up tomorrow morning or so. :yay:

"Nick, could we... Cuddle?"

Major 'Dawwww' moment right there for me! My heart burns from the adorableness! :D

I hope they're able to keep his age a secret.

That's just adorable if only I could pick her up and hug her

Im done I thought twilight was cute before....but now my heart it can't take much more.

3771217

So post who you would like to see added into the herd next next, and that might just happen!

Add Bloomberg to the herd!

I enjoy this fic soooo much. Geve me more please.
:twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

3938574 More will be on the way, I can guarantee that :moustache:

3908996 Yes! Have all the feels! :trollestia:


3899592 By god...:rainbowderp: That get's the official Applejack seal of approval! :ajsmug:

3885587 Twilight is an adorable one, isn't she? :twilightsmile:

But thank you to all. This story shot past my expectations, and continues to grow! What started as a small test, to try out a different writing style, has become something I will be continuing. :yay:

The only problem now, is putting in some more plot. :unsuresweetie: And yes, the good kind of plot. :raritywink: ..... Wait.... :facehoof::trollestia:

3941039

The only problem now, is putting in some more plot. :unsuresweetie: And yes, the good kind of plot. :raritywink: ..... Wait.... :facehoof::trollestia:

You my dear friend you are 1 of the best writers I read in a while all the :yay: s to you :rainbowkiss:

3960354

You my dear friend you are 1 of the best writers I read in a while

Thanks :twilightsmile: I am currently writing lots! The next chapter to this story, and a couple little ideas I have going around in my head right now.

Edit: Just wanted to try out the quote thing, still getting used to how this site works.

3984718 Well now that I'm more into the next chapter, you may have predicted something there. :ajsmug: Will Nick say yes to Rarity? :raritystarry:........ I'm not sure.:rainbowlaugh: :raritycry:

Hmmm...wonder if things will come to a head when spike finds out about rarity going on a date with nick or if this is a universe where spike has accepted that rarity and him won't work out and is now going after one of the CMC. So many questions raised in my mine can't wait to see if they'll all ne answered in future chapters

So many questions have been raised with this chapter! :raritydespair:

Hope to have a few answered in the next chapter.
Keep up the good work!

Comment posted by Synesisbassist deleted Mar 1st, 2014

4018517 I hope I can answer most of them next chapter, or more! (Also sorry for the dual comment if you got it. I hit the wrong button.):facehoof:


I am currently working on the next chapter! :yay: I can't stay away from this one, and I feel the urge to write more for it, so bonus for you people!:twilightsmile:

Oh my god this is so good who knew twilight could be so cute

I have to say I love this story

Mmm.. I managed to get through the chapter after this thing randomly piqued my intrest, but I'm going to have to decline on the rest of the story. As near as I can tell it isn't going to be my cup of tea: seems like blatant wish-fufilment, honestly, but then again this is only the first chapter. The first half seems to be quite info-dumpy and the wording seems... "Off" to me, especially the dialogue, but this could just be me. My biggest problem, however, is that there doesn't seem to be any sort of "hook" to this story.

I came here expecting your standard Xeno-inspired fic and hoping for something a bit more innovative to hold my interest other than the clop. (Decently written as it may be ;>//>) Unfortunately, if you've got some kind of innovation, I have yet to really see it. The key to a "hook" is you've gotta deploy it early, that way you can catch folk like me who won't stick around past the first chapter or two without something neat to snare our brains with so we'll stick around to see what happens. Didn't happen with this fic, and that kinda makes me a sad pony.

You've got potential, kid. I can see it in the care you've placed into your story, and with more polish you could probably shine quite well among your peers. Well, some polish and a sparkly hook, anyway. (:derpytongue2:) Don't bother trying to rework the whole story just because this one guy has some gripes though, just try and keep the advice in mind for your next one.

And regardless of what others may think, have fun with your work. If it ain't fun anymore then something's wrong.

4023018 Thank you for your comment. :twilightsmile:

I am still moderately new to writing, (I've only been writing for a handful of months, and even then didn't have people point out major things and suggest things to change and add.)

I shall be taking this to mind when I write future stories. Try and get a good hook, and all the like.

And I agree with the last statement. If your not having fun writing, then something is definitely wrong.

4023621 hey for only a few months not bad man and I like the story so far, you're doing great:pinkiehappy:

4026900 Hehe thanks.:twilightsmile: While I have been writing for about 7-8 months now, I never really got "serious" about my writing, till January.

But I hope to improve in my writing skills more and more as time goes on.:pinkiesmile:

3777581 Yea, I know the first chapter wasn't the best, I actually didn't think it would actually continue on as a story.:unsuresweetie:

But, now that I am continuing it, I hope I can make things even a little bit better, learn from my mistakes really. But thanks for reading my story and (if you still are) Sticking with it. :rainbowwild: And, I actually didn't recognize your name until just now.:facehoof:

It was writers like you, XD-335 (Humanity) and AnonPonyDASHIE (To name a few) Who got me into writing stories, and gave me some ideas so I could create my own. So thanks for that!:twilightsmile:

This is a sweet story I love romance. Keep up the great work I look toward to reading the next chapter. :rainbowdetermined2:

This is great. I'd love to see more.

Only one of the mane 6 has not appeared yet (if I'm remembering correctly)...

I feel compelled to point out a couple of flaws I'm seeing here.

1: Sweet Apple Acres will never have bussiness issues for far to many reasons to get into.

2:Nick's age of 16 is severely unlikely to be an issue under Equestrian law, he likely a full leagal adult under their laws for some time now.

Addtionally I feel that this story needs an AU tag, because in the Equestria of the series there's no way this "herding" happens, realationships are one-on-one exclusively.

Login or register to comment