sindragon
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Ok for starters you can't get hit by thunder. It's just the noise caused by lightning.
Secondly, when you start a new paragraph you need to indent the beginning of it.
Third, watch your punctuation there are several instances of you just tossing a period into the middle of a sentence or skipping lines for no apparent reason
Fourth, watch your tense.
For example:
should be:
mmer needs but a great story looking forward
grammatical errors. besides that this story is awesome!
MOAR
3751640 Yeah I get mic between the 2 plus use to thunder as a attack in pokemon.
Like I said im looking for a beta to sort out those kind of problems. Since of my dysblitys effect my spelling and grammar.
3761526
Thanks
3779013 Like I said im looking for a beta to sort out those kind of problems. Since of my dysblitys effect my spelling and grammar.
3786893 Their will be more
3751640 I have to agree with you. But the Story itself was really good and I hope to read more in the (VERY) near future.
3808168 Like I have said in the past I have dysblitys Dysprixa and some bit of Dyslexia.Which effects my spelling and gramra. So Im looking for a beta for this story.
Since thardoc is beta my 2 other story's with his helpers. An I think it bit unfair to keep puting more of my story's to be beta by them. When their other story's Thardoc betas too.
But I will be posting the 2nd chapter up in,a few days time
I hear you there man Dyslexia fucking sucks, but any way on a happier note love the story.
Also I love WWII planes, and the spitfire is my second favorite,
imagensgratis.com.br/imagens/imagens-imagens-de-avioes-de-guerra-a49b0c.jpg
right behind the P51 Mustang
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/23/P-51-361.jpg
But all together awesome
th02.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2013/170/b/5/spitfire_flying_with_vintage_friends_by_spitshy-d69tj4r.jpg
Side note: MORE
This chapter needs alot of work.
No offense, but you seriously need to work on your grammar.
3821595
3819512
I take it you guys didnt see his comments on the last chapter which explained it.
Either way. Grammar in my opinion is not the main need for a story and can be bypassed as long as it is at least readable. And this is still VERY readable. This is showing the start of a good storyline which is the most important and i can tell i am going to enjoy it a lot. Seriously. A lot.
Keep up the good work.
3822482 I agree. Grammar is not very important here. Sure it could use a little editing here and there but it really does not matter in this case.
The story is apparent and easy to grasp and overall enjoyable.
So would I let a few grammatical errors ruin my enjoyment of the story... No.
I cant wait to see what is to come.
I thought that was his name to begin with
3835509 I enjoy running. Would I let a field of caltrops ruin my enjoyment of it? Yes, yes I would.
That said I still like the premise of this story and look forward to seeing where it is going. But seriously there are a million groups on this site dedicated to setting up writers with editors it would be worth your time to look into them.
3833338 p51 mustang for the win i got one hanging from the ceiling in my room lol
3813575
So, I was just about ready to complain about the grammar and such, and then I read that you have Dyslexia. So...yea. For having that disability, I say that you still did a decent job, and even if it isn't the best, it is still readable and understandable, which is more then I can say to a lot of other stories that I have read before. Anyways, keep it up, and I hope to see more of this soon.
3814349 Spitfire my fav fallow by the Lanchester and their will be more
3819512 Like I have said in the past I suther from Dyslixa and Dysprixia,which effects my spelling and grammar.
I am looking for a beta to help this so people can understand it better.
3821595 Please look at other replies I posted on this.
3822482
3822482
Thank you
3835509 Thank you ,so true some people take grammar in story's way to serious sometimes.
3835544 Gives
a cake.
3921734 I saw them and I'm sorry for that. It happens.
3854909 Like I said i am looking for beta for it.
But i be carful on it. Since in the past ,I had said beta said they would do it and never reply or after 1 chapter.
Or be a part of a group of trolls who like to make fun of people story's no matter is it bad or good. (Long story ,that reason why I only post my rough stuff on fanfiction.net now.)
3919672 Like said it other post lol. Yeah I read over it like 4 time before posting it. I
3921759 It ok i understand sometime you miss stuff.
Plus I had worst stuff in reply to my fic on fanfiction.net.
3921747 It is no trouble. The idea you are posing is enjoyable and interesting. the grammar I personally have no problem with and no matter what anybody says, they will not change my opinion. now continue on with this story. it has touched my interest.
3921841
I would love to see this proofread, and would offer to do it myself if I wasn't ridiculously busy the whole time. This is a good story so far and I want to see more. The grammar doesn't bother me as much as it would normally, so I guess I can live with it for now.
Please tell me you'll be getting a proofreader soon. I know you have asked here, but try the Proofreader Group. There are lots of people there who would help. Again, I would love to, but I can't help. The story is great and I just want to see it improve in every way. You already have a great like-dislike ratio, and those dislikes are almost certainly because of grammar. Those people are assholes.
I get tht you have disabilities, so it's cool that you're writing and that this is your third story. Keep doing it! Enjoy it! I know I enjoy it.
Anyway, well done. I know I may sound harsh or critical, but that's just because I'm an asshole. I only meant to compliment you. Hehe... Sorry.
Basically, you need a proofreader, you're doing great and you have written a great story. Keep doing it.
~ Decaf
For all intents and purposes Sin, better to follow along here than back on SF
i wait and wait and 2 months later i find out there is a 2nd chapter...where is 3 and 4 and if it takes awhile sorry just been wating for a long time
so far so good...
3921969
3997460 Im looking for beta for this story,but I want to find the right one if that make sences.
4000919 ok
4410510
4411199 basicly they see luna higher than her sister. So they call her Queen.
Things keep moving about, granted it needs some work, but your conveying your intent well enough still.
Update?
4490230 Thank you
5183274 I have posted a blog about what going on ,yesIt will be updated.
more
Update plz
Lol
Did somebody call for a Editor
More pls