Life is what you make of it. Enjoy it as long as you can, for you never know when it could be over.
I suppose you all know that life in the military isn't easy.
You may also know that life as a recruit for the Wonderbolts is a whole lot harder than for any other branch.
And as you all can probably imagine, life is even harder with a sadistic instructor who is always doing her very best to make your life a living hell.
And now she's called me into her office after hours for a 'confidental talk'.
Mother of god, I think I'm screwed.
Credit for the cover goes to DimFann.
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Interesting take on Spitfire. I can see how this might explain some of her behavior. (Scarily, this is frighteningly similar to one of my theories about Lightning Dust in some aspects) Of course there's the possibility she just acts like a Drill Sarge with the newbies because she has to and to weed out the weak ones (That's my theory anyways) as she's friendlier in her earlier appearances and around friends as show in the latest episode quite nice. Anyways, enough of my rambling, this was a damn good story, flat out.
This was an amazing story I have no other words for this piece piece of work. It's just so well done.
Holy shit, this was well written!
Kept me enthralled while it lasted, really good, wish there was more.
Holy shit is this well written. DUring the read I keep telling myself it wouldn't evolve into mindless sex, glad it doesn't happen. And pls, if anything this story better not have a sequal. It's just that solid on its own.
Dis dude is ficked royally in the butt
I want more I will stalk you until I get more.
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8173085
Thanks people. I wanted to try out a slightly different style of writing with this one. Glad it caught on.
8168854
Indeed. From what I can tell most instructors are taught to act like total a$$sholes around the newbies and make them eat literal dirt to sort out those that aren't serious about this whole thing. Heck, I've made the same experience during my time in the military.
In any case, I'm glad you liked it ^^
8176560
Yeah, I can see how the ending could have turned into a clichΓ© clopfic, but I thought a sorta anti-climatic ending like this would suit the story better.
A sequel is highly unlikely at this point. If I were to write one, I'm sure it'd either turn into a cheesy romance (Γ‘ la 'I know I've been acting like an ass, but secretly I've always loved you') or into one of the often referenced trashy 90s pornos, and after seeing where taking those two things too far can take a story *cough* Summer on Fire *cough* I'd rather just let it be and leave this story-arc the way it is now.
8176631
Well, bring it on Β―\_(γ)_/Β―
8180961 don't worry I just got a small loan of 500,000 and hitman needs to come out of retirement.
SPOILERS - SERIOUSLY
so after reading, I can safely say Spitfire is fucking bipolar. I wouldn't have minded it so much if the protagonist brought it up at all. then there was,
leave my office. get back in here. now leave for real. no wait come back. now you can leave. but before you go...
come into my room play some games! now gtfo. ok come back. no srsly gtfo. leave now. you fucking douchebag. no wait come back.
seriously. then my other problem was holy shit, protagonist is a huge pussy. I couldn't identify with him at all. Sure, there's being tense. I would be if I was heading to my boss who was big of a cunt as the beginning depicted her as, but in like...the first twenty lines of dialogue, we see her "bitchy boss" persona drop. like immediately.
Now, I'm cool with these obscure story ideas, and making them out to be not what they seemed. I mean, the narrative is self aware with the 90's porno shit. there are so many elements to this story that I'm not sure what the theme/point of the narrative was. It was more like, a deleted scene to a much bigger story. going into it with that as my mindset certainly helps me a lot more. Spitfire's childhood/upbringing, envy of step-sister, relationship to Soarin (as in her envy to him too), then the random-ass porn photos. Y'know, I think I can roll with it though. as weird as it is, I've experienced something eerily similar.
I don't know how in the flying fuck Spitfire got into the wonderbolts let alone being captain. The only bits where I saw her being a captain was her drastic fucking mood swings where she yelled and whatever. Most of her other dialogue was crying, confusion, unsure of herself, whining. Like christ dude.
....Other than that, through your whole thing, I caught two grammatical errors. Either you ran through this with no errors like a beast, or you edited the shit out of it. the analogies, idioms, descriptions, transitions...it was all good. I had problems with the structure of the story and characters - the actual writing was great. keep that in mind.
all in all, I give this story an adorable little shit out of 10
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/b/bc/FANMADE_Filly_Spitfire_by_spittfireart.gif/revision/latest?cb=20130602223750
8200028 Holy crap I didn't know you were still alive.
Anyway, yeah, looking at it again, I suppose I can see what you mean. She does seem to be switching from one extreme to the other every now and then, and the protagonist is, admittedly, a tad too soft, even for my taste when it comes to characters.
Granted, this was one of my first attempts at writing something a little more serious, involving character-/world-building and the likes, so I didn't really expect it to be too good to begin with, at least not in this aspect.
Anyway, I'll admit I didn't take this whole thing too seriously when writing it, and I suppose I could use some more practice when it comes to character portrayal, let alone development. It sure has been a while since I've last written something as, say, ambitious as this.
As for errors in the story, I did spent about a month reading it over and working on grammar, expressions and the likes, so I'm glad that paid off at least.
In any case, thanks a bunch for the feedback! I'll keep it in mind when working on whatever comes next!
8201444 dead? yeah pretty much. Only time I come on here is to read fallout equestria.
bro, as an experiment of writing something serious, I think you did great. I remember my first attempt at something like this, my god. fip. it was god awful. like, just the worst shit known to man, no joke. You're doing fine, and think about the shifting emotions of your characters a bit more and you're on a fast track to being able to write pretty much whatever the hell you want.
love ya. later
could you continue ??
I really liked the idea and wanted to know what's nextππ