- Member Since 24th Feb, 2015
- offline last seen April 12th
Lunasservant1985
i live to serve the princess of the night, aka the goddess of the moon aka princess luna...^^
Lunasservant1985
Joined 24th Feb, 2015 ·
Offline
Sequels1
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Lunasservant1985 · 4.9k words · 41 16 · 2.5k views
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This was Hawt!!!
Plus, this is my first Spitfire clop
She has a shooting range at her house......
cdn.meme.am/instances/400x/57426410.jpg
6975236 hey...aren't you the one who wrote Salty and Sweet?
6975539 Wait... What? How is that possible? How do know me? How did anyone recognize me at all???
Ssshhh... No, no I am not. In fact, I don't even know what it is you are talking about. Just a normal everyday person over here...
Also, yes, I did like your story. Here, have a Like and Favorite from this normal everyday person.
6975711 There he is guys! Get him!
Looking forward to this story. I've a feeling it'll do it's job spectacularly.
6976247 when you finish reading let me know if it does okay?
i love hearing my reader's feedback
Your grammar hurts my head
6983977 I'm going to have the goofs fixed as soon as I can.
6983997 you better or else.
6984054 Did some fine tuning, don't know just yet if I missed anything, but I have the Big hiccups like missing words and conjunctions in some places.
also big one You bite softly on the hem of her hand?....what was I thinking it's You bite softly on the hem of her panties! Moron!...
I mean myself saying that.
I got a boner when i heard pistol.
6988156 its heard a pistol
6988629 i think he meant "read the word pistol"...oh damn it now you've got me doing it too!
6988721 lol
6988721 I'm laughing so hard
Here's Sonnie
. Hunted was awesome in fact all of the erotica girls stories are and this is pretty good to
7026864 i didn't write that seires but it was inspired by it, i asked harm;s way if it was ok to do a fic, he was cool with it
7027333 i know
i read this because it was inspired by his story 
I love u turn to I you anon grammer police come knocking in the front doors lunasservant you are under arrest for missed spelled grammar you have the right to go back to school and the only class is all english
At first, I thought her hand was a penis on the photo.
I wanted to like this, but I had to stop about the third paragraph or so.
I won't down vote because I can respect the attempt. But this seriously needs a good rogering by a word processor. Minor typos are to be expected and even omissions on key words. The human brain is pretty adept at filling in the blanks. But that was too much. I may suggest Google Docs if you prefer online stuff or OpenOffice or Libre Office if you prefer offline. All are free and pretty straightforward to use.
Sorry man.
THIS STORY HAS 115 LIKES.
I can't tell you..." She giggles slightly as she reaches in between the couch cushions, pulling out a pink ribbed vibrator. "How many times I've used this..." She waves the toy around in the air slightly. "And pretended it was the real thing."
At least you showed a little Shimmer of Lust
You lost me right after:
"You like me a lot don't you?" She says opening up her Wondercolt zip up and you looked at the white tank top she had under it, the straps of a grey sports bra on the shoulders. You nod and place your arms around her waist making her gasp softly as you bring her close to you. Spitfire plants her lips on yours and moans into your mouth softly. She leans forward with a touch more force onto yours. You and her start to lay back on the couch while keeping your lips pressed together. Once on your back, Spitfire breaks the kiss momentarily to get he shirt off, her breasts start to sway softly being so bound up tightly in the elastic fabric. Once done, she places her lips back onto yours. Her tongue playfully pressing against your lips. You let it in as your tongue and hers battle in a round of tonsil hockey. She moans softly as your tongue enters her mouth, you count the teeth by swiping your tongue over the tops and even poking the back of her throat ever so softly. Her minty fresh breath shoots down your throat as you both moan passionately into each others maws.
Like really!? What happened to the rest of the build up!? Where is the continuing story between the two!? Where is the real Slice of Life!? Where is the love story, the progression to the climax!? Why dose it jump right into a fast sex scene!? UGHHH!!!!
Guns in 2018 in a nutshell.
Don't mean to pile on here but the tone shift in some places gave me whiplash.
One moment the MC is watching from a tree with binoculars and just casually walking up to Spitfire, to her asking if he could help with the equipment like she knew him. Then he's calling her a nickname despite admitting to have just meeting (lets say formally for arguments sake). Next thehre at Spitz's and while talking about the pistol she brings up them not being ten anymore. Did they know each other before now? Finally, at the end there is the revelation that Spitfire has been planning this for some time.
I get this was intended to be a one off but there was no build up to establish the characters having prior engagements.
The tone reads to me like the MC was staking Spitfire. She knew about it. And then they fucked. A few sentences establishing a prior relationship, whether it being childhood friends or only knowing each other from class would have sufficed.