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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Sunset is my waifu.
Good job in your first story!
There's only a few spelling , capitalization, and punctual errors. If you need any help proofreading your next chapter before you publish it, I would be happy to help, just PM me! 
Just my kind of fic well done
Cant wait
As with all new writers, you need a proofreader. There are a small bunch of grammar errors, and some sentences could use some redoing to make it sound neater.
Still, a decent start nonetheless.
6615692
Oh okay thanks!
All you really need is to go over you sentences after you write them and have someone else proofread it as well. Other than that you doing a good job for a new story.
Also, another thing that one of my friend has told me is to keep on writing, because the more you write, the better you get.
6616005
Thanks for the advice!
This Has Now Turned Into A Mature Fiction, Be Sure To Change The Rating Because Of The Sex Scene.
indeed what a night
this turned out quite nice :)
6614014 your not the only one who shares that statement sir
That.. Was... HOT!
"Alright fuck this game." you said while turning of the console. Off not of and good job
A little fast but good for a first
This is so... just... FUGIN' FUNNY
6685925 Happy to see that you enjoyed it!
Read the 3 chapters and this is my opinion:
You have good ideas but find difficulties when it comes to write dialogues. Sometimes you will write the dialogue itself ("blabla"says X. "blabla" says Y) and other times you write it in the "you say X and he answers Y" way (I don't know the exact term for that way of writing). This, at least to me, is a bit confusing for the reader as you are changing in short time the pacing of what's being told.
And a thing that left me a bit weird (and this is more a matter of taste) is the fact that the guy is acting like a complete douche and the girls are just ignoring this. I don't know you guys, but the girls I now lose all their arouse if the person they try to mate with gets over the line
Apart from this, it's a quite interesting and fun fanfic. You need some improvement (who doesn't) but that's just a matter of practice
Gonna be honest, they started playing truth or dare, and it was then immediately obvious this would have a sex scene.
Why am I reading this?
Great start there bro... But watch out for unnecessarily long sentences, and maby a little less, erm, 'product placement'.
I shall proceed to read on...
It was a good try for a clopfic. But you do have a few issues when it comes to grammar and pacing.
Other than that, have a cookie.
6815763 Yeah there are some issues, that's why I'm taking my time on my new story I have yet to publish. But anyways glad you enjoyed it!
6816417 thats good. Pace yourself and the story and then you'll be fine.
quick and to the point I like it. You should have drawn out the game a little but other than that not bad
Excellent story! Now one with Adagio, annnnnd START!
That should be You're,
When the very first word in a fan fiction is grammatically incorrect it does not bode well for the rest of the story.
Considering the fact you have not logged in for over 2 years I doubt you actually care anymore.
Shame because this is a little rough but its actually quite good.
That’s when you know something is up.
That’s when you know you f*cked up.
Not gonna lie, that would be a good situation to be in.
Now that doesn’t sound like a plot to a certain kind of video that may or may not be on found on a certain website. Nope. Not at all.
And i can already hear the infamous theme music from here…