Simbafurfire
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Fancy beginning, but would like to know more about the protagonist, he feel empty, and his character is still too undefined to understand his motivation for accepting this job
Or why he seems to...tempered
Hmmm... Next chapter please
3327582 Thanks for letting me know. I added a few more paragraphs and such to help with his reasoning. I'll be adding too each of the ponies in this chapter next chapter. Personality and traits included.
ohh shit that cant be good
liked and faved
looking forward to more
Why in the hell am I not going with Derpy??
I thought the Griffin was a girl.
YOU FUCKING ASS-HOLE AUTHORS AND YOUR CLIFFHANGERS!
3330090 Thanks for letting me know your thoughts. I added the word "Male" into the short description, might help. I'm working on Chapter 2 right now!
3331834 Thanks, so is the wonder bolt that is hitting on him gay?
This, this interests me. You have my fav and my upvote... Also my hat of approval.
Intriguing...
You should really watch the tenses, you're going back and forth between past and present all the time, it's annoying.
Other than that, it's weird to have actual characterization with a 2nd-person story... It feels like you're trying to implant memories in my brain or something.
3336291 Thanks for telling me, i'll have a look and change what i can. Thanks for the comment, i'm trying even harder in chapter 2!
update please
3355869 Done!
You know what the guys should do next time?
Announce a mystery contestant. "Don't worry, he's just one of the recruits. He wasn't even leader, he was just the wing pony. What, are you all chicken? Uh, no offense dude."
And once they agree, reveal this:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/5/15/325221__safe_animated_snowflake_hurricane+fluttershy_yeah!.gif
Just to see the looks on their faces XD
Awesome
love this fic
anyone know any other stories like this where a griffin is the main protagonist apart from the "griffin the griffin" series?
YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE LAW!!
guides.gamepressure.com/theelderscrolls4oblivion/gfx/word/164868265.jpg
THE AMOUNT REFS IS OVER NINE-THOUSAND!!.... i think... i didn't count them
Good chapter
3358787
Eeeyup.
Blackwing is my favorite author on this site so far, but it might change due to THE LACK OF FUCKING UPDATES!
But on another note, this fic is good. Liked n' faved.
Third floor? You forgot to mention the chamber of secrets
cool chapter
anyway great chapter
3452418 The more you know! Fixed.
Enjoyable chapter. Looking forward to the next chapter when Wonder Wing explains why she didn't mention that the Wonderbolts own money to a criminal organization of some description.
"Turn, to page, three hundred, and ninety four."
ok professor Snape .... sorry, once I read that it was the only thing i could think about for a sec.
I will hold you to that.(P.S Great story)
So. I can't wait for more
Soooo.... I'm thinking i should finish this off sometime soon, but first i want to know what people think'll happen next.
4456502 stupid answer: PURE AWSOME
I really hope there's more to come of this!
I'm positively addicted!
Update?
Yay an update. *Squee*
I'd put off reading this on account of it's inactivity...I look forward to seeing where it goes now that I've read it. Also, while none of the errors/typos are particularly glaring a proofreader/editor wouldn't be terribly amiss if you could locate one.
BY LUNA'S BURNING NETHER REGION! AN UPDATE!
Guess I gotta re-read everything to remember what was going on.
6869226 Thanks for the suggestions, the latest chapter was a bit stop starty so there's probably more errors in that. Everytime I write a new chapter I read through the last two and edit anything I spot. That being said, I am a derp. Anything in particular i should be aware about? Thanks!
6870829 What most jumps to mind is fragmented/short sentences. Most people pause briefly at every period and the short sentences make it all feel very stop-and-go {at least for me} at times.
Nothing major but something like:
Could be changed to "You look a tired heap of fluff, the feathery tuft of feathers on your head sticking out in completely random direction."
Just makes it so {to me at least} that the sentence flows a bit more and doesn't feel quite as halting. That's the only example that leaps to mind though I may find more if I read through it all again.
6870858 Thanks and Fixed. I've found writing in second person a bit harder than originally thought, but it still feels good.
P.s. I love the name and profile pic combo.
It lives! By Jesus' beard, it lives!
Well, looks like putting the tracking tag on this was a good idea
Is this story going to update more often, or is this just one lucky update in a long time?
The griffins face looks like my birds face.
lafeber.com/pet-birds/wp-content/uploads/Parakeet-Category-Image-300x300.jpg
*Note: not my actual bird but looks like him. didn't have a picture on hand*
6903661 The only reason i stopped was due to University exams. I've got free time to write once more and i'm enjoying myself. Therefore, i'm hoping to do a chapter a week. Is that okay?
6903970
"but a strange thin dragon with an impressively long moustache"
Like the one from Mulan possible?
Okay, next chapter is being a bitch. I've wanted to add lemons but the scene isn't right and my ideas have been bouncing all over. I'd rather take longer on a chapter than upload a shitty one, so I'm apologizing for the delay. I am still here working hard!