• Member Since 27th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Synesisbassist


A washed up old writer who still tries to live in a heyday that has long since passed...

Sequels1

Comments ( 83 )

Yay a happy ending. Its good that Celestia understood the situation. Je maybe is she had some of motherlestia in her, could give them their blessing.

One thing is for sure, a lot of ponies own Anon one big apology and oh boy Twilight is so going to get it now.

Great story could use a sequel but I'm not judging if there isn't one

This story was hilarious. Adding it to my favs.

Honestly, I want an Anon x Chrysalis clop story. Not in the same timeline as this one.

I'm still lost on if Celestia already knew the truth, but nobody was listening to her. For once. She's way too calm for this otherwise.

Why isn't this directly labeled as an sequel to the past one?

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My mistake :twilightblush: I set up the story late last night so it would be ready today. Fixed it!

This was great!

great story! compliments. but something tells me that Celestia already knew that Cadence felt something for Anon.

Not bad, made me laugh and was quite hot. well done, hope there's more of this in the future. :pinkiehappy:

Hahahaha! Hope to see more of this epic sexy tale!

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Good things usually come in threes...:trollestia:

Yet another excellent read. Very well done

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Huzzah! The rutting has tripled!

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oh! foreshadowing off the port bow! :pinkiehappy:

I can’t wait for the store to continue

When you're in jail and you get the kind fo sex that is actually welcomed

Comment posted by Banana Boat deleted Jul 31st, 2018

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Right. Human in Equestria having sex with a magic pony, and the legal proceedings are what we focus on.

I LOVED IT! MORE PLEASE!!!!!!! I see Shining causing a problem in the future! 100 :moustache: out of 10 :moustache: Bravo!

Snitches get stitches. I’m lookin’ at you, Twilight.

Not as good as the first. Everyone in it are all horribly butchered as characters.

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Any examples where they're out of character?:unsuresweetie:

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I just felt this was a dumb and pointless sequel where everyone is portrayed in the worst way possible. It feels like there should have been a comedy tag attached in some points. It’s just painful and irritating to read.

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I’ll also agree that the characters are pretty OOC (Out-of-character). Shining and Cadance love each other WAY too much for their marriage to be so disfunctional, for example. However, I don’t think that is a bad thing! Lots of Fics write the characters as OOC, but that’s just to better fit their storyline. Some people like that, and some don’t, so don’t get too hung up over it. (Some writers put a warning in their story descriptions about their characters being OOC to avoid this problem.)

In Anon’s defense, Cadance wasn’t Shining’s wife at the time they had sex in the prequel. She was his fiance. She still cheated, but it wasn’t adultery.

Also, if it has only been a few days since the wedding, then Twilight isn’t a princess yet. She’s still just Celestia’s faithful, unicorn student.

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I had realized that mistake basically when it was done. I had to go back and try to fix it.

As for the "OOC" ponies? Cadence and Anon banged. At that point they spent a lot of time with each other (he was her personal guard) so they were already friends. And no matter if they were dating/married, she still "cheated." That would change anyone's view of their significant other.

EDIT: Being engaged can count as adultery. At least where I'm from.

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You know, I'm starting my Fanfic readings tomorrow, I'm a not so know Youtuber and I would bet that this, although very dirty and I would have to make it age-restricted, would get me many views and you more known on your writings. So, what do ya say? Will you allow me to post a video of me reading this on Youtube?

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And everyone is entitled to their own opinion. And I welcome the criticism as it helps me grow as a writer. As for why it exists? Because a bunch of people wanted to know what was going to happen.:twilightsmile:

Also, it's a clopfic? If you want deep plot and characters then check my profile for a bunch of ones I like.:moustache:

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It made Twilight look like an idiot and Cadance look like a two timing sellout. I don’t care what anyone thinks, it just made them look bad. Once was plenty

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Why is Cadence a "two-timing sellout"? Because she didn't end up with Shining?:trixieshiftright:

Turning back the other way, you see Princess Twilight furiously writing every word they’re saying down.

Wait, what? Wasn't this post changeling invasion?

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Thank you! I forgot that she was only a unicorn at this point until the story was almost done. I knew I missed changing one.

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Because she didn’t IMMEDIATELY try to clear Anon’s name right after being accused of “raping” her. That was a pretty shitty move.

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Well think about it, in her mind "Why would Cadence have sex with somepony else besides my brother?" They were also down there for a few days at best. If that's not good enough, then chalk it up to clop story. I needed some conflict, got some conflict.

“He never even touched me on our wedding night…”

I had to check, cause a vague thought was triggered by this, and yes. Marriages in olden society and in some places in modern times, do in fact allow annulments if the wedded couple did not consummate their marriage. Shiny didn't do himself any favors by avoiding Cadance and giving her the feeling that he sees her as used goods.

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Considering everything, I'd actually say that after the first story, Cadence's mind was already made up to go with Anon so she just avoided Shining exactly so she could just get rid of him, exactly like any other female would.

Love sure did fade fast between Cadence and Shining, considering it was previously strong enough to banish the changelings from Canterlot just a bit ago.
Never been a fan of these stories where Shining gets shafted so hard by Anon. We know from canon that he and Cadence would have been extremely happy together, so this story just emphasizes that Anon's presence made everything worse in the most literal sense of the word. Shining is depressed, Twilight and Cadence are realistically going to have their friendship irreparably damaged, and Luna will have lost all respect for Cadence as she disrespected the sanctity of marriage (which I imagine is a very big deal to a very old school pony), two fold seeing how she is supposed to be the princess of love, who instead violated the word and broke a good stallion's heart so easily. Seriously, she doesn't show one iota of regret or hesitance in breaking off a years-long relationship and getting with a new man at the same time.
"Oh, well, he was treating me poorly after finding out I had sex with another guy..."
... Yeah, sorry if he maybe didn't handle that little nugget with grace and decorum. You know, he just got done being mind-raped for who knows how long, only to find out yet another tragedy in his rapidly cracking life.
Guess he should have just been hunky-dory and accepted the news with a smile. Nevermind that she was actively lying to him by not telling him she was the one who initiated sex with Anon.
Real honest mare right there.
And the thing is, I've seen stories that have handled Cadence/Anon in a way that isn't a bummer. There's one where Anon and Shining are bros, and Shining invites him to tag team his wife, who is a kinky minx. There are ones where they get together before Shining and Cadence even start dating, so there are at least no broken hearts.

All in all, the ending really ruined this for me and does little to endear me to your Anon. He and Cadence just come off as lust-fueled fiends who only put themselves first above all others.
About the only way I can see this working is if Shining gets some happiness in the third installment, seeing as he had both the right to be upset and got so wronged in this. Maybe have him get with Chrysalis? Really, it might sound strange, but it would be interesting if you went the route that, without Cadence, and his depression clouding his judgment, he gets with the bug horse, and, over time, the two develop real feelings for each other.
Could be a new origin to the NuLings where Shining introduces every pony to his new fiance, a pastel Queen Chrysalis.
With her brother happy, Twilight would probably be able to slowly forgive Cadence.
Plus, as a cloptional bonus, there can be a scene were a miffed Chrysalis, on behalf of her fiance, points out how much of an idiot Cadence is for having dumped a stud like Shining for an ape like Anon. Cadence argues Anon is amazing in the bed, to which the Chrysalis responds Shining is better. Wanting to argue, but never having slept with Shining, she can't.
Chrysalis laughs at her flustered expression, but sobers when Cadence demands a husband swap to prove who has the better mate.
Of course, the following shenanigans would all go down in the same bedroom as Anon and Shining try to one up each other.

Yeah, the clop itself was hot, but Cadance was a complete BITCH at the end, so it kinda killed it for me.

Edit: Anon also wasn’t likeable at all.

All in all, this would’ve been better if Cadance had already been separated from Shining prior to the story, imo.

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Me and Syn are glad we get to read these comments. It helps Syn with the writing and me with the editing! Though you do have to remember than this isn't meant to be canon. If it was meant to be canon, the story obviously wouldn't have Anon, or any sex going on whatsoever. Since it isn't canon, Syn can do whatever he wants with the story. Thank you for your comment though. like I said before, it helps Syn and I lots.
We all have our own opinions on the stories, I'm glad you have yours.

Syn's Editor,
Blazie

Hm... you've gotten plenty of good responses, but also some pretty strong criticisms on this story, many of which I agree with to some extent. I enjoyed the story, but there are some things to consider when thinking about Cadance/Anon's relationship.

First and foremost is why is he being charged with rape? If I recall correctly, Twilight said, "Cadance, what the buck!?" at the end of the previous story after seeing Cadance nonchalantly greet Twilight despite being dirty from being in the cave for so long and seeping with cum with a smile on her face. How does she look at a mare like that and come to the conclusion she got raped from her guard? She's not traumatized in any interpretation of the word. To my knowledge, nopony else would've known that could've accused him of rape besides Cadance, so I'm assuming it was Twilight who came to that conclusion. More importantly, however, is why did Cadance not defend Anon? It would've been cleared quick as day if she had told them it was consensual, or just told Twilight to keep it quiet. Instead she let him be imprisoned for days in a cold barren cell on false charges. And let's be honest, considering how she coerced Anon into sex in the first place, she should be on trial before anypony else. All of that comes together as an extremely selfish and amoral thing for her to do.

Also, why was she marrying Shining in the first place? It seems pretty obvious that this Shining isn't like canon, who is actually a pretty good guy and a family-man. Rather he is an emasculated caricature of his former self. With the feminine giggle and the petty vendetta against anon (though given the circumstances of thinking anon raped his wife, it's not so petty), he obviously isn't that much of a catch. So why did Cadance decide to marry him in the first place, when he could be so easily replaced by somebody who was so willing to both literally and figuratively kiss her ass?

Of course, it isn't all bad. The clop itself is solid, and despite the flaws pointed out in the conflict of the story it still gives the romance between the two a strong touch of excitement. I enjoyed the story more than I didn't, I liked and faved after all, but these were a couple of things that nagged at me during the story.

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First off, thanks for the comment! I love your story Floored!:scootangel:

I've dropped hints and even had a bit of Cadence tell what their relationship was like AFTER the incident in the Caverns. It was rocky at best. With the Changelings, the claims that Twilight made... I guess I should explain the reasoning behind it. That was her old Foalsitter, and her brothers Fiance. Why would she ever agree to cheat on Shining with this weird monkey dude? It didn't add up to her math fueled mind.

Anon also was not supposed to be a "hero" or whatever. He was envisioned to be kind of a dick. After all of this shit, he felt like he was OWED this, he deserved it.:unsuresweetie:

But there is a part three, there always WAS going to be a part three. I'm going to try and tie up any loose ends, and explain the rest as best as I can. I hope that I can answer all the questions, show the consequences of Cadence's and Anon's actions on the ponies around them.

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I'm glad to have gotten some very constructive criticism, that's what helps me learn and grow as a writer. :scootangel:

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I've dropped hints and even had a bit of Cadence tell what their relationship was like AFTER the incident in the Caverns. It was rocky at best.

Point still stands that she broke it off with her husband after only a single week. A one week rough patch was all it took for her to throw it all away. One week was all the effort she put into trying to salvage a years-long relationship.
As the Princess of Love, I find it hard to believe she lacks the basic understanding that loving relationships will not always be perfectly smooth sailing, and will often times require work.
If she was willing to dump Shining so easily, Anon should be legitimately afraid of her doing the same to him. It's near impossible to trust a person to be faithful when you've seen first hand that they are willing to cheat on their significant other, and then dump said other for the one they cheated with.
She did it to Shining like she was tossing away a piece of trash, so there's no reason not to think she'll do the same thing to Anon as soon as a nicer piece of dick walks by.

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And that's why I'm doing a part three. I know there's a lot of questions left unanswered. All I can hope is that I do better, and get better as a writer.:twilightsmile:

Fun story!

I predict the next chapter will involve Chrysalis pretending to be Cadance...with mixed results. Turns out that Anon is not the clueless stallion that Shining is.

Also, an upvote just for “I’m telling!” :rainbowlaugh:

Love it! Hope you add another installment later on.

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