- Member Since 8th Sep, 2013
- offline last seen May 25th, 2016
Writer Fire
Ok i finally updated my Bio. Im not a good writer i will admit that. I write just for fun. and come on who doesn't like to write a story here and there? Well sorry if my storys suck.
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Wut.
Not a bad start, though you could use an editor. I think you've set yourself quite a challenge in trying to write so many characters, and I wish you luck.
This is terrible.
Yup, that sure sounds like a rock-solid premise if I've ever heard one.
I used to think Princess Molestia was the stupidest thing popularized by John Joseco, then I saw Gamer Luna and now I'm not so sure.
RIVETING.
So Luna is a hardcore l337 gamer who kicks your ass at Call of Duty while Celestia is a moron who can't even lift a plastic cup. Sounds reasonable.
Kinda odd that she waited 40 years to introduce the show after WW2.
He never said that you did?
"Why, your shirts have three wolves on them!"
Bland writing, overdone premise, poor spelling and grammar.
Normally I troll these types of stories, but since I feel like a nice guy today, I'll give this story a shot.
EDIT: Wow. Not even a paragraph in and the guy faints. Not a good start.
The title screams "wish fulfillment". The description says, "I've been told about things like puncutation and capitalization, but I wasn't paying that much attention."
I'm not reading this.
Bad storytelling, grammar, and plays Call of Duty.
Pretty good start for a twelve year old.
i agree with some of the other people story does seem a but rushed but overall, great story, cant wait to see where this takes to
3636948 i agree but good story seems intresting please sir accept this moustache
3637610 3637143>>3637244>>3637395>>3637454>>
You know I really don't care what you say. I make stories because I in joy it. I re read my first chapter and I think it wasn't to bad. I can't have and editor because I do this on my kindle. Also when Celestia threw the cup and said she doesn't have to be a princess all the time meant that Max only saw her on the show as always well mannered. That just showed that Celestia it's always mannered. Sometimes I wonder if you guys just read the story to give me shit at the end of it. I'm sorry for all of you who gave me a chance and liked it. This is not to you it's to the others.
3638376 You know, I was going to give this another shot, but you blew that out of the fucking water.
Your comment is lesson 1 in "How NOT To Accept Criticism". If you're going to post something on this site, make it half decent. With the right editing and fixes, this could turn out to be a great story. But with your attitude, and the way it's written, you have no fucking chance at this rate.
3638376
"I make stories because I enjoy it. I reread my first chapter, and I think it wasn't too bad. I can't have an editor because I do this on my Kindle."
You shouldn't need an editor to keep errors that simple from happening.
3638376
ok. good thing you don't care about people's opinions when you post this on a website that is kinda dedicated to having people read stories and give their opinions on it.
3638376
You're living on the wrong planet if you want to submit something to a public site and expect it to not get judged. Now what you should be doing is taking criticism and using it to better yourself/your story. I have not read the story, and I refuse to with reading how bad your grammar in your comment here was.
Good start but it still needs a little work.
Ok ok I snapped and took it out on you guys. I think I'm stressed out from finals. I'm going to still write,but not as much I just need to cool down.
3640568 Tough. We all have our responsibilities. Over the past month, I had to:
1. Write, direct, produce, shoot, record, and edit a short film (which includes gathering contracts for actors, crew, and locations, logging my audio and video so I know which video file goes with which audio recording, as well as scheduling my script and creating a budget).
2. Write a 90+ page script for a screenwriting class.
3. Write a seven-page paper on the life and career of Stanley Kubrick
4. Break down a scene from a movie and shoot it using my own compositions (easier said than done).
5. Manage my job as a Cutco sales representative.
Even with all of that, I managed to write over 80,000 words for the fanfiction I've been working on during that time and not be a complete dick to the people offering me constructive criticism.
You know, you shouldn't make it so blatantly obvious you're using alternate accounts to make your story look less shit than it already is.
This has to be one of the worst things I have ever read. I would give some constructive criticism, but I don't think there is any way to salvage this.
I agree with what all of these people are saying (aside from what little positive feedback that you have received). But one other thing also put me off.
It is physically impossible for Celestia to be three feet taller than a human being. She's between like 5-6 feet tall. Your character would have to be about 2-3 feet in height for this to make any sense. An average human should be either slightly taller, or eye-to-eye with Celestia, unless it is a little person, or midget.
One of the most unoriginal things to put into a fanfic
What the fuck...
3638376
I was going to read this...but now I suppose I can save my eyeballs the apparent amount of strain this story provides.
Don't lose your cool at CC mate, it just makes you look like a bit of a numpty
Bigger bed definitely needed, if not more
other then that, pretty good, just on the short side...which i dont mind
An interesting story so far, the main character isn't going all insane and excited to see all of them, he's just actin' like this happens everyday :P I like that.
Funny ending, but a large number of grammar errors on both chapters, might wanna revise.
Funny ending, but a large number of grammar errors on both chapters, might wanna revise
it would be funny if he got the classic awkward morning boner in celestia's face
Funny ending, but a large number of grammar errors on both chapters, might wanna revise
Funny ending, but a large number of grammar errors on both chapters, might wanna revise
Funny ending, but a large number of grammar errors on both chapters, might wanna revise.
The idea is good, but the current grammar, how things are paced and similar things are killing it for me.
3651791
umm.......so?
Is this a new thing, I've seen some other things about Lutherans but it doesn't seem to fit into this story.
Moar !
incorporating the title in to the chapter clever devil
3638376 Hey, I know what you mean. A lot of us are on the newer side here, very busy out of fanfiction, and do all they can to put things on the screen. My writing is very unpopular, but I continue to write it, just like you do! All we're saying is that, even if you're on your Kindle as you said, you need an editor. There are grammatical and spelling errors that just bring down popularity. Good luck in the future - maybe try this? It's a fun and easy way to learn grammar correctly - you should also check out the writing guide on this site.
Hannon le,
Tinq
QUICK! DISLIKE ANY COMMENT THAT SAYS ANYTHING POSITIVE ABOUT THE STORY!
ACTUALLY DISLIKE EVERY COMMENT WHY NOT!? DISLIKE MINE TOO! DISLIKE OP'S! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY LOVE AND TOLERATE! I USED TO WONDER WHAT FRIENDSHIP COULD BE!
This is very rushed and very forced, and I'm sorry to say, there is nothing remotely original here. It reads like every single other wish-fulfillment "pony in my house" story out there that isn't a My Little Dashie clone.
good one!
what next chapter life after people?
3653991
I'm a Lutheran but all we do is like coffee. Am I missing something?
You use "I" at the first word of every sentence way too much. Also you have way too many grammatical errors and it's really hard to read, both content wise and grammar wise.
Um, *nervous chuckle* that escalated quickly...
3677672 yes I must agree but come on you made me wake up everyone in my house with the did you like my banana part sigh until next time
Um....you might want to join the group on here called "Looking for Editors".
There are a lot of problems I see in this but, besides many that were pointed out, the biggest one I see is that you're not showing us. You're listing off what they're doing instead of painting a picture with your words. Instead of reading like a story I would want to read it felt like I was reading a diary of a teenager or something. 
This does happen a lot with other fics but they still had a bit of it. Having imagery could have been a giant saving grace for you but there's a lot of work that needs to be done. I could try to help, if you want, but I also think you should try rereading your chapters before you put them up here. That can remove a few mistakes that you made while in the heat of the moment. 
Seems like an ok story so far. I don't see why so many people hate it.
oh boy Huston we have a problem
3964539
*Huston