Okay
Suri Polomare walked down the streets of Ponyville, dejected. Her head hung low as she mulled her downfall. Ever since she lost that competition with Rarity, she hadn't been able to sell her dresses in Manehattan. Apparently, nopony likes a plagiarist.
However, Ponyville had yet to catch wind of her misdeed, so nopony in town yet knew not to trust her. One particularly gullible brown earth pony with an hour-glass cutie mark was among them.
"Hey, Suri! Long time no see!"
"Hey Doc, how's it going?" she asked.
"Great, great. I thought that you lived in Manehattan now?"
"Nah, I moved. Big city life was just not doing it for me," she lied. A little of her died inside as she remembered the musicals, the glitz, the glamour, and everything else associated with big city life that she could no longer enjoy.
“Want to come and see my new invention?" he asked.
"Sure, why not?" she asked. She lifted up her head and smiled. Anything to distract her from her failure.
She walked into his house as he showed off his new invention.
"See, you just step inside, and then press the button, and then you can appear anywhere in time and space that you want," said the Doctor.
"Wow, that's pretty cool," said Suri Polo Mare. "You think I could borrow it for a few minutes? I always wanted to meet my great-grandfather.”
“Yes, just make sure you return it all in one piece.”
“I will. See you later, okay?” she said, climbing in the time machine.
Her heart raced. Her mind filled with thoughts of what she could do if she could travel back in time and fix her mistakes. She could get her career back! She could invent that fabric before Rarity ever did, and then nopony could ever call her a thief!
“Oh, I forgot to mention something,” said the doctor from outside the machine. “You can’t go back in time to any time when you’ve already been before. It would cause a rip in the space-time continuum. You’ll have to go back to before you were born.”
Crap. Well, there went that idea. But, she could still use it to bolster her reputation…
Marelo Park, Neigh Jersey, 1879
“Finally! After all this time, I’ve found the correct filament! Now I can bring cheap light to every home in Equestria!” said Thomas Featherson, the inventor of the first commercially viable light bulb, from his laboratory. He gazed upon the wondrous new invention of artificial, electric light.
“Hey, Tommy boy, what’s up?” said Suri Polomare, walking out of the time machine.
“Who are you? What are you doing here?” asked Featherson.
“Don’t you remember me? Suri Polomare from Neigh Jersey University?”
“Oh…” said Featherson. “I guess I was so excited about this new light bulb that I invented, that I forgot who you were.”
“Speaking of…” said Suri Polomare, “You think I could borrow that for a couple of seconds? I dropped something inside of this booth of mine, and I can’t find it because it’s too dark, okay.”
“Sure,” said Featherson, handing her the lightbulb.
Suri grinned and stepped into the time machine, and it disappeared.
The next day, Featherson was at the patent office and saw Suri Polomare claiming credit for the light bulb.
“It’s a way to bring cheap light to every home in Equestria!” she said. Everypony in the office gazed at the light bulb in wonderment.
Featherson fumed. He couldn’t believe he had been duped. Teach him to be generous.
A few years later, and everypony in Equestria knew Polomare's name, and she was known as the Wizard of Marelo Park.
But she had a nagging feeling in the back of her stomach. Something wasn’t quite right as she read the newspaper article proclaiming her to be the best inventor in hundreds of years.
As she stared at the perfectly-typed rows of letters, she understood. Of course. She knew exactly what the problem was.
Germarey, 1440
“Wunderbar! I finally have a way to distribute ze written vord to ze masses!”
Johannes Gutenbuck stood proudly in front of the new movable type printing press that he had just invented.
“Hey, Johnny-boy!” Gutenbuck turned around to see Suri Polomare standing inside of his shop.
“Have ve met before?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Don’t you remember me? Suri Polomare from back in Manez?”
“Hm. Nein, I don’t remember. But I vill take your vord for it.”
Suri smiled. “Well, I was just wondering if I could borrow that printing press really quick. I need to write a letter to my friend, but I have really terrible hoofwriting, okay.”
“Jawohl,” he said.
Suri Polomare grinned as she grabbed the printing press and hauled it into the time machine. Now, she would print the Polomare Bible and claim credit for the invention of printing.
The next day, Johannes Gutenbuck was walking down the street when he saw Suri Polomare standing in the street, showing off the printing press to a crowd.
“It’s a way to distribute the written word to the masses!”
Gutenbuck fumed and walked home. He couldn’t believe he had been duped like that.
A few years later, the printing press had revolutionized the country of Germarey and the continent of Stirrup.
But something still didn’t sit quite right with Polomare. She could now claim credit for the light bulb and the printing press, but how could she really claim credit for anything at all? She hadn’t really done it. She’d just stolen credit for it.
Then, her eyes were drawn towards one of her Polomare bibles. Of course. She knew exactly what the problem was.
Heaven, Shortly After the Creation of Equestria
Pony God gazed down from heaven upon his new creation.
“I have created the heavens and Equestria, and now ponykind. I have perfectly placed every hair upon their mane, and not a hoof was late in growing. Now, I shall let them know that I am their Lord.”
“Hey, Goddy-boy!”
Pony God turned around and saw Suri Polomare standing on a cloud next to him.
“I’m sorry, do I know you?” he asked.
“Don’t you remember me? Suri Polomare from heaven?”
“I created each angel. I think I’d remember you if I created you.”
Suri blushed. “Oh, well, um… I’m new. Just transferred in from Mount Olympones.”
“I see…” said Pony God, stroking his beard.
“So, nice place you got here,” said Suri, pointing a hoof towards Equestria.
“Yes, I just created it. Now I’m going to go and introduce myself to the two first ponies: Apple and Eve, so that they know that I'm their Lord.”
“Hey, before you do, could I maybe go down there and look for something? I think I accidentally dropped a suitcase full of lightning bolts on my way up here,” said Suri Polomare.
“I will allow it,” said Pony God, gesturing towards Equestria with his hoof.
Suri smiled, got in the time machine, and flew down in it to meet the first two ponies.
“Hello. I’m Suri Polomare, and I have created you both in my image. I have perfectly placed every hair upon your mane, and not a hoof was late in growing. And now, you know that I'm your Lord.”
Pony God raged. The all-knowing deity couldn’t believe that he had been duped like that!
Suri Polomare smiled, got back in the time machine, and went forward in time to the present day. Maybe now, ponies would give her the respect she deserved.
“Hey, Suri Polomare! Great job with creating the lightbulb, the printing press, and the universe!” said a pony, bowing to her as she walked down the street.
“Praise be unto you, Suri Polomare,” said another pony.
Suri grinned from ear to ear. Now it was time for her to go and impress Rarity.
She walked into Carousel Boutique, where she saw Rarity at her table, sewing a new dress.
“Hello, Rarity,” Polomare said.
“Oh, hello Suri,” Rarity turned around and responded, and then returned to her sewing.
“What? I created the lightbulb above your head, the printing press, and the entire universe. You better bow to me or I’ll strike you down with a lightning bolt, okay!" Suri exclaimed.
“Oh, sorry dear,” said Rarity, turning back. “I’m an atheist.”
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Please get featured. I want to see a new character tag.
Good luck. It took darf asking for an anthro tag to get THAT.
And he's done vanished from the site.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Don't ask for tags, they get added once a character has had enough fics to really justify one. It can take a while (Sparkler and Cloudkicker only recently got them) or be quick (Maneiac and the Power Ponies were added within a week or so of their episodes) or it may never happen (Blossomforth, Davenport, various other minor ponies who are canon but have only 1-2 fics if any)
3735533 Alright, I won't ask for a tag.
Wut, more likes than views
Funny little story. The puns are wild but fitting. Nice to see Rarity get the last laugh.
I chuckled at the bit where she stole the printing press. Was wondering where she'd get Bibles to print before she went back and tried to one-up the pony version of God.
3735533 wait we have power pony tags now? O_O
I laughed, I died, I laughed some more.
It is a most fitting punchline.
Hmm, now that I think about it, Carts, it is very suspicious that one person alone just happened to come up with as many brilliant fan fictions as you, wouldn't you say?
Hey Carts, Kingtiger666. We live on the same planet, remember me? Yeah, do you think you could unpublish your five most popular stories and hand them over to me? I need a few extra followers so my next story is a big hit, okay?
Suri Polomare wrote this fic and you're just copying her, okay?
I was going to make a witty comment on this story, but Suri Polomare wrote it better than me.
OH GOD SHE'S THE NEW HIPSTER!
3736084 You caught me. I'm a time travelling author who goes back in time and takes credit for fics that others wrote. Soon, I will have written Fallout: Equestria, My Little Dashie, and Past Sins.
3736378 I KNEW it! I hope you realize what I'm gonna have to do if you take Cassandra.
3736387 Travel back in time?
3736390 Something to send a message, like break your "axles"
Nikola Tailsla sauntered up behind him. "Now you know how it feels," he sneered.
Dat ending!
I'm a believer and I still feel comfortable saying the following in regards to this fic:
Rarity is best pony.
3736414 seconded
Same thing with apple and xerox
You can claim anything you want, but unless you can prove it people won't hesitate to call your bullshit. And apparently neither will ponies.
3736378
Oh, well be warned, two of those suck in my opinion, an I'm not telling you which so you can change my mind and keep me and others from pointing out how.
I can just see it now. The opening credits roll by, the MLP theme is ending, and
Developed for television by
Suri Polomare
I'm reading this in the break room at my job and my coworkers are wondering why I'm giggling like an idiot.
Awesome job, okay?
I knew there was a reason Rarity was best pony.
Rarity is an atheist.
New headcanon acquired.
I'm just going to upvote and favorite this, okay?
I died.
I thought Rarity was jewish...
3737588 3738300 Indeed.
Friggin' hell, Carts.
Upvoted and faved.
And that's how Equestria was made!
My reaction to this, I'm not sure how to describe it. In the pony creation myth for this story, the male was named after a (sometimes)red fruit like the fruit of knowledge and his last name is the same as the family name for a huge equestrian family.
3739507 He is the father of all earth ponies, including the apples.
3739514
Well, i guess that word-of-gods that lineage head-cannon. Though, as the first male pony, wouldn't he be the father of every pony?
It's just, the parallels suggest that it is based off of the Christian creation story which would mean that eve was the one who was supposed to mess with the red fruit, not Apple. It would also mean that applejack would be some sort of "chosen Apple" which would link directly to scripture which would make her simultaneously holy and tarnished and i don't know how to feel about that. Also there is just something wrong about suggesting ponies have original sin in the first place, though i can't really tell myself they are perfect.
It's not even any of this weird stuff that got me to react. It's how you managed to get this huge reaction out of me with nothing but the name of a pony.
3739562 I just did it as a clever pun, to be honest. I didn't really overthink it myself
I just want to say that the idea of 'stealing' an invention from Edison is deliciously ironic.
God, that was amazing. Many laughs were had, friend. Good job.
Anywho, near the end I saw this,
Methinks you mean "sewing". "Sowing" is like planting a seed, "sewing" is the act of stitching, repairing fabrics and whatnot.
3740288 Thanks for pointing that out!
3740351
No problem.
I thought Celestia was God.
I like your headcanon better.
This story sure pooped up quickly. Great work; many giggles were had.
3739331
Thomas Edison, you mean. He is in many ways the true "father of electricity", but it's also true that he claimed responsibility for many of Nikola Tesla's inventions. He was kind of a dick.
3742491
The guy who ran electric currents through living dogs to try and discredit Nikolai's research is a bit of a 'dick' you say?
This is slightly amusing, if anything. Then again, this is what I get from reading "comedies" with less than 4k words.
This. Is. IRONY!!!
I thought I knew where this story was going until that final glorious zag. Well done.
I'm a Christian and that makes this even more hilarious. BTW I thought PonyGod would be Lauren Faust....
Congratulations! Your story has officially been rated a Sapphire by the Gem Hunters.
That was definitely fun to read. Creative in it's own right, and the ending seemed like the setup for the best way to end it. No noticeable spelling and grammar errors. Story wise, though, it was on the simpler side, not saying it is a bad thing. Different scenarios playing out exactly the same way, but with different inventions. Nice job still for the creative names and such.
3735570 Yup, Powerponies and Mane-iac have their own tags.
Atheists unite!