• Member Since 7th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 35 minutes ago

Zaphod


If this second was your life, what would you do?

E
Source

Aboard a ship headed for the glorious city of Manehattan, Coco Pommel turns her thoughts to the events that led up to her visit to the bustling urban sprawl.

[An imagining of Coco Pommel's backstory]


Dedicated to the Coco Pommel group! Come on down and give Coco some love!
Inspired by some random comment I made when I was derping around earlier today!

Thanks to Azusa for prereading!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 16 )

This is great! I totally accept this as her back story.

I can't even express how much I love the nickname "Pompom" for her.

You’re going to have Equestria eating out of the palm of your hand.

:derpyderp1::derpyderp2:

Out of the frog of your hoof, maybe? :derpytongue2:

3744036
Dammit, human phrases strike again! Hehe, I'll fix it once I get home. Thanks for the comment! :twilightsmile:

3743431
I meant what I said! Feel free to use it to your heart's content!


3743462
Thank you for the comment! :twilightsmile:

3742188
I'm glad you enjoyed it! I had a lot of fun writing it!

I gladly accept this story as Coco Pommel's backstory. :)

Great story, really seems like something that could genuinely fit well into the canon universe. The only problem is, now I'm left wondering what happened to her family.....

Overall, perfectly done. Keep up the good work. :twilightsmile:

Nice story and I love the history you've given her.:pinkiesmile:

Cute idea for a back story.

I really do enjoy this story. Keep up the great work!

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors

Name of Story: Voyage

Grammar score out of 10: 10

Pros
Outstanding grammar and spelling

Compelling, well-written story and characters, especially given its length

Very original content, especially Coco's backstory

Cons
None other than the fact that it came to an end :raritywink:

Notes Section:
As a one-shot, this short little piece of yours was really phenomenal. First of all, can I just say how very, very thankful I am that your grammar and spelling were so spot on? It's so frustrating when stories that would otherwise be perfectly fine are marred by grammatical errors throughout that just make them frustrating reads instead. That out of the way, let me just say that in just a little over 3,000 words, you managed to put together a believable backstory for a supporting character we've only seen once in the show, not to mention gave that character a personality that seemed to match the little we'd seen of her. Coco, based on your writing, came across as a less confident and less, well, shall we say, excessive (mostly in personality) version of Rarity; just as generous as her, and very talented in fashion as well, but also very quiet about it. While Rarity absolutely loves the big city atmosphere of Manehattan, Coco seems like she would've been happy to stay in her home on the Mareibbean Islands, where things were quieter and slower, if she could've, but she knows that she can do better things with her talents by going to the mainland, so really her choice to go to Manehattan is largely out of necessity (a feeling I got in the show as well when we saw her).

On top of your fantastic characterization of Coco, her backstory was one of the most original I've ever seen in fanfiction for any character. You went out of your way in a one shot to create an entirely new setting we've never seen nor even heard of in the show, and that's really commendable on your part! The Mareibbean Islands seem like a very interesting setting from the little we saw of them, and I can only hope that a future installment of yours returns to them.

Like I said, my one con was that this story ended, with even a bit of sad foreshadowing to boot. Yes I know that things have turned up for Coco, but it's still no fun to think of how Suri was about to take advantage of such a kind, compassionate, but somewhat naive young mare. Again, that's not knocking your story, that's just me being sad for Coco; maybe in the future you or somebody else might produce a fic describing when she quit and the first major job she got afterwards. Certainly would be nice to hear how things turned out for Coco. Finally, let me just say that this story was so good, it's officially my head canon for Coco now; you've done for her in a little over 3,000 words what Chengar Qordath has done for characters like Cloud Kicker and Blossomforth in his massive collection of Winningverse stories. Hope you return to this character again in the future! :twilightsmile:

Final score: 10/10

Consider yourself followed. Can't wait to check out your other works! :raritystarry:

Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: Batmare Begins

i14.photobucket.com/albums/a331/brittmcgee/MLP%20Minecraft/TLSOA_zps2aa17c49.png

Also a moment to act completely unprofessional: Dawwwwww.

That is all.

~Twi

3821823
Thank you kindly. :twilightsmile:

Best Coco Story EVER! So many Coco stories are so dry and bland, as well as downright out of character, not to mention rather distasteful pairing choices with a certain pony. But not you. You kept and at the same time gave us a whole new side of character for Coco that's rather believable and realistic. I can only hope I hold up to these standards when my character meets Coco and they forge a friendship.

Great one-shot.

Although the episode Made in Manehatton breaks this head cannon. It is a nice inside look on Coco's back story.

Love the way you use the flashback to show how Coco ended up in Manehatton. And that ending is hilarious. Tying in to what led to Rarity Takes Manehatton.

Great Job.

In Manehattan you can be a new mare...

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