- Member Since 8th Jun, 2012
- offline last seen April 24th
Zaphod
If this second was your life, what would you do?
Zaphod
Joined 8th Jun, 2012 ·
Offline
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1982251
Thanks for taking the time to comment!
1982284
Thanks for the comment! I can't say I had their personalities as 'crazy' in mind while I was writing, but it's really open to interpretation. I didn't have the intention for this to be a prequel to a future story, but I won't say it'll never happen.
I wish I knew why it's getting so many dislikes though. I hope they're not seeing your comment and downvoting before giving it a chance //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Derpy_Hooves.png
Geez whats with all the dislikes?
anyway i like this story hope to see more.
What's with the sudden bombardment of dislikes? Maybe it's because of the combined romance and sad tags, which, as a "veteran" of this site T_T are two things that don't seem to mix well together in the minds of some readers.
I honestly thought it was superb. A very well-written piece with just enough emotion to satisfy that warm, dusty niche in your cold, black heart.
Wow. Wow. LOVE IT!
1983132
Thanks for commenting!
1983418
) but I wanted to try my hand at something fairly original. Whatever happens, happens I guess.
I'll admit sad stories usually don't do it for me (too many feels
1983585
I guess it's just not everyone's cup of tea. Also, I c wut you did thar, you fyslexic duck //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png
1983729
Thank you for the comment!
Was I supposed to imagine Dash stealing Mare-Do-Well's costume? I like it, and I'm jealous of your talent.
what is dash's job that she has missions and so many enemies?
1989257
Nope! Dash is au natural, sitting in a tree //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png
Thanks for the comment!
1996769
I left it ambiguous so the reader could come up with their own conclusions. In hindsight, maybe it was a little bit lazy of me to provide so little info or description of what she does
The idea I had in the middle of writing it was that she was a member on a team of (sort of) Aerial Special Forces. I know some people like to think the Wonderbolts act as one of these in conjunction with their performance side, but I didn't explicitly say it was them. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Rainbow_Dash.png
*sniff*
That was beautiful.
1997385 Yeah, that's what I meant. She stole a Mare-Do-Well costume and became a super hero raking up enemies and such. I can't take the Wonderbolts seriously, I see them as an athletic team that's bites off more than they can chew sometimes.
The angst I love it
If you do write a sequel... is it bad that I was pre-emptively wincing, afraid Rainbow was about to recognize an enemy of hers?
Just a thought. Be horrible if Peter drove MJ into Harry's arms trying to protect her, y'know?
This story is like a cheap shot right in the feels...
Well done sir!
Rainbow Dash is vengeance. Rainbow Dash is the night (
). Rainbow Dash is... Batmare!
This was just... bad.
We're never told why it's so important for Dash to keep Pinkie away, we're never told what happened to put her in the hospital.
Oh, and is Dash still friends with the rest ? aren't they in just as much danger then ?
Cheap attempt at getting feels, not for me.
2001093
Thanks for commenting!
2005964
Thanks for the comment!
2006188
Interesting perspective! It certainly would have added a bit of twist onto the ending. As of now, though, there's no sequel in the works. Thanks for the comment!
2006255
Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for commenting!
2006507
Nana-nana-nana-nana-nana-nana-nana-nana Batmare!
2007249
These are very valid points and it was an oversight to not explain it in a bit more detail. My thoughts at the time were that it would leave room for interpretation and readers can make their own conclusions, but I'm starting to see that it can easily come across as lazy writing //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Derpy_Hooves.png
Still, thank you for giving it a shot and reading the entire thing. I understand it's not for everyone and I thank you for your time
Damn... You could feel Rainbow Dash's pain in every word.
Very well written. Favoriting this and upvoting.
Why does this have so many dislikes?
I don't see many grammar or spelling mistakes, and it's really well written.
I FEEL
This tore me apart, seeing as PinkieDash is my #1 ship.
You did a great job with portraying how this is really hurting Dash.
I hope you make a sequel where they somehow get together.
Good sir, for making me feel so feely, I award you a
Holy celestia great story
Tbh. I really expected Pinkie to come talk to Dash. The image I got was her standing under the tree by herself speaking aloud to the unseen dash or peering up through the branches at Rainbow. or be in the tree! Y'know, pinkie stuff. I figured it'd be a Nice pinnacle moment, although, It could change the story drastically depending on what occurs.
I'm not the best writer myself, the only criticism I can make is how it feels to me as a mediocre writer, a big reader, and a sexy actor ;D
First off! Around the end, it starts to feel repetitive.
Speaking of The ending, while good, felt like it was too abrupt. I believe it ties in with the repetition.
I think it's because there isn't a specific climax to the story.
Dash, sitting in the tree. reflects on her feelings of what she's done. (Which hits me right in the feels bro
) But not much else actually happens. leaving a moment where the reader(me) is like..."ohmygod is she going to...no..... she'll be right beside...no....
dear god he's got a gun!...fffffffffuuuuuu. and then it's over./end_criticism
Also!...Random thought, But, In the end rainbow succeeds in her objective. Which is a bit of a high note. (which is good structually as all scenes/stories must/usually end in a polar opposite) (+-/-+) sort of thing. I wonder though, how it would be if the story started with Dash celebrating pinkies sucess, but coming to regret it in the throughline. (does this even make sense ^ I dunno.)
Anywho. I can only really say how I felt. how you take those Is completely up to you my good sir
.
Thank you for a nice read. I enjoyed it. no manly tears were shed, but almost...almost.
2008064
Thanks for the comment!
2008912
Meh, might have been just a few trigger-happy downvoters. I'm over it now //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Rainbow_Dash.png Thanks for the comment!
2022715
Thanks for the comment, I'm glad you enjoyed it even though your favorite ship didn't get together this time 
My first awarded Spikestache!
2029521
Thanks for the comment!
2029745
Writing Rainbow and Pinkie out of character was really one of the things I was worried about, and looking back I can see that neither really acted as one would expect. About the climax... that one was sort of intentional. I went into this trying to find a way to get Dash's story across without making it seem too outrageous or bombastic. If I ended up pulling a twist like that (or, like someone else in the comments pointed out, making Pinkie's new husband one of Rainbow's enemies), then I felt it would have detracted from the focus of the story: penance and regret.
I do get what you're trying to say about the polar ends with the plot; I felt it flowed in a similar manner to the way you pointed out. In the beginning (though a first-time reader wouldn't know it at the time), Rainbow's already come to terms with what happened and is just recounting it, reinforcing her belief that the pain she feels is her punishment. It made the story symmetric (at least in my eyes), since we began and ended with similar scenes.
A very good job! I actually experienced a sort of sadness while reading this, which is rare for me. My only criticism is that I don't know what Rainbow does that gives her so much praise and so many enemies. Is she Batman?
Aside from that, I loved this. I'd love to see a continuation too, if you ever considered doing so. A chapter from Pinkie's point of view maybe, saying how she still loves Rainbow or whatnot (if you wanted her to of course) and that her marriage is bittersweet. Or perhaps Pinkie confronting Rainbow and everything coming out about why Rainbow had been so cruel. But that's just me wanting to make this story more happy, despite loving it for its sadness :P
2109191
Thanks for the comment! In all honesty, I was considering a second chapter in Pinkie's POV quite similar to what you were describing. I have part of it written, but after rereading and thinking about at Rainbow's section for a bit, I decided not to include it when I posted the story. I'll think about it some more and we'll see where it goes. No promises though!
SO SAD.
I need a few tissues..
Powerful story, my friend, nearly lost it by the end.
In a way... (this may sound weird, but) it sorta comforted me.... I had to do similar for (obviously) different reasons... ugh, that sounds horribly cliche... but I digress, beautiful story!
2149231
Thanks for the comment!
2422818
I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through something similar. You hear all the time that if you love something, you should let it go, but that sure as hell doesn't make it any easier. Trust me, cliches usually exist because there's some truth to them!
Thanks for the comment!
2464276
No problem, and thanks, it means a lot.
Loved it great story
Celestia, I almost cried in manly tears. Poor Dashie... but I understand her.
Hold on... i'm confused...
Why does a bunch of ponies hate RD? Is it because I wasn't paying enough attention? Probably.
Good story, I APPROVE!
“My thoughts started spinning toward the past, and thinking back on the things that lead to this moment. “
And this is pretty much all that happens the whole fic. Dash is hiding in a tree since before the story starts, Pinkie is inside a nearby church marrying an OC stallion unicorn. There is no conflict or interaction of any sort, just Dash thinking.
That alone isn't enough to make this bad. An introspective fic can be a great way to explore a character. So what does Dash think about? “I was mean to Pinkie so she would stop loving me, so I could protect her from the enemies I make being a (super?)hero.”
Oh, So we have a RD x Pinkie love story to explore, with RD as a hero facing off against villains? Well that certainly sounds exciting and interesting! Well, sadly none of that is in this fic. I already told you what happens in this story.
But Cryo, the story is nearly 4k words long. It can't possibly be that limited. Certainly some exciting things happen! So I started counting how many sentences were a variation on “I was mean to Pinkie” and stopped counting after 50.
I'm seriously trying to find some redeeming value to this story. I want to like the idea that Dash is some sort of hero, but no detail is given about that to explain it. I can only imagine it is some kind of extrapolation from MMDW episode/AU thing.
Also, the description at the start concerning the bees and honey was offputting. Bees don't collect honey, they gather necter/pollen from flowers and -make- honey back at the hive. If Dash was smelling honey, that meant a hive was probably nearby and I imagine there would have actually been some interaction in this story.
Also, you had a “their” in there when you meant “there.”
That's just.... Sad.. :<
Enjoyed the story, keep it up!