• Member Since 8th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 2nd, 2016

Alpha Scorpii


Happily retired. Thanks for all the good times :)

E

The eagle, tyrant lord of the river and the lands around, has caught a new prey. But the raptor has made one mistake, a mistake that could be fatal for him: his new lunch has friends, and her friends won't abandon her.

In the background of "Pinkie Apple Pie", it's time for the weak to stand up together against the tyrant. It's time for bravery and teamwork to triumph over evil.

It's time to rescue Wheelduck.

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Another of my stupid stories, and this time I'm not sorry. Yes I am.

Special thanks to Inumaniac for being my proofreader.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 14 )

Amazing, truly the greatest tale of heroism ever to be written.

And so Wheelybopper was made side canon. Thanks to Wheel Duck.

Quack. :pinkiecrazy:

Oh Celestia. I knew this story would pop up one place or another.:derpytongue2:

Ah well. I'll give it a read. :pinkiecrazy:

You deserve multiple cookies for this

Ohmigosh. That was- interesting. I love the music. :yay:

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You sir...are a genius.

Oh, and for bonus funny, this is the actual call of a Bald Eagle:

“Quack quack! Quack!” the duck pointed at the eagle with an accusing wing. “Quack quack quack quack! Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack!

"Pika, pikachu pika PIKA pikacu pikachu" What's the difference between these two statements? One, the quacking inspired the second statement. It's like pokemon, all the pokemon can say is their names. I honestly thought of the squirtal squad when I read that part, with their eager antics and all.
the grammar in this wasn't too bad, an occasional comma splice, but in general it was good.
Something you and a lot of writers suffer from is the passive voice.
I compare a story like this to cooking. Say you're making spaghetti; the premise is the noodles, the action is the sauce, and you have that (although you need to change a few words. I don't think an eagle is related to the raptor.) If this wasn't in a world filled with magical ponies I would call you the fuck out of the entire story. Even though they would probably win, ducks of our world would run away from an eagle, leaving their friend to die. These little world building add ons are the salt and pepper. Now, that's a good and hearty meal on its own, but you aren't a real writer until you can personalize your story. You have to make your narrative your own. Say the eagle fell like a coin in a wishing well, or the ducks gushed water at its foe like a pokemon. The latter is a little brash and I'd say don't go that far, but these are just examples.
Once you can give your spaghetti its own unique flavor, it's not your story. Get the picture?

3806758 Isn't it funny when animals in cartoons sound nothing like they do in real life?

3806804 Sorry, but I don't get what you're trying to say.

"Raptor" is also a synonym for "bird of prey", or at least Wikipedia says so. I wasn't talking about the dinosaur.

3806868 Yeah, I guess it takes a good brain to understand my simile, or is it a metaphor, not exactly sure, but it is something every writer needs to learn eventually. It's what makes a writer different from all the others.
And I know you aren't taking about the dinosaur becouse my school's mascot became a raptor. The main thing I was trying to get across with me saying an eagle's not a raptor is that you might confuse your reader, like you did to me, raptors and eagles are two different birds, and not everyone knows that raptor is an umbrella term

Quack quack quack quack. Quack! :twilightsmile:

Good story.
There were two hats on a hat rack. one says to the other "you stay here I'll go on a head"

now this is the kind of quality content i like to see

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