“Prepare to meet a gruesome end the likes of which you have never before thought was possible!” Dio jumped from the edge of his throne, appearing in just a moment’s time before Deadpool and Fluttershy, like the shutter of a camera had just made him skip through space. “Unless, of course, you agree to work for me and give up whatever loyalty you have to your precious princess.”
Fluttershy peeked her head out from Deadpool’s shadow to fixate Dio with a murderous glare… well, more like a disapproving stare… actually, the best she could do was a stink eye, and even then it looked apologetic after a few seconds. “Betray Celestia? How could you even think we’d ever do something so horrible?”
“Yeah, that’s completely despicable!” Deadpool added, pointing a single digit at Dio’s face. “Betray the princess? You loco in the coco? Are you kookoo for Cocoa Puffs? Like I’d ever,” Deadpool poked Dio’s chest, “ever,” now he was poking his face, “eveeeeeeeeeeeeer,” and now his finger was in Dio’s eye, with Dio’s face being unemotional all the while, “agree to anything as ridiculous as that.”
Dio smiled a fanged grin, completely indifferent to Deadpool’s very dirty finger in his eye. “Very well.” Dio held up his hand, Deadpool’s dismembered limb hanging between his fingers, dripping blood and some bone marrow all over the floor. “I suppose the alternative of a long, painful, agonizing death is a better alternative.”
Deadpool looked at his hand still in Dio’s eye, then at the general area where his arm used to be, now leaking blood like a bodily Old Faithful. Looking down to Fluttershy, he said, “Dude does make a good point. Heck, he’s even using my pointer to point it out.”
“Deadpool, we just can’t betray the princess!” Fluttershy reminded him.
“We can betray her a little bit. Y’know, to keep on breathing.”
“Deadpool!”
“What about a tiiiiiiny bit? Just a smidge? Add a little dollop of traitor to make the pie of life taste all the sweeter?”
“Now you’re just making weird metaphors again.”
“Oh, well, excuuuuuuse me.” Deadpool pulled his finger out of Dio’s eye and snatched his arm out of Dio’s hand, attempting to slap it back to its leaking like a toddler’s diaper stump. “I get a little backstaby when I lose too much blood and my arm!”
“Why does this guy… vampire… drag queen want us to side with him anyway?” Fluttershy asked, waving her hoof at his sizable vampire army. “He already has all the minions he could want.”
“Because, my dear, you’re close to Celestia, and would make excellent targets to distract her while I prepare my feast,” Dio answered, smug grin being as unpleasing to the eyes as possible. “Those closest to the heart make for the easiest entrance, no?”
“You want… to eat Celestia?” Fluttershy asked, visibly green.
“Man, that’s gonna take a whole lotta steak sauce to cover her with. Especially her beauteous maximus region.” Fluttershy shot Deadpool a glare, of which he replied with, “Oh, my bad. I meant her butt. Jeez, have you seen the thing? Damn wonder she doesn’t cause an eclipse each time she flies.”
“I have no interest in consuming the princess,” Dio said. “I merely want her blood for myself. All of it, if I’m able to. Which, looking how things are going for me now, is a high possibility.”
“But why Celestia of all ponies?” Fluttershy asked.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Dio said, his head cocked to the side. His smile was noticeably wider than ever. “For her power! If I could drink her blood, then I shall control the paths of the sun and moon whenever I wanted! No longer shall I have to live in fear of sunlight! Instead, I shall turn this entire world dark, with me being the only light for those we are left! I shall be the ruler of this world and any others that fall in my path as I consume more and more power until the entire universe is under my foot, forever trapped in darkness and the black of night!”
What followed was evil methodical laughter. Fluttershy stared at Dio in a mix of terror, disturbance, and overall confusion. Deadpool cheered to himself when he finally got his arm back on.
Looking to Deadpool, Fluttershy asked, “Deadpool, are you seriously going to let this guy get away with this?”
“I’dunno, maybe.”
“Deadpool!”
“Oh, fine, fine,” Deadpool grumbled under his breath. Facing Dio, he flipped him the bird and said duly, “Out of all the villains I’ve been associated with--and trust me when I say that’s a higher population than most small countries--you have, hands down, the worst evil laugh I’ve ever seen.”
“WRYYYYYY!” Dio shouted, his face steaming now. “You dare insult my evil gloating?!”
“Unless you’re deaf along with being dumb, yes, I did.” Deadpool pulled out his favorite mini-uzi and went to town emptying the entire clip into Dio’s face. “Here, I hear lead is wonderful with helping your hearing.”
After around five seconds of uninterrupted round burst, Deadpool withdrew his uzi. Dio’s face was smoking, but there wasn’t a scratch on him. Instead, he smiled, a river of bent and dented bullets pouring out of his mouth.
Deadpool clicked the trigger of his gun to no avail, and then promptly realized that things were about to become painful.
“Oh shi--”
“THE WORLD!”
Extremely painful.
“WRYYYYYYYYYYYY!”
Scratch that. A monumental amount of pain.
5753423
isn't he super-gay for satan?
5751063
oh motherfu-....jack harness, and that line....F***.
So...who is Dio, and what is he from?
5762525 jojo 's bizarre adventure
5762525 "Jojo's Bizarre Adventure"
MUDA!! MUDA!! MUDA!!
ROAD ROLLER DA! MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!!
How this is probably gonna go down:
Okay... I'm guessing this goes 'Dio tries to drink Celestia's blood, Dio has a mouthful of liquid sunshine, Dio evaporates.'
5762707 I'd go even money with you on that that Celestia and/or Luna will abruptly remember that they can raise the sun whenever they feather-fluffing want.
... Good thing you can heal?
Honestly, Dio Brando was the first bit that made me want to slap the stupid out of Araki... and also the first hint of the tendency of the japanese mangaka to make "uber powered big bads that have no explanation whatsoever".
Funny thing is, when it comes to "endgame big bads" Dio Brando is pretty much the weak sister of the club... I mean, his powers are pretty much the same as Guldo from Dragonball Z, with the only difference being that he's prettier.
5762707 I'm guessing this goes (Sorta) four possible ways.
1. Celestia's blood is just Sunny D.
2. Dio doesn't get Celestia's blood.
A. Dio (The heavy metal guy) plays Holy Diver.
B. Blacula, the true ruler of all vampires slays Dio and all the remaining vampires and then is immediately and easily slain by someone. I dunno who.
So...why hasn't Celestia just raised the sun again?
5763219
Dramatic timing?
5687403 On the topic of Hellsing, I'd be curious to see how Alexander Anderson would work out. The Nail of Helena DID make him immortal...until Alucard ripped out his heart and destroyed a massive amount of his body in the process, but nevertheless he was an immortal.
Well, this should be interesting. Hopefully, Dio will be so distracted trying to kill Deadpool that he'll leave time for everyone else to figure out some course of action.
Oh. Right. Freezing time at will. Well, it shouldn't take too long for Celestia to remember that sun + vampires = fun.
I imagine the only reason none of the vampires are paying Fluttershy any mind is because she's already one of them.
"Toki wa tomare!"
*tosses several knives*
"Soshite, toki wa ugoki dasu..."
5764214
I'm just using what MLP has given me, which is that mirror thingy that transport peeps into the human world. And from what I got from the comics (even though they're not my preference), Celestia and Starswirl would hop around different dimensions and worlds, as it is said. Didn't see any mention of it being called different universes. Anyhow, I know the difference between different dimensions and different universes (superhero comics are the perfect staple for scientific knowledge), it's just that I'm going with what MLP says. Plus, "multidimensional" has a better kick to it than "multiuniversal."
You know, Dio makes a good point, Celestia controls the sun. If you have that power set and are enduring a multidimensional vampire invasion, it might be a good idea to have a little sunrise. Or better yet, a little extended high noon.
5763441 correct me if im wrong
but wasnt alexander already immortal?
also im am on my knees and begging
abridged anderson! PLEEEEEEEAAAAAAASE
5785574 Father Alexander Anderson was a regenerator, a human biologically enhanced to heal various types of injuries at an alarming rate. I suppose he could have been immortal throughout the series if the process regenerated dead cells at a sufficient rate. That's more or less what makes Deadpool an immortal, but the exact limits of his regenerative abilities are unknown. It's even been theorized that if Alucard had not destroyed so much of the body when severing Anderson's connection to the Nail, the good Father could have pulled through.
Have you considered abriged!alucard or Anderson?
Dio is also an extremely cliched character.
If he controls the sun and moon irresponsibly, he kills of everyone. AKA his food source.
If he controls the sun and moon dictatorship style, everyone is going to get pissed at him and dethrone him. If he kills all of them he loses everyone AKA his food source.
If he controls it responsibly, he finds that it was stupid.
AKA Dio is extremely stupid.
I LOVE HIM!
ZA WARUDO!!!
>Wry it out
Needs more "y"s--nineteen of them, I would say.