• Member Since 28th Aug, 2011
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Cold in Gardez

Stories about ponies are stories about people.


[Comedy] [Parody] On June 28, 2011, Michael Bay released Transformers: Dark of the Moon, his third feature film based on the HASBRO toy line Transformers. The next day, Bay and HASBRO entered into talks over another of the toy company’s properties, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The only concrete evidence of the new film to emerge so far is a tattered screenplay, presented here, which was found in a dumpster outside Bay’s production house, Platinum Dunes.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 72 )

What is this, I don't even...

You know what? Screw literary analysis, this was awesome.

isnt this already on story 2 on EqD?

I'm migrating my stuff over to FIMfiction.net. However, I'm trying not to flood it with everything I've written simultaneously.


Just don't wait too long. :raritywink:

To quote Rainbow Dash. Fuck. Yes.

This is ungodly amounts of fun to read. Parody at it's finest.

Why do I suddenly have the urge to write fourteen Pinkie + Manticore ship/clopfics? :pinkiecrazy:

Please do not do that. The world will not thank you for it.

Suddenly, there was a 5-star rating!


Rarity truly is best pony.

Suddenly, five stars! Thousands of them! :pinkiesmile:

I don't care how crazy this is, it's hilarious!

Wow, how long was this story here? I don't even know... Say, are you even planning on updating this soon? It doesn't seem like it's ANYWHERE near finished yet!

There is one more part remaining in this story. Sad to say, however, it is on the bottom of my to-do list for stories. The whole series was started as something of a joke that ran out of control, and I've been involved with more serious stuff ever since.

Someday I'll get around to finishing it. There's only one story left, after all.

“Despite this,” he continued, “we believe they are weak against our advanced spear technology, which as you know consists not just of wooden shafts, but metal or stone heads laced onto the tips with rawhide. These spears are capable of puncturing the toughest pony hides, and we assume they will be equally effective against the rolled tungsten armor worn by the alien shock troops.” :facehoof:

This is every Michael Bay movie ever.

Gardez, have I mentioned I love this? Because I love this.

Ah, I see the Sun Goddess has been taking the same advanced military tactics and strategy classes as Zap Brannigan, whose most celebrated victory involved defeating an army of 10,000 unstoppable killbots. He exploited their weakness of having a set kill limit upon reaching such, the killbots shut down.

"Most of your skeletal muscles are now electro-myomer fibers infinitely more powerful than flesh."

A Battletech fan I take it?

I love this parody story! I love Cybarity's character as well. Just because one is a vicious killing machine, doesn't mean one should act like one!

...I want to see this movie. A lot. Because it is awesome. :pinkiehappy:

The sad part about this is the fact that this is pretty much Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen with aliens and a few extra plot twists. I swear, after the first paragraph, I was already cracking up, but when I read that joke about the guards, I think I had a heart attack.

Mine countenance whereupon: :rainbowlaugh::facehoof::rainbowlaugh::facehoof::rainbowlaugh:


It would be really cool if you finished this. I would love that... yup. :rainbowkiss:

I got until scene two, then I died, respawned and tried again.

got until scene four without dying, thinking 'why didn't they just use plan c?'

finnished the remaining scenes without dying.



Oh this is hilarious, please write that last part soon!

Now all we need is Fluttershy to come back as a zombie cyborg woodchipper. ChipperShy anyone?

Eeyup :eeyup:
You really hit the nail on the head here, especially with the 'What if we’re really the good ones, and you’re evil!?' line. This is hilarious :rainbowlaugh:

I'll just leave a comment here saying how much I enjoyed this, specifically the part with :twilightoops: <(THERE's NO TIME!)
oh... ok.

Yeah, This sounds like somthing I would do...

I really hope you plan to continue this.

Suddenly, I want some sarcophagus shipping.

Almost been an entire year since this was last worked on... I'll follow just in hopes of it updating.

Hey there. I made a video featuring your content without asking your permission first. Thought you might want to know.
Might still be processing. (http://youtu.be/JIuc0FEF20Y)

I'm also going to not go any further than Scene 1 without your permission.
If it makes you feel better, I'm not even letting Nine Inch Nails know that I've used their content at all. Oh, the fun of it all!


Hey, I didn't ask Hasbro or Michael Bay's permission when I wrote the thing. Go ahead :)


Awesome! Thanks. I'll get to work on that in the future.

I'd still like to see more of this!

Why hasnt anyone posted this yet?


This isn't just Michael Bay. This is a lot of movies. Any who, I always knew Michael Bay would just mess up My Little Pony if he were to ever get his hands on it! :ajsmug:

This is so wrong, but SO amusing. Is there going to be a part 4? (I'm still holding out hope!)

mfw: I realize this was actually the first fanfiction I ever read without even realizing it was you:rainbowhuh::rainbowkiss:

No really I don't know if it was you that posted it or not but I read this here. And I must say... thank you, if I hadn't read this back in march of 2012 I probably would not be as involved with ponies as I am right now... Now it just sounds like I'm gushing... but hey to find an interesting piece of the reason I became a brony on this site, fifteen months after my original viewing of it? Crazy world we live in.

Only Micheal Bay film I liked was the first trnaformers film.

You know what's sad? The tempo and plot holes feel just like a Michael bay film.

It's great, but... :rainbowhuh:
1. Where the heck is product placement?
2. Where is the poorly executed romantic subplot?
3. Where is history-twisting patriotism?
Onto the next movie, I guess. It would better be in 3D. :rainbowkiss:

Wish you would update this.


I was actually thinking about this one the other day. I dunno. We'll see.


But it would be awesome! Cuz things would explode! BOOM! BLAM!! WHAMMO!!! And like characters could ride the explosion wave fronts miraculously unhurt by the overpressure and the shrapnel and the flame coming from all the dynamite and gasoline they put under Big Mac's farm wagon to make it explode when it just sorta-kinda nudged that stone wall a bit and they could be windmilling all their limbs and tossing their manes around in slow motion and it would be really really really cool and did I mention that I know the World Trade Center was a conspiracy because it didn't EXPLODE like in Independence Day stuff EXPLODED!!!!!!?????!!!!!????!!!!!

(*whew. Tired now. Must smoke a cigarette*).

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