• Member Since 4th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago


A teacher, student, writer, and opinionated reader. Retired from fanfic (mostly), but not writing. Responsible for the cleverpun's Critique Corner review series: http://tinyurl.com/h3ftsm3


The ultimate action stallion ninja hero is back. In this critically acknowledged sequel to Blitzkrieg Poison Assassinates Killers, everypony's favorite demolitions expert must confront his old ninjutsu mentor and stop her once and for all.

…And this time…it's poisonal…

"The eighth movie in the series, the titular hero's exploits refuse to slow down. They never disappoint, and they even seem to get better over time. This may be the best one yet; more action than Blitzkrieg Poison Races Masters, and an even more intricate plot than Blitzkrieg Poison Versus the Master Race. 5/5 stars."
—R. Dash, Ponyville Herald

"Movie of the decade, edge of my seat the entire time. 6/5 stars."
—Rainbow D., Ponyville Gazette

"Anypony who is anypony needs to watch this movie right this moment. And then they need to watch it a second time, because their mind will have been blown and they won't remember the first viewing. 7/5 stars."
—Dr. Rainbow Dash, Ponyville Times

Featured on Equestria Daily!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 37 )

I am settling on "bewildered amusement" as my reaction to this.

Spotted a couple of comma splices and missing periods at the end of sentences, but I didn't note down where they were. You might want to have another look yourself.

Well, not the worst possible reaction :twilightsheepish:

I'll give it another grammar/typo pass when I'm more conscious. :trixieshiftright:

I could easily see this happening. Heck, I could see Dash auditioning for a bit part in the next installment of the Blitzkrieg Poison saga. Most amusing.

Haha, that was confusingly funny. My face right now is a mix of:twilightoops:, :rainbowhuh: and :rainbowlaugh:

Then at least I was quasi-successful :twilightsheepish:

The spin-off movies, Blitzkreig Poison Is a Pony in Love and Blitzkreig Poison Loves Ponies, weren't nearly as successful.

The video games, Blitzkrieg Poison and the Cave of Doom and Blitzkrieg Poison and the Doomed Cave, were even worse. Dash owns both :rainbowkiss:

Is it a bad sign that I want to see the sequel? :twilightsheepish:

Eh, wasn't as good as the last few. I'm holding out for Blitzkrieg Poison Beats Up Everyone.

I think Rarity in particular will enjoy that one. I hear there's a scene with a dress! A small scene though, of course. You can't take too much time away from Blitz.

So EqD slapped this all over my face...
...so I might as well.

And after reading:
lolwat <:D


Maybe it's all the ThatGuyWithTheGlasses reviews I watch, but I can suddenly see Dash doing a B movire review show...

I vote for a sequel. Maybe it's Mane 6 movie night and Spike, who was supposed to make sure Rainbow Dash didn't choose the movie, got distracted by Rarity? Maybe RD dreams about a crossover between this and Daring Do, and Luna's all WTF? Regardless, I'm sure it'll be awesome.

I'm sorry, but NONE of those movies hold a candle to the graphic novel Blitzkrieg Poison Kills the Mare-vel Universe.

wow. you really know how to write bad movies! awesome job at achieving your obvious goal of not writing a decent plot!
[edit] okay, maybe that came across as a little sarcastic and mean-spirited (so thats what all the emotocons are there for- to avoid this). i was actually giving you a backhanded compliment. while the ending turned out fine and dandy, it didnt cover up for the fact that i just read a fairly crappy story. and, i was kind of caught off guard with the ending, too. it was not easily apparant at first that you intended for the story to be bad. the ending seemed kind of like something to save your hide from the scathing comments of cantankerous and nitpicky readers (kind of like me). but, as i said, you made it work, just barely. i was impressed with both the fact that yes, you DID make it work, and with how you made it work. but i was insulting the poor writing in the beginning and middle at the same time. i come here to read good stories, not bad ones- even if they were made bad by design and with intent (the intent here being humor).
and i think with my attempts at clarification, im only making myself look like more of an assface. so, im just going to... slink away... quietly...

I can only read the sensei's lines in the voice of Shizuru from Mai-Hime (Naomi Shindou)

Pshaw I'd totally read those, I'd love to see how the main 6 reacts to the videos:pinkiehappy:

I was thinking more Taki from SoulCalibur, but that works too. Shizuru is prolly better since Sorachi is also violent and flirtatious.

Hello, I'm Steven Seagal, and I'd like to say, I may be old, fat, and vain, but I could still kick your ass. After dinner. If you had a broken leg. And an amputated arm. Whatever. Point is, I agree with Rainbow Dash.

Except the comic was banned in Austailia because of all the steamy sex scenes.

But the point of ThatGuyWithTheGlasses is being a Caustic Critic. Dash is too complimentary, so nopony tunes into her radio review show (Action Hour with Dr. Rainbow Dash). The ratings stink but they keep it on as filler.

Mr. Seagull, I'd just like to say thanks for your support, and that Steven Seagal: Lawman was the worst piece of television I've ever seen.

2475576 You just don't understand the subtext. See, it's really a commentary on the vanity projects of faded movie stars. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to make my latest blockbuster.

I thought that's what Steven Seagull's Band was.

I thought the show was a character study about an old, out-of-touch, fat guy?

Unless both are both! DUN DUN DUN smash cut to commercial.

2475620 Actually, it's about the French Angry Video Game Nerd in the video suggestions.

Only criticism is that you repeated the same words/phrases too frequently, but this may have been deliberate because of the plot.
Clever concept nonetheless and interesting to read.

*reads the caption* This time... it's... poisonal...

My mind broke... I shall read because the awful pun has shattered all sense of reality... :pinkiecrazy::derpytongue2::twilightoops::rainbowhuh:


Man, Blitzkrieg Poison sounds like exactly the sort of crap I like. It's been too long since I watched some zero story nineties-style action schlock.

I get what you're saying, but part of the charm of bad action movies is their crappy writing. I had hoped the description and Comedy tag were adequate tip-offs of the content, though I will admit that this story assumes the reader already laughs at bad action films.

We should go watch Road House and Starship Troopers, then we can finish with the Resident Evil movies and The Expendables :rainbowkiss:

This reminds me of certain movies MST3K featured.

Such as "Space Mutiny"...

Dirk Punchbeef.
Big McLargehuge.


Rainbow Dash would love Uwe Boll's movies.

He'd consider her a genius for understanding his brilliance. :trollestia:

Actually Rainbow Dash hated the Bloodrayne movies; way too much romance, not enough vampire-on-vampire combat.

That was so horribly awesome. I need to go watch something with Steven Segal, Van Damme or Vin Diesel in it.

Less them 30 min of plot? That's still more plot then some Quentin Tarantino movies.:rainbowlaugh:

2516779 Hey Resident Evil is good

2518688 You missed out Blast Hardcheese

3465670 Something can be good while being corny, that was my entire point. :derpytongue2:

This was delightfully silly.

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