A few weeks ago, Cloudchaser received news that she was going to become a Wonderbolt. Naturally, she had been incredibly excited over the news.
But her sister, Flitter, had been... less than enthusiastic about it.
That's not to say she wasn't happy for her sister, because she was, but she wasn't looking forward to living alone for the first time in her life. She had always had her sister to lean on whenever life threw something her way, and her life would never be the same once she left.
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Inspired immensely by Goodbyes Are Hard. So thank you for writing that, loser who knows who she is.
Written for EquusStorm, creator and admin of the Flitter and Cloudchaser Fans group.
Chapters (1)
Wow, very good. Favorited and liked! And thanks for using my title!
I really like that line. Just sayin'.
2817021
Me too.
Rather short, but I really liked it.
I've been becoming more and more of a fan of Flitter and Cloudchaser over the past few weeks. I can't wait to read some more about them later on. Wondrous job again Seven, keep up the great writing!
Huh. Not bad at all. Pretty good, actually. But I dunno, I feel like it could've been a lot better.
Right off the bat, I love the premise. This isn't the first time I've seen this done with Flitter and Cloudchaser, but we definitely need more stories about the Wonderbolt Cadets (and no, not just Dashie and Lightning Dust). In fact, I have a similar story idea on the back burner involving Raindrops's reaction to being accepted into the Wonderbolt Academy. So, points for that.
However, the execution leaves much to be desired. Although Flitter's portrayal was top-notch, I can't say the same for Cloudchaser. There's a lot more you could've done with her considering the situation. Besides a brief mention, I didn't get the sense that Cloudy felt bad about leaving her sister behind. Maybe it's because she was only gonna be gone for a week (which you didn't bring up, by the way
), but I really wanted to know more about what she was feeling. After all, Cloudchaser is the one who got accepted into the academy. Shouldn't we have some more insight into how she feels about it (besides exuberant)? 
All in all, it's a decent story with an excellent premise, but it left me wanting more (and not in a good way).
2817139 Well, actually, she got accepted into the Wonderbolts themselves.
As in, she'll be gone for a while. To explain how Cloudchaser acted, I suppose I put a bit of how I'm feeling about leaving for college right now. While my family may be sad, I'm too happy to let it get me down.
As for not portraying her well enough, I had originally put something in the description stating this was strictly to show how Flitter felt, but I had decided to remove it because I didn't think it would be an issue
I'll do my best to improve in future stories, and I thank you for your criticism
It's always sad when a loved one moves on with their life. On the flip-side, I wonder what Flitter's dream is.
2817173 Ah, I missed the part about how she was accepted into the Wonderbolts and not the academy. My bad.
Still a good premise, though.
I figured that the focus was meant to be on Flitter, but I think it would've been a lot stronger if it was told solely from Flitter's perspective. To be fair, you don't deviate from that too much, but the paragraph describing Cloudchaser's reaction at the beginning kinda threw me off and made me think it was about both of them. So, yeah.
2817213 Ah, I can easily understand that, then. Still thanks for the criticism, and I'll be sure to use it whenever applicable.
This fic.
I like it.
i1309.photobucket.com/albums/s626/cannonbolt70/Wadioapprove_zps0b57d07e.png
You did well.
Huh... A "goodbye" fic... 'Twas done pretty satisfactorily. Good job, man!
Excuse me while I go cry
You... you didn't...
...you did.
I agree with Metool Bard; the premise, while not original, could have delivered a much stronger emotional impact.
Nevertheless, have a thumbs up.
2819463 As I said to Metool Bard, emotional impact wasn't what I was aiming for in this story. I just wanted to write a simple goodbye seen mostly from the perspective of Flitter. Nothing less, nothing more.
Still, I appreciate the thumbs up, so thank you for that
GAH
SO BEAUTIFUL
and sad
YET BEAUTIFUL
And 101% headcanon accepted, I can totally see this happening and it's oh so wonderful and touching and sad ;o;
I am still in awe, in shock, that a top-level, high-talent writer on this here fine pony fic repository wrote this masterpiece for someone who has contributed little to the site besides making a group but holy smokes, I am so blown away and giddy right now you have no idea
And of course any story inspired by GNR in any way is going to be epic, but this is truly a special and wondrous little tale, one which shall find an immediate place in my favourite stories list! Again, I don't really know what to say besides I AM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL and I AM SO SORRY FOR VISITING THE SITE SO INFREQUENTLY THAT I DIDN'T NOTICE ITS COMPLETION FOR DAYS
Erm, yes. Thank you so very, very much. This is perfect in so many ways.
I really like the simplicity with which the story is delivered. It's not depressingly sad and, yet, sets the tone for what goodbyes feel like. I, too, like the line that IceOfWaterflock mentioned.
I wuv wuv wuv WUV the Flitter/CC relationship in fanon, it has so much potential for heart-wrenching sadness and side-orbiting laughter. Slappin' a fav on this thing.
This story sucks! It does absolutely nothing to fit in with my predisposed headcanon and your grammar is a joke. I swear, I thought this site was for 13 and up people, not wittle preschoolers scratching at notebook paper with their fingernails! This story needs a total makeover and is almost beyond redemption.
Good luck fixing this garbage.
7237504 Listen, dude. Nobody gives two craps about your stupid little headcanon for Cloudchaser. Of course, looking at your stories, I can see that you have no idea what's realistic. I mean, you actually think Spike could get with anyone?
Absolutely laughable. Blocked.
Alright. So I read through this.
A few things: 1. Check your indenting. It's not consistent. 2. Your video link is broken. 3. Personally, I'd take the Edited By and move it to the end of the Long Description. There also isn't a need to repeat the title, or that you wrote it, in the story content. Or, at least, put those items in an author's note.
These are all Technical, of course. The little story itself? It's good. You captured the scene really well here, for what time you had and with what you -did- show us.
The only misgiving I have with this story is that I know you can do better. By showing us their Sisterly bonds prior to the letter being received, or perhaps a chapter of them growing up together, promising to stay together through thick and thin, the feelings could have resonated harder. Instead, I felt sad because the story was making me relate to my own experiences of leaving friends, rather than the conflict the story is having. This isn't -bad-. I get the impression that you just wanted to show the scene you had in mind. This little isolated point in what would be the story of the lives of these two sisters, but to me, this feels like a much smaller scene in a much more epic story that we can only imagine goes around this one-shot.
This is good, but you can do better.
Okay, that feather idea is really good! I might just have to take it.