One-Shot
Flittering Away
Written & Edited by Seven81493
Edited by Miss Dark Angel
Sadness.
Deep down, in the pit of her stomach, that was all Flitter could truly feel. She was, of course, happy for her dearest sister. Yet, at the same time, it was as if her heart was being wrenched out of her chest. Her sister, who had come to be her best friend, was leaving her tomorrow. And so, she began crying. They were neither tears of joy nor tears of sadness. They were tears of both.
---
Exuberant
That was the only way anypony could possibly describe Cloudchaser at the moment. She was flying around her room excitedly, yelling about how she had finally done it. How she had proven her parents wrong and done something worthwhile with her life. But at the same time, a heavy weight was pressing itself down onto her shoulders. She was going to have to leave her sister, no, her best friend behind. The thought of this forced her to stop her jubilant yelling and lie down on her bed to think things over.
---
“Flitter, can I come in?”
When no reply came, Cloudchaser took it upon herself to open the door and peer inside. What she saw brought tears to her eyes. Flitter was lying on her bed, weeping into her pillow. Tissues were thrown around the room haphazardly. It was... depressing, to say the least.
“Flitter... are you okay?” she asked, hoping her sister would offer up a response. When none came, she took the initiative of moving to sit down on the bed next to her. “Look, sis... I want you to know that I don’t want to leave, either.”
“Then why are you?” came a very weak response, making Cloudchaser give a small smile. Finally, she had gotten something out of her little sis.
“Because I have to, Flitter. Being in the Wonderbolts has been my dream since I was just a little filly.”
“I know, but it’s not fair, Cloudy!” her sister exclaimed, pulling her head out of the pillow suddenly and turning to face her sister. “Why do they get to have you when I can’t?”
In an instant, Cloudchaser pulled her sister into a hug. “Heh, you make it sound like we’re dating.”
Flitter pushed her sister away at that comment, before breaking into giggles. “Shut up!”
“See, you’re smiling!” Cloudchaser stated, happy to see her sister in a good mood for once that night.
“But you’re the reason I’m smiling, sis’,” Flitter remarked solemnly, causing Cloudchaser to frown.
“Oh, come on! You were just laughing!” she exclaimed. Why did her sister have to be so difficult about this? It’s not like she was leaving forever. She was going to visit her between tours, so she’d still see her every few months. So what was it that was making Flitter so sad?
“I know, Cloudy, but I’m just so sad that you’re leaving.”
“But aren’t you happy that I’m going to be in the Wonderbolts?”
“I am, Cloudy, but it’s still so hard to come to terms with the fact that you won’t be here tomorrow.”
“Sure I will!”
“Huh?” was all the confused Flitter could utter.
“I’ll be right here,” Cloudchaser stated, pointing a hoof at Flitter’s chest, where her heart would be.
Flitter let out a few giggles at that. “Heehee, that was lame even for you, Cloudy.”
“Oh, please, I think awesome is the only way to describe me,” she boasted, causing Flitter to roll her eyes, albeit smiling at her sister’s ridiculousness.
“Sure...”
“Aw, you’ll come around eventually. Now come on, let’s go get something to eat. My treat.”
---
As the sun rose, and Flitter opened her eyes, a sigh escaped her. Today was the day Cloudchaser would be leaving. It tore her up inside, but for some reason, a smile forced its way onto her features. Sure, she wouldn’t see her sister for a while, but their talk at dinner last night had cheered her up.
---
”Here, I want you to have this, Flitter.”
“A... feather?”
“Not just any feather, sis’. My feather.”
“B-but pegasi feathers are so important! I can’t accept this...”
“Do you know why they’re important, Flitter?”
“Not really...”
“They’re important because it’s tradition to give a feather to the pony you love the most.”
“Y-you love me more than any other pony?”
“Of course I do, Flitter. You’re my little sister, and nopony can ever replace the bond we have.”
“I-I don’t know what to say...”
“Then don’t say anything. Just... keep it safe, alright? Promise me you’ll keep it safe.”
“I will, Cloudy. In fact, I know just the place to put it.”
---
As Flitter put her bow on, preparing to say goodbye to Cloudchaser, she took a look at the newest addition to her wardrobe. Her sister’s feather was placed in between her ear and hair, much like a teacher would put a pencil there. The feathery end was extended back towards her bow, and it made her smile. Cloudchaser may have been leaving, but she was right when she said she’d still be there.
At least, a part of her would.
---
Outside of their home, Cloudchaser and Flitter were chatting away, saying their goodbyes.
“That feather looks really nice on you, Flitter.”
“Hehe, and you talk about me acting like we’re dating.”
Cloudchaser gave a chuckle at that, but she needed to stay on topic before she had to leave. “I’ll be sure to visit every possible moment that I can.”
“I know you will, Cloudy, but it still hurts...”
“Hey now, none of that! You promised you’d try your best to cheer up.”
“Sorry,” Flitter relented sheepishly, “you’re right.”
“You’re darn right I am,” Cloudchaser said with a smirk. “But it looks like my carriage is here, Flitter.”
Taking a look at the road, Flitter saw that her sister was right.
“Well, I guess this is goodbye, then, Cloudy...”
As Cloudchaser hugged her sister one last time before she left, she whispered in her ear. “No, it’s not. Don’t say that. ‘Goodbye’ means going away, and ‘going away’ means forgetting.”
With that, Cloudchaser pulled away from her sister and made her way to the carriage, stepping inside. It wouldn’t be long before she was in Canterlot with the rest of the Wonderbolts, preparing for their first show.
As Flitter watched her sister take off in the carriage, a stray tear made its way down her cheek. Wiping it away with her hoof, she took one last look at her sister, gave a wave, and walked back inside. She had come to terms with the inevitable. Her sister was...
Flittering away...
So back when I had just started my Doctor Who crossover, I had the idea to do a one-shot starring these two ponies. The idea occurred to me after I joined a group called Flitter and Cloudchaser Fans. For some reason, and I don't know what the heck it was, I decided I would write a story for the founder of the group, EquusStorm. At first, I had no idea of what the story would entail, but it hit me when I was listening to one of my favorite songs.
Now, obviously, it wouldn't be a romance, but I did want it to be a story about saying goodbye. So yeah, that's how this came to be. Be sure to tell me what you thought, and give any criticism that you can.
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Wow, very good. Favorited and liked! And thanks for using my title!
I really like that line. Just sayin'.
2817021
Me too.
Rather short, but I really liked it.
I've been becoming more and more of a fan of Flitter and Cloudchaser over the past few weeks. I can't wait to read some more about them later on. Wondrous job again Seven, keep up the great writing!
Huh. Not bad at all. Pretty good, actually. But I dunno, I feel like it could've been a lot better.
Right off the bat, I love the premise. This isn't the first time I've seen this done with Flitter and Cloudchaser, but we definitely need more stories about the Wonderbolt Cadets (and no, not just Dashie and Lightning Dust). In fact, I have a similar story idea on the back burner involving Raindrops's reaction to being accepted into the Wonderbolt Academy. So, points for that.
However, the execution leaves much to be desired. Although Flitter's portrayal was top-notch, I can't say the same for Cloudchaser. There's a lot more you could've done with her considering the situation. Besides a brief mention, I didn't get the sense that Cloudy felt bad about leaving her sister behind. Maybe it's because she was only gonna be gone for a week (which you didn't bring up, by the way
), but I really wanted to know more about what she was feeling. After all, Cloudchaser is the one who got accepted into the academy. Shouldn't we have some more insight into how she feels about it (besides exuberant)? 
All in all, it's a decent story with an excellent premise, but it left me wanting more (and not in a good way).
2817139 Well, actually, she got accepted into the Wonderbolts themselves.
As in, she'll be gone for a while. To explain how Cloudchaser acted, I suppose I put a bit of how I'm feeling about leaving for college right now. While my family may be sad, I'm too happy to let it get me down.
As for not portraying her well enough, I had originally put something in the description stating this was strictly to show how Flitter felt, but I had decided to remove it because I didn't think it would be an issue
I'll do my best to improve in future stories, and I thank you for your criticism
It's always sad when a loved one moves on with their life. On the flip-side, I wonder what Flitter's dream is.
2817173 Ah, I missed the part about how she was accepted into the Wonderbolts and not the academy. My bad.
Still a good premise, though.
I figured that the focus was meant to be on Flitter, but I think it would've been a lot stronger if it was told solely from Flitter's perspective. To be fair, you don't deviate from that too much, but the paragraph describing Cloudchaser's reaction at the beginning kinda threw me off and made me think it was about both of them. So, yeah.
2817213 Ah, I can easily understand that, then. Still thanks for the criticism, and I'll be sure to use it whenever applicable.
This fic.
I like it.
i1309.photobucket.com/albums/s626/cannonbolt70/Wadioapprove_zps0b57d07e.png
You did well.
Huh... A "goodbye" fic... 'Twas done pretty satisfactorily. Good job, man!
Excuse me while I go cry
You... you didn't...
...you did.
I agree with Metool Bard; the premise, while not original, could have delivered a much stronger emotional impact.
Nevertheless, have a thumbs up.
2819463 As I said to Metool Bard, emotional impact wasn't what I was aiming for in this story. I just wanted to write a simple goodbye seen mostly from the perspective of Flitter. Nothing less, nothing more.
Still, I appreciate the thumbs up, so thank you for that
GAH
SO BEAUTIFUL
and sad
YET BEAUTIFUL
And 101% headcanon accepted, I can totally see this happening and it's oh so wonderful and touching and sad ;o;
I am still in awe, in shock, that a top-level, high-talent writer on this here fine pony fic repository wrote this masterpiece for someone who has contributed little to the site besides making a group but holy smokes, I am so blown away and giddy right now you have no idea
And of course any story inspired by GNR in any way is going to be epic, but this is truly a special and wondrous little tale, one which shall find an immediate place in my favourite stories list! Again, I don't really know what to say besides I AM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL and I AM SO SORRY FOR VISITING THE SITE SO INFREQUENTLY THAT I DIDN'T NOTICE ITS COMPLETION FOR DAYS
Erm, yes. Thank you so very, very much. This is perfect in so many ways.
I really like the simplicity with which the story is delivered. It's not depressingly sad and, yet, sets the tone for what goodbyes feel like. I, too, like the line that IceOfWaterflock mentioned.
I wuv wuv wuv WUV the Flitter/CC relationship in fanon, it has so much potential for heart-wrenching sadness and side-orbiting laughter. Slappin' a fav on this thing.
This story sucks! It does absolutely nothing to fit in with my predisposed headcanon and your grammar is a joke. I swear, I thought this site was for 13 and up people, not wittle preschoolers scratching at notebook paper with their fingernails! This story needs a total makeover and is almost beyond redemption.
Good luck fixing this garbage.
7237504 Listen, dude. Nobody gives two craps about your stupid little headcanon for Cloudchaser. Of course, looking at your stories, I can see that you have no idea what's realistic. I mean, you actually think Spike could get with anyone?
Absolutely laughable. Blocked.
Alright. So I read through this.
A few things: 1. Check your indenting. It's not consistent. 2. Your video link is broken. 3. Personally, I'd take the Edited By and move it to the end of the Long Description. There also isn't a need to repeat the title, or that you wrote it, in the story content. Or, at least, put those items in an author's note.
These are all Technical, of course. The little story itself? It's good. You captured the scene really well here, for what time you had and with what you -did- show us.
The only misgiving I have with this story is that I know you can do better. By showing us their Sisterly bonds prior to the letter being received, or perhaps a chapter of them growing up together, promising to stay together through thick and thin, the feelings could have resonated harder. Instead, I felt sad because the story was making me relate to my own experiences of leaving friends, rather than the conflict the story is having. This isn't -bad-. I get the impression that you just wanted to show the scene you had in mind. This little isolated point in what would be the story of the lives of these two sisters, but to me, this feels like a much smaller scene in a much more epic story that we can only imagine goes around this one-shot.
This is good, but you can do better.
Okay, that feather idea is really good! I might just have to take it.