• Member Since 1st Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

SuperPinkBrony12


I'm a brony and a Pinkie Pie fan but I like all of the mane six, as well as Spike. I hope to provide some entertaining and interesting fanfics for the Brony community.


T
Source

"A little magic practice won't hurt. After all what harm could Sweetie Belle possibly do?" That thought comes back to bite Rarity when she agrees to help Sweetie Belle practice her magic.

One slip up later and *poof* Rarity is regressed to a foal. Thankfully her mind is intact but now she's no longer the big sister.

Sweetie Belle will have to care for her "little sister" until she can find a way to turn Rarity back. All the while Rarity is certainly not going to enjoy being a foal again, especially one in the care of Sweetie Belle.

Rated Teen just to be safe.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 75 )

And so it gives me great pleasure to bring you my 9th fanfic. An idea that came to me while on "Padded Ponies and Adult Foals".

Needless to say this is a diaper fic to some extent so if that's something you don't like then don't read this. You have been warned.

Anyways I hope you enjoy this fic and make sure to stick around as I've got more fanfics on the way.

Why would Rarity insist on wearing a diaper if she had no intention of using it?

2726279 Babies have little to no control over their bladders, I assume.

>Read synopsis
>"Maybe the story will be better"
>Open

Silly me and my false hopes.

2726420 You know there are nicer ways of offering criticism. :trixieshiftleft:

a litle at Sweetie Belle's. little

"Well can you go talk her or something?" Spike asked. Believe there should be a 'to' after talk

was That busy. That should not be capped

But if I were you I'd watch you say. Should be, "But if I were you, I'd watch what you say."

Rarity actullay Could eat. "Come on there's gotta be something." she said to herself. 'Rarity actually could eat. "Come on there's gotta be something," she said to herself.'

Since you Are a foal and foals... Okay, I'm not sure who taught you to capitalize bold words, but they're wrong. Frankly, italics would work better anyways.

After all your mind body might be a little foal. Omit mind.

But sometimes it seems like you really care about are your dresses." seems like all you really care

Well, this is in no way, shape, or form a Sparity story, and Spike is in fact not a character that should be tagged as he's not a main character, the same goes for Twilight. The character tag is for main characters only.

Interesting concept, but you need to brush up on your comma usage as the constant grammatical errors made it hard for me to read at times. Notably, I'm one of the people on this site who is more prone to being affected by bad grammar, but you're still killing yourself missing some of the most basic stuff.

2726420 This, this amused me in ways I can not begin to understand :rainbowlaugh:

2726279

I had the same thought

2726446
I try.

2726432
And there are better ways of writing. I believe I've already gone through your constant, repeated, easy-to-fix mistakes. I am not going to repeat myself for your benefit because you can't learn the lesson the first time around, or even be bothered to try to apply it. You're just going to keep burning yourself on the same basic errors if you don't learn from them.

2726619 Someone else was already kind enough to point out my mistakes thank you very much. if you are going to offer crticism you can at least make sure it's something that will actually help me improve instead of something like "You could do better" or "You're making the same mistakes".

>Sees that fanfiction is about Rarity and Sweetie Belle

>Likes and Favorites.

2726725
I have no patience for the lazy or those who can't be bothered to help themselves first.

2727410 That makes you seem like a jerk. Remember we were all beginners at some point. It is my belief that the veteran writers have a reponsiblity to help the rookie writers, but not in the way you do.

At the least if you are going to offer critcism make sure it's actually helpful like pointing out exactly what's wrong.

2727530
And as a beginner, I realized I sucked and strove to improve myself through study and observation of professionally published literature. You should be spending your time reading the works of Terry Pratchett, George R. R. Martin, Timothy Zahn and other quality authors instead of flailing your way through writing something of your own. Read, enjoy, observe, learn. The mistakes you make are the sort that should have been slapped out of you before grade school was over and no amount of coddling will fix a person who is unwilling to put forth the effort needed to improve. You must prove to me you are worthy of help. I will not waste time on it otherwise.

2727608 Well if you don't want to help me then fine. I try to write to the best of my ability. Do I make mistakes, yes I do but that's part of being human.

I try my best to improve and learn from my mistakes. And to be honest even the finest pieces of literature can only teach you so much.

But hey believe what you want to believe. It just earns you more enemies that way. Which is a shame for a fandom built around love and tolerance.

2726956 So I take it the whole age regression and diaper stuff didn't scare you off even though you probably didn't like it right?

2727621
Tolerance would be to ignore your mistakes, which is a surefire-way to ensure no one ever accomplishes anything of worth. Don't you dare spout that misguided, misinterpreted line of bullshit that is used for nothing else other than to shrug off your own failings in the face of pointed criticism.

And I learned 90% of what I know from reading real works. I learned dialogue punctuation by observing it in books, I learned how to format paragraphs from them, I learned how to have characters banter, how to set up plot points, how to do everything you continue to fail at despite already being coached on it several times. As the saying goes, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." So no, if you actually read and actually observed how they do it and emulated them, you would know how to.

Egh kinda boring. I was hoping for either a cute story or one where sweetie learns what its like to be an older sibling, but this was focused too much on on the action itself rather than how the characters handle it. And when you've got to explain away plot holes like twilight teleporting, then your going about it the wrong way. A cute comedy where raritys mind also regressed to that of a toddler and sweetie at first esctatic but later realizing being an older sister is much harder than it seems would have been a better fit. So overall just disappointing.

I'm a bit confused on why Rarity would need a diper in the...yaknow what? Nevermind. No matter how much I love Rarity I doubt her intel on biomechanics goes further than basics.

Though I am suprised that Spike and Twilight didn't right away know something was very wrong with the terms "age spell" and "magic mishap" being mentioned in the same breath. Twi did notice it, but it was just in passing it seemed.

2727768 Love and tolerance means offering support to others. You can still tell them they did wrong but you can go about it nicer. You don't have to ram your opinions down their throats.

The lack of commas in this made the story and characters rather bland, in my opinion. If you fix your grammar, I think the story will greatly improve.

That was so cute, even though I have read similar stories.
I think you did a great job portraying the characters. Overall it was an enjoyable read.
Thankfully this story did not take the creepy turn, witch so many other similar stories do.

Keep the awesome work coming and always remember that your awesome!
:heart::raritystarry::heart:
With love Asabrasa.

First off, I'm going to say "no offense" to lead into what I have to say next:

A vast majority, if not all, of the scenes in the story felt very rushed to me. Things that could have been expounded upon weren't and in general, Sweetie and Rarity seemed to acclimate themselves to the situation very, very quickly. In particular, some scenes, such as Rarity being fed and when she was drinking her milk, could have (excuse the pun) been milked to be longer and much more adorable.

In short, I felt like the concept was sound but the execution was hasty.

Keep at it though. You clearly had an idea going, it just needed more time on the drawing board.

Comment posted by Metal Fight Maru deleted Aug 11th, 2013

2751413 An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.

Comment posted by Metal Fight Maru deleted Aug 11th, 2013

2751466 The saying means doing the same thing someone did to you will only lead to more trouble.

In this case doing the same thing I did to you certainly isn't going to improve our "friendship".

Comment posted by Metal Fight Maru deleted Aug 11th, 2013
Comment posted by Metal Fight Maru deleted Aug 11th, 2013

i KNOW what the saying means. i'm just a childish idiot who thinks everything is a joke! :pinkiecrazy:

Very cute :) The writing could be improved, but I love age regression stories enough to overlook that. :) I was amused that Rarity went straight for a diaper rather than having it forced on her, although it seems odd that she then refused to use it.

The main problem with the writing is, as has been said, the dialogue, which tends to sound bland. Partly this is because of the lack of punctuation. Punctuation is essential for speech - it makes a big difference to how a character sounds to the reader.

I also find it hard to believe that Spike or Twilight wouldn't immediately pick up on what had happened, but it was funnier that way. ^^ Good effort, write more!

2751494 Aha! I guess that means I'm not the only one. :pinkiehappy:

2814287 glad to hear that I'm not alone!!!!!!!!!!!!:derpytongue2:

2726093

You have be warned.

That should say, "You have been warned."
And actually, no, I hadn't been warned. I always read the description first, and then the story. Comments wait until after I read the story, in case there are story spoilers. You should probably mention the content in the story description, since that's what it's there for.

Overall not a bad fic.

I won't go into the grammar fixes too much because that's been covered, ploughed up, sown and re-covered.

What i will say is that I feel you've sold this story short. This could easily have been expanded to a 2 - 3 chapter fic.
What I would suggest is you get yourself a notebook - write out in rough what you want to have happen. then write your story - but before you publish it, go away, leave it alone for 2 weeks and then come back and re-read it, without picking up the notes first, without even trying to remember everything - just read it as if it were another fic by another author.
If when you do that it seems too choppy or rushed in places, you'll know you need to rework it - plus you'll pick up a lot of the general errors you've had people commenting on with miss typed or misspelled words.

"Well then if you'll excuse I must be going." Twilight said "I've got lots of important things to tend to." and she disappered in a flash of violet red light.

excuse me, I

__________________________

And you misspelled opportunity as oppertunity repeatedly in the fic.
_________________________



Other than that. This was an adorable fic. Nice job.

Sooo I don't really care for the few misspells, minor punctuation problems and the dialogue errors that I mentioned in your "Mothers Don't Need Manuals: the Sequel" Story. I found this story really good and I didn't find anything severe enough to criticize it :rainbowwild: Sorry if you were looking for something a little more in depth on this one. I found it good enough to not need the criticism. Off tooooo I don't know! Wherever your stories take me :heart:

2728608
:flutterrage: fuck you. :rainbowhuh:;your just a bitch that thinks their perfect so they point out others imperfections just because they're different than yours. :coolphoto: And there are nicer ways of criticism for and example you could have helped him/her find an editor,

3567837
A little late to the party, aren't we?
Maybe next time you should look at the timestamp instead of reviving a heated debate half a year later.

>your just a bitch
kimkiminy.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/your-youre.jpg

3567883 :ajbemused: that doesn't mean your not a bitch!
:ajsleepy: fucking dumb-ass.

3570967
The Shift keys must be very lonely on your keyboard.

"Dumb-ass" is not hyphenated. It is one word.

Since the first lesson apparently did not sink in:
images.cryhavok.org/d/13704-1/Difference+Between+You_re+and+Your.jpg

35715843570967 Okay this is already likely getting out of control. So I'll just warn you both to keep this to yourselves. I don't want to have start deleting comments.

3571684
:twilightblush: I understand but come on he called my mom a whores (hehe bad puns) and he keeps analyzing:pinkiesick: everything!

3571829 Fair enough but it's just best not to argue with him.

Maybe this is a bit odd to consider but I honestly don't remember them showing a toilet in MLP. I could easily be wrong about that but nothing is coming to mind. The reason I bring this up is because it would make far more sense for them to use something else in the "little fillies room" since a pony's body really isn't built to sit on a seat like that (though they occasionally do sit like humans in the show). A hole or trough in the floor would make more sense in a pony world and would be useable by Rarity as a foal so she didn't have to dirty herself (the reason why the Cake babies need diapers is because they don't understand the need/desire to not go in their diaper not a physical limitation lke not being able to sit on the seat, Rarity with the mind of an adult however would not have this problem).

Anyway it was a fun little story, don't let the grumps get you down.

3759564 It's suspension of disbelief. There's nothing to prove or disprove toilets exist in Equestria, so there's no harm in including one. Besides, even if toilets aren't a common thing in Equestria a pony like Rarity would certainly have one.

3766688
I didn't mean that in a negative way at all. It was just a thought that occured to me ("Have we ever seen toilets in equestria? I don't remember.") and then thinking out loud how that would work out (that toilets in equestria would likely be different). It in no way means I think your story is wrong for doing it the way you did.

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