Rainbow Dash has a secret that she has kept for a long time, but when Scootaloo finds out she is in for an interseting night.
A quick story I cooked up after seeing some of FillyScoots work.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 4th Aug, 2012
- offline last seen February 24th
spacecardswell
not a lot to say, i write stories, have goals, and want to be successful goals: be on eqd, write a great story, and do well thats about it
spacecardswell
Joined 4th Aug, 2012 ·
Offline
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not bad.
Hmm, there are some issues I have here:
You need to proofread this, there are quite a few errors involving spelling, punctuation, and not properly capitalising the first letter of certain words. Also, if you're doing a divider with the - character, watch it doesn't run on to two lines when you preview it; the editor isn't a WYSIWYG one (google it), you have to preview the chapter to see what it'll look like.
Also, IMO, the story doesn't seem realistic or funny to me. Maybe you should try something else.
I'll watch for now, but so far so good-ish. It still needs something, but I'm not sure what. Hopefully that somethings comes up soon.
Perhaps, blending various pics of Fillyscoots work wasn't a very good idea for a story.
Ehhh...
I'll watch this for a bit
just want to go comment right now and say lol for editing the image this site shows for a page having been deleted lol.....
Soarin' and also last I looked Soarin' is a he not a she.
2856072 thanks for the feed back I will try my best in the future
2856061 what do you have in mind?
2856400
Well, IMO, I didn't find the premise to be particularly funny for a comedy (if that's what you were going for). As for a different type of story, that's really hard to say, you'd need to figure out what sort of story you want to write, and whether or not there are other stories like it, and so on. You may want to look at some existing stories that are similar to the one you want to write to get a feel for how you should go about making your own new story.
2856415 I never planned for this to be a comedy, but I will read up on how to make this story better
Cute story, nice concept. Characters definitely ooc but that's to be expected given the content so easily overlooked. Dialogue is a bit repetitive in places and you could use some work on your spelling and grammar but I still have to say I liked this story.
A few spelling errors but otherwise I love it!
2856856 thank you
2857423 I'm just happy to make another pony happy
Hmm, a few spelling mistakes here and there, but I enjoy this story.
I'll be watching.
Are you gonna upload more soon?
2872285 when my editor is done yes
One thing I don't get is why you included PInkie Pie and Fluttershy in the character selection. Pinkie Pie only appears for a moment and Fluttershy doesn't come in until the very end. And why exactly was Pinkie Pie wearing a pacifier and a diaper? That seemed odd. Unless these two characters are important to the plot in some way, I would advise taking them out of the character selection and only having Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo in there.
2902054 they both come in more later, and I probably will delete pinkies part
2904518 Oh, okay! That makes sense! Looking forward to reading more. Since Fluttershy is the typical "Mommy' in stories like these, I'm expecting her to take care of Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo when they're roleplaying as babies.
Ooh i like where the end of it is leading. I haven't read any with Fluttershy and Dash yet. But Fluttershy stumbling across the diapers and letter-omigosh.
3048249 if you like that you may like the official ending
3048976
You're working on it I assume?
3053299 I have actually finished it, but im waiting for my editor to look over it.
More chapters?
3167179 as soon as my editor gets done yes
Next chapter?
3375373 soon...
3375502
I hope so, or it's CUPCAKE TIME FOR PINKAMENA!!!!!!!!
( Just Kidding )
3375531 it will be up soon
3375589
Good luck
3375625 I need it
3375531love the comment
parts of it seemed a little quick. But i was waiting for this one awhile..
Is that all? Doesn't really feel like much was accomplished.
Perhaps this idea sounded good on paper but I don't think it worked out the way you wanted it to.
3619015 sorry aout the delay
3620020 purhaps it didnt, I have one im working on that might be better.
I think if this story got a sequel, it would be awesome.
quite adorable