"Is this some kind of cruel joke?"
That's what Rainbow Dash is thinking as she does one of the most outlandish dares she's ever been forced to do.
What starts out as a seemingly innocent dare contest between her and Pinkie Pie soon decends into crazy territory.
And in what can only be considered a stroke of pure deviousness Pinkie Pie comes up with the ultimate dare. Rainbow Dash must dress up like a foal for an entire day.
Sounds easy right, WRONG!
Rainbow Dash can't take anything off, not even the diaper or she forfits the dare.
Still don't see what the hard part is, well unknown to either Rainbow Dash or Pinkie Pie Applejack overhears their conversation, and since she's mad with RD for slacking off when she promised to help AJ figures now's the perfect chance to get revenge.
Can Rainbow Dash survive Applejack's "war" against her and what will she do when she gets that feeling that she was really hoping she wouldn't get?
This fic is inspired by "Dash's Little Problem" by Nunchucks.
Had to bump the rating up teen to get it to pass moderation. Don't let it discourage you from reading, there's nothing really descriptive.
(Joke) Alt. Title: The Dare To Be Stupid
Heh! Funny slice of life but your description of the ponies bordered on purple at times.
1801119 Oh yes good one. Can't believe I didn't think of that.
It was a good story, not necessarily my cup of tea. But it was good.
Aside from some small typo's and minor grammar mistakes (Which we all make) It was sound.
The concept is sound. The story was pretty good to, though...if I might be a bit criticizing...
(Don't take my criticism to heart, its my opinion and you don't have to listen to it if you don't want to.)
The characters seemed a bit, off....I don't know, it seemed stereotypical of the characters....like they were one dimensional, flat......
In my opinion I'd work on making characters a bit more 3 dimensional, more emotional draw from the characters.
To conclude this little review of mine, I'd like to say that I did enjoy this story and I hope to see more from you in the future
I read most of this (I admit to having started skimming parts once things started wrapping up) and I have a bit of constructive criticism for you. This will mainly be about the technical aspects of the story.
Edit: I went back and read the rest of the ending.
Not sure if you really need the descriptions of ponies who we already know well from the show.
I think your writing would really benefit from having an editor look through things. I started making notes of stuff, but there was a lot that could use some touching up. Mainly homophone issues (Word won't catch those usually because they're real words and spelled correctly, but not the right one for the context: except and accept for example). Bit of punctuation issues as well as some word fatigue (I don't know if there's an official term, but I mean using the same word too often in a row. It just messes up the flow) as well as a few random typos/missing words, etc.
I thought that the characters were a bit OOC (like the whole trying to embarrass RD for revenge over that small slight for example. It just feels kind of petty), and the pacing in some parts was a bit strange, especially towards the end. Everything went from embarrassed to 'I've realized my mistake lets be besties' really really quickly.
The story itself (at least as far as the diaper thing goes) wasn't really my cup of tea, but to each his own (and also why this critique focuses on the technical aspects).
I won't give you a downvote or anything, by the way, but you may want to look in to some of these things, especially finding someone to proofread/edit.
One thing I will point out since it appears so often:
Suger = SugAr
Take it easy~
1801472 Oops that's a typo I'll have to correct. I guess the pacing at the end was a bit fast but all in all I'm not really sure how I could stretch that out. I was even going to have a different ending originally.
I might have to look into getting an editor if I can find one, unless you'd be willing to volunteer. Just let me know how I can send a verision to you without submitting to the moderators.
1801429 I thought I did a good job with the characters. I guess maybe Rarity and Fluttershy were a bit flat but I suppose part of me felt they had to be involved in the fic somehow. Pinkie Pie as it is is hard to potray and looking back I can't help but notice I made her slightly less crazy than normal, heck I didn't even have her rambling on. But I thought I hit the nail on the head with Rainbow Dash and Applejack.
Still glad to see that so far no one has downvoted this, but I am glad to recieve criticsm. Espically considering this was my first experience with padded ponie stories.
1801619
Well Rainbow Dash and Applejack were the characters I thought seemed a bit flat....
I guess I expected to feel a bit more emotion, like, to feel bad for dash when she had her accident...but, Dash simply got over it...frankly a little to quickly....
And Applejack...I thought she was a bit out of character, I don't think she'd ever pull a prank like that, even if she was mad at Rainbow Dash.
But again that's just my opinion and the story is still good...this is just some (Hopefully) helpful criticism...
1801801 Well sometimes Applejack's pride can blind her, so I guess you could make the arguement that she viewd Rainbow Dash's laziness as an insult to her views and then her pride took over. But I guess I can't explain everything. Like I said this fic was originally everyone so I wasn't planning on and still probably won't go into more details concerning Rainbow Dash's accident.
1802070
No No, I didn't mean going into her accident, I meant the emotion behind it, it happened to her and all yes, but I didn't quite feel as bad for Rainbow as I would have hoped to. Just wanted to clear that up, it wasn't the description.
1802178 Well even so I was trying to kind of move away from the usual padded ponies sort of stories, and like I said this was orginally rated everyone. If you have any ideas on how to expnad the emotions so Rainbow Dash doesn't seem so flat let me know. This is one place where criticism is welcome since it helps you correct errors.
Also it looks like someone finally downvoted this fic, I just hope they didn't downvote it because of it being a "Padded Ponies" fic, I don't typically read stories if they aren't intresting to me and I rarely downvote. To date I've only downvoted two fics and that was after I'd read them.
1802200
Oh I hate it when people down vote things because of what they are...there are "Impulse Down voters" who down vote stuff just because....
(I up voted this, just thought I'd let you know.)
(And here is my suggestion on how I feel you could make dash less flat, but keep in mind, this is by no means a demand or anything, its suppose to be helpful advice from one author to another...I'm just really bad at making it sound kind...so I hope you haven't been taking my previous posts badly...its truly been to help...)
Also, To make Dash feel less flat, try throwing in more emotion, I'm not quite sure how to explain it, like, maybe make her a bit more apprehensive to do the dare....I know dash is, well Dash, but she's still only a pony and has those emotions to. Also she just seems to be skirting around issues, she doesn't seem to be that embarrassed about things...the majority of it was fine, it was just a few of the moments were I was expecting to see really good emotion and it just wasn't there...the emotion you have in there is good don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed it, but I think you might be able to push yourself a little bit more than you did.
It was, in a word, boring. I ended up just running a word-search for diaper to sate my sin and found the story sorely lacking in that department, too. Oh, sure, you use the word like it's going out of style, but the subject of the word itself is never done with any level of flair or expertise. There's worse out there, to be sure, but this hardly registers as a blip in terms of quality reading itself.
Do yourself a favour and look up how to correctly punctuate dialogue. After that, read several thousand pages of an accomplished author and hope some of their style rubs off on you since this story was drier than British comedy with none of the humour.
1803193 That was kinda harsh man i know people can write poor stories from time to time, but i thought this was a site of free expression. And while people should be encouraged, obviously to not write poor quality stories that just means you have to point them in the right direction not line up the firing squad and gun them down
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3931714 i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/1768237824/hE09FFA22/
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http://hairtransplant.ytmnd.com/
users.content.ytmnd.com/4/0/6/406b7688e26a4b78f934f587de394495.gif
3933679 3933663 Please refrain from these types of flame wars on my stories. If you want to discuss this sort of stuff then please use the private message system.
3934208 oops sorry
3934208
>Flame wars
Except we're having such a good time.
Still reading, but. iPad to stop and point something out.
You've put WAY too much detail about the ponies. It's like you've written this, expecting whoever reads it to know absolutely nothing about mlp, when this site is specifically for mlp fans.
What person, reading even ONE Fic on this site wouldn't know that applejack lives at sweet apple acres?
I don't mean to be rude, but it's like you actually wrote this Fic with mlp noobs in mind.
This was pretty funny.
4185942 Yeah, I'll admit that was a bad move on my part. I don't really know why I wrote it like that.
Spike's prob gonna be embarrassed when he figures out that twilight told her friends about when he wore diapers. At least he still has his moustache!
4664234 What Spike doesn't know won't hurt him. He was still sleeping when Twilight let that little "secret" slip out.
I really want to read that happen XD
4819825 Maybe one day I'll eventually get around to that.
4819829 I'm following just in case it happens in the future
This was pretty amusing
I was honestly going to completely skip over this story, since the description made it seem like this was just going to end up being an RD torture porn, but I gave in to curiosity and read it.
And, I'm mostly glad I did.
While I didn't find it all that funny (although that's mostly because RD is my favorite member of the mane 6, and my second favorite character overall), I can see why others would.
And it was actually pretty sweet that:
a. Pinkie was willing to help RD the way she did.
b. AJ realized that what she was doing was wrong and that what she thought was going to be her victory ended up not being so.
My only gripe is that I was actually hoping that RD would stick through the remaining time to win the dare, and then she'd decide that Pinkie should keep the bits anyways.
Maybe you could do an alternate ending where that's the case.
But regardless, I enjoyed the story enough to give this a favorite. But I don't imagine myself re-reading it a lot, at least not all the way through (meaning there's a good chance that I'd just skim through most of it to get to the last few paragraphs, which is the best part of it for me), due to the nature of the story.
6554850 I would never intentionally write a torture porn, no matter who the character might be.
6554934 That's actually why I ultimately decided to read the story.
Despite my usual reluctance to read stories where ponies end up in diapers (this is literally only the second one I've read. Although the other one I read also had RD be the one to wear the diaper. Though, she willingly wore one in that story), something about the description peeked my curiosity, so I had to at least skim through it.
From that skim through, I was able to determine that the characters would be pretty close to how their canon counterparts would act, in the unlikely situation an episode like this ever actually happened.
And seeing that it ended happily for all parties involved convinced me to give this story a read at the very least.
Although, like I said, I am a bit annoyed that RD didn't win the dare and then decide to let Pinkie keep the bits anyway. I think that would have made the ending even sweeter, and would have allowed RD's character to have a bit more growth than what she ended up getting with the ending as it is.
I just imagined pinkie pulling a Grinch smile on that last part. Dear lord have mercy! 🤣