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SuperPinkBrony12


I'm a brony and a Pinkie Pie fan but I like all of the mane six, as well as Spike. I hope to provide some entertaining and interesting fanfics for the Brony community.

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(Takes place during Season 2.)

Princess Luna has slowly readjusted to the changing times and changing world of Equestria that she has returned to. There is still much she has to learn and she's made peace with that fact.

But then the princess of the night receives a bombshell of a surprise: She has a niece. And not just any niece, this niece is an alicorn princess just like Luna.

What will it be like for Luna when she meets her niece for the first time? And what is this "Cadence" like?

(Featured from 3/03/2022 to 3/05/2022.)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 18 )

More wonder on how Flurry Heart's first spending time with her Grand aunts?
Wonder how Luna reunite with her pet possum Tiberius?

11170287 Ooh, that Flurry Heart idea is something I hadn't thought of until now. Might have to do a stand alone sequel exploring that idea.

"That's also around the time I got my cutie mark," Princess Cadence spoke up in a somber tone. "But even though I reversed the spell, I couldn't save my parents. They were already lost forever. But Princess Celestia took me in and adopted me as her niece. I've been living here in Canterlot ever since."

Hold it. I don't remember Cadance's parents being lost forever being in the story 🤔. Guess it was never really said what happened to them. But still.

11170298 Well, why exactly would Celestia adopt Cadence if her parents were still around. And Cadence never said that Celestia talked with them first.

Really good job on this short story depicting your spin on Cadance and Luna's first meeting. Definitely liked Luna's reactions to Cadance's shared bits of backstory and personal life, including Cadance asking Luna to be part of her upcoming wedding party.

Anyway, the exchange and characterizations were certainly well done.

It's a nice story, if a bit unremarkable. I do have one complaint though: the character voices are too similar. You're writing them all with the same manner of speech and have them making similar word choices, when they should really each speak differently. You do briefly try to have Luna speak of herself in the plural, but then you drop it and she talks like everypony else. And all three characters are written with a peculiar dislike of contractions and preference for short words, almost as if they're being written by or for a grade schooler.

Consider this paragraph for example:

"Cadence tells me that she was born a pegasus," Celestia explained to the best of her ability. "She was taken in by two earth ponies who never had a child. They raised her as if she were their own. Yet one day, they fell victim to a spell from an evil sorceress. Though she was but a pegasus, Cadence found a way to reverse the spell's effects and in the process became an alicorn. That is when I first met her, and took her under my wing."

In the spoken dialogue, there are 79 words and 99 syllables.

* 4 words with 3 syllables: alicorn, pegasus(2), sorceress

* 11 words with 2 syllables: Cadence(2), taken, ponies, never, victim, evil, reverse, effects, process, under

* 64 words with only one syllable

This is a thousands of years old immortal, but you have her speaking 80% in single syllable words, as if she were a second-grade child. It's not a bad story. But the dialogue would really benefit from better characterization.

Good take on Luna meeting Cadance for the first time! Can't wait to see a sequel where Flurry Heart spends time with her grandaunts!

Tonight, however, would be different. The princess of the night knew that things had changed in the thousand years or so that she had been gone, new technologies, new ways of life and even new holidays had all sprung up in her absence. Her trip to Ponyville had made that perfectly clear. Yet even she was not expecting what was about to happen.

I'm assuming this is during season 2 because she went back to Ponyville again during the Nightmare Night episode which it was awesome to see her again

The princess of the night could hardly believe her ears. "'Aunt Celestia'?" Surely, that other pony had misspoken. How could Celestia be an aunt?

Yeah the family timeline of Princess Celestia and Luna is a a little vague which I kind of wish we want to know about their history of their family

"That's also around the time I got my cutie mark," Princess Cadence spoke up in a somber tone. "But even though I reversed the spell, I couldn't save my parents. They were already lost forever. But Princess Celestia took me in and adopted me as her niece. I've been living here in Canterlot ever since."

Dang that's actually kind of sad to think about it like what really happened to Cadence's parents

The princess of the night was quick to shoot down the concern. "You needn't worry. Just because you're an alicorn doesn't mean you do not age. Even Celestia and I age, though we age more slowly given our connections to the sun and the moon. Besides, you should be more concerned with living. Enjoy and cherish what time you will have with the pony you love."

That's always a theory about alicorns I heard they don't live forever they just have like long years to live than other ponies

This is actually pretty nice to see Princess Luna are adapting to the world of Equestria after she returned from banishment and not only that she got to chance to know Cadence as well and I do like the interaction with each other and she has a pretty sad backstory I have to admit but this was a pretty good story keep up the good work

11171241 It is during Season 2, though there is no exact timeline for it. It could be at any point between "Luna Eclipsed" and "A Canterlot Wedding".

11171361
Got it just want to make sure

These two never did interact much in the show, did they?

Alright, good chapter.

(From the comics) Princess Platinum was turned to crystal and broken into pieces across the planet by Sombra. What if Cadence is just the amount of pieces of crystal that has been reunited with each other to form a pony?

Such as, two crystal shards wouldn't yield anything, but a dozen, and poof, you've got a tiny pink alicorn. A couple dozen more crystal shards equals a taller grown-up Cadence.

I think there was a fan comic where when Celestia introduced Cadance to Luna, Cadance decided to play a little joke and said, "Come on, mom. You don't have to pretend I'm your niece with Auntie Luna."

I know there's been a story or 2 where Cadance tried to prank Celestia and Luna by pretending to be Celestia's daughter and Celestia flips the tables around on Cadance by dragging some old, half-broken down stallion out and claiming he was Cadance's father.

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