It's been a long while since Applejack and her friends had a real night out, and Braeburn's newly-out cousin visiting town is a perfect excuse to get the girls back together and get rowdy at Ponyville's best (and only) gay/lesbian/non-denominationally-queer watering hole. There's just one problem: Braeburn wants to bring his new boyfriend along too. Also, his new boyfriend is a psychopathic dictator who tried to enslave the Crystal Empire twice and was extremely dead the last time Applejack saw him.

On second thought, that's two problems. Maybe more. Definitely a whole lot more.

My just-in-time entry for the M/M Shipping Contest III that got ever so slightly out of hand. Rated T for sexual themes, lots of booze, a couple of potty words, and Applejack being the disasteriest lesbian in Equestrian history.

Blurb

A tragic cutting short of a budding romance. A confession of time travel and incurable disease. What was left behind. An instant, a lifetime, millions of years. Three timescales. Two timelines. One love story.

Tags

• Death: The main theme of the entire story, I'd say.
• Boulder

Author's Note

Disclaimer: Any errors in neurochemistry, neuropsychology, the study of prions, geology, linguistics, evolutionary biology, and paleontology are due to the author not being in any of these fields. My deepest apologies to the readers who are, and must cringe at my misunderstandings.

Commander Hurricane is the latest in a long line of pegasus commanders, in charge of the Pegasus Empire and determined to protect its citizens from threats. She will never break ranks. She will hold the line. Officially.

But when the threat is an eccentric revolutionary who talks nonsense, and who fights with ideas rather than with physical weapons, what arsenal does she herself possess to combat them? The power of the storm. Nature at her beck and call. Destruction worthy of divine wrath. Nothing less than godlike power to put the commoners in their place.

She doesn't think it will be enough. And secretly, part of her doesn't want it to be.

Minuette is determined to have a nice date with a nice stallion, no matter what that takes.

Twilight Sparkle just wants her to stop wreaking havoc on the time-space continuum.

Things get complicated.

Edited by Exuno
Preread by Barbeque

A priceless painting has been stolen from the royal palace, and it'll take Canterlot's finest to retrieve it and bring the thief to justice.

Unfortunately, Prince Blueblood's on the case.

Cover art from the gallery of 90Sigma. Proofread by Infernus Noctis and MrNumbers.

Spanish translation, by SPANIARD-KIWI.

Wherein unreasonably well-groomed Vikings crash a wedding.

Cover art by Maxima. Written for the Pride and Positivity event.

There's a crime wave gripping the sleepy town of Apple-Morepone, and nopony on the City Watch seems to care. Corporal "Rainbow" M. Dash naps through her patrols, her partner Dobby is an infamous kleptomaniac, Captain Rhymes is a drunkard, and the entire Watch is a group of burnt-out misfits.

They're about to meet a batpony (adopted) by the name of Carrot, visiting town to return an overdue library book.

And none of their lives will ever be the same.

A crossover/homage to the "City Watch" books of Terry Pratchett's Discworld, written to be readable without any familiarity with the series (though they're excellent, and if you do read them you'll catch my Pratchett in-jokes).

Winner of Aragon's "Comedy Is Serious Business" Contest! "I was quoting this offline for days, forgetting where I was remembering the lines from. … This story made me legitimately jealous, both of its cleverness and of its funniness." –Contest judge MrNumbers

Rated ★★★★★ by Louder Yay! "The best comedy I've read in a long time."

"Highly Recommended" by Super Trampoline! (Video review here @ 09:17) "It's 13,000 words long, but it doesn't feel long, because so much fun stuff is happening."

Reviewed by Ghost Mike! "It features meticulously laboured-over prose, rhyming with actual metre for Zecora, perfectly-timed jokes and reveals that are often outrageous, a sneakily clever plot and character investment that works its magic throughout ... This is a phenomenally executed piece of work."

Other reviews: Present Perfect | City of Doors

Thank you to Themaskedferret and Caliaponia for prereading, and GaPJaxie for motivation/inspiration!

After a mirror portal field trip being conducted by Luna goes terribly wrong, Ocellus finds herself trapped in a strange palace far from home. That palace, once abandoned, is now infested with a hive of love-starved changelings intent on using her only way home as a means to invade her world.

Otherwise, Ocellus appears to be alone.

At first.

The story is inspired by, and a homage to, my favorite game of the last decade. However, this story is neither a crossover nor AU. This story is set after "The End of the End" (but before "The Last Problem"), and is purely a My Little Pony story. Warning: rudeness and intolerance are not allowed in the comments, but spoilers are. Exercise discretion. Remain polite and on-topic. And please enjoy the story!

This story is a sequel to Changeling Courtship Rituals

Queen Chrysalis attacked Canterlot, brainwashed Twilight Sparkle's brother, kidnapped her former foalsitter, defeated her mentor in combat, and conquered her kingdom. She kidnapped the sisters of Twilight's friends, turned them against one another, and tried to drain all of Twilight's magic. Queen Chrysalis has, at every opportunity, done her very best to utterly destroy Twilight Sparkle's life.

For some reason, this has not caused the pony to fall in love with her.

However, due to Twilight's misunderstanding of changeling customs, it does mean they are now married. Twilight eventually managed to tell the Queen the truth, but she forgot that whether it's a kingdom or a heart, changelings conquer.

And since the changeling way of conquest didn't work, Chrysalis is determined to try the pony way. The only problem is, of course, she has no idea what that is. But she knows someone who does: Princess Cadance.

Now, with the absolutely sincere help of her mortal enemy, the pony she once locked in the caves beneath Canterlot while trying to steal her husband on their very wedding day, Queen Chrysalis is going to woo the sister-in-law of that very pony.

Surely this is the most perfect plan ever devised.

***

Proofread by ShutterflyYay.

Takes place roughly after season five (so Starlight Glimmer is running around occasionally)

For years, Twilight Sparkle and Queen Chrysalis have been at each other's throats. Both have experienced victory over the other, and both have experienced defeat. Out of all the creatures in Equestria, none despise each other the way the pony Princess and changeling Queen do. They seemed destined to remain locked in battle forever, or at least until one is finally dead at the hooves of the other. The cruel insults, the vicious loathing, and the powerful spells that have passed back and forth between them at each meeting have become the stuff of legend.

Imagine Twilight's surprise when she finds out changelings consider this dating.

And now they're married.

***

Sequel: Pony Courtship Rituals

***

Some beautiful fanart of the end of chapter three was done by Dmann892; you can see it here.

More awesome fanart, this time from chapter one.

Now with a TvTropes page (obligatory TvTropes warning goes here).

If you want a Russian translation, you can find it here.

There is now a reading of the story on Youtube, which starts here.