All Twilight had to do was finish Starswirl the Bearded's final spell. She didn't have to become undead, seal her soul in the Elements of Harmony, or enlist her friends in an effort to fix everything... but you have to play the hand you're dealt.

Even if it's rotting off.

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Big ups to Themaskedferret for all her support on this story.

When the gym class teacher breaks her leg during a martial arts session, Principal Celestia and Vice-Principal Luna have to turn to someone they didn't want to turn to from the beginning.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman.

Rated 'TEEN!(?)'
Expect swearing. Lots and LOTS of swearing, and also sexual humour.
Set within the Equestria Girls universe. Set before events of Sunset Shimmer's downfall.

Blank Slate is the greatest thief of his generation. He has robbed countless nigh-impossible marks, and his talents as a master of disguise are beyond par - truly, nopony knows who he is.

And now he's preparing the greatest heist in mortal memory: the treasure vaults of the Princesses themselves.

But you have to get up pretty early in the morning to get one past the pony who defines when ‘early in the morning’ is…

Spoilers in the comments! Beware! Beware...

Audio Reading available - thank you ABagOVicodin
Czech Translation available - Thank you Keranis

Stan was one of the lucky ones to make it out of the Canterlot disaster unscathed, unfortunately for him that means he now has to deliver a treaty to the princess.
Who happens to be one of his most deepest darkest fears.

This story is a sequel to Celestiphobia

It's only been a day since the treaty was passed, and Stan still hates the ground-walkers and fliers and magicians. So his friend, Carl, decides to cheer him up by making him take part in his favorite activity. Getting drunk.

What a horrible mistake that was, since it gave Stan beer goggles for a certain white alicorn, and has him running around causing mischief at every turn.
Carl can only hope he can survive the night.

Now with deleted scenes!

Author's words with some form of intelligence: Now with 100% more editing by Alticron

On a warm, rainy afternoon, two young ponies take shelter in a gazebo. One is hoping to find a job at a bakery nearby, and just wants the rain to go away so she can make it to her interview. The other isn't really a pony, and just wants the rain to go away so he isn't caught.

Life tends to work that way, I suppose.

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Written for the Outside Insight Fanfiction Contest.
Featured 8-10-14!

Two thousand bits.

That's the prize for the pony who best pranks Princess Celestia on her upcoming visit.

A lot of ponies want that money.

Hanna, the CEO of Hofvarpnir Studios, just won the contract to write the official My Little Pony MMO. Hanna has built an A.I. Princess Celestia and given her one basic drive: to satisfy everybody's values through friendship and ponies. Princess Celestia will satisfy your values through friendship and ponies, and it will be completely consensual.

Tirek has won, and Twilight's friends are gone. She and the other princesses have just one chance left. Maybe if one of them can go back, she can warn them right when he escapes and stop this all from happening.

It might be a long shot, but it's the only chance they have left.

Trixie and Twilight decide the time is right to finally, finally, explore the wonderful magic of intercourse, and together they share a very special evening.

(Cover art found on Google, from Yurifanboy67 on Deviantart)