//------------------------------// // Bonus Chapter: Cutting Room Floor // Story: The Sexual (mis)adventures of Twilight and Trixie // by RarityEQM //------------------------------// Cutting Room Floor Everypony sat in the middle of the library, listening to the silence that deafened the room. This was nor ordinary silence- no, not the type that comes after an awkward, inappropriate joke, or the sort of silence that spills into the room, when a foal asks an adult what "Intercourse" is for the first time. No, no, no, this was the sort of silence that could only be summoned after a giant penis fountain grew legs, destroyed a library, and went rampaging through town with a child riding on it's back. This silence was legendary, and treading dangerously close to biblical. "The first order o' business, is to rescue Apple Bloom from that there pony pounder. Ah reckon we all can agree on that?" Applejack, thankfully piped up. Twilight shook her head. "I don't think she's in any real danger, though, I mean, she's with Pinkie Pie and it seems benign in nature. I'm sure she'll be fine. " Twilight explained, doing her best to console Applejack. Applejack narrowed her eyes. "Twilight, Ah ain't one for fancy mathematics, but I'm pretty sure mah sister, plus ridin' a giant bush whacker plus Pinkie Pie, don't add up to 'fine.'" Applejack huffed. Twilight winced- she had a point. I spent forever trying to get this dialog to sound right. In the end, I kind of just cut Applejack out, as I figured there was no way she'd just sit around after Applebloom raced by on a giant fountain. "Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash you have GOT to help me!" "I've lost my penis" "...................wut?" Asked Rainbow Dash, quietly raising an eyebrow at the pair of pleading unicorns in front of him. Well, Trixie wasn't pleading, she was kind of glaring, really. "My dick! I've lost it!" Said Twilight. "..................wut?" Said Rainbow Dash. Figured this would work better with Zecora. Third Times the Charm. "It is a rich tapestry of sexual horror" Thats what Twilight had said. Rarity wasn't quite sure what she meant, but a tapestry of sexual horror didn't sound terribly pleasant. Twilight stood there, bright red in the face, with her eyes hidden behind the raven locks of hair she sported. Rarity slowly nodded her head. She could help with this. She could. "Ok...so, you and your stallion friend...um...what have you um...I mean...have your tried oral?" She asked slowly. Twilight frowned. "Oral what? Like an exam? That could work. I could test Trixie on all the different ways to please a pony..." Twilight squeaked. Oh, Celestia... "First, can I just...what is with all of you and coming to me for sexual advice? I am a lady, and sophisticated, and quite knowledgeable about romance, but really. If it isn't Rainbow Dash asking about how to fuck a goat, it's Fluttershy begging me not to talk about the bear incident. Rarity groaned. "Oooo how about a sex party?! A super duper sex party!? " Pinkie giggled. Rarity sighed. "That's called an 'Orgy' Pinkie." Rarity explained. Pinkie giggled. "That sounds like fun! I'll start making invitations!" She squealed. Twilight buried her face into her hooves. This was becoming a nightmare. "Look, it's easy, you just get yourself a strapon and go to town. You know, like the stallions do. "Rainbow Dash explained before she started wildly humping the air. This was supposed to be the third, and final chapter of the series, when Twilight got ALL of her friends together for help. I thought it would be more funny to keep them separated and surprise readers by adding Zecora. "Alright, dear, lets begin with some simple knowledge. Do you know of a pony's erogenous zones?" Rarity asked slowly. Twilight beamed, immediately nodded her head. "Yes! The ears, the base of the tail, the tummy, the..um...privates and the knees. ...Trixie has forbidden me from three of those locations after the biting incident." Twilight explained. Rarity winced. "Alright, um...well, it seems a bit like you two are trying things you aren't quite sure your interested in. I would suggest asking Trixie what she likes, and going from there. A bit of 'generosity' to begin with, and in time, I'm sure she'll...um...return the favor. " Rarity explained. Twilight stared at Rarity. Rarity stared at Twilight. "OK, so, she isn't likely to return the favor. Ever. But love is a compromise darling. Explore your partner, learn her tics, learn how to read the signs. If you say something, take note of her face. Does she grin, does she blush, does she squirm? Kiss gently, and teasingly, working your lips across her body as if she were delicate and made of glass. Do NOT call it a hot grease canal. There is to be no dirty talk from you. Ever. In addition, do not bite. Biting is...probably not your friend. Now, lastly, you need confidence. You want to show you're sure of yourself, and more importantly, sure of your partner. You now share a bond, darling, and your goal is not to 'do the two tailed tango' as it were, but to deepen that bond. Start slow- very slow, in your case, and work up to enjoying each other's touch. You can begin with a hug, and a nuzzle, and go from there. " Rarity explained. Twilight looked relieved, her ears splayed back and her lips were twisted up into a warm smile. Rarity had been the right choice. "Thank you, Rarity! Thank you! That is EXACTLY what I needed to hear!" Twilight squealed happily. Rarity flashed a cheerful smile and nodded her head. "I'm very glad to be able to offer you this assistance, dear. I take it if you have any more questions you know who to turn to, yes?" Rarity grinned. Twilight swiftly nodded her head, and paused for a moment in thought. "A, actually, there was one more thing I was hoping to learn before going back. S, something to surprise Trixie with...um...i, it's a um...technique described in my books, but I don't um...I mean I've never...I can't do it properly. I've tried, and tried but it just doesn't work out. I really am a disaster at this." Twilight whimpered. Rarity rolled her eyes. "Darling, please! I am as well versed in 'technique' as I am in advice. I can give you pointers as you need them. Don't hesitate darling, and don't get so down on yourself! I'm sure you're exaggerating." Rarity grinned. Twilight blushed warmly, and bit along her lower lip. "W, well...it...it goes like this..." Twilight watched the flames eat and lap greedily at the Carousel Boutique with an affixed horror. She'd never expected things to go so south, but sex was turning out to be much more confusing that she originally imagined. She however, had learned never to cast that spell again. Quietly, she trotted towards the ambulance, pushing past uniformed emergency workers to reach her friend laid out next to the vechicle. "Rarity...Rarity I'm so sorry...I...I warned you I was terrible at this..." Twilight whispered to the motionless body laying on the stretcher. Rarity coughed up a tiny plume of bluish smoke, and opened an eye to peer at Twilight. "...It's...alright darling. Lady Rarity forgives you. All in the name of love, correct? Now, be a dear and never speak a word of this to anypony. " Said Rarity. Twilight nodded her head slowly and gave a hopeless sigh. Thus was the terrible power of sex. Rarity would no longer be of any help...but that was ok...she had four more friends to ask, after all... This was supposed to be Rarity's entire chapter....but I thought it would be more humorous to have her knocked unconscious by a rubber cock. A horrible silence flickered through the room. While Twilight tried her best to figure out how her spell had backfired so badly. She had tried her best to remove the penis from her room- to cast a spell to send it back to whence it came. But the object had been enchanted by Trixie's magic, and Twilight's spell to cast it somewhere else had a poor effect when the two enchantments crossed...and now... Well now there was a massive penis jutting up in the middle of sweet Apple Acres barn. Not entirely sure she wanted to risk another teleport spell, Twilight had begun to riddle through different possibilities for this penis problem. Thats when the side door opened, and Applejack stepped in with a wagon full of freshly picked apples behind her. "G, Good afternoon, Appl-" Twilight began sheepishly, but found the words died in her mouth as she tried to spit them out. Applejack stared. Applejack stared for a long time. To her left, was Twilight Sparkle, scuffling at the ground below her with a hoof, and biting sheepishly at her lower lip. The penis, jutting forward proudly into the middle of the Sweet Apple Acre's barn seems to be drooling. Precariously. “That thar Is an erection.” Applejack hissed slowly, pointing a hoof towards the monstrosity looming towards them. Twilight bit her lower lip, gently nodding her head. “Yes. Yes that is. That is accurate. Y, you see I can explain-” She sputtered, but Applejack’s glare silenced her instantly. “That is a giant Tally Whacker in the middle of my barn." Applejack growled. Twilight flashed her the largest smile she could muster and took a step back. She'd never heard Applejack so quiet before, and Twilight could only wonder at the wheels spinning in the cowgal's head. "A, Applejack....Applejack are you mad?" Twilight asked impishly. Slowly, Applejack turned towards Twilight, and nodded her head. Twilight gulped. "Is it about the penis?" Asked Twilight. Applejack, again, nodded her head. Needless to say, several of the crops had been....compromised. "Well, if you just give me a minute to get to the library and collect some spell components, I'm sure I can get this out of here in no time!" Twilight stammered, taking a step back, but the glare from Applejack kept her frozen solid. "Wrong." The country Pony snarled. I cut out chapter four with Applejack. Just couldn't come up with anything really to have Twilight go and ask Applejack about. I get by with a little help from my friends: Fluttershy "There...that's a little better, isn't it?" Fluttershy cooed gently, filling the mug in front of Twilight with a steaming splash of herbal tea. Twilight found herself giving an automatic nod. It was true; she DID feel much more comfortable, than when Fluttershy had stumbled upon her. Twilight had been reading everything she could find on the art of intercourse, and all of it was just a maddening circle of do's and don'ts, tactics that were sure fire to work, and other tactics that contradicted those tactics, which in turn contradicted themselves. It was all a horrifying, sexual nightmare that she couldn't awake from, and while she couldn't remember the exact details of her panic attack, grilled cheese was involved, along with a copy of cosmo, a bag of fries from Hayburger and Snips- the fat little boy from down the street. Her panic attack had cost her most of the afternoon, but now that she'd regained most of her senses, she sat up and looked around quietly. She was in Fluttershy's cottage, and the owner; Fluttershy herself, was sitting adjacent from her with a cozy little smile wrapped around her lips. "Are you ok, Twilight?" She squeaked softly. Twilight drew a shaky smile and nodded her head. "Yes, Fluttershy, thank you. I'm sorry about that, I've been...I've been really stressed out lately, trying to deal with...erm...uh..." Twilight trailed off, blushing faintly. Fluttershy, never the less, smiled her motherly, reassuring smile, and reached out to pet a hoof gently against Twilight's. "It's ok, Twilight, if you need anything, I'm here for you, ok? Just take a few deep breathes." Fluttershy cooed warmly. Twilight blushed and glanced down at her hooves, biting at her lower lip. "I...I'm having some...some trouble with um...Trixie and...it's...intimacy." Twilight mumbled. Fluttershy slowly nodded her head. "Have you tried sucking her dick?" Asked Fluttershy. Twilight toppled off the bed. "W, wh, wha-" She sputtered, trying to find the right words, but Fluttershy floated into the air, spinning around with a gleeful squeal. "OH, it's easy, if you don't know how, I'll show you! I suck the dicks of the animal kingdom!" Fluttershy sang, and a song began to play in the back ground. "If you every need to suck an animals dick, call Flutters on the double, cause she'll get here quick! Big or small! Tiny, or tall! Fluttershy loves, some animal dick! A little bunny being fussy? Well I know just the trick, Just call up Flutters and she'll suck on his dick! Got an animal problem, you can't understand? Call up Flutters with her dick suckin' plan! Got an angry lil beaver, balls oh-so-blue? Just call up Flutters, she'll know what to do! Any problem, she can solve'em it won't take to long, Flutters goes straight to work inhalin' a shlong! Suckin' baby dragon dick might seem so wrong But Spike don't mind, hell he loves this song! I had planned to write an entire song and dance dream sequence for Fluttershy, as she explains the magical wonder of sucking animal cock, and the only way it seemed like I could add Flutters to this story, was if I used her in a dream sequence. But writing songs is hard XD To Twilight Sparkle First off, allow me to apologize for summoning the penis fountain. It was, in retrospect, a poor choice, and Trixie is sorry. How is Spike? Has he started talking again? Trixie is currently searching for a way to de-summon it, without invoking it's horrible wrath. Until then, please do not provoke it or show signs of weakness in its presence, as Trixie believe it feeds off of fear. Illregardless of our problems, Trixie is still happy to know you are smitten with her. Really, it cannot be helped but Trixie is pleased none the less. Trixie is confident that we will succeed in our endeavors with sexy results. When Trixie returns from her show this weekend, Trixie will demonstrate a special kind of magic that your friends have never dreamed. To my number one fan; ~Trixie Twilight stared at the letter, reading it over, and over, and over again, feeling her right eye twitch helplessly. Illregardless wasn't a word. Damn it, Trixie. Still, the letter did an efficient job at lifting the young unicorn's mood. The past few days had been fraught with incident, from accidently knocking Rarity unconscious (THAT was an embarrassing explanation to the hospital) to Spike racing off in terror with a phobia of the thing between his legs, to Pinkie getting fired out of the window with the force of a cannon...via penis. Twilight sighed. Since she'd agreed to Trixie's adorable sputtered inquiry of 'taking their relationship to the next level', her life had become a rich tapestry of sexual horror. Still... Twilight held the letter up and pressed it against her chest with a giddy giggle, crashing onto the floor and kicking her legs out. She received a LOVE LETTER! She'd always wanted one, and now, by Celestia, she'd gotten one! She giggled and rolled around helplessly, crumpling the parchment against her frame and squealing like a love struck filly. When Trixie got back they were gonna make some 'magic' that was for sure. Happily, Twilight bounced to her hooves and threw herself outside with a shout, the song bursting past her lips before she could stop herself- the song in her heart forcing it's way from her mouth and exploding into the beautiful summer day in Ponyville! "I'm in love with the mare next door!" This was SUPPOSED to be another song, about Twilight, singing about Trixie, to the tune "I'm in love with the dog next door" From Rover Dangerfield. ...but writing songs is hard. XD To her left: A chart describing the various details of a vagina, both aroused and unaroused, and it was circled by flash cards scribbled with various amounts of sexual information. To her right: A giant plaster mold of a vagina, a tongue, 132 different 'toys' borrowed from Rarity's stash, a industrial bucket of lubricant, and a book called "My body, and what it does." several feet of rope, a pair of stirrups, a a semi constructed swing set. In front of her: A rubber blow up doll she procured from ...places. A pair of hoof-cuffs, a spreader bar, a riding crop, a feather and a small list of euphemisms and a scroll or two of sexual enchantments.A book entitled :How to have an orgasm; the proper way!" and sixteen playpony magazines she made spike purchase for her, since SHE wasn't going to march up to the news stand and demand them herself. A book called "The plot thickens." and "The cunning linguist-; Female seduction. The time was right. Twilight Sparkle, was going to learn all there was to learn about sex. She was going to study her tail off and there wasn't a thing in the world that could stop her. There was a knock at the door. Twilight sighed. Of course. Still, Pinkie was gone, Rarity was in the hospital. Fluttershy wouldn't DARE speak of sex, and Applejack was doing chores. There was nopony else that could possibly bother her...except... "Twiiiiiii-liiiiiiiiiiight?" Came a cheerful sing-song voice from outside the door. No. NO! "NO! GO AWAY! I'm...I'm busy!!" Twilight shrieked in alarm. There was a giggle outside the door. "Busy? Oh....Busy with what, Twilight? Whatcha doin' in there?" Came the voice again. That horrible, dreadful sing-song voice that promised ten thousand deaths of embarrassment. The voice of Rainbow Dash. The door gave a shudder. "You in there, Twilight? Come on, open up...I uh...got a problem that only a good friend can solve." Rainbow Dash giggled. Twilight narrowed her eyes. She knew. Twilight didn't know HOW Rainbow Dash knew, but the spectrum colored wonder knew what was going on. Frantically, Twilight glanced around at the mountains of sexual paraphernalia she'd collected. The door shuddered with another rumble from Rainbow Dash's hooves. She had to get rid of it! She had to get rid of all of it!!! She didn't care where as long as it wasn't here! Her horn flashed a bright shade of violet and she wildly swung her her head around, pointing her horn at everything she wanted to vanish from sight and in a flash it disappeared! All of it! Every toy, book, and naughty drawing gone in the blink of an eye- just as Rainbow Dash kicked opened the front door. "It's a public library, ya know! Whats up Twilight?" "Rainbow jeered. Twilight turned her head, sitting casually on the couch with a book under her hooves; Magical theories of Star Swirl the Bearded. "Hello, Rainbow Dash. Is there something I can help you with?" Twilight asked sweetly. Rainbow frowned, narrowing her eyes at Twilight. Twilight beamed innocently. Meanwhile, at the school house: "Alright, class, I want you to turn your books to chapter three, where we can start learning the history of Ponyland, our neighbors across the sea!" Cheerilee chirped. The class did so- all except Snails, who stared into his desk with a confused frown. "Miss Cheerilee, my desk is filled with dildos. Can I go home?" He squeaked. Cheerilee turned, raising an eyebrow while the question proposed to her tumbled around in her head. "Your desk is filled with what?!" Cheerilee asked, before Diamond Tiara's hoof shot into the air. "My books are gone and there's a bucket of really slippery stuff in here. Also...something that's buzzing really loudly." She announced. Another hoof shot into the air. Another, and another, and another. "Uh, Miss Cheerilee, what is 'cunnilingus' and why is the mare on this book grinnin' like that?" Apple Bloom asked, holding up a curious book that appeared in her desk. "MMHMmhmmm HMMhmm MhmMHMHM!" Said Silver Spoon, her head entirely encompassed with a giant, fake, plaster mold vagina. "Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnope." Said Cheerilee, and headed for the door. Twilight gave a bashful grin and rubbed the back of her head. "I, It's Trixie...we're just...Oh, I don't know. We've been trying to...you know..." Twilight explained. Before Rainbow Dash could respond, however, a commotion echoed from outside. Twilight peered out the window curiously, and winced. Cheerilee was racing full stride away from the school house, the children following her, screaming. "DON'T LOOK BACK CHILDREN! DON'T LOOK BACK!!" She screamed, while a multitude of Rarity's colorful dildo's rained down around her. "SOMEPONY HELP!!! IT'S GOT ME!!!" Snips screamed, struggling to get his chubby frame free of the Shibari that was attached to him. "LEAVE HIM! HE'S DEAD TO US!!!" Cheerilee screamed, however, Snails turned about in mid step, twisting his body to rocket himself towards his friend. "I'M COMIN' SNIPS! I'M COMING!!!" Snails screamed, hurling himself past the raining dildos, trembling vibrators, and magic induced riding crops that were whacking at the closest pony rump they could find- Apple Bloom's. "I WANT DADDY!!" Diamond Tiara screamed, her mane matted down with lubricants of all flavors that rained down upon her. "THESE ARE THE END TIMES!! WHERE IS YOUR SUN GOD NOW, CHILDREN?! WHY DOES SHE ALLOW THIS?!" Chreerilee screamed in a mad panic. Twilight shut the blinds. "....................You want some tea? I'm gonna make some tea. It's tea time." Twilight squeaked nervously. This was supposed to be Rainbow Dash's Chapter, but It never really took off. I found a better use for the CMC, and her anyway.