It was quiet. It was too quiet. The usual hustle and bustle of Canterlot had turned to a frightfully eerie calm as the two unicorns set foot into the town, looking around nervously. No guards to greet them. No socialites parading about with the latest mane style or showcasing the shiniest pair of silver horse shoes. No, Canterlot was deafening in it's silence and it made Twilight shudder.
"Something is wrong here. " Twilight hissed quietly, narrowing her eyes and peering around the ghost town. Trixie gave a quiet groan.
"The uh, giant penis shaped hole in the wall over there clue you in on that one Sherlock?" Trixie asked gruffly. Twilight shook her head, gesturing around at the empty town in front of them.
"Why is it so quiet, Trixie? You'd expect there to be alarms ringing, guards running left and right, some sort of evacuation!" Twilight explained, while Trixie stepped forward with a fatigued groan.
"What alarm would they ring, Twilight? Does Canterlot have a penis alarm? Something the guards ring during the end times, when the great cock-apocalypse happens? Did Princess Celestia foresee the storm of ten million floppy horse dicks and built an alarm for just such an occasion? Do tell, Twilight, what would they ring? Any warning bell would draw it's attention, AND the townsponies, and then it would be the dry cleaning bills from Tartarus." Trixie snarled. Twilight gave a sigh. Trixie could get so grumpy when she didn't have her afternoon nap...
"OK, ok, I get it. Lets just split up and see if we can track it down. " Twilight suggested, while Trixie tilted her head, as if her marefriend had gone insane.
"Uh huh. This plan of yours. It seems unwise. " Trixie pointed out. Twilight gave a groan.
"And why is it unwise, Trix?" She snarled, turning towards the blue unicorn with a huff of frustration. Trixie stared at her quietly.
"You want us; two tender, young, nubile ponies, to split up, in a silent town, knowing full well there is a giant, out of control penis roaming the country side. It's like you want to hold up a sign that says "PLEASE RAVAGE US, AND HEY, BRING YOUR TENTACLE FRIENDS TOO, WHY NOT!" Trixie groused. Twilight narrowed her eyes and blew a tuft of her purple bangs out of her eyes.
"Look I have a plan alright. We need to attract it. I plan to use a giant spell and a fake plaster mold of your vagina." Twilight explained. Trixie stared.
"You are a danger to yourself and others. First of all why don't we use your vagina for this? And second of all, "No." Trixie grumbled. Twilight immediately shook her head, her cheeks turning a bright scarlet.
"I-I'm not going to have my giant vagina roaming around the town looking for some dick!" She sputtered. Trixie gave a snort.
"Well Trixie's penis is already devastating homes and destroying families, it's only fair your vagina gets some of the spot light!" She snapped.
"We are not having this discussion, Trixie." Twilight growled. Trixie immediately shook her head.
"Well why aren't we having it?! Trixie doesn't see why her magnificent cock and her magic pocket need to be embiggened." Trixie snorted.
"Embiggen isn't a word, Trixie." Twilight sighed.
Trixie rolled her eyes. "There you go, changing the subject! Can we please keep the focus of this topic on your vagina?"
"Look, Trixie, my southern subway station is not a -"
"Waitwaitwaitwaitwait. Did you just refer to your vagina as a subway station? How much for a ride? Do you accept tokens? Are there street peddlers down there? Do you have rats?" Trixie squealed, giggling helplessly. Twilight rolled her eyes with an irritated growl and began a firm, steady march towards the castle and most importantly, away from Trixie- who quickly followed suite.
The castle had seen better days. Instead of the cordial, inviting atmosphere the castle once displayed, there were ruptured bricks, and cracked and broken floors. Some grand and glorious final stand had taken place within it's halls and the alabaster splatters of battle painted the halls in great, dreadful splashes. Guards were strewn left and right, laying on the ground, scattered about with remains of armor clinging to valiant frames.
Trixie and Twilight entered the castle, stunned at this wanton display of carnage. Eyes wide and horns glowing, they cautiously made their way into the castle, taking slow, frightened steps, until Twilight gasped. One of the soldiers...he was still conscious! Quickly, the two rushed over to an orange colored crystal pony, whom was absolutely covered in semen and wheezing in gasping breaths.
"It-It came out of nowhere...t-took us by surprise. Never trained for this...n-no contingency plan for a monster like what we faced. The horror..." He whispered with a choked gag. Twilight nodded her head, leaning in close- but not to close, because of the semen- but close and perked an ear.
"Stay with me soldier. You're going to be alright. We're going to get you out of here. Whats your name?" She cooed. Opening an eye, the soldier forced a crooked smile towards Twilight.
"M,-my name is Flas-
"Ooooo getting cozy rat girl?" Trixie snickered. Twilight rolled her eyes with a furious groan and stood up, stomping her hoof as hard as she could.
"For the last time, Trixie! I do not have vaginal rats!" She screamed. Trixie giggled helplessly, shaking her head.
"Please tell my family I loved them."
"Tell me the truth, did you wait so long to decide to take our relationship to the next level because you had to fumigate? What did the exterminator say?" Trixie squealed, trying to breathe through gut wrenching laughter at Twilight's anger.
"Give my brother my dog tags. -Wait, did she just say you had vagina rats?"
"ARGGHH!" Twilight snarled, standing up. She was about to give Trixie a verbal thrashing when the sound of a crash drove a wedge of silence between them. Slowly, they crept towards the doors together, horns glowing and ready to cast a spell at the first sign of trouble.
"Hello?"
It was massive in it's size, having somehow grown. Feeding off of raw magical energy perhaps, Trixie's penis had become enormous, and was now lazily sitting in the court yard, rubbing up against a statue of Princess Celestia. It hadn't noticed them, and Twilight and Trixie shared a glance. While the giant stone statue was occupied with the statue, the two of them would hit it with their strongest spells.
"What's it doing?" Trixie asked hesitantly, while the fountain poked and prodded wildly at the statue.
"Looking for an entrance...come on, now's our chance..." Twilight hissed. Trixie frowned.
"I don't like to think that my penis can't find the right hole. Look at Celestia's ass. It's cavernous, how can it miss? Come on great and powerful cock, you can do it!" Trixie silently urged the penis on. Twilight glared. Trixie shrugged. The two of them took their positions, surrounding the massive copulating cock, and aimed their horns at the beast.
"Ready?"
"Steady..."
"NOW!!"
Blue and purple magic exploded into the castle court yard, exploding in a giant storm of power that swept up dust and debris from around the battered castles. When the smoke cleared, and the dust settled, the two of them had done it. The creature had vanished in the flux of power and Trixie leaned against Twilight, Twilight leaned against Trixie and they both gave a huge sigh of relief. It was over. It was finally over.
"Twilight Sparkle...you may be the most complicated lay in Equestria, but Trixie wouldn't trade you for anypony else. " The blue unicorn whispered, forcing a warm crop of rose to rise over Twilight's nose.
"Awww...Thanks for sticking by me throughout all of this, I know our first time wasn't exactly typical." She giggled softly. Trixie nodded her head with a grin.
"It was damned crazy, is what it was, Twilight. But Trixie has a hunch our sex life will never be boring. " She grinned. They both giggled as a squad of guards suddenly rushed into the courtyard, spears at the ready, helmets on. Reinforcements, it seemed.
"Hey." Twilight said, tossing a casual wave towards the squad leader.
"Twilight!" The squad leader cried, throwing off his helmet to reveal the sharp sapphire hue of Shining Armor's mane.
"I'm so glad to see you're alright! We rushed over here when we heard there was some sort of attack at the cast-why do you have a scrotum?" Her brother sputtered in shock. The two of them had embraced happily and squeezed one and other, but it was only after a lengthy few seconds, did Twilight come to grips with what Shining Armor had said. Taking a step back, she, Trixie, Shining, and the rest of the guards stared at the fat blue ballsack hanging between Twilight's legs.
A silence weaved its way between everyone.
"T-This is not my penis! It's not mine! I have no idea how this got here! I don't have a penis! Usually!!" Twilight squealed, turning towards Trixie for help, who promptly shrugged her shoulders.
"Shiny, your sister is into some weird, kinky shit. "