• Published 15th Jun 2014
  • 7,383 Views, 562 Comments

Celestiphilia - Dr Atlas

(A sequel to Celestiphobia.) Carl wants Stan to partake in the tradition of getting drunk to celebrate the success of the treaty. He then realizes what a horrible mistake that was.

  • ...

So....wanna get bizzed?


“Come on Stan, please?”


“Pretty please?”


“Pretty please with love on top?”

Stan stopped walking and smacked his friend across the face. “First off Carl, I ain’t that kind of bug, and second, I’m not taking part in whatever customs they do.”

Carl rubbed his face and pouted at his friend. “Stan, it’s not a ‘custom’. It’s a great experience that you should...experience.”

“I’m not ‘experiencing’ anything that a pony does.”

“But it’s fun, I’ve done it plenty of times.”

Stan rolled his eyes and continued walking along the streets of Canterlot. “Well, I’m glad you adjusted to live like them Carl, but me, I want to live my own life without subjecting myself to whatever it is those ponies do.”

Carl wasn’t surprised to hear Stan say that. He knew Stan didn’t really like their kind that much, but ever since the treaty, the other changelings had to adjust to this life or else they would have to leave, but others were having a tougher time than Stan when it came to adjusting. The ponies were the same.

“Alright, fine. I just wanted to show you something that both of us could enjoy. You know,” Carl leaned in on Stan. “as friends.”

Stan pushed him. “I have other friends Carl, the only reason why I’m with you is because the others are at Lift’s and Shift’s party.”

Carl stopped walking. “Wait? Party? Since when? Why wasn’t I invited?”

“Since the treaty...duh, and you weren't invited because it was for cave dwellers only.” Stan was starting to think going to that wasn’t a bad idea, even though Lift and Shift were probably the most annoying-

“Why didn’t you tell me?! Or better yet, bring me with you. Those guys are the coolest changelings around.”

“There not ‘cool’ Carl, the only reason they get so much attention is because of the three D’s, their DJ music, their Dance moves, and their Disorder.”

“Oh no, Stan.” Carl objected. “They are cool, their eyes look so awesome when they play.”

“That's because of their Disorder Carl.” Stan said in anger.

“But it’s so cool when Shift talks all robot-ie and stuff, his eyes get all wavy, and Lift has those bar things that go up and down...speaking of bar Stan, how about we-”

Stan then grabbed Carl and pulled him behind a dumpster in a nearby alley, holding a hoof across his face and peeking around the corner.

“Mhh hhmm mh,” Carl spit his hoof out and looked at him. “bleh..Stan..what the-”

“Shush!” Stan yelled. “You want to be seen?”

Carl rolled his blue eyes and leaned around the corner. “Seen by who h-h-who…oh madre de reina...it’s...Talantilo...”

Carl and Stan stood motionless as a beast they knew all too well slowly walked past them. It’s bright yellow eyes shined in the night, and it’s teeth were as sharp as ever, but what made both of them worried (mostly Carl) was what he was carrying on his back. A pony.

Carl looked at Stan. “We have to save her.”

Stan dropped his jaw. “Are you crazy? What would we do, make him eat one of us while the other saves that pony? Sorry, but I ain’t risking my life to save that mare.”

“But look at her Stan.” Carl grabbed his Stan’s face and turned him to what the monster had on it’s back. It was a yellow mare with pink hair. “She’s one of the elements.”


"'SO!?’ Stan, are we just gonna let an important pony get eaten by that thing?”

Stan looked down and shook his head. “Even if we get a hold of her, it’s already too late, the beast probably has the girl in his mesmer-eyes. She would run away from us and become his dinner; sorry Carl, but she’s a goner.”

Carl opened his mouth to try to object, but he knew Stan was right, once you looked into that beast’s eyes, he would put you in a trance that would make you think it would be better to stay with him instead of running away. He looked back at the predator and prey and saw that they were smiling at each other.

“So, where are you taking me again?” The yellow one said in a loving voice.

Discortalantilo chuckled. “You’ll find out soon enough Shy.”

Carl and Stan couldn’t take their eyes off of them. “It’s like forced stockholm's.” Carl said, “creepy...”

Both of them couldn’t stop shaking from the sight of that creature. They waited until it was out of eyesight before they walked out into the open. “L-lets just...go home Carl.”

“Home?” Carl walked out of the ally and pointed down the street. “We’re going to the bar Stan.”

“Bar?” Stan eyed him suspiciously. “How can we get into something made of chocolate, Carl?”

Carl face-hoofed. “Not a chocolate bar Stan, I mean a bar bar, one that sells that alcohol stuff.”

Stan continued to look confused. “What’s alcohol?”

Carl snickered. “You don’t know what alcohol is?”

“What, is that like the name of the bar or something?”

“Pfff, you’re kidding me right now.”

“I don’t know what it is Carl, just tell me.”

Carl wrapped an arm around him and smiled. “How about I teach you the ways of getting wasted.”

“So now you want to kill me?” Stan said sarcastically.

“Not that kind of wasted, I mean drunk.”

“I don’t play basketball Carl, I play football.”

Carl just rolled his eyes. “Just follow me Stan.”

Stan pushed out of his grip and stood his ground. “I already told you I’m not going to...whatever it is you’re taking me to.”

Carl pointed behind him. “Home’s that way Stan, are you sure you want to go that way with the beast on your tail?”

Stan groaned, knowing full well that that beast can spot creatures from miles away, so even if he flew, he wouldn’t stand a chance. “Fine!” Stan yelled. “Let’s go take part in this stupid pony ritual you like so much.” Stan shoved him aside and continued walking forward.

Carl walked by his side. “It’s not a ritual, it’s a….habit, I think that’s the right word.”

“Whatever. Just take...me…to….oh great” Stan was starting to look to his left. Carl did the same.

“Wow...Still…” Both of them walked up to the wall and looked at the row of posters in disgust, most of them were filled with segregation against changelings, while others were talking about the treaty between the changelings and the ponies, which were covered up by posters saying…

“Let the real ones live…”

“Only you can protect espionage.”

“Swat the flies, now that one’s my favorite.”

Stan smacked Carl. “See, Its stuff like this that I hate about them Carl, you try to do good, and others still think of you as some...some…”

“Monster.” Carl rubbed his head. “I’m sure it will die down.”

“Not if we die first.” Stan continued looking at the rows and rows of hate toward their kind, but one poster in particular was getting to him.

“Welp, come on Stan, Beer will not drink itself.” Carl walked away while Stan continued staring at one of the posters. His eyes could stop looking at the beauty on it, how the art of it practically showed every aspect as to what he loved about that wonderful…


He shook his head and looked away from the pictures to see that Carl was waiting for him.

“J-just a second.” He took one more look, then started walking. “Like you even have a chance with her Stan…”


“Get out…”

Stan crossed his hooves and looked at Carl. “You heard him, look’s like we can’t get dunked here.”

Carl glared at Stan. “Its called getting drunk, and you sir cannot deny us a drink!”

“Yes I can.” The unicorn pony leaned his head toward the sign behind his counter. Which in big bold letters it read…

“‘We have the right to deny service to backstabbing, shape shifting, love sucking, blue eyed, white fanged, lying, cheating, downright ugly bugs (Also known as changelings) that enter this establishment under Equestrian law.’” Carl hung his mouth open while Stan looked away from the sign and back at the bartender. “Surprised you didn’t run out of room.”

“It’s the law, you bug.” The bartender leaned in on Stan. “You may be allowed to stay here and have homes, but ponies like us have the right to not serve your kind here.”

Carl looked away from the plaque and leaned up to the pony. “B-but I came here lots of time’s Mike Light, you can’t just-”

Mike Light pushed both changelings away from him. “I should of known somepony like you, no..some monster like you would lie to me for months just to get to know me so you could kill me.” He sneered. “You make me sick you heartless-”

Carl put his hooves on the table and leaned in. “I didn’t try to- ugh…will you just give us one drink Mikey...please.”

Mike Light grabbed Carl by the throat. “Don’t call me that anymore you insect.”

Other pony patrons around the bar were starting to look away from their drinks, or the radio, or their conversations with each other to look at the scene between the two changelings and the bartender. Two of them especially watched in amusement.

“I suggest you let go of him.” Stan said sternly.

Mike turned to him and chuckled. “And just what are you gonna-”


Everyone in the bar gasped as Mike Light let go of Carl and fell behind the counter. Stan just sat their and dusted his hooves, “Hope that bottle didn’t cost that much...Mikey.” Stan ended in a mocking tone.

A pony behind him tapped him on the shoulder. “I was drinking that you little…” He said drowsily before falling of the stool.

Carl placed his hooves back on the counter and coughed. “Are you alright, Mikey?” With no answer, Carl turned to his friend. “What did you do that for Stan?”

“He was choking you Carl.” Stan said blankly. “And I’m not gonna let some groundwalking magician try to hurt one of us.”

“But you didn’t have to kill him!”

“I ain’t dead…” Stan and Carl looked back at the counter to see Mike get back on his feet, holding a rag on his head that was soaking in blood. “I wish I could say the same for your friend here.” He stumbled over to the counter and stared daggers into Stan. “I’ll give you three seconds to get out.”

Stan smiled and placed his elbow on the table “Or what?”

Carl tapped his friends shoulder. “Uh...Stan. I-I think we should go...”


Carl was now tugging on his friend, yet he continued to smile at Mike Light. “Come on Stan, let’s just forget about this and...ya know...go home.”


Ponies in the bar were starting to get up, others continued drinking and tried to contain their shocked faces, while a pair of stallions, both in trench coats and one wearing a fedora, started walking toward the changelings.

“Stan, come on! You didn't want to do this anyway, and Mike is a pony you don't want to get on your bad side, like this one time when I was drunk he-”

Stan looked at Carl and shoved him aside. “Oh please Carl, what's this pony gonna do?” He turned around and faced the flaring end of a horn in his face. Stan then flopped his ear stems and looked past it to see Mike Light charging it with a smile.