...You Get the Horns
The rambunctious guffawing of the class continued on for what seemed like minutes at best, thanks to Pinkie's rather contagious laughter. Some students were wheezing from how much they had laughed, whilst others were on the ground all together, tears of mirth escaping their eyes like a dam had been burst in their tear ducts.
Fluttershy's eyes had now turned to pinpricks. Her breath hitched her throat for how ever long her classmates were spreading their howls of mirth. She was literally shaking on the spot. As of now, she was waiting for the oncoming fury of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman.
Rarity wasn't impressed, her face was still beet red after the rather... vulgar choice of words Hartman had used on Pinkie, or 'Clit' as he referred her as of now. She looked down at her feet, embarressed. Not only at herself, but her friends and the entire class.
Sunset wasn't liking this. At all. The sheer amount of anger that was building inside of her over Pinkie's immature nature was mind blowing. Despite her vision going a slight bit red, she managed to keep her face as steely as possible, knowing full well on what was about to transpire.
Applejack was chuckling like crazy, but that stopped as soon as she saw Hartman's expression as he gazed in all directions. Applejack laughed nervously, trying to keep her face as stoic as she could. She succeeded in that, except the fact that she had a small grin tugging at her lips.
Rainbow Dash... Rainbow Dash was on the ground, laughing hard. Oh so very hard. Tears escaped her eyes, sliding down the sides of her face and onto the floor. In all honesty, she hadn't laughed this much in a long time. Rainbow's guffawing continued, along with the rest of the class.
Hartman couldn't even begin to comprehend what he was witnessing. One moment he was yelling profanities at Clit, the next had the entire class laughing their asses off. He turned quickly in every direction, watching as students showed utmost disrespect within his highly authorative presence. Hartman was pretty sure he felt a couple of brain cells pop.
This had never happened once within his time in the Corp or as substitute teacher. A few very short lived laughs here and there, but nothing as bad as this. His rage was at maximum for the first time in years.
"Wh-...y... why-, you-" Hartman stuttered in unadultered fury, his teeth grinding against eachother. "You Intolerant nose pickers!" That shut them up. "If any of you fucking think! That you can come in here! Acting like a bunch o' monkeys, having a gangbang! Then you are all dead-fucking wrong!" His eyes darted back and forth, eyeing each student as they stood stock still. "Now get on your damn faces!"
Nothing happened. A deathly silence fell over the classroom.
Hartman's eye twitched in utmost annoyance. "Are you all waiting for me to hold your hand?!" No one said a word. "Well, are ya!?
"Sir, no, sir!"
"Then do some damn push ups!" He boomed.
"Sir, yes, sir!" The class proceeded to get on their faces. Hartman stormed over to Pinkie, looking down at her as she... surprisingly managed to do some push ups at a quick rate. Her face was still as steely as before, that was if Hartman could see it past that mop of pink hair.
"Don't even think for a second that this class will be fun and games, Clit!" Hartman yelled. "I'll definitely be fucking sure your asshole is sucking buttermilk once I'm through with you!"
Rainbow managed to get a quick glance at the duo. As of now, she did not like Hartman. Not one bit. No one else did either. And Rainbow was going to make that known to him. She got up from her position.
"Hey!" The rainbow haired girl walked feverishly up to him. "What makes you think that you can push others around like this?! Pinkie only wanted to have some fun!" Pinkie smiled at that, admiring how Rainbow was taking a stand against the new teacher. But a very bad thought landed in her mind and the smile vanished instantly.
"Oh no..." Pinkie whispered, now worrying for her athletic friend.
Eric nearly doubled over with rage. This. THIS! Was something he had never experienced before in his entire life.
"Stepping out of line, questioning my authority and defending Clit." It was more of a statement than a question. Rainbow could litirally see a tiny spark of flame in the man's eyes.
"Everyone has a right to be stupid! But YOU are abusing that privilege!" Hartman shouted, grabbing her shoulder, his eyes piercing Rainbows very soul. "Get back to your position, Labia! Or do I have to drag you all the way to Celestia's office?!"
Rainbow glared at the Hartman. Hartman glared back at her. She turned around curtly and stormed back over to her position, proceeding to do a few push ups.
Hartman snorted. There and then was he trying not to slap her across the face and knock some sense into her. Eric managed to ignore the feelings, but the temptation of it was like suffering withdrawel from some highly addictive drug. A thought popped itself into his head as he began to think about events prior. 'Need to apologise to Trixie after class.' He thought anxiously. 'She'll obviously be angry though.' He sighed, worrying of the outcome. 'No time to be dwelling on that at this moment! I need to focus on the now.'
"Alright! That's enough!" Hartman bellowed. The students stopped the current exercise. The drill instructor darted his eyes over the interior, roughly calculating the width and length of the hall. 'Twenty meters by fifteen meters. This is going to be fun.'
"Now get the hell up, and do ten laps around the hall!" Groans of disapproval were heard. "Don't give me that damn attitude! Just fucking do it!"
"Sir, yes, sir!"
Hartman's eyes focused on Pinkie. "Ten more laps for you, Clit!" His gaze travelled to Rainbow. "That goes double for you, Labia!"
The pace the students were all jogging at was not satisfactory to Hartman. He was going to make that known. "If you faggots don't pick up the goddamn pace, so help me god, I'm going to kick your asses so hard you'll be shitting prints of my shoe until Christmas day! Get fucking stepping before I call your mothers!"
Eric waited a few more minutes before speaking again, until he could practically smell the sweat in the air. "You will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair! By the time your P.E Teacher comes back, you will all be fit and strong enough to be like a marine. Do you all want to impress Spitfire?!"
"Sir, yes, sir!" Some students were smilling at the thought of impressing their former physical educations teacher, but quickly refocused on the task at hand.
"Bullshit, I can't hear you! Sounds off like you got a pair!"
"SIR, YES, SIR!
"That's right! That's the motivation you need!" A ghost of a smile appeared on Hartman's face. It went as soon as it had come. Hartman wasn't one to be carried emotionally away by people, or preferably, a group of possibly horny teenagers.
Trixie was beginning to cheer up a small bit after hearing those words. She really wanted to impress Spitfire, regain some of the pride she had lost. Of course, she was still quite shaken up after being karate chopped on the shoulder. Trixie felt bad for having this train of thought, what with Hartman helping them improve on their fitness, overall speed and endurance, but Celestia had to be informed of Hartman's actions on herself.
Afterall, no action is without consequence.
I tried to get this on Equestria Daily...
...
I was denied! FU-
Ignoring that note, here's that chapter you've all been craving for the past two months. Consider it as a Christmas gift of sorts.
Have a very merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Huh?! Is that a deer pe-
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Here's my gift!
Hartman Claus! Away!
gifbin.com/bin/384yusw280sw.gif
Lol, great chappy.
5413569 Fucking Ewoks, creepy ass motherfuckers...
Awesome chapter, a bit short though but I can't complain. Aldo that sex tag is a bit worrying...
I wish the students at my school were this dedicated to impress a teacher...
And there's our Christmas tie in ladies and gentleman!
Meeeery Christmas ery one.
Sincerely Yours, The Cake Devil.
P.S. Out of Curiosity, on what terms did they deny you?
Fun fact:
R Lee Ermey's dialogue on set was completely improvised.
Good chapter. Looking forward to more.
Holy balls I remember my dad when he was drill sergeant in the U.S Army.
I was six when he brought me to work one morning...This is actually a pretty good example of what happened.
Also never ask your military family member to take you to their work. Only if you were six years old...and barely awake.
5413589
It's because of all the sexual insults.
5413653 I've seen stories that have sexual insults without the sex tag. Then again this was before the sex/gore tags where added.
5413676
They were insulted toward Sgt. Harman's opinions toward their sole foodstuff.
That's another way of saying they're a bunch of fat circlejerking neckbeards, and don't beat yourself up about it.
Huh, For some reason I thought the nickname he would give Rainbow Dash would be "Gay Pride Parade"
A LOT of stories I've read and considered very worthwhile get spat on by them these days.
This story may not update often, but every chapter has been worth the wait! I love Hartman's craziness and dialogue and can't wait to see more.
A purple dog trots over to the PT coaches foot and hikes a leg " Who's bag of rotten kibbles is this !"
"He just peed on me !"
"Good Spikey"
5413694
He's probably just doing it to be safe.
You will never be able to unsee this now.
Really? E.D.!? Don't even bother, many people tried to post their stories there and they all get rejected in one second! So in short words, forget them!
5413714 Glad to think I'm not the only one who thought of those kind of names, although to be honest I thought it'd just be something simple like Colorful Faggot or something. Maybe Rainbow Lezzie?
GET YOUR FATASSES RUNNING YOU PACK OF USED CONDOMS!!!!!!!!
Long live the Gunny.
Put this into the I Hate Equestria Daily group here on Fimfic.
5414013 Oh dear lord that is hilarious.
Those asshats wouldn't know a masterpiece if it slapped them in the face with a raw salmon.
5413625 Sent me an email saying this
Can't give specific feedback my ass.
EDIT: Just got some. Finally.
5414681
5413714 I could have went with something like that, but people would have expected it, so I chose Rainbow's nickname as 'Labia' because she was defending 'Clit' (Pinkie). Unsubtle sex reference is unsubtle!
I... I can't breathe!
Good name for Rainbow though I would've expected Roy G Biv or something. But yours? Hilarious!
Gods damn it Gob, stop making me laugh so hard this early in the morning.
5414882 With your profile pic, that sentence became even funnier.
Ladies and gentleman, the Quote Of The Year.
Merry Christmas, Sergeant.
5415033 You know what? I just might.
5415860 You have a merry Christmas aswell, Liberator!
rs1img.memecdn.com/oh-insanity-wolf-merry-christmas-to-you-too_o_997896.jpg
5414050
Dear Sgt God Smacker.
Yeah, that sounds like them. Them and their god dang automatic reject email. That's what pisses me off the most, they can't even respond to you personally, they gotta push their god dang "piss off" button and have their robot crap out generic response#853. Anyways, my apologies for the rant and for ED's stupidity, they don't know what they're missing.
Sincerely Yours, The Cake Devil. Ah, and a very merry Christmas to you,comrade.
One second?! Pffft, takes three to four days for them to spit my fic right back into my face.
5415424
5413644 You, my good madam/sir just made my day!
The rules of EqD state that ANY story that the readers will find entertaining will IMMEDIATELY be rejected in favor of the Cleveland Phone Book.
This is pure awesone. I want MOAR!!!
Don't let EqD denying your story get you donw; it's commonplace over there for them to be fiction snobs now and then.
As for this chapter; too funny
I thought I caught a brief TF2 reference in there.
Even though most of them don't!
5416784 Does a pair of breasts count?
5415360
Seriously. They spotlight my friend Vylet's music all the time, and it's fucking amazing every single time. Have they ever decided to give it it's own thingy? No, not really. Fuckin' Seth.
Here's my gif-t to you for making this site just a little livelier
media.giphy.com/media/cipSgqgr3TrLq/giphy.gif
5415424 Ah yes yes yes I see where you're coming from. Although, I still think Rainbow Lezzie is a good name. Ah well, I might just save it for another time.
EQD
!!! I am dissapointed
.
5417290 nice speech .
5417752 Thank you
.
5417290
i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/013/974/clap.gif
Hartman looked up to see the like to dislike ratio bar to his first My Little Pony fanfiction. Needless to say he wasn't impressed.
"Why isn't my like-bar at 600?! Who did the 31st dislike?! Why isn't someone stomping their guts out?!"
Edit: Hartman's wish finally came true!
5417290
i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y462/staffpicks/Animated_GIFs/tumblr_m5n3muDJAb1qfi7g6_large.gif
5417831 your welcome friend :D
(Hartman kicks your door open)
Hartman: About fucking time this story reaches the status it deserves as featured on FiMFiction! Hell, I think that for one second in my life, this author isn't a complete waste shit-stain trash that guzzles his own cum after reading the bat-shit amount of Clop-Fictions on this fucking site, as with the rest of you reading this! Since this story can for once, ACTUALLY show my good side, I think I'll let the author-
Hartman: ...
...
What. The. FUCK is this goddamn, first grade, cum stained, low IQ, grammar mistake doing in MY fucking story?! Don't you know that by separating these two sentences with punctuation, you create an incomplete sentence?! This isn't even dialogue you garbage and shit eating maggot! There's no excuse for this in MY story!
Hartman: What the fuck ever! At least by some miracle those penis chompers at Equestria Daily added-
Hartman:...
You FUCKING- I'M GONNA-
*Hartman was kicked from chat room for being Hartman*
Note: Please give us more. Surely you have only been showing us Hartman's no-work Saturday afternoon nice side, right?
5417290 The fuck am I looking at? That as a Sarge speech isn't good, but for insults towards EQD. GREAT!
5414013 XD best edited video ever
Also, this is a good chapter.