Three dark comedy finalists from The Writeoff Association's "It's Your Funeral" contest.

Dying for Attention: Trixie is late to her own funeral.

Celestia's Vacation: Luna covers for her sister's absence.

A Deal to Die For: Applejack goes coffin shopping.

So it's finally happened. After being kicked in the shin by Celestia, Discord is officially dying. Now Celestia wants to know if he has any last requests before he goes.

What a silly, silly thing of her to ask.

Twilight Sparkle is an expert in unicorn magic, but earth pony magic remains a mystery to her. The books in her library have very little information about the earth tribe's abilities, other than their famous strength. Twilight is determined to uncover their secrets.

What she learns will change her life.

And it just might change Applejack's life as well.

Featured on Equestria Daily.

Sometimes ponies just have a bad day. They spill their cereal, trip in the mud, have their checks bounce, and get attacked by an extradimensional geometrical entity. Villain Cube knows what that's like. He understands what they're going through. He's there for them, to listen as they bare their troubled hearts, and also to set them on fire.

Note: This story crosses over with Equestria Girls, but is set in the pony world.

Octavia's and Vinyl's life together. You think it's simple, and I'm going to prove you're wrong.

So, heads or tails?

Proofread by MrNumbers.

Reading by ObabScribbler

Reading by Voiceguy.

Featured on Equestria Daily.

When the Cutie Mark Crusaders dig up an ancient magical artifact, they unleash a spell on the town that allows everypony to see a "lie meter" floating above each other's heads. While attempting to solve the mystery, Twilight Sparkle has to analyze the tenuous balance between friendship and honesty. She doesn't like what she finds.

Based on a story idea conceived by theworstwriter
Written and posted with his permission

He's misanthropic, anti-social, lazy, shallow, and kind of a jerk. He's also not very bright. So why on Earth -- any Earth -- would a complete stranger expend the magical energy necessary to shove him into another reality, give him unfathomable power, and grant his every last wish?

Why indeed...

As requested, here's my parody of the second-worst thing to ever happen to fanfiction.* The cover art is only tangentially related, but it amuses me, so I'll keep it unless something better comes along. (A talented artist who loathes this ponyfic sub-genre as much as I do might attempt at some point to draw the main character in all his gear, but I'm not counting on it.)

*The number one spot goes to Erika "Snowqueens Icedragon" Mitchell, a/k/a E.L. James.

No one asked for it! No one demanded it! But here it is anyway: pure, distilled essence of badfic, satirized for your protection and diluted with enough water to keep you from going blind. In addition to the two terrible and wildly unoriginal shots that have been available separately on Elric's blog, this collection contains a previously untasted third chug of intentionally painful and derivative awfulness. (Do not operate heavy machinery while under the influence of bad fanfiction.)

Universally admired original characters, show characters acting out of character, stupid names, implausible shipping, gratuitous tragedy, and more -- it's all right here. Read if you dare.

Any resemblance between these OCs and any other OCs, living or dead, is purely coincidental maliciously intentional.

"Mind thy work. Honor thy kin. Stay away from Holder's Boulder."

Marble disobeyed the warnings.

* * *

Audiobook by Scribbler Productions.
Edited by GaryOak.
Cover art by Mica Halligan.
Written for Scribblefest 2016.
Reviews:
Titanium Dragon
The Hat Man
PresentPerfect

The Crystal Empire's Royal Couple are popular, successful and happy in their marriage. As if that wasn't irritating enough, they're also very good with words. The problem is, one of the words they'll need today is "Armageddon".

Well, more or less.

Now has a reading by... er... me! Yes. Definitely me. It's only on PresentPerfect's channel because, um, YouTube. She's not reading it at all. You think she has time for that? Of course not. It's me. Yup.

Reviews: Titanium Dragon | Chris | PresentPerfect

Cover art: Last Stand [Speedart] by Mithrandir730. CC by-nc-sa 3.0