//------------------------------// // Blessed with Suck // Story: Earth Ponies Are Overpowered // by Maran //------------------------------// Training in any type of thaumaturgy can be challenging at first, especially when it comes to the magic of the pegasus and earth tribes. You have to feel your way through it and learn through trial and error. Even though I had a coach, I would have to figure out a way that worked for me. I kept trying to drain the life force from the earth itself, and each time my power pressed a little bit deeper, but not enough to sense any significant life-extending effects. After I'd been practicing for an hour and Celestia lifted the sun near its zenith, Granny Smith invited me to stay for lunch. I decided that some home grown nourishment could only improve my progress, so I accepted. While I ate my hay and tomato sandwich and one of last season's honeycrisp apples, I scrawled as many notes I could between Apple Bloom's questions. Life drain can add years, decades, or even centuries to a pony's life, but if they push ou “Whatcha writin', Twilight?” Fixing my eyes on the page, I answered, “I'm writing notes about life drain.” t too much thauma at once, it could negate the life force they took in. “Wow, already? I can't even do that yet. Pinkie Pie makes it look so easy,” said Apple Bloom, brushing crumbs off her face. “Pinkie Pie needs to learn some control,” said Granny Smith. “You start drainin' life like that, we're sendin' ya away to live with yer cousins.” Then, to show that she was only kidding, she winked. “I'm going to practice a bit more today, and I'd really like to start experimenting with it soon.” I took a bite of apple, making it small because I was sure that more questions would come, and I didn't want to talk with my mouth full or make Apple Bloom wait while I chewed. It was Applejack who asked the next question, though. “What sorta experiments are ya thinkin' about?” I swallowed my bite of apple, which was still sweet and juicy despite being several months old. “Well, first of all, I was wondering if it's possible for an earth pony to push life force into another pony.” “I don't think so.” Granny Smith shook her head. “When my pa was about a hundred and fifty, he couldn't use life drain as well as he used to. So I tried usin' life pulse directly on him, but it didn't work. Just went into the ground instead.” Just to be sure, I asked, “Life pulse is what you call the opposite of life drain?” The matriarch nodded. “Hm.” I tapped my chin. “I wonder why you can't use it on other ponies?” “I don't know if I understand it exactly, but I always thought of it as other pony's magic putting up a resistance, even if they don't mean to. Most plants and critters don't have magic, so we can give and take as much as we like,” explained Applejack. She picked up the pitcher of lemonade and topped off my glass. “Thanks.” I took a sip and wrote another note. Life pulse = pushing life force into other living things. “What if you tried using life pulse on a pony in a controlled environment where there were no other natural materials?” I asked. “If the life force didn't have anywhere else to go, that could work if ya pushed hard enough,” said Applejack, before biting into her sandwich. “Great!” I grinned. “Then we should build an enclosure out of artificial materials like glass and refined metal. You couldn't push life force into that, could you?” Big Mac stopped wolfing down his meal long enough to utter, “Nnnope.” Granny Smith glanced at him before adding, “I don't think so either.” “Then that will be ideal for this experiment. But before we start, I'd like to talk with Pinkie Pie about her experience with life drain and life pulse. She may have insight that the rest of us don't have.” I set my apple core on my plate. “Oh, I'm sure she'll surprise you,” said AJ, smiling. “She surprised us when she drained the life outta all those trees.” Apple Bloom pointed out the kitchen window for emphasis. “Eyup,” agreed Big Mac as he put together another sandwich. “Applejack, would you like to come with me to meet Pinkie Pie after she gets off work?” I asked. “Actually, I'd appreciate it if you would. The three of us may come up with better ideas together than just two of us. Besides, you probably have a better idea than I do of what's typical for an earth pony.” “Like I need an excuse to go to Sugar Cube Corner,” she said with a chuckle. “I'll be there with bells on.” After I finished my lunch, I left Sweet Apple Acres. I wanted to spend some time organizing my notes and preparing questions for Pinkie Pie. When I arrived home, I sat down at my desk and filled most of the hundred pages of my notepad, which sounds like a lot, but keep in mind that I used just one side of each page. I was down to the last few sheets when Spike strolled through the door, lugging a sack that was larger than himself. “Hey, Twilight!” He paused, and I heard gemstones clinking together as he settled the bag onto the floor. “Don't tell me you haven't left your desk the entire time I was gone.” I lowered my quill. “Don't worry, Spike. I went to Applejack's and learned more about earth pony magic in a few hours than I have in my entire life!” “That's great!” Spike opened his sack and took out a diamond the size of his hand, giving it a speculative stare. “I take it your day went well?” I asked. “You bet it did! Rarity and I ran into a pack of diamond dogs almost right out of the gate, but she was prepared for that. She offered to give them half of all the gems we found if they just left us alone and let us work. And they agreed! And she found a mother lode of these diamonds.” He held up the glittering stone. “The diamond dogs were so excited that they said they were going to tell their alpha male and female about it.” I grinned. “Rarity has a generous heart and the mind of a diplomat. I'm glad she worked out a compromise that made everyone happy.” “Yeah, she's amazing.” He gazed in the distance before shaking his head. “So, what exactly did you do with Applejack?” I stood and stretched, which took a bit longer than it used to, thanks to the extra limbs. “Well, the most important thing I learned was something called life drain. Only some earth ponies have this ability, but it allows them to live decades or even centuries beyond their natural lifespans.” Spike took a moment to process this information. “So Applejack and Pinkie Pie and their families will be around a lot longer than we thought?” “Yes, isn't it wonderful?” I clapped my front hooves together. “It is, but . . .” He clutched his diamond in both hands. “Rarity, Rainbow and Fluttershy . . . They're going to live for less than a hundred years, and we'll still be alive a thousand years after they're gone.” I planted all of my hooves on the floor and smiled. “Not necessarily. There may be a way for earth ponies to give their life force to other ponies. It doesn't seem to come naturally to them if they are out in nature. Granny Smith said she tried to push life force into her father, but it went into the ground instead. But if we could get an earth pony away from the ground, with another pony, the life force would have nowhere else to go except the other pony,” I explained. Spike frowned in thought. “So, earth ponies have this amazing power, but none of them ever thought to use it away from the ground?” he asked skeptically. “Well, I don't know.” I shifted my wings. “Maybe somepony has done it before, but the Apples don't know about it. After all, neither of us even heard of life drain before today. Earth ponies don't seem too eager to talk about it with the other tribes.” I brightened, my ears perking up. “But I hope to change that, starting today.” Glancing at the clock on the wall, I added, “Oh, it's almost seven o'clock. I have to meet Applejack and Pinkie Pie at Sugar Cube Corner soon. Do you want to come too?” “I'd like to, but I kinda filled up on diamonds on the way home, so I wouldn't be able to enjoy the free after-hours pastries.” I raised my eyebrows. “Wow, you must have really stuffed yourself if you're turning down Sugar Cube Corner treats.” “Yeah, uh, I think I'm going to go lie down, to tell you the truth.” Spike rubbed his belly. “But you can tell me everything you guys talked about when you get back.” The “Sorry, we're closed” sign hung in the front window of Sugar Cube Corner. Pinkie Pie wiped the counter in the dimmed light. She peeked up at me and waved before zipping up to the door and unlocking it. “Hi, Twilight! Come on in. You came at just the right time. We counted the drawer, but we haven't thrown out our food for the day. And you know what that means,” she said, indicating display case still half-full of baked goods. “Free food!” I stepped inside, relishing the scents of vanilla and cinnamon. “Thank you, Pinkie, but that's not why I'm here.” “Well, take some honey buns anyway, or they'll just go to waste. Not even I can eat them all.” Behind me, the door opened. “Howdy, y'all.” Applejack poked her head inside. “Did I miss anythin'?” “No, you're just in time.” I held out my notepad. “I was just about to tell Pinkie about my ideas.” “Wait!” yelled Pinkie, turning her head as Mr. Cake walked out of the back room. “We don't have much time before Mr. Cake throws out the honey buns!” Mr. Cake gave us an easygoing smile. “Pinkie, you know your friends can always help themselves to whatever we have left after closing. Especially the princess and one of our best suppliers.” “Thank you kindly, Mr. Cake.” AJ tipped her hat. “So, Twilight, what was it you wanted to tell me?” asked Pinkie. I lifted a bun with my telekinesis. “Well, I've been researching earth thaumaturgy for the last couple of days . . .” I began. “Oh, are you ready to learn capillurgy?” Pinkie's tail twitched with excitement. “Lesson one: think of your hair as an extension of your body.” Her mane and tail flowed outward, as if suspended in liquid. “Um.” I blinked. “Your hair is an extension of your body.” “Now you're getting it!” she said with a broad grin. Applejack moved closer to Pinkie. “Actually, I started teachin' her life drain today, and she wants to know more about it.” Pinkie's mane and tail appeared to deflate like balloons until they were halfway between their usual volume and totally flat. “Oh.” She glanced around as if making sure Mr. Cake had returned to the kitchen – which he had. “Life drain? Are you sure you two are ready for that?” “What's the matter, sugar cube?” asked Applejack. “You look as nervous as a hummingbird in a blizzard.” Pinkie forced a laugh. “I'm not nervous, I just don't think you realize what you're getting into.” “Aw, it's okay Pinkie.” Applejack offered an encouraging smile. “I'm touched that yer concerned about Sweet Apple Acres, but I been keepin' a close eye on Twi and she ain't done any harm yet. And I do have a heap of experience usin' life drain, so I reckon we got everythin' under control.” “Oh, I don't doubt your experience with ecoturgy, but you have no idea what earth magic can do in the hooves of an alicorn.” I set aside my notepad and quill and put my hoof on her shoulder. “Pinkie, did something happen?” She sighed and gazed at her hooves. “I didn't want to tell anypony, but I guess you should probably know. When we were in the Crystal Empire for your niece's crystaling . . .” She gulped. “She used life drain on me.” I gasped. “She really drained the life force out of you?” Her lips pulled back in a grimace. “Through my eyeballs.” “What?” Applejack's mouth fell open. “I never heard of a newborn foal usin' life drain, 'specially on another pony!” “No newborn foal in Equestria was ever an alicorn,” said Pinkie. “We knew she could do things that newborn unicorns and pegasus ponies can't do.” I stared into her blue eyes. “Are you okay?” Physically she seemed fine, but I was more concerned about her emotional and mental state. She drew a shaky breath. “I–I'll get there. I'd rather she drained life from me than somepony like Fluttershy or Shining Armor. I wanted to keep her away from everypony else. I can take the hit and use life drain to recover. That's the real reason I went to the bog today – so I could drain life from plants that nopony cares about. I just used Gummy as an excuse. He understands, and he really does love spending time there.” I was silent for a moment, taking time to process what Pinkie said. “Why didn't ya tell anypony?” asked AJ, her eyebrows tilted up with concern. “I figured there was no point in worrying everypony, since they couldn't control Flurry Heart, and you can't punish a baby that young. And now Cadence and Shining Armor won't have to worry about her using life drain for a few years. Sunburst said the crystaling should curb her magic, and he seemed like he knew what he was talking about.” “I see yer point, but I hate that ya had to deal with that by yerself. I coulda helped ya keep the foal away from the unicorns and pegasus ponies. I shoulda realized somethin' was wrong. I thought I sensed the lil' alicorn usin' life drain, but I figured that it couldn't be right 'cause she was too young. I shoulda known better than to doubt my earth sense. I'm sorry, Pinkie.” She took off her hat and held it in her hoof. Pinkie's eyes widened. “You mean you have Apple Sense? It really does run in the family!” “Well now, I can't sense things 'fore they happen. I can just sense when other ponies are usin' earth magic,” said Applejack, putting her hat back on her head. “Oh, I see. That's pretty sweet too. And you should never doubt your special sense!” added Pinkie, lowering her eyebrows and giving her a serious look, which was all the more intense because it contrasted with her typical smile and twinkling eyes. “I'll keep that in mind.” “Pinkie, Applejack was right about one thing: you really should have told somepony sooner,” I said, ruffling my feathers. “Even if you didn't think anypony could help, it doesn't hurt to ask.” Pinkie sighed. “I guess you're right. It's just that my parents taught me not to talk about life drain, especially in, well, mixed company. But that should probably be more of a guideline than an unbreakable rule.” “I wish ponies would talk about it more. I still don't quite understand the desire to downplay the earth ponies' powers. And it's not just you two, or even the other earth ponies. The other tribes don't seem all that curious about earth thaumaturgy. They just assume you're strong and grow food and that's it,” I said. “Maybe they don't bother to ask about it 'cause they can't do most of it anyhow, so they just don't care.” Applejack shrugged. “I don't mind that. I don't have anything to prove. Besides, it's easier for me to catch others off guard if they underestimate me,” said Pinkie. “We Pies are masters of the subtle mysteries of geomancy.” She waved her hooves in front of her face. “Right. If anypony's subtle, it's you,” AJ said dryly. “Trust me, you have no idea!” I couldn't tell whether or not Pinkie had picked up on Applejack's sarcasm. “Well, I think we should share our earth magic in as many ways as possible.” I flipped through my notes until I came to the page where I'd written my experiment concepts. “Now that I know it's possible to drain life from a pony, I have hope that there's a way to use life pulse on a pony too. Applejack and I were talking earlier and we thought that if we built a structure out of pony-made materials and put an earth pony inside with another pony, the life force would go into that pony.” “Interesting.” Pinkie brought her hoof to her chin. “It's like my party cannon. If you put a spark to gun powder, it'll explode all over the place. But put it in a metal tube and it'll only go where you aim it!” “You're not too far off, but it's not an exact comparison. It would be more like if the explosion somehow went around ponies, since magic seems to act as a barrier to earth magic.” I glanced at Applejack, who nodded. “That's about right,” said AJ. “Earth ponies can't use magic on other ponies, not directly anyhow.” “So, if we make a barrier out of glass and steel, the thauma won't be able to go through that.” I indicated my rough diagram with my quill. “The only place it can go is into a pony.” “Or into the glass,” said Pinkie. “That would be exciting.” Her mane fluffed up to its full volume. “We could bring objects to life, just like Discord!” “Ya know, you may be onto somethin'. I don't know if we could make a gravy boat hop around like a rabbit, but we might manage to make a glass tree, or even a gold tree!” Applejack beamed, as if she were imagining all the new cultivars she could create. “Gold doesn't grow on trees, silly. It grows underground like mushrooms.” Applejack lifted her hoof. “Good point.” “I never even thought of that,” I said, raising my eyebrows. “Aw, thanks. It's a big compliment when somepony so smart tells you that you thought of something she didn't,” said Pinkie with a sincere smile. “You're laying on the compliments pretty thick yourself,” I said, returning her grin. “But seriously, I could use the input of another earth pony when I conduct my life pulse experiment. Do you want to help us build the enclosure tomorrow? I'd like to finish it as quickly as possible.” “I'd be happy to help with construction, but I don't know how much help I'll be after that.” She rubbed her foreleg and studied one of the tables. “I never could use life pulse. Everything I try to give out just snaps back to me like a rubber band. You saw what I did to Sweet Apple Acres.” “Yes, I did see that. Did Applejack ever show you how to drain life from the earth itself?” I asked. “No.” She still wouldn't meet my gaze. “But when I was still living with my parents, Granny Pie tried to teach me how to do that. It didn't go the way it was supposed to.” Her voice was almost as quiet as Fluttershy's. “My magic went down deep into the earth, and then it kept going as far as it would go. It went to this . . . this place where there was so much explosive power that I couldn't handle it. I . . . Ever since then I've been able to do things nopony else can do, or even explain. Sometimes even I don't know what I'm gonna do next.” “I never knew that,” said AJ. “With all the amazin' things you can do, it's a wonder you ain't an alicorn by now.” I gave Applejack a sideways glance. I hadn't told her not to tell anypony that I'd thought about how our friends could ascend, but I also wasn't sure if the others were ready to hear it. Pinkie's reaction was not what I expected. Her pupils shrank and her muzzle scrunched. Then she giggled lightly, rolling her eyes and waving her hoof. “You're so silly, AJ. Like I could ever become an alicorn. I'm not a magical genius like Twilight.” She reached into her mane and withdrew a cupcake that somehow had pristine icing. “Cupcake?” she offered. I frowned. She seemed too quick to dismiss the idea. “Actually, it's possible for somepony to become an alicorn if she understands true friendship and performs a feat of magic that has never been done before, with the help of at least one friend . . .” I thought out loud as I began to pace. “Would your grandmother count as your friend?” “Everypony is my friend, except for Svengallop,” answered Pinkie. “Anyway, let's go back to talking about that glass and metal thingy. I think Window-rama is having a forty-percent-off sale. They might even rig up the whole thing for us.” She gave me a desperate grin. My mind reeled. “That sounds great, but I was just thinking . . .” “We'll probably need the biggest windows they have, nothing too fancy. Do the princesses give you an experiment budget or do your parents still send you money every month?” rambled Pinkie. I stared. Pinkie Pie wondering where my money came from was about as strange as Applejack keeping files on every individual in Ponyville – which she doesn't, as far as I know. “Pinkie Pie,” Applejack said seriously, taking a step toward her. “It's plain that you don't wanna talk about maybe becomin' an alicorn. I'm sorta sorry I brought it up. I was mostly jokin', but Twilight seems to have her heart set on it.” Pinkie gulped and looked at me. “Is that what you want? You want us to become alicorn princesses too?” I thought for a second. “I did want it before I found out about life drain. And I guess part of me can't let go of it yet. It's lonely at the top, you know?” “You'll always have us,” said Applejack, placing her hoof on my shoulder, “but you never wanted to be treated any different, did ya?” “No, all I ever wanted was to be a student of magic. And a librarian,” I added. “I guess I can still be both of those things, but I don't like when ponies treat me differently, or think I'm better than them, like I'm not approachable. It . . . It makes me think of the worst part of school,” I said, realizing something about myself. “Some of the other foals used to think I was a snob because I kept to myself. I overheard them calling me Celestia's pet and saying that I must think I was too good for them. But I didn't think that at all. I was just socially awkward. But now it's harder than ever for ponies to see me as friendly and, well, just one of them.” Pinkie's eyes wavered. “Oh, Twilight, I didn't- I mean, I don't . . . I don't know what to say. I've said too much already! And I can't lie in front of Applejack.” “Lie 'bout what?” asked AJ. “I . . . I . . .” She put both her front hooves on Applejack's withers. “I promise I'll tell you about it someday, but I don't think I'm ready yet. I . . . I'm sorry, but I have some stuff I need to do tonight, and I'm sure you and Twilight are really busy too. I'll see you tomorrow, and then . . . and then maybe I'll be ready to talk about it.” Applejack furrowed her eyebrows. “Well, all right. But if it's somethin' we can help with, you outta tell us, ya hear?” Pinkie took a deep breath. “I don't know if you can help, besides giving moral support. I think it's something I need to figure out myself. But on the other hoof, maybe you deserve to know.” “Know what?” I asked. Pinkie glanced back and forth between me and Applejack. “I'll tell you tomorrow. I can't Pinkie promise, but I'll try to tell you then.” We said an awkward goodbye soon afterward, Pinkie making certain that we were loaded with honey buns and cupcakes to take home to our families. “So,” said AJ, when it was just the two of us, “she put off telling me the truth till tomorrow. Sorta ironic, isn't it?” It took me a second to realize what she was referring to. “Oh, well, at least she had the forethought not to make a Pinkie promise.” “Yup, I learned that the hard way.” She paused to raise her foreleg. “Never make a Pinkie promise ya can't wiggle out of.” I smiled a bit. “Still, she gave us some hints.” My smile faded as I considered what Pinkie had said, and what she had omitted. “I think she might have come close to ascending, maybe when she tried to drain life from the earth and tapped into that explosive power. And she knows that she came close.” “That would explain a lot. And if it's true, then she must be even less enthused about becomin' an alicorn princess than I am,” said Applejack in almost a resigned tone. “I guess so. I didn't do a very good job selling it to her, did I?” I turned to look at my friend. “Wait, you're admitting that you could ascend.” She sighed. “Shucks, Granny Smith kept bringin' it up after you left. I didn't want it to be true, but the truth don't change just 'cause ya don't like it. I have to consider that if I help ya with this experiment, I could meet those requirements that you talked about and become an alicorn.” I blinked. The thought had crossed my mind that the experiment could nudge Applejack toward ascension, but that wasn't my main goal. I truly did want to see if life pulse could be redirected into another pony. Ascension would be icing on the cake. Now, though, I understood that Applejack saw it as a risk. “Hey, maybe somepony has already done this before and we don't know about it. So you might not meet the qualifications after all.” “I hope yer right. I just wish there was a way to know for sure. And if we did know that somepony did this before, there'd be no point experimentin'.” She turned her head, and the setting sun cast stark shadows on her face. “AJ, there's no pressure,” I assured her. “You don't have to help if you don't want to. I could ask, um, your brother, or . . .” I thought for a moment and drew a blank. It wouldn't feel right to ask anypony else. I wondered if I should feel bad about that or not. “Well now, before ya go askin' him, I'll sleep on it. I know how important all this is to you.” She gazed into my eyes before her mouth quirked up. “'Sides, you'd have to use a lot more windows to make a structure big enough for Big Mac to fit inside.”