The Hat Man Reviews: Scribblefest Entries #3! · 7:18pm Mar 11th, 2016
No time like the present, so let's get right into more reviews of Scribblefest stories!
By the way, you can read my first two review posts here and here, respectively.
Story #6: Slow and Steady by Closer-To-The-Sun
Rarity ventures out into the snow to Sweet Apple Acres to apologize for a silly argument the two had.
The story is very simple and, minus the conclusion, that summary I've given is pretty much all that happens in the tale. There are a few things that irked me about it off the bat that I should mention. Firstly, a few sentences early on that couldn't decide if they wanted to be present or past tense. This goes away later, but it was a little annoying at first. The other problem is that Rarity and Applejack both comment on the weather, and let's see if you notice the problem:
This weather is very uncharacteristic for the late winter. By now, the snow would have yielded, giving way to spring flowers and animals emerging from hibernation. Instead, snow and fog enveloped Ponyville, seemingly refusing to let go.
Aside from the weird shift from present to imaginary conditional to past, you hopefully picked up on the major flaw here: weather in MLP, at least for towns and cities, doesn't work that way. There's no such thing as uncharacteristic weather. I hate to be picky, but Closer-To-The-Sun has been on the site since 2012 and has a whopping seventy-six stories to their name; they should know better. 
But I'm harping on the details. That's not to say they aren't important, but let's get to the story. Aside from the tense confusion, it is written nicely, with Rarity's voice mostly coming through very well. (With one instance of her using the word "daft" being the exception - Rarity is not from Trottingham, folks!) The descriptions and feel of the story are nice and give a good, wintery feel. Rarity's worry about how she might have hurt Applejack and her feelings of guilt are the central focus of the story. And... actually, that really is it. She goes to Sweet Apple Acres, Apple Bloom and Granny Smith tell her that Applejack's out at the North Grove, and Rarity finds Applejack and they talk. And that's all that happens.
While I won't go into detail about what is said between the two, I will say that the story's "Drama" and "Sad" tags are misapplied. There really isn't any major drama here, other than Rarity wondering if Applejack will still be mad and forgive her. A story doesn't have to have a life-or-death conflict to be good, but just the same this tale feels just a teeny bit mundane. It's not boring, and I like it more than not, but I don't feel like it stuck with me.
Recommended?: Well, maybe a little. It's pleasant enough to read, if unremarkable, and if you like Rarity and Applejack together, it is actually rather sweet. If you're somewhere cold (unlike this non-native Texan), then this is an appropriate tale to read with some hot cider or cocoa.
Story #7: Holder's Boulder by Horse Voice
This story is described as "An homage to the works of Howard Philips Lovecraft" by the author. I think the style is reminiscent enough of it, but that also means the comments are filled with fanboys who won't stop complaining about how it's not Lovecraftian enough. Not being a huge Lovecraft fan myself, it not adhering too strictly to that style did not bother me. If it bothers you, then consider yourself warned.
In this horror tale, Maud Pie wakes up one night to see Marble out by Holder's Bolder, the large, egg-shaped rock seen in "Hearthbreakers." When she goes to investigate, she finds that Marble has suddenly started acting feral and has broken into a storage room and damaged a family treasure in some sort of fit: the journal of Holder Cobblestone, the one who originally found the Boulder to begin with. She notices part of the damaged passage that mentions "a great Eville" and, curious and a bit worried, she volunteers to piece the journal together to find out what her ancestor might have been warning her about.
It's not really a spoiler to say that, obviously, Holder's Boulder is treated as a forbidden object in this tale. The influence it begins to exercise over Marble (whom my reader's might remember is the subject of my own entry into Sribblefest) gives a sense of dread, as does the slowly unfolding mystery of what is contained in Holder's journal. The story manages to build tension well and while it's never outright frightening or even all that scary, it certainly is creepy. The looming threat of what might happen and the race against it coming to pass makes for a compelling conflict and Maud is a surprisingly active protagonist.
There are a few flaws, I suppose. The ending does feel just a little bit predictable (but that might just be me), and I sometimes feel like Maud is a little wordier than she should be, but it's otherwise a solid tale. The writing it technically sound, the characters are solid, and the conflict engaging.
Recommended?: Yes. If you're really lousy at handling anything remotely creepy, then you probably should avoid this, but I don't think its anything too extreme for most. Give it a look if you want something a little more dark and read it at night for the full effect.
That's it for now, folks! Happy reading and I'll catch you next time!
Ooh, a new reviewer. Followed.
3803346 Well, this is something I'm doing for Everfree Scribblefest and on a few other occasions, but I'm normally focused on the writing end of things. I'll be doing some more reviews this month, of course, but once Scribblefest is over, I can't say how regular they'll come, just as a head's up.
I've got a longer work that is my main focus, but I also had an entry called "Marble's Horizon" for the contest, if you're of a mind to check it out. In any case, thanks for the follow, and thank you again for the very entertaining story. Even after what you did to Maud. You monster.
3803346 Oh I also just noticed that you're the one who wrote "Leviathan!" That was another great story! What the hay, two good stories are worth a follow too.
Thank you for taking the time to read and review my Scribblefest entry! I would like to address a couple things you stated (but I think every item you commented on was valid):
Weather: I am aware how weather works in Equestria (in fact, I have one fic solely based around it), but for this one, I was just playing around with the idea of winter lasting a little longer. And you are right, it's not how it normally works. *shrug*
Rarity using 'daft': Honestly, I felt using that word might be a little fun. It also seemed to fit for Rarity's vocabulary. I mean, she used the word troglodyte. Not exactly a normally word you'd except to use in everyday language.
Winter-y feel: The main reason I wrote this fic was that reason. Where I'm at, it's been really wet and damp lately and I wanted to capture it. It also helps to have a soundtrack to capture that feel.
"Sad" and "Drama" Tags: Won't lie, these are the only tags that remotely fit the fic.
Anyway, I'm sure you really aren't too interested in this babbling. Thank you very much for reviewing my submission and I hope you enjoyed it!
3803627 Not at all. And I did like the story, though I wasn't wowed by it. As for tags, I thought "slice of life" was a suitable tag. It doesn't really need more than that, in my opinion, but that's me. "Daft," I'm taking issue with because that's a very British thing to say and it's a pet peeve of mine that people tend to give Rarity that type of accent; she's still very North American in her speaking, with a Transatlantic accent at best.
Anyway, overall I think the wintery feel is one of the stronger things that stick out, and that tone, along with Rarity's voice, is the strongest aspect. Thanks for the reply!