Read It Later Reviews #49 – Harissa, Shining Armor’s Amour’s Armour, Rainbow Reflections, A Total Eclipse of the Fun, The Gathering · 11:15pm May 24th, 2016
This was actually supposed to be Read It Later Reviews #50, but I just posted a Read It Now set yesterday and then Bad Horse came out with a story a day later. As this set had an empty space it in, Read It Later #49 got bumped down the line. So this set actually contains four older stories, plus Bad Horse’s new one.
I’m cheating a bit. Deal with it. 
Today’s stories:
Harissa by Orbiting Kettle
Shining Armor’s Amour’s Armour by Loganberry
Rainbow Reflections by Bookish Delight
A Total Eclipse of the Fun by Estee
The Gathering by Bad Horse
Harissa
by Orbiting Kettle
Adventure
6,036 wordsZecora is known to lead a peaceful existence, alone in the Everfree Forest, lending a helping hoof or advice when asked. But her story began in a very different way, long ago and far away, amidst silk, incense, blood and treachery.
Why I added it: Orbiting Kettle is the best writer floating between Earth and Mars.
Review
Harissa is a story told in a series of flashbacks, mixed in-between scenes of her present life in the Everfree Forest, and the time she spends with her friends. The main body of the story is Zecora’s life back in her homeland where she served as queen, and the story of a war that tore her country apart, an anger planted by an attack on her daughter, and her self-imposed exile from her homeland.
Ultimately, this was an interesting story, but I didn’t feel like it was an interesting story about Zecora, the MLP character. It just doesn’t feel like it fits with the world of MLP very well, and while that is, perhaps, an unfair criticism (after all, many stories do not), a lot of the shock value of this story comes from Zecora being much more important than we thought she was, and having lost a lot. Unfortunately, I’m not sure if I really buy it being the same person.
As a work of fiction, it is simultaneously a bit novel and yet strangely standard; the core of the story, after all, is that someone rises to rulership, bad stuff happens, they turn to powerful magic for revenge, and then, in the end, are faced with the choice of ruling through naked (possibly dark) magical power or leaving. I simultaneously liked it and felt like it was a bit too predictable; I know who Zecora is, so I knew that whatever happened, she wasn’t ultimately going to be a bad guy, and for all of the imagery and shadowy magic swirling around her, I never really felt like I was fully engaged by it.
And ultimately, that was my problem with it; I always felt a bit detatched, and never was really rooting for any of the characters involved, and never really got swept up in the tale, perhaps because I saw where it was going too soon.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Shining Armor’s Amour’s Armour
by Loganberry
Comedy, Random, Slice of Life
1,871 wordsThe Crystal Empire's Royal Couple are popular, successful and happy in their marriage. As if that wasn't irritating enough, they're also very good with words. The problem is, one of the words they'll need today is "Armageddon".
Well, more or less.
Why I added it: The title.
Review
This story is basically all about constructing ridiculously repetitive “she sells seashells by the seashore” kind of sentences.
That’s… really all there is here. The plot, such as it is, is basically just about getting to the ridiculous titular Shining Armor’s Amour’s Armor (and it is much worse than that when we actually get to it); there’s no real conflict or… much of anything else really.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Rainbow Reflections
by Bookish Delight
Equestria Girls, Romance, Slice of Life
20,657 wordsTwilight Sparkle makes her maiden voyage to the human world! During her adventure, she meets a group of girls who inspire the same magic of friendship Twilight found long ago back home. In particular, she finds a familiar friend in one girl calling herself "Rainbow Dash."
But this Rainbow Dash has more than just friendship to offer the otherworldly princess. She also has her own outlook on life, and insights into her pony counterpart that Twilight would never have guessed... and will never forget.
Why I added it: This is a rewrite/expansion of Otherworldly Advice.
Review
As Twilight goes to her room after her trip to the other world in Equestria Girls, she encounters Rainbow Dash out “heading to the bathroom” in the hall back to her bedroom. Rainbow Dash decides to walk with Twilight, but it is pretty obvious that Rainbow Dash wants to spend time with Twilight. Twilight is a bit brusque, but is also testing Rainbow Dash, and after a few tense emotional moments, Rainbow Dash flies off, her “trip to the bathroom” forgotten. Twilight returns to her room to sleep, but can’t help but think about Rainbow Dash – and not just the one she just encountered in the hall, but also the one in the human world.
This was a retelling/expansion of Otherworldly Advice, a story I reviewed a couple review sets ago. At its heart, this is fundamentally the same story, but longer, with more details, extra scenes in the human world, and two scenes instead of just one between Rainbow Dash and Twilight at the end. As in the other story, Twilight spends time with the Equestria Girls Rainbow Dash, who opens up to Twilight about her hopes and dreams and fears, as well as about her crush on Twilight – and her probable AU counterpart’s crush on Twilight as well.
There’s quite a bit more character development of the Equestria Girls Rainbow Dash in this story than there was in the original, and there is a lot more focus on scenery – we’re given several visually impressive scenes in text which weren’t present in the original, and they’re meant to be emotionally evocative as well, with an emotional climax happening after each one.
While all of this is nice, and the story is an expanded version of the original, I had read the original, and this hews very closely to it, which meant that there were few real surprises here for me.
However, my greatest issue with this story was the same one was with the original – I’m not quite sure if I bought into the ship. The extra 14,000 words in this version of the story seem like they should have sold me on it, but in the end, it actually didn’t – the overall core emotional journey is more or less the same in each one, and the added scenes are just that. While the added Equestria Girls scenes felt like they at least expanded the Equestria Girls Rainbow Dash character, the added scene in Equestria felt like an emotional flourish that went on after the main plot was resolved in the other story.
While this is not necessarily a bad thing, honestly, in this version of the story, both Equestria Girls’ Rainbow Dash’s confession and the FIM-verse Rainbow Dash’s pseudo-confession happen in the middle of their stories; these are functionally the climaxes, and the additional scenes, while visually impressive, felt like they were trying to wring out an even higher climax that didn’t actually end up feeling like a higher climax than what had happened in the much shorter 6,000 word story – and also felt like they were sort of trying to stretch the emotional climax out longer when we already got the payoff we were searching for to a great extent.
That’s not to say that this is a bad story, because it isn’t. I thought it was a decent read. But while it smoothed out some of the issues with the original 6,000 word story, the 6,000 word story was much punchier and more condensed and to the point – the extra 14,000 words here didn’t feel like they added a whole lot over the original skeleton of the story. It didn’t feel long, but it felt like it was longer than the original without adding a whole lot to the original story, instead adding a bunch of stuff which was, while pretty, was also kind of a bit extraneous.
It was certainly decent enough. But I have to say I’m not really sure that reading the 20,000 word version was really better than reading the 6,000 word one.
Recommendation: I think you’re better off reading the original unless you really want to read a bunch about Equestria Girls Rainbow Dash and are really into epic scenery.
A Total Eclipse of the Fun
by Estee
Comedy, Slice of Life
38,699 wordsThe Sun comes down, the Moon goes up. The Moon is lowered, the Sun is raised. Ever since Discord was originally defeated, that has been the pattern, the heart of stability for life in Equestria, a celestial sign that ponies retain the helm.
But Luna remembers what life was like before, and the shards of beauty which could be found in chaos.
With the second anniversary of the Return approaching along with the associated holiday, Celestia wants to know if there's anything Luna would like to do in marking the occasion. And all Luna wants -- is an eclipse.
Other than Celestia and Luna, nopony has seen an eclipse in more than a thousand years.
This could be a problem.
Why I added it: Estee is a good writer and I’ve been putting off reading this for ages.
Review
Luna and Celestia decide to do something that hasn’t been done since the bad old days with Discord. The days of chaos and craziness. The days when the Sun and Moon shared the sky.
A terrific eclipse.
You know, a beautiful one. Or, you know, the return of Nightmare Moon, if you happen to be a particularly crazy and/or stupid pony.
This being Estee’s Equestria, the world is full of crazy and stupid ponies. So clearly, this must be stopped at all costs.
This is labelled as a comedy, which is both accurate and inaccurate – the story certainly has its funny parts, such as the various cuts to the rebellious chefs who are trying to start a rebellion to save Celestia from Luna, and their inability to sleep (Luna might see their dreams!). There’s a few running gags throughout the stories, and Estee’s general wry sense of humor about the perceived stupidity of people.
So you might think that the whole thing is funny. However, it isn’t. While it has a fair bit of comedy in it, it also has some serious bits – and unfortunately, they end up being a bit jarring. Celestia’s reaction to the eclipse when it eventually comes is rather tragic, and the story ends on a rather somber note, with one final joke intended to lighten things up a bit afterwards.
You might think that this is the largest problem, but this is somewhat forgivable - it isn't like you can't expect something like this coming from an Estee story, and in any case, it was at least interesting, even if it was a bit jarring, and I can't say that there weren't any hints of lurking seriousness earlier in the story.
The biggest problem this story has is pacing. It isn’t that it feels super slow to read – it doesn’t – but the story is over very nearly 40,000 words long. There’s a lot of unnecessary scenes, and the chef scenes do start getting a bit repetitive (even if there are a few clues hidden in there), but there’s also an awful lot of sheer mass.
And this is one of the biggest things about Estee’s writing – Estee tends to write bulky stories. Stories which are focused – like Five Hundred Little Murders – manage to get away with it. But stories like A Total Eclipse of the Fun are full of things which don’t seem to have a whole lot to do with the actual story. What is the purpose of Fancypants being in Ponyville? He gets a fair amount of attention, but does absolutely nothing of substance in the story. Rarity’s presence, too, while not unwelcome, is similarly extraneous to the plot. It isn’t that them being there is bad so much as that it adds a lot of words without adding a lot of substance to the plot.
And so it is with all too many of Estee’s stories.
It isn’t that all of those words are necessarily uninteresting as that they just kind of are there. Estee is the sort of person who throws in entire scenes and characters because they want to talk about them rather than because they particularly contribute to the story. And while many are guilty of this at times. Estee’s stories often are drenched in such things.
If you are bothered by this sort of thing in Estee stories, this story is likely to drive you batty.
If you are one of the sort of people who likes that sort of thing, you’ll probably enjoy this story.
Honestly, in the end, I can’t really recommend this story in good faith, even though I personally enjoyed it. It is just much longer than it needs to be, and while there’s nothing really bad about it, the story is going to take you two hours to read and may not end up feeling like it had the content you’d expect of a story of that length.
Recommendation: Not Recommended unless you’re an Estee fan.
The Gathering
by Bad Horse
Drama, Slice of Life
1,172 wordsIn the stars, a hundred years' journey away, the alicorns gather, to mourn, to mate, and to give birth to the new. They call to their sisters across the galaxies, and Celestia hears them.
Meanwhile, Dotted Line wants her to review tax rebate applications.
Why I added it: Bad Horse is a good writer, and I just posted a Read It Now yesterday.
Review
This is one of Bad Horse’s shorter stories, but it works quite well; the stakes seem very low and yet simultaneously incredibly high, as Celestia is presented as having the choice between playing at being god and dealing with woefully boring mortal matters with Dotted Line. Her reaction, her decision at the end, and her invocation of form GR-17 all say a lot about how she is feeling, and how important and meaningful all of this really is to her, even as poor Dotted Line is left wondering what exactly just happened.
Recommendation: Worth Reading.
Summary
Harissa by Orbiting Kettle
Not Recommended
Shining Armor’s Amour’s Armour by Loganberry
Not Recommended
Rainbow Reflections by Bookish Delight
Not Recommended
A Total Eclipse of the Fun by Estee
Not Recommended
The Gathering by Bad Horse
Worth Reading
Threw myself at a couple longer stories in this set – I spend far too much time putting off reading 20,000+ word stories, and it is silly. A lot of them are good. Of course, not all of them are quite as satisfying as I might have hoped. The fact that Animal Farm is only a bit over 30,000 words long always amazes me, but also suggests just how much can be done in a pretty small word count.
Anyway, I might have cheated a bit including Bad Horse’s story in this set, but I liked it – it was short, compact, and conveyed a fair bit of emotion in only a bit over a thousand words.
Of the others, my eternal struggle against Estee’s word count continues, while Harissa, despite a lot of other folks liking it, just didn’t do it for me as much as it did for everyone else. And Rainbow Reflections might have gotten a higher grade from me if I hadn’t read the other version of the story. While sometimes expanded rewrites greatly improve a story while changing it into a different one, or result in something a lot stronger than the original, here, Bookish Delight’s story just kind of felt bigger without actually being bigger emotionally.
Maybe I’m just getting crotchety about story lengths. Or maybe I’m spoiled by short stories. Goodness knows my own writing may not always be quite as concise as it should be, and I’m always worried about being too long-winded.
Ah, well.
I’ve got another review set done already for tomorrow, and am going to try and get a draft of My Fluttering Heart done by tomorrow as well. We’ll see if that happens, seeing as I’ve got plans for this evening.
Either way, I’ll see you all tomorrow. I hope everyone finds something worth reading in the meantime.
Number of stories still listed as Read It Sooner: 130
Number of stories still listed as Read It Later: 459
Number of stories listed as Read It Eventually: 1927
this is going to be one of those blogposts, isn't it
3969608
Yes.
Wh-- Hey! No! I do this too! It is not silly, it is actionable. >:B
Also, glad for the notification of Rainbow Reflections. I felt the original needed to be expanded, so I'll take a look myself and see what she did with it. :)
3969637
I think the real thing is that when you read a 5,000 word story that ends up being a letdown, you can read three more similar length stories that hour and get at least one thing that's a hit.
If you read a 20,000 word story and it is a letdown, that's all you spent an hour reading.
But the thing is, there's a lot of good stories that aren't short, and I miss out on them this way.
Plus, it means my reading lists end up full of long stories, which is how they keep getting longer.
3969637 Word of the day: actionable
3969643
Yeah. I mean, I've got three that are multiple hundreds of thousands of words long that I promised people I'd read two, three years ago now. Guess why they haven't been read yet. :B
3969655
Yeah, I have a few of those as well...
Freaking Background Pony and Fallout Equestria.
I also get antsy when reading fanfiction past the 20-25k mark. This has a lot of reasonable justifications, though.
Fanfiction should be shorter than original fiction by default: the intended audience is already familiar with the characters and setting on some level, after all. Even with people new to the fandom or AU stuff, you can expect a reasonable amount of reader familiarity.
Short fiction is also much easier to find in fanfiction than in original fiction. There's not a lot of places that publish magazine-style with lots of short fiction collected in a single place. Internet publishing removes that (though not entirely, due to arbitrary FIMfic standards).
Finally, I don't always trust fanfiction writers to be able to competently finish a longer story. Whether it's because they are posting it as it is written, because they haven't finished writing it after two years, or simply because fanfiction is a fundamentally amateur endeavor, I'm always wary of long and/or unfinished fics.
I've read plenty of longer fanfictions, of course. But the longest ones always seem to run into some issue or another and I don't tend to finish them anyway.
3969660
It's really hard when they don't have (complete) audiobooks. D:
*looks at both You're Next notification and the story involved*
*wonders if there's any way where that wouldn't look like a threat*
Let's both save some time here. I'll just downvote that for you.
...and done.
3969676
You know, you don't have to downvote it. I am going to read it anyway.
Besides, if I'm reading it, it needs all the upvotes it can get.
More seriously, I only sometimes downvote your stuff. I didn't downvote A Total Eclipse of the Fun, after all (it actually got an upvote). I just struggle to recommend some of it to people because of your, ah, particular style.
I might just be a masochist, though. I can't actually rule that out.
When you weave stories you can get caught in their rules.
Thanks for the review. It's always a pleasure, whatever the results are
3969740
Since I feel we share the sentiment I'll summarize my opinion on Estee's stories.
In general pretty darn good, but very much an acquired taste.
Indeed, and that was the point. It's a bit of linguistic silliness that's only incidentally a story. No complaints about your rating, as I wouldn't recommend it to someone who was looking for a good story, either! Its popularity blindsided me -- I was expecting it to get 100 or so views and then disappear from everyone's radar.
3971315
Yeah, I'm not sure what I was expecting, as in retrospect it was pretty obvious what it was going to be.
The fandom never ceases to amaze me. Ghost of Heraclitus makes an astonishing 'verse with Dotted Line and the rest of the Loyal Support Bureaucracy. Bad Horse makes this astonishing paean to it. Ghost returns the favor with a Never The Final Word response. Wonderful people.
4929599
Indeed! Good stuff.