Woundsalt, Mother Bucker.

by OneUppington

The Epilogue Called That Night's Dream

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Hey Girls,

Sorry that it’s just the one letter from Owlowlicious. I’m still not quite ready for the Princess Summit and I need to go through a lot of notes. We all seem to be quite busy, these days. I hope that changes when I can head back into the library.

Which leads to my first bit of news: I’m moving back into my library! I’ve been talking to Princess Celestia and she confirmed that it would be best for me to stay in there and not build a castle and put taxes on other funding. This does mean Woundsalt may have to live with me until he moves out. I have a feeling we might need to help him out with that.

Speaking of Woundsalt, I’m afraid the Re-Cute Mitzvah wasn’t the only leak in the whole adoption fiasco. The now EX-receptionist went to the press and admitted she made this happen. She got herself fired because the janitor caught her in his closet with her boyfriend. She released the information in the hopes that it can sully the orphanage’s name… which really didn’t need her help to do that, to be honest. Saint Diamond Heart’s already getting some flack for not realising they had another case of CMC on their hooves, along with splitting Woundsalt apart from his sibling and something involving that one dream Woundsalt had that I don’t want to talk about for very good reasons. They might receive a cut from their funding from all these suspicious happenings, sadly.

Anyway, before I continue with some more news, I want to reply to all of your recent letters.

First off, Rainbow Dash: Sorry to hear about the date. Some ponies are just mean, you know that. Way to go putting the custard on him instead. That’ll make Thunder Roll think again on crossing with innocent fillies! Don’t worry about finding somepony to ask about lesbianism, Dash. Vinyl and Octavia would be good ponies to ask, perhaps. I’m certain they won’t mind.

Fluttershy: I understand her being afraid by the threat, but tell your mom that she will be fine from any changeling attacks. Changelings can’t walk on clouds, after all. They can fly, sure, but even then they will easily be caught if they pretend as a pegasus and stay in the air in Cloudsdale while all the other pegasi walk. That’ll stick out like a sore hoof. Princess Luna has already sent a couple of soldiers from her regiment to guard her anyway, but really they are there for her peace of mind more than anything else. Also, I’m glad you managed to find that dove and that he seems to be living a good life. Leave him with his family, though. Accept the closure, okay?

Apple Jack: Don’t let Filthy Rich’s lawyers intimidate you. They know very well that Filthy Rich should have sold Parfait the cider in the first place and that he should be thankful he/she didn’t sue him for discrimination. If it does go as far as the courtroom, you will have a great character witness. Nopony’s going to argue with a princess. ;)

Also, and I know you mean well, but I feel you may be a bit to frontal about us being concerned about Woundsalt’s well-being. I agree that there might be more to the surge at your house, but we got to be patient with him before he opens up. He knows he has shoulders to cry on.

Rarity: I can’t believe you spied on Woundsalt going into Salty Bet’s arcade. We want him to trust us and that’s not going to happen if we don’t respect his privacy. You are so lucky he didn’t catch you! That being said, he didn’t say anything about it when he wrote to me this afternoon. I have a feeling he is hiding something, especially since I have proof that his mystery twin is NOT Salty Bet. In fact, I got some evidence pointing to her being a changeling. The Royal Guard claimed someone saw her change; Some guy by the name of Jitter Bug. They haven’t jumped in yet, though. They have no definitive proof outside of the witness’s word that she is. She hasn’t contacted any changeling they know of, she seems to have that arcade up in Ponyville before the Canterlot Wedding attack so she wasn’t involved in that, there are no reports of her eating anypony’s emotions... For all we know, this Jitter Bug character may be wrong about her being a changeling, but we know for a fact she isn’t Woundsalt’s sister. Still, you better bring this up with Woundsalt and why he seemed so happy when he left… AFTER you apologise to him for being nosey, of course!

And Finally Pinkie Pie: … Girls, we have another new first, today. Pinkie has written me a lesson she MUST learn instead of one she has.

‘Change can happen at any time and a when such a change happens to a friend you must give them help and support no matter what because that is what good friends do.’

Couldn’t put it better myself. Of course, your first step is to apologise to Woundsalt for kicking him out of his own Cute Mitzvah, and then you go and give Vinyl an ‘It’s okay that you are what your are even though I'm a little disgusted by you’ party. Maybe work on the name a little. Something that doesn't say that you're disgusted.

Now onto the biggest news: Woundsalt’s DNA test has come back and the results are... interesting.

For those of us who are unfamiliar on how DNA works, DNA is made up of molecules called nucleotides. Each nucleotide contains a phosphate group, a sugar group and a nitrogenous base. The four types of nitrogenous bases are adenine (A), thymine (T), guanine (G) and cytosine (C). The order of these bases is why Rainbow Dash doesn’t look like Rarity and vice versa. Because Both of their DNA is set different in many ways.

And both of your DNA are definitely different from Woundsalt’s DNA because... Woundsalt's DNA is weird. It has As, Ts, Gs and Cs, but also… question marks.

And before you all ask if that is a CMC thing, it’s not. I have taken the liberty of looking at Rain Coat’s DNA as well. There are no question marks when it comes to her.

Originally, I thought this was something wrong with the machine, but one scientist has stated that this is another rare anomaly! Not as rare as the CMC, but still very special; Making the fact that Woundsalt has both this and CMC astonishing. He was a biological miracle already and now it turns out he has this as well? You have a bigger chance winning first division in the lottery every week in a year only to have all your winnings destroyed by a hot air balloon crashing into your mansion than meeting a pony like Woundsalt ever again!

This scientist also gave me a list of other cases of ponies with what he calls ‘Qs and Ms’ (One thing I didn’t mention from my DNA explanation from above, usually the nitrogen bases are paired to each other, As with Ts, Gs with Cs. So… it’s a nerdy science joke that you guys still don’t probably get, but trust me it’s a little funny) and from it are some very similar names to Woundsalt. So much, in fact, we could make a family tree from this list.

We could… but someone on the list already did.

His name is Salt-Lick Flats, Flats being his adopted name. He, according to the fact that they share practically all of the same ‘normal’ bits of DNA along with having the exact same amount of question marks, is Woundsalt’s brother.

And if the rest of you girls are wondering why Fluttershy and Rarity believe that I’m wrong, it’s because there is this joke mascot Wound’s fanbase has that represents the False Salts who use the likeness of Woundsalt for hook-ups called ‘Salt-lick the Pimp’. However, I’m afraid it’s true. Salt-Lick is real. He used to live in Los Alicornes, running a business where he and other ponies that look like his brother… well, let's just say the character of Salt-Lick the Pimp is more than just a joke. That’s not the oddest news about him, unfortunately. He has recently been added to the missing ponies list. The authorities decided to investigate his apartment in the hopes to find a clue to where he went. It was then they found a room dedicated to finding his original family. Him and Woundsalt’s family.

I got word from the leading stallion of the case of Salt-Lick’s disappearance, Lieutenant Column Base, who gave me this description of this room from his audio tape. I’ll transcribe what he says on it to you guys.

“It seems to start in the middle of the wall furthest from the door with the missing pony’s adoption certificate, with a note reading ‘Reminder: Thank Mom and Dad for delivering this to me.’ Lace Up and Pointed Flats both live up at Coltorado and have confirmed that they know of this room and sent him the certificate for this purpose. The certificate also has a string that leads to a the right corner of the wall. In this corner is a copy of the book ‘Boys From the Corner’. It’s like a collection of these two poets works while they were in some old Canterlot magazine. Damn shame he taped up the book in this way, Mrs Base has been trying to get it for weeks and… almost gone on the wrong tangent, there. Sorry. Anyway, he has the book taped to the pages of the poets' life stories. Salt-Lick highlighted a part in the biography of Woundsalt. ‘Found and raised in Saint Diamond Heart Orphanage’, the same orphanage the missing pony was from. He also pinned a piece of paper with its own note: ‘Most definitely my brother. But why did they separate us?’ At this time, we have no contact with Woundsalt nor the orphanage. Along the string, there is another string tied to the middle. This string leads to a news article about a mare named Salty Kisses who was last seen walking into Everfree Forest, never to be seen again. This also has a note from Salt-Lick: ‘Mother?’ He also highlighted a quote from her boyfriend, Wound Lick, vowing to look for her himself. I had one of the boys look up whether or not he did. He tried to… the poor bastard was found dead the following week. Timberwolves, according to the autopsy. Even though there is no note about him, my gut's telling me that Salt Lick believes Wound Lick's the father.”

Sidenote from me here, girls. Vanishing off the face of the earth seems to be quite a common trait with ponies with Qs and Ms, especially in forests. At some point in their lives, ponies like Salty Kisses and possibly even Salt-lick as well walk into the woods, never to be seen or heard from again. This has happened to not to just these two, but also to ponies named Salty Shores, Table Salt, Pretzel Salt, Salt N. Pepperston the Third… You girls have probably caught onto the pattern, right? The only reason why no-one really made the connection at this point that these ponies are related? Well, a pony can’t really figure out a relation by name alone, of course, and with question marks in their DNA who knows how close of a match they are? There are ponies on this list that aren’t a Salt, as well. Few of those ponies go missing, too. Also, not every Salt does a vanishing act; none of them alive right now except Woundsalt, unfortunately, but some Salts don’t go into the woods and fall off the edge of the earth. One thing that does have them all in common, however? All the ponies on the list, a Salt, missing or otherwise... are orphans. Yeah.

Column Base keeps going on and on about every article of ponies from the Q and M list disappearing or being foals found in front of churches, orphanages and the homes of young couples who can’t have kind of their own for certain reasons, so I’m going to skip to the part that I found… disturbing.

“There seems to be one article on the floor, roughly near the certificate and the book. According to the landlord, the last pony to see Salt-Lick, he claimed to head out for some blue-tac. A hunch tells me he may have wanted to put this somewhere between him and Woundsalt. It’s another baby at some couple’s doorstep: This time, two stallions named Dry Coat and Blank Canvas. The two found a little filly with a note implying her name is Vinyl Scratch and whoever left her there wanted them to take care of her. They live in a House-cart; one of those caravan things, which at the time was in the Canterlot area, both saying they were about to head off to Manehattan until they heard her crying. The note attached to this one asks ‘Sister? If so, why not in the orphanage like us?’”

… and before any of you ask, yes. She is on the Q and M list. According to medical records, her vocal chords seem to temporarily disable itself every Friday… a trait that a lot of Q and M ponies possess.

…

Girls, before we freak out completely, we have to keep in mind that a lot of this is speculation. For all we know, Salt-Lick’s wrong about Vinyl and Woundsalt hasn't just got into a relationship with his sister and sister-in-law. One thing’s for certain, however... we got to tell him this. All of this. He got mad the last time we kept information from him. Can you girls imagine how mad he’ll be if we kept this to ourselves?

How you do this, I leave to you. If I can suggest something... tell him afterwards this. Celestia told me this when I was just starting as her student, and it has been jumping back into my mind recently given this new role I now have: Life is a story. One with characters, scenes, situations, even plot twists. Sometimes stories, especially life, raises questions. Questions that may never be answered, some answers raise more questions. In this case, I think it's safe to say it is definitely the latter. But, and I want you girls to say this part in a way so that he gets it...

... the only difference between life and any other story is that other stories end.

Life still goes on, making more characters to meet, more scenes to be in and more situations to experience. Even more questions will be raised and we answer all that we can. And if he asks why we answer the questions ask him: Well, don't you feel good for yourself when you correctly answer a question?

I hope I see you girls very soon. Let's keep answering questions together. Not just for Woundsalt, but for us.

Twilight.

P.S. I know it sounds obvious, but keep Woundsalt out of the Everfree Forest, okay? Just in case he tries to look for his mom like his dad did.

Author's Note:

... A little fun fact, actually. I was planning a pony name Salt Lick to be the sibling all along, so when you guys kept suggesting that as Woundsalt's rap-name I was stunned a little bit. So... yeah, congrats! You technically called who the mystery sibling is!

...

Well, here's my stop. Firstly, I got to thank Crim. He may have joined the ride with me late, but I'm glad he was there for it. I hope we can do more things with each other. I keep hearing about him wanting to write something, maybe I can help out there.

Secondly, All the two people who actually put money towards this, Enrique Esparza and Matthew Kirschman... Thank you. The AWESOME HALL OF FAME maybe small, but that won't stop me being grateful. Hell, I never thought I'd get any money from this, even when the Patreon started.

And finally, I want to thank... you. All of you. For giving me the spirit to keep going on my first ever thing I've ever written that doesn't involve some school project. For that, here is a reward. The next step. My original work of fiction baby for the world to see. Just two things to say about it before I hit you up with the link:

1. This might not represent the final product. Consider it a Pre-Alpha.
2. I still am unsure where to put it, even though your suggestions are great. Maybe I'll divide and conquer, put them up on all the sites. I'll say where I put it in my blog.

Anyway, I bring you... Australis

Otherside, my ponies
Uppy

Twitter-Patreon (To be renovated)

EDIT: Australis is now live at Fictionpress! Clicky!

Comments

[Reykan]

Call me intrigued >->

And why did you make Salt pull a Skywalker?

[OneUppington]

6815152 Did I?

[Reykan]

6815160 pretty sure Luke got a kiss from his sister at several points. First got a disclaimer as it was for luck, but I swear there was another.

[OneUppington]

6815172 Well, true. I wouldn't really call it a full Skywalker pull however. Something I like to do is what I call Schrodinger's Plot. She COULD be her sister. She COULD NOT be her sister. It is something that I want to keep to myself.

[Starblade]

I wonder if Twilight forgot that Woundsalt's magic lets him read any and all written works, including this very letter she's written?

[Moongaze14]

Thank you so much for writing this awesome story. I personally liked Woundsalt's journey from an asocial guy into one that has a relationship and lots of friends/admirers. The ambiguous ending was great from the way Twilight talks with the other girls about their issues to her theories about Woundsalt's genealogy. Anyway, you concluded a great story and, regardless if there are any sequels or not, I want to congratulate you for making the story entertaining and wish that your Australis story be successful.

[OneUppington]

6815187 Let's just say if/when this continues, There will be a 1000 word chapter with nothing but one word repeated a thousand: FUCK

And it shall be known as "The Picture's Worth"

[Spirit Shift]

Completed? NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU Why u du dis to miii I luv dis tory!

[Aguion12 - GotA]

If I remember correctly, you said you'll make a sequel, right?

[OneUppington]

6815482 Maybe.

[Jarimor]

6815177
6815172
the only thing Luke and Leia didn't do on Hoth was bump uglies.
thank you novel versions of the movie for making twincest so hilarious.

And things just got interesting.

[Chrome Masquerade]

Well, now that the story's over, i can give my thoughts on it!

This story was simply fantastic!
it had good characters, a good plot, a couple of nice poems (that i'll probably be telling people about for a long time to come), kept me guessing and had a satisfying conclusion!
Oh, and at times it was HILARIOUS!!!

This is going to be a first, but this story by itself gets 10 points. BUT, for the poetry and for 'Salt taking Gilda down a peg, you get an extra point!

11/10 on the itude meter! Keep writing like this and you're gonna go FAR!!!

P.s.: that bit about his family is kind of a drag, and makes his relationship with Vinyl a bit weird (maybe?) but i hope he'll take both with a grain of salt.
pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/1891039983/av.jpg

[71M073J]

Well... to say I'm salty about this already ending is an understatement. I wanted more.
Good salt to y'all. Cheers.

[dracone]

This was a fun ride, do you have plans for a followup? Maybe Salt-Lick's story?

[Guardians-of-chaos]

Real One: Well, great story my comrade, and just to be safe, it better advise Woundsalt to use condoms if he ever tries to fuck Vinyl Scratch, we don't want a foal with three anomalies, do we? Well, now I will await for a sequel.

[GuyverAlpha]

Have to say, Quite the ending. and thanks for the link .

[Philosophysics]

6815177 So sequel?

[Evergrand Storyteller]

Leaves a weird pit in my stomach knowing this might not get a sequel, quality work otherwise cheers.

[Emerald Blazer]

To this story, and Australis, in the words of Jontron himself:

10/10
100/100
Best story
BEST STORY!

[Gearshifter]

6823137 What the One Punch pony said, do we have a snowballs chance in hell of a sequel?

[Philosophysics]

6843467 In certain versions of hell, there is a cold hell. SO there is a snowball's chance in hell that we might get a sequel.

[Kabino]

Man, I feel weird now that this has ended. I remember reading this always waiting for the next chapter, but then I got caught up in school and somehow forgot this existed for a bit. When I checked back on the site noticing how filled my notifications were, I felt kind of sad. I had lost interest in most of the stories I was reading, but this one I will forever enjoy. It's just weird how after not using the site for so long it makes me feel sad in a way, that there are so many good stories out there, your 's being one of the best. Sorry for the rambling, but I just wanted to say thank for writing this story, it really is a masterpiece.

[OneUppington]

6964974 Thanks, buddy. And thanks for favin'.

[Spirit Shift]

Hmm what can I say that hasn't already been said... Hmmm. Oh I know.

It truly was a pleasure making artwork for this story. If you ever need other cover art or illustration feel free to hit me up anytime. You probably feel nervous about starting on a new site but with your talent Im sure you'll get somewhere. Just know two things.

1: You always have us on Fimfiction
2: You'll go further anyone if you just stay DETERMINED.

[Schroedingers_Katze]

Well, that was that. Dunno, I allways feel peculiar when I finish reading a story here on FimFic.

Thank you for sharing these salty horsewords with us OneUppington, it was a wild, at times wacky ride and I enjoyed every second of it.

[Ponygon]

Such salty goodness. Woundsalt has to be my favourite OC.

[outerjay]

im glad i read that it was fun im not going to read the one shot storys but if theirs ever a sequal ill read that

[CommanderBigMac]

7742253 Goeie more, Noble Leader6. Hoop dit gaan goed. (Good morning, NobleLeader6. Hope you are well)

The "modern" Afrikaans that gets thought in schools is quite close to english in sentence structure and such, so a normal greeting might just be: Goeie more, my naam is CommanderBigMac. (Good morning, my name is CommanderBigMac) .

Thinking about it, the greeting that the author used there might have been used way back when Afrikaans just started as a dialect of Dutch(possibly only bu the Nolbemen and such id think). The language has its origin as a sailors language(called kitchen Dutch I believe), starting out when South Afirca was just a pitstop(read colony) on the southern most point of africa.

From what I've heard, there are apparently communities in the Cape area that speak Afrikaans in such a way that I would have trouble understanding it.

[Minecrart24]

Can you plz mack a second fic for Woundsalt
From
A big fan

[Greatazuredragon]

This was an awesome story, absolutely loved it!
Will there be a sequel?

[Samellan]

I really wish there was a sequel...

[Arngeir]

A riot from start to finish, good show.

[FortunateKitsune]

9444758
You're welcome!

[Chrome Masquerade]

11134085
It sure is! Just take a look.