Much Ado About Nothing
“… She will be getting it annulled after the Princess Summit. Provided that there is a way to annul an adoption without looking like a horrible pony in the eye of the media. Especially since she’s particularly popular as of late.” Rarity finish explaining, levitating a book towards me for me to put on the shelf with the others.
Page is silent as he holds the ladder.
… She told him the entire story. How Twilight went into reception asking for paperwork of my release. How Type Face fucked up the paperwork. He’s been quiet ever since. I wished for this, once upon a time. A quiet Page.
But not like this. And not right now.
…
“Do you believe this, Woundsalt? That the receptionist had a bad day in the office?”
Oh thank Cadence, he speaks! “Well, I don’t see Twilight as a pony who lies about something like this. Besides, I’m willing to bet Type Face did it on purpose to screw with me. I wouldn’t put it past her. We have what you’d call a ‘Hate-hate’ relationship.”
“Like every relationship you have in Canterlot.” Page quips.
“True, true. Next book, Rarity.”
I see a book float towards my hooves. Let’s see…
…
“Mister Page,” I hear Rarity says, breaking my concentration. “I think it’s safe to say with great confidence that this secret must stay in the library for-”
“Oh, no argument here, Miss Rarity. Don’t you worry.” Page interrupts. “I won’t reveal this. One condition though… Fuck the media. You tell Twilight to annul this immediately.”
I look down at the two. Page, what the fuck are you saying?
“I’m sorry, come again?” Rarity also asks.
“Forget what the paparazzi think.” Pages replies. “As of my father’s passing, I am now the owner of Printed Media, the largest brand of newspapers and magazines. What I say is what the paparazzi think, and I say the child that everypony believes that exists… doesn’t want to be royalty anymore. That they, whoever the buck they weren’t, realises the stress of being the child of the newest princess is too great to handle and they request an annulment. Princess Twilight, while saying that she loves this non-existent child, understands and rips up the adoption papers. The unknown orphan is never heard from again and Twilight will continue pretending that butter can’t melt in her mouth.”
Shit, that’s insane! However… It’s insane enough to work! Granted, it’s lying but it’s still the truth. I don’t want this and I feel like I’ve been stressed out since I found out; really, the only lying we are doing is the lie everypony else created: The kid.
“But… but…” Rarity stutters. “But what about the other brands? Wouldn’t they have anything to say on the issue?”
“Au contraire, Miss Rarity.” Page quickly replies. “You do not know the lesson I learn frequently being the heir of Printed Media.”
“Which is…?”
“Nopony fucks with Printed Media. Printed Media has knowledge on everypony and everything. More than other any corporation does, at least.”
“Oh, do they now?” I interfere. “Okay, ignoring this adoption fiasco, since you just found out about it, what else does Printed Media know over other companies?”
He looks at me. “Celestia left an unofficial visit Saint Diamond Heart’s crying yesterday afternoon. Ponies have only rumoured why. A reporter of mine discovered it is because of a secret Saint Diamond Heart kept… One she didn’t see coming.”
I sigh. “Let me guess. Trombones?”
He blinks. “You mean you know that?”
Rarity blinks. “Trombones?”
I sigh again. “Yeah, I had a prophetic dream I didn’t tell you girls. It was a little fucked up.”
“Oh, the one for Celestia’s eyes only.” Rarity squirms. “Say no more. Twilight did mention it. She didn’t write to us what it was, unfortunately. Or should I say fortunately?”
“Fortunately.” I nod.
“Definitely Fortunately.” Page nods along. “Trust us.”
“That I shall.” Rarity says, not nodding. You’d think she would be somepony who’d continue a starting trend. “Well, I leave you two to the rest of the books and pack for the Princess Summit.”
I look at the pile. Yeah, that doesn’t need three ponies to sort out. In fact, by the looks of things they all are copies on the shelf already; including the one in my hoof. So we could just put these in storage and call it a job well done. The shelf is full enough already, anyway.
“Okay. See you later, Rarity.”
“Take care, Miss Rarity.” Page bows. “Make sure Twilight annuls this as soon as she can.”
“I’ll make sure she will. Adieu, Mister Page.” She says as she walks out of the door.
The moment it closes, a question came out of my possibly, but logically guaranteed not-brother.
“So, how many times have you verbally ripped her high-class lifestyle to shreds?”
I couldn’t help smirking as I come down the ladder. “Hard to say. I don’t remember what I say in surges, remember?”
He guffaws as he looks around. Before moving the cart with his aura. “True… Look man, I got to be honest with you. When I saw that certificate, it… well, let’s say it’s the cause of vomit number two and three.”
“No kidding.” I reply, leading the way to storage. “Are you surprised that it’s a secret to the public?”
“Not at all.” He shakes his head. “And a good thing too. This could break your reputation. You’ve seen the folks at that bar last night. I can’t imagine how well they’ll receive this if it comes out.”
“I can see that.” I say as I put the book in my hoof onto the floating cart. “Then again, those guys forgave me for not knowing I had a fanbase.”
“I… I think this might be too much for them to be in a forgiving mood, Wound.” He says concernedly. “These ponies love you for being you and the fact that you say what you feel and believe; especially when it comes to your hatred of Celestia. Yet here you are being close to royalty. It feels like you sold out your feelings and beliefs!”
“Well, I wouldn’t say I hate Celestia…” I begin my rebuttal as we walk over to the storage room.
“You do realise you wrote the proses titled ‘When Whitey Raises the Moon’, ‘The Revolution Will Not be Rated TV-Y’ and ‘I Bucking Hate the Bucking Princess’, right?”
…
“Okay, I can see why it would come across that I hate the Princess, but…
… want an Average Donut Joe running things and just have her doing what she has been doing in the last thousand years. Is that too much to ask?”
… The fuck was that? Was that a surge? It sounded… calmer.
Page, alongside myself, stays still for a moment. “Was… was that you right now or your magic? Because you don’t usually go on and on like you just did unless you have a blackout, but that sounded less… rage-y.”
“I… I think it was a blackout. It’s been weird since I got here. It made me cry in front of Apple Jack’s Family yesterday. Still don’t know why.”
“No kidding?” Page asks as he returns to moving himself and the wagon, eventually reaching the storage door. “You know, I never really saw you cry before.”
“Really?” I ask as I open it up. “You’d think all the times were hanging around my cubicle you’d catch me writing something.”
“What does that got to do with…” It was then that his mind has clicked. “You write with your own tears?”
I nod as his mouth figuratively and almost literally hits the floor.
“Holy crap, so that hermaphrodite at the bar last night wasn’t joking about you crying ink?”
I smile. “Like someone who owns a bar shall ever lie.”
He giggles… It seems nicer than it used to be.
“True, true.” He smiles. “Speaking of, do you mind if we head back to the SorriNa on the way to that arcade Rarity was on about? I think I left my wallet there.”
I can only blink at the question before answering with my own. “You… want to come with me to this arcade?”
“Why not?” Page shrugs. “I’m not planning anything today. Besides, I never really been to one before. Have you?”
“… I think I woke up drunk in one. Or it was it a casino? No wait, I remember. It was on a table of an illegal poker game.”
…
“I’m so happy you’re out of West Canterlot, Woundsalt.” Page Presser said calmly as he puts the cart away.
“Me too, good buddy.” I sigh as I close the door. “Me too.”
Stats
Page generated in 0.026 seconds
Total duration
990 users online
195,516 hits today, 2,814,898 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Wow. Just wow. Something about being in West Canterlot seems to affect his magic so that when he does have a surge it comes out rage-y. Either that or its just Canterlot that does that to him. Either way.
heh, illegal poker game. was he the pot or a player?
5563552 Well, what I'm trying to reach at here is, and I'm going to put up the spoiler bar just in case you want to reach this conclusion by yourself, It's generally is about the environment he is in and how he feels about said environment.
5563587 Oh, neat. I thought it was some thing like that. Nice to know I was right.
5563578 "I see your fifty bits and raise you one drunken poet." XD
5563594
oneway2day.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/see-your-jihad-raise-you-1-crusade.jpg
5563600
1. The Crusades were a retaliatory response to a continent-wide, centuries-long violent incursion by Muslims into Christian countries and territories. They marched out in response to pleas for help from Christian settlements that were being overrun and slaughtered.
2. I don't think you're in much danger of being on a plane hijacked by a Crusader. The Crusades ended centuries ago. The Jihadists started theirs with Muhammed himself, and have been continuing on their head-lopping, clit-chopping, wife-stoning ways without cease to this very day. In fact Islamic terrorists have conducted over twenty-four THOUSAND deadly terror attacks worldwide since 9-11-01.
3. The "tiny radical muslim minority" is a myth.
5563628 ... Is this... Is this going to be the first religious debate in my comment section?
cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/54510033.jpg
In all serious however... And consider everything I'm about to say with an asterisk because, like I have said before about religion, I'm not exactly an expert:
1. Was it? All I keep hearing about in the crusades was 'let's take over the holy lands so Jesus can come back and we'll totally have a fun time and stuff.'
2. Okay, that I grant you. However you can agree that christianity can do some terrible things also. I do remember sighing when I heard some chump blowing up an establishment and killing the doctor inside of it because he was giving abortions to women who needed them.
3. It did, yes. And you're right. The fact that these traditions exist in the twenty-first century sicken me. However, all these traditions are usually carried out by Radical Islam, not actual Islam. Actual Islam changes. Otherwise, Malala Yousafzai would've got shot in the head for nothing.
4. ...Sorry dude, you're link's aren't working. If it's that high, then wow. However, I would like to see how many of those are in retaliation of what others did to them.
[EDIT]
Thanks for getting them links fixed. That Ben Shapiro video is very interesting. Something about his information being three years old is a little questionable and the fact that there isn't a link to this survey he got this from I find suspicsous, but I do see the math.
And that other site does have very interesting material too... but there is something about that photo with the kid holding up the man's head and them doing the 'get ahead in life' pun really... I got to be honest, that's a little sick.
I really like the tiles of Salt's works. I do wonder how Celestia would interact with him after his revelation of Diamond's perverted side.
5563690 Hey, if someone libels my religion with that Hot Topic Teenager prattle about the Crusades, I'm gonna kick.
1. That was the half-time pep talk, yeah. But how is that not valid? The Muslims ran the Christians out of the Mideast at the point of a sword, "let's take the territory back" is the expected slogan.
2. 'Medically necessary' abortions make up less than 1% of all abortions so that's a lie, the Christian community condemned the bomber's actions as immoral for their violence, and your equivocation falls flat considering that the scale is one 'christian terrorist' vs. three THOUSAND babies aborted daily in America alone. The breathtaking hypocrisy of pro-abortion advocates who sneered that "if you really believed they were babies, you'd do something more than just protest..." only to label all Christians murderous Jihadists when one condemned loner does just that....
But this prattle about abortion clinic bombers is a red herring.
Let's address the "you're no better than me" argument. The Catholic Church in the medieval period did commit terrible deeds. (I'm baptist. We were among the victims.) Congratulations for noticing, we'll put them on the list labeled "EVERYONE BACK THEN." Life around the world was nasty, brutish, and short back then, and a considerable amount of ruthlessness to survive. But as horrible as the dark ages in Europe were, life under the Muslim Caliphate--- or pretty much any other barbarian empire of the time--- was worse. The Holy Roman Empire was one of the more merciful and civilized empires of the world, by leaps and bounds especially compared to some. The standard is not perfection, the standard is the alternative.
Furthermore, don't you feel at least a little hypocritical? The values which you use to judge the people of Europe CAME from Europe, and from Judeo-Christianity. It is no accident that Christendom was the soil from which the modern free nations of the world sprang. You damn Christendom for failing to live up perfectly to standards only Christendom had, and which you only have yourself because you were raised in a Christian civilization.
3. Don't be foolish. The apologists were at least accidentally honest when they still called it "fundamentalist" Islam. And it is a matter of record that the majority of Muslims worldwide support the teachings and practices of the Jihadists as being true to their faith. "Radical" islam is Islam, period... unless you are daft and silly enough to try and claim that Muhammed himself, who raped, murdered, and warmongered across the Mideast, whom all Muslims are admonished to emulate, was a "fringe radical?"
All the excuses and attacks you make have been addressed ad nauseum. Feel free to peruse the resources--- though I don't expect you to change your mind. I have grown to expect noone to learn from the obvious.
5563759 Fair enough. Like I said, not much my thing, but I get you.
I gotta say this story is great, I gives us (the reader) the view point of another who's more ehhh let just say envisioned on how the world should work not to mention how one's life can be so much a disaster that you can benefit from it sort of all I'm saying is having Woundsalt be a writer and not know who his works touched others as well as a drunk with a magical disorder that allows him to (if I've understand it correctly) have all written knowledge magically at his hoof tips, he's like a living book of knowledge, hell I bet if someone (or some pony in this case) written a love letter but never sent it out due to some unknown reasons (death, if being destroyed or whatever) he can find it with the help of his magic and recite it to the recipient, thats a cool ability but at the same time kind of annoying I mean it's like having another personality (well three with wound, the wound unicorn and the horn's magic) but I'm moving off what I wanted to say about the current chapter (26 from my count) I just gotta say I kinda thought this would have been longer but all in all it a good chapter heck I would love to see the reactions of Shining armor and cadence about the adoption and black out episodes as well as Celestia's reaction to this as well in a more face to face matter but my final thing to say is keep up the excellent writing just as everyone else we're eagerly waiting for the next chapter especially me
5563690 lol Lucky, even I haven't gotten one yet.
Good chapter. I'm glad you update at a moderate pace!
Canterlot is like Las Pegasus.
Except without the added fact of it stays in Las Pegasus.
Here it's kill each other's reputations and giggle a lot!
5563803 ................................. Here,it is quite likely you ran out of periods, so please take these ones.
5563690 5563628
i was making a hyperbole joke dammit.
not trying to make a religious point. (granted not the best way to do so, but Google didn't have enough pictures in the "i'll raise you"... vein...)
sorry for any offense and any failed jokes.
5565337
You're right I needed those thanks lol
Here's a fun thought - Malcolm X was notorious for his vitriolic way of spouting his race rights beliefs. He was a notoriously contentious activist and was actively hostile to those not of his race even when they were on his side.
Late in his life he had a massive change of heart and moved his beliefs more in line with folks like Medgar Evers and Dr. King. He was gunned down by folks who had previously been followers of his more extreme beliefs.
Is Woundsalt headed down a similar path (though with less assassinations one hopes)?
I'm also wondering if Wound was based or inspired by X since they have similar strengths and histories.
5566866 Crap, you know something? That's not a half bad idea. I didn't even think of Malcolm X when designing Woundsalt. If anything some poets like Gil-Scott Heron, John Cooper Clarke and the like. However I can't deny Woundsalt getting attacked for being a tad respectful for the princesses would be quite an interesting idea.
I am out of next buttons to click. This makes me sad.
I should read the ones I fave slower as long as there are still incomplete. I already read through all chapters
can't wait for the next chapter 
keep up the great work! Especially like the part "wait, I'm living the life of a bad OC" 
the trombone joke reminds me of the running gag about weathervanes in eakin's masterpiece, the hard reset trilogy (or timeloop trilogy whatever)