• Member Since 3rd Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 6th, 2018

OneUppington


I would totally go for a cookie right now.

T

When Officer Dandelion unexpectedly left her city of Manehattan, it's safe to say she was not happy about it.
Thankfully though, she found a few helping hands and hooves that'll get her on her way.
After all...
When a pony comes to the human realm, they're the force that meets them.
When a pony has a question about where they are, they’re the force who have the answer.
When a pony is in danger somewhere, they’re the force to call.
When a pony wants to go home… Well, they’re the force who're still working on that part.

They are the ERRA.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 50 )

First off, don't worry about the two dislike that you immediately got upon publishing this story. If they couldn't put the time and effort into leaving a comment on WHY they disliked your story, they ain' worth your salt. (Heh, salt. Heh. Heh.)

This is a very, VERY interesting concept you put up here. Pony Inter-dimensional Displacement Police? HELLZ YEAH! Granted, it took me until the end of the chapter to actually figure out what was going on, but that's all good seeing as this is the first chapter and you have a lot of room to expand on. I just think that you should consider improving the description of your story a bit, as when I went into the first paragraphs of the chapter I was confused as to who the story was following: Dandelion, Pineapple Rice or one of the employees of the ERRA, who might have been guiding them through their journey. Now I can tell who is the main character, but you may want to consider writing your description around the focus of her arriving in the human world and getting the ERRA to help her instead of focusing mostly on the ERRA and leaving the two pony characters at the end. Also, I suggest getting a placeholder cover image just until you get something satisfactory for what you want. Maybe a Police or ERRA badge or something. Readers are looking for an image to look at, not just a description. Anything would do, really.

Now, this is a very tiny complaint considering that nothing has happened to the main character so far, but Dandelion's personality seems to be a bit underwhelming. Sure, we get glimpses of it here and there and it's genius that you portray her character by directing the reader's attention to what she thinks about her surrounding without actually telling the reader (show, don't tell), but there really isn't notable or memorable about Dandelion so far. She's a little bit snarky and sarcastic, but brave and strong enough to handle things on her own. That's what I'm getting from her. Really though, don't worry about this, seeing as this is only your first chapter and once again, you have room to expand.

Keep going, and don't get discouraged! :twilightsmile:

... That... Was... AWSOME!

Ok... First PiE story that goes into my favorites. That is nice.

4844566 You're first, huh?

:trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright::trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:

*leans in and whispers* Mine too :pinkiehappy:

VERY intriguing idea. Please continue in short order, yes?

4844584 You got it! just have to juggle this with her older brother, that's all!

Interesting. Worth a watch. For now.

An interesting start. Definitely going to be watching this one. And as Blue Blaze mentioned in the first comment I wouldn't pay to much attention to those initial dislikes either.

4848268 ... yeah! Granted not as popular as HiE, but it should be.

Thanks for Faving, by the way.

4848305 it seems Good waiiting for more

Well lucky she didn't arrive where I live. It is big-time bear country here, so most people who go camping take something that can put down a bear.

There stands a brown-skinned man with no mane what so ever, but a coat and an eye-patch that says ‘You aim anything at me, it better be able to fit into your mouth because you’ll going to eat it.’

FURY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

this is good can't wait to see more

Anyplace with lasagna that good has to be a front for the mafia. That's just the rule!

I'm loving this story, keep up the good work!

s1

4972174
Nice story so far man. But I have some questions for this story.
Q1. Are there already some humans/ponies couple there before Dandelion appear on Earth?
Q2. I know that ponies gets send to Earth. But are there some few exceptions that rarely happen like some Griffons or Minotaurs appearing on Earth? And if there, are we going to see some making an appearance in this story?

4974720 Thanks!

And to answer your questions:
1. Yes. In fact, the Henry that Tongue Twist is with is human. There will be others as we continue... maybe.
2. I never really thought about other species until now... however, I've got a character in my head right now that hasn't got a species... maybe I should make them a griffon! See, this is why I love doing long-as-hell fics, because it's ponies like you that give me amazing ideas! :pinkiehappy:

It looks interesting enough, but you need to edit it.

4978450 Yeah... Perhaps I should find me an editor.

How would you convert bits to dollars?

4985897 One bit would have the value of $1,082 multiply this by 30,000. 32460000 US dollars.
Assuming it's made out of gold, that is.

4986109
Assuming they are made out of gold seems a bit presumptuous. Besides, wouldn't it depend on hoe big each bit is?

Besides, the story specifically states that they were paper bits.

4986024
But bits would be worthless in the human world outside of being curiosity pieces.

4988445 Hmm... true. Perhaps a law was passed to make it an actual currency somewhere? I'll try to fix this plothole somewhere down the line ... You know something, I should let Dandelion bring this up in the the story. This seems like something somepony new would ask about.

I nod. Everyone goes into panic stations when minotaurs come in.

OH NO. NOT ONE FUCKING MINOTAUR. GO TO DEFCON 1!

5092257 "Oh my god he's HUNGRY! Get a tranc and a sandwich, stat!"

5093299 Yeah, but seriously. They are not that god damn threatening that it requires the entire agency to stop them.

5093396 A quite logical opinion. But have you seen one on shrooms?

5093441 It would just be a very confused and disoriented bull man thing.

5093699 A very confused and disoriented bull man thing running through a large city confusing the small pink creatures as things that want to kill him and should be killed first.

5093774 He is then taken down by the police.

5093811 Actually probably rather quickly, if he wanders into an urban area.

Pineapple Rice vs Grimm's sense of humor! Who will win?! Find out next time!

s1

5093811
Here a idea for a future chapter, a chapter involving interviews of Minotaurs, Griffons, Ponies, Zebras ( like Grimm Fandangoth, Tongue Twist, Pineappple and others) telling their stories of their first experience on Earth. And maybe More of their tells of how they adjust living on Earth for a couple of years. It would be interesting to see Zebra becoming a doctor on Earth.

I'm curious to see how Minotaurs, Griffons, Ponies, Zebras, etc. would react to shows like Doctor Who, The Waking Dead, Psych and video games like Five Nights At Freddy's, Evil within, Super Smash bros., Super Mario 3D World.

4988445 'only as curiosities' - the coin collector market is quite large, and pretty much everyone would want a bit or a complete set.
Plus - depending on what they are made of, there may be considerable value in them - gold, for example.

5297376
But that would entail selling them; he referred to an official bank transfer, as in converting bits directly to dollars. I don't believe that most banks get into the collectibles market, and so they would have no use for bits because they cannot be used as actual currency.

The bits in the story were in the form of bank notes.

GRIMM FANDANGOTH

*facepalm*

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