• Member Since 19th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 14th, 2016

TacticalRainboom


I wrote some stories for you. I hope you enjoy them.


E

Everypony knows Twilight Sparkle as the sweet, studious unicorn whose magic powers are matched only by her incredible focus and organizational skills. When Twilight's friends make fun of the way her checklists and schedules control her life, Twilight just laughs.

One day, for reasons known only to her, Twilight goes on an unstoppable organizing rampage. Soon, Rarity decides that she's had enough, and tries to stop Twilight before she organizes Carousel Boutique into oblivion.

Twilight Sparkle is very, very organized. Twilight Sparkle has never told anypony why she's so organized. Until now.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 59 )

Minor correction. It's not OCD, it's OCPD.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is where the victim feels constant urges to perform repetitive acts.. the patient realizes fully that these impulses are irrational, but cannot resist performing them. Performing the rituals causes them distress at their loss of self control-- but NOT performing them causes anxiety as well, until they succumb and perform them.

OCPD-- obsessive compulsive personality disorder--- is what Twilight has. Hyper perfectionism, list making, obsessive organization.... more importantly, unlike an OCD sufferer, the OCPD victim believes their behavior patterns to be rational, and everyone else's objections to it to be irrational.

Characteristics of Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder


an excessive need for perfectionism and control over all aspects of your environment

preoccupation with details, rules, lists, order or organization to the extent that you often forget the major point of the activity

excessive devotion to work at the expense of time spent with your friends or family

rigidity with respect to matters of morals, ethics or values

an inability to get rid of items that no longer have value

a miserly spending style towards both you and others


Characteristics of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder, rather than a personality disorder, where you experience recurrent obsessions and compulsions.
Obsessions are:

Thoughts, images, or ideas that won’t go away, are unwanted and cause extreme distress.

Accepted as coming from your own mind, but often feel impossible to control.

Not simply worries about your everyday problems.

Distressing enough to cause you to try to get rid of the obsessions with other thoughts or actions, like compulsions.

Compulsions are:

Behaviors that you feel you must carry out over and over. Common compulsions include cleaning, counting, checking, requesting or demanding reassurance, and ensuring order and symmetry. (though some can be rather random--- stepping back and forth through a doorway, flipping a lightswitch on and off, touching every THIRD lamp post, etc.)

Aimed at getting rid of your anxiety or to stop a feared situation, such as death of a loved one, from happening.

Unrealistic solutions to the problems they are supposed to prevent. If you have OCD, you usually recognize that the compulsion has little to do with the actual event, but feel an intense need to carry out the compulsion anyway.

2401207

I stand corrected, then. The reason I called it out as "actual OCD" is the fact that it's an actual compulsion and not just the bullshit common use of the term.

Anyway, thanks.

I'd like to see more stories dealing with Twi and OCD. It's a plausible idea and could be quite the interesting story.

Good story, though I don't understand the "Dark" tag.

Dark tags are reserved for character deaths. Comedy might apply to this though. That "cart full of silverware crashing into a china store" made me laugh.

2404693

"reserved for character death"

Tell me you aren't serious.

*sigh*

You conveyed it fine. And it was good. :twilightsmile:

Well, that was a nice, quick read. Twilight has fewer breakdowns in show than I'd expect, but lucky we have some fanfics.

Although, a few things were misleading. Cadance was one of the filters, but she's pretty much only in a cameo. I don't think that would warrant adding her tag for such a brief appearance. Plus, this story is also tagged "Dark," but as a story about overcoming legitimate fears while maintaining a optimistic, slice-of-life tone, it doesn't really deserve that either. Sure, you may think it might, but I nearly skipped over this one due to my reluctance to read "Dark" fics, while there was nothing to fear.

Still, a great story. Instant fave.

2415359

Both points totally taken. You can see how I wanted to use the "dark" tag in that the story has some more serious themes; it's not strictly cute and ponyish.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it.

I'm so glad I read this. Your characterizations had me laughing right at the outset, and your Tactical Pillowfight was not only enormously entertaining, but a fitting climax to the story. 7/7 Would read again.

.....'Sniff'....shut up I'm not crying...'sniff'....oh yeah? Well excuse me for finding this to be touching and sweet and..and..aw frick it, they be manly tears anyway.

http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/065/c/8/Manly_Tears__by_Kalduin.png

Wow. That was unbelievably beautiful. I applaud you. :fluttershyouch:

Hey, congrats on getting this on EqD. Going to read it now~

This wasn't the first time I've seen a story about Twilight being afraid of herself, but it was quite good, regardless. I'm surprised that I haven't seen any other story where Twi is broken up over almost flattening Cadence... It seems so obvious, now that I see it.

+Like +Fav

Truly epic. :raritystarry:

Wow, this... I...

3.bp.blogspot.com/-cYoev4LaAAE/UOXA66k6JfI/AAAAAAAALo0/eONiGBhcG3g/s1600/headdesk.gif.gif

Was this on TTG? If it was, I deeply regret not reviewing it there...

Mere words do not do justice to how angry I feel at this moment. So just read Chris' review of Brotherly Bond and replace "dead brother" with "OCD."

Also, your fight scenes are still just blow-by-blows. See this

I'm seriously surprised (and a little disappointed, truth be told) that both all-caps speech and single-line onomatopoeia got through the pre-reading process unchallenged. The standards seem to be really wonky lately. Still, that's nothing to do with the author.

As for the story, far too schizophrenic for my enjoyment. Not enough time for anything that happened to breathe mixed with a heavy reliance on adverbs made this painful to read. Pinkie didn't feel anything like Pinkie and the fighting references made me cringe every single time. I'm afraid it's a thumbs down from me.

-Scott

I found Twilight's characterization and development hard to swallow but otherwise enjoyed the story.

I loved this story! I personally think it did really well digging into the characters' personalities. Job well done!

It's not often a one shot makes my favorites list - but this one definitely does! :twilightsmile:

2502314

Those things actually didn't go unchallenged. I defended them just because I was reluctant to change them. They got through because the prereader wanted to send the story through and sent the edits that he did just as a "minor edits" non-strike. Sorry that you hated them--the onomatopoeias I could surely have changed. To my eye, I wanted more than italics to really give things a superlative amount of punch--not sure how else I would've done that.

Adverbs are a thing I do just because there are adverbs that I find to be fun words. If only I'd heard that criticism sooner, I would've tried to reduce them. Oh well.

As for the rest, all I can say is that I'm sorry you didn't like it, but thanks for your feedback.

2502162

You also had the same reaction to Assault Unit because you wanted it to be shipping and it wasn't, so pardon me for writing your lack of enthusiasm off as "just, like, your opinion, man."

Not enough magical lesbians for you?

Wait... so, why did her almost attacking Cadance make her... more organized? :rainbowhuh:
Also, what's the spell Celestia had her perform do? I don't think that was made clear...

2503007

The point of the challenging spell was to give Twilight something to take her mind off her upset -- but the process of learning it gave her a weapon that has both helped and harmed her. She became more organized after nearly hurting Cadance because organization has been her mental shield against her power bursting forth to cause harm to those she loves.

2503154

Celestia also meant what she said--she wanted Twilight to get more in touch with her power, to see what she was capable of and that she could control it.

It only sort of worked.

2401207
I think I have OCD then. I'm very sloppy (so it's not OCPD), but I feel like I have to do certain things in a certain way, or something unforeseen and very unfortunate will happen.

2502843
Okay, a few things.

She kept being distracted by things like the fading giddiness of adrenaline, Applejack’s soft snoring from somewhere near her hind legs, the lumpiness of the mess of sheets that she was lying on, and the warm weight of Fluttershy’s head against her shoulder.

The mane 6 slept together, and you ask me if there weren't enough lesbians?! :flutterrage:

My problems with Assault Unit were more about plot holes (well, more like one big one) and the fighting was poorly written. (On the note, the fights in this definitely seemed a step down from The Sixth Age.)

But Assault Unit didn't make me mad, just tired. This made my mad. That clip of Doug Walker screaming about the Bat Credit Card doesn't do justice to how angry I feel about this. Your idea of how someone gets or overcomes an anxiety disorder (or as 2401207 said a personality disorder) is deeply flawed. It is something that one is born with and lasts for the rest of their life. No matter how many pillow fights one partakes in, one can never really overcome it. Just control it.

2404693

That's "Tragedy".

2502833 HA! Good for you. I don't particularly hate the capitals and onomatopoeia; I think they're better used with a more comical narrative voice, but I'm not fundamentally against them. What irks me is the inconsistency with which said rules are applied via EqD.

But yeah, the adverbs are a bid deal in my book—a deal breaker, more often than not. The nuances of show vs tell will dog us forever, I suspect, but it's something I've been focusing on for some months now (including writing a couple of posts for Chris's blog last week). Between early work with Mystic and some ball-busting from Sessalisk, I've come a hell of a long way, but not so far as I don't look back at revisions from just a few months ago and cringe consonantly.

The other thing I should have mentioned is the use of attribution. It's something I don't see a lot of folks around here championing, but things like hissed, spluttered, and interrupted are things I would never accept on an editing pass. For the most part, your general attribution (and avoidance of) is pretty good, but personally I'd advise cutting out those last few odd said-isms. More often that not they are a crutch for lazy description.

But yeah, it's things like 'Seemingly satisfied with how much clothing she'd dumped from the closet' that are the tricky bits of telling to spot. Break it down to it's simplest form and it's a lot of words that say 'Rarity was satisfied', which no-one would doubt was telling when it's in that form. The two dodges are to make the prose more engaging, usually through narrative voice, or to demonstrate it more directly. I assume that the extra wording is an attempt at the former, but I don't think you've developed a voice that can pull that off yet—hardly a surprise since it's probably one of the last basic skills most writers master.

By comparison, the adverbs are a relatively easy was to trim overall tellyness from your work, and that's where an experienced editor can work wonders. Remember that a adjective–verb construction is almost intrinsically better than verb–adverb one. For example:

She gave an appreciative smile – often borderline if not use sparingly, but this doesn't directly imply the emotion of the actor, only the implied look of the action.
She smiled appreciatively – This directly implies (whether intended or not) that the emotional context is that of the actor, not the action. It is less telling in almost every case, which is why they usually need to be cut.

I hope that clarifies the sort of things I took issue with.

-Scott

2503327

Getting mad over something like that seems like it's YOUR disorder. So hey, maybe you're onto something. Or you could be quiet because it's not really relevant. Also, sleeping in the same bed doesn't make them lesbians. ._. ... Though I am a rabid shipper, so hey let's go with that.

Anyway, good story!

2503327

I see--sorry for the offensive content, then. While I think my treatment of mental disorders wasn't exactly disrespectful despite the fact that it's unrealistic, I understand that my facts are fucked. I hope you understand that no offense was meant.

good story. :moustache: mustache for EVERYONE!!!
:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

2504872
It's okay. I forgive you.

Actually, there's a story idea that I had about Rarity and Applejack which I wasn't going to write 'cause it's kinda gross. But after reading this, I feel like I have to. Would you like to hear it?

So, intervention by pillow fight? Excellent idea, Pinkie.

ADHD with a touch of Schizo. Add a touch of OCD, and Autism and I'm a party bag of odd.

~Skeeter The SQUIRREL!

2508595

As long as we're doing the "politically correct treatment of mental disorders" thing, I should point out that schiziophrenia isn't bipolar disorder or a split personality--it's psychotic delusions.

I believe that this story needs about twice the amount of words, as Twilight has a deeply rooted problem that wouldn't just go away with a pillow fight.

This could, however, be 'Chapter 1' of a series in which Twilight tries to overcome her issues, the pillow fight providing only a temporary relief.

I see potential for a few more chapters, as I refuse to accept that the main conflict is resolved that easily. And as long as you have conflict, there's room for more chapters. =)

But overall, I did enjoy reading this story, to the point that I favorited it.

The point is, it has potential for more. Even more than what it already accomplished.

As someone with Asperger's autism, who has a little experience in both mental health support groups and twelve step programs, this story struck me just right... for the magical land of Equestria. Us humans aren't this flexible mentally, but sometimes one-off realizations like these can change a person's life in significant ways. I've seen it happen. I've had it happen to me just last week. The medicalized view of mental disorders discounts the cognitive, while the twelve-step cognitive focus on healing the guilt and panic of past choices discounts any underlying neurobiological problems.

As far as this story goes, I can see an Aspergers Twilight not being able to see past the scope of her going-out-of-control problem, until Pinkie (laughter) demonstrates the true context of both control and careful chaos.

Who can justly blame a small child for doing the kind of thing small children do? Only the adult who was once the small child, and is now riddled with guilt.

2509871

Really? I don't see anyone's ADD or Tourette's going away because of life-changing experiences.

Anyway, Twilight started on her "OCD" thing because of the scene(s) shown here. Clearly it's not some deeply rooted issue in her brain chemistry.

I portrayed it as a real mental problem because that way the reader would understand it that way--they'd see it as a problem, a disorder that's hurting her.

I recently learned that lower pack pain and chronic bowel issues are often partially psychosomatic. That's an excellent analogy for what Twilight's going through here.

also 2509818 2506981

Nice little exploration of Twi's character. I liked it.

I was puzzled for a minute 'cause I thought there's be an actual name of the disorder and a laymans terms explanation. I had to read the comments to get clarification.

unfortunately, the author also just used the word "psychosomatic", which is medibabble for "we can't figure it out, so it must be fake". fibromyalgia was labeled psychosomatic for years, well guess what...

Just wondering if I'm missing something, but I dont understand how the title went along with how you wrote the story. I can see a bit of her OCD organizing early on, but I just didnt get the link at the end. Not an issue, but I'm just curious if there was something more to the title in meaning or if I'm thinking too hard.

2503327
Geez just because someone slept int he same bed or general vicinity of another, doesn't mean they "slept" together :facehoof:

2512997

The story is all about her being organized. The story is about the reason she's so organized, as per the synopsis.

2513160

The more I think about it, the more I think I understand. IM thinking too hard. :twilightblush:

2512997
Would you prefer "shared the same bed?"

I hate euphemisms...

2510678
Let me clarify: I've seen problem behaviors disappear upon realizations of why people do things. And now, having spent the last twenty minutes writing and re-writing further elaborations, I simply end this reply... like... so.

2511550
Psychosomatic means that the mind considers it as real as a physical thing.

2516821
it's still medspeak for 'all in your head'...and a LOT of things were considered "all in your head" until they were physically proved to exist.

Interesting. Seeing Twilight's take on the matter, her guilt and fear over her actions and her power, and how that tied into her orderly nature, sounds very realistic.
Poor Twi. Always overthinking things. That Changeling business had everypony on edge. In fact, at the time Twilight met the real Cadence, she wasn't even aware that her enemy was a shapeshifter. She wasn't to blame for her assumptions.:twilightsheepish:

and get to back to the task of

and getback to backget to the task of

“Woo! Go Dashie!” Fluttershy cheered softly.

D'aww so cute!:twilightsmile:

It wasn't the story I expected to read from reading the description, but it's still nice.
I'll have to agree with 2509818 though, this would be better as a series. I was honestly expecting more to happen after the pillow fight, otherwise I'd have stopped reading when that started because it's so far from the story I expected to read.

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