I wrote some stories for you. I hope you enjoy them.
Sad4,351 stories ·2,622 members
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Alicorn Twilight2,143 stories ·2,855 members
Oh god! The FEELS!1,953 stories ·939 members
Completed Story Compendium21,023 stories ·1,702 members
The magical land of Equestria is full of secrets. Scattered across the land are ancient things, forgotten things, any one of which may open the door to an earth-shattering revelation.
This is the story of one such ancient and forgotten thing.
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An interesting story.
The structure seems a little strange and confusing at first, but all starts making sense when it get closer to the end.
I always loved Twilight-becomes-an-alicorn stories for some reason. A little sad, that Celestia and Luna had to go. And a little explanation of the current authority figure and the amount of time that passed would be good, but unnecessary, since it can be left for the reader to ponder.
1040701
Left to the reader is only sort of the point. The point is that it's been so long that nobody remembers any of those events. They aren't even recorded in history books. There are all kinds of questions that come from that idea, which I'll leave to the reader as well instead of pointing them out here.
1041064
Glad you liked it! Sorry that it gets confusing, but I was STRONGLY attached to the idea of telling this story via flashbacks. Just so I know, what didn't make sense in the beginning?
Wow. One shot. So great! I can honestly see this as inspiration for a similar story; a full length novel(?). But I have to say, this is a fabulous Alicorn Twilight story! Thank you!
Wow... This was a really good story!
Alicorn Twilight is great and this was very well done.
Good story, Favorited and upvoted!
This was touching...the thought of Celestia and Luna each giving up something to make Twilight immortal...just wow... The thought of Celestia dying made me
Finally, the story itself, was...amazing. You did a wonderful job. Thank you.
Wow... That was a heavy story. I didn't feel it sad so much as..... I can't think of the word. It was good though.
1044042
1043341
A sad story is not always a tearjerker. In fact, a story that clearly sets out to tear your heart out often loses something in the fact that its entire purpose is to hurt you.This is a story with a meaning. I want to tell its story, and it is a sad story, but hurting the reader is not anywhere in my objectives.
Indeed... all stories must end. It cannot be escaped.
A claim to immortality, naught in life or fiction can name.
It really is quite simple you see, why the stories always end.
Some could simply blame the universe, and in a sense they'd be correct.
Life is an enigma, from the past to present day,
while the truth lurks er' it's everlost, mocking humanity.
The legacies we leave behind, even they will turn to dust.
The world will forget. So some would ask "what is the point?"
and live weighed down in regret.
To me it's a bit different, though I cannot claim I know it all.
To me those stories are beautiful things, regardless of it all.
But what does make a story? How can it be described?
If something has no start and end, it cannot be quantified.
That is why all things decay, why they eventually pass.
A story's not a story, A life cannot be lived, a memory cannot begin,
Unless they first can end.
-----------------------------
Okay, so I got a little sobbish at this and ended up penning another poem. Weird... this isn't my first one of this type, and the topic's the same. Ah well. That being said, this was an excellent story, albeit a sad one. I'd link to this impromptu poem's sister on my DA, but it's nothing special. I hope you enjoyed it. Wonder if I should make an account devoted to simply penning poems for the stories I read with it. Interesting thought eh?
1045006
And you did a wonderful job of it.
Full disclosure: This was my Cutting Ties entry. Other fics entered for Write-Off 4 that are now full-fledged things of their own include Thesis by Pav Fiera, What We Leave Behind by Golden Vision, and (of course) Never by the one and only Short Skirts and Explosions. And probably several more.
Those three are all very good stories and you should totally read them you gais.
It all started making sense when it mentioned Fluttershys Memorial.
I almost never like Twilight becoming the next ruler stories but this one hit home, many tears have been shed.
1093178 I take it there were limitations on the entry then? It would be unfair of me to critique it as having certain flaws if it exists within rules that I am unaware of.
1097941
No. It was written based on a prompt and under a strict time limit. No other rules. It has since had extensive editing. So, no need to be forgiving.
1097962 Well, I'd still say yes, in that case. If I were to just give it both barrels without reasonable consideration, I'd have severe concerns about the pacing and lack of detailing on certain points that drew me out of the story. Assuming the basic idea was for a lime-limited, prompt-driven contest, then those issues are fairly baseless, even with editing.
So while I did find that the pacing is way too fast for my tastes, the reason is entirely understandable. What concerns me is the underlying cause of that pace, which is there is no story behind it. There's plenty of plot, but the story is the meat on the bones of a plot, and it's lacking almost entirely. There's little emotional relevance beyond the rather hammer-and-anvil effects of 'ponies die, ponies are sad' that is so prevalent in short Fimfiction stories. Largely, this is hidden by the text itself being well presented and pleasantly flowing, if somewhat basic and fit-for-purpose. Without some explanations as to the basic premise of the piece, it comes off as fairly shameless wish fulfilment. The interpretation of that depends on a number of possible factors, the most notable of which being the aforementioned limitations, but also such things as intent for mystery or to focus on the emotion therein.
Of course, such things aren't usually taken into account from a reader's perspective, which is why I felt it initially came off badly. Sometimes you don't even need to answer the little mysteries like why she's Queen Twilight and not Princess Twilight; simply acknowledging the unanswered question can set a reader at ease and accept it as a mystery. Alongside all the other possible questions, it felt more like the story was just sprinting past them in the hope that no-one would notice, than intentionally obfuscating them.
Nice enough idea and well written, but just not enough content for my tastes.
-Scott
P.S. Read my story! (Now THAT's shameless)
1098115
I see. So the format hurt this for you--I wanted to tell the story and deliver its meaning; you prefer stories in which an effort is made to help the concept reach its potential. You would've wanted details about Twilight's reign perhaps, or the scene I thought about writing but changed my mind on that would've addressed why Celestia and Luna refuse to be called Princess any more. I understand this completely, though I also disagree. You probably read through the entirety of Lord of the Rings and enjoyed it.
You're using the term "wish fulfillment" in a way I'm not familiar with. Usually wisl fulfillment involves OCs, alternate endings, or humans. In my mind this would be wish fulfillment if I showed that I was inappropriately invested in the idea of Twilight becoming the ruler.
Your point about addressing mysteries even if I don't answer them was brought up once before, actually. That's Twilight's "question." Why was this necessary? I suppose for me, dropping odd things like that and taking them in stride is almost the same thing as addressing the, and not answering them.
You have one criticism that is actually disappointing to me: the accusation of "hammer and anvil sads." With Rarity that was rather unavoidable, but I really thought I handled that well with Luna.
At any rate, thanks for your comment! You've given me a bit to think about re: my next few stories.
Your story has an error in the synopsis. :D
1098354 In fairness, I don't really know what I want from it in the sense that I don't really know what the story was trying to do. I guess it feels like an out-take from another story and I'm looking for the point of reference to understand the point of it.
I don't actually like Tolkien's work as a writer, but I admire his world building and I suspect the intention behind your comment is valid.
As for wish fulfilment, I'm simply drawing a comparison to the number of stories that are essentially trying to colour canon lore with their personal take on things. The only reason I do that is because I don't feel like I understand what it's trying to actually do (and accept that's quite possibly me simply missing something), therefore it felt a bit like that because there was no other reason given. Even the framing of the story is like a brief documentary of what happened. That's not to say that I assume this is the case, but it was the feeling that I couldn't help but get when I read it.
As for Luna/Rarity, I don't think you have any problems there. In themselves, those scenes were appropriately poignant, but for me they were in their own vacuum and didn't gel together as a whole. I guess that's what I essentially mean by there not being a story. I couldn't find the thread that tied them together as anything more that some stuff that happened.
-Scott
"Your story has an error in the synopsis."
It's a bloody comma, isn't it? I hate those things. I can never get them quite right.
Well, now I'm curious about the workings of the explorer's world. Who raises their sun and moon, if Celestia, Luna, and Twilight Sparkle are long past enough to have been forgotten?
Oh, and you told us where Queen Twilight came from, but not where she went. That's also a bit frustrating.
This truly is an amazing story. The amount of detail given is so fulfilling, what was left out leaving just enough room for interpretation. The character and story work was amazing and absolutely touching. In addition, the format, in its almost unique execution, added so much to the experience. I'll admit, this made me cry in a couple places. Excellent job here, Tactical.
Good job, not many stories make me cry, and now my face is all wet. You caused it, you solve it. Hug?
Okay, your writing style is good. However, your portrayal of this particular story is a bit confusing.
For starters, you might've split the separate scenes into individual chapters and taken a bit more time to describe the details of said scene. Also, you might want to add an extra character tag for the archaeologist at the start (whoever he/she might be.)