• Member Since 18th Dec, 2012
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From the beginning, it could only end one way. Nopony lives forever. All good things must come to an end, no matter how much we must wish that this not be true. Death is inevitable. Twilight Sparkle is dying. She has lived a long, full life, having outlived all of her friends, but it is now coming to an end. She knows that there is no escape, after meeting a young filly at Canterlot Castle during a visit with her mentor. The end is nigh, but she will not face it alone.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 60 )

Hey! Since you gave me such a wonderful review on my story, I thought that it was only fair to give you one, too.

Wow, this deserves way more views!
Your use of words and language is very impressive and makes the story flow quite nicely.

For the most part I think that you did a good job with the characterization of the main six. Even if you we’re quite brief with some of them.

The interaction between Twilight and Celestia was also very good. They felt really alive.
My only real complaint is that you made Celestia Twilight’s mother. It feels kind of out of place and I think you could have done more with Twilight’s reaction to it. She does have parents in the show, after all, and it seems kind of weird that she doesn’t feel a bit betrayed by them, or shocked that she was adopted.

This is only a minor complaint, however, since I really did enjoy the story. Do you plan on writing more in the future? I would look forward to it.

By plane do you mean plain lie a field?


I do. My mistake.


Thanks for the glowing review. I'm kinda surprised that the fic pretty much stagnated and barely got any views or comments here :rainbowhuh:. At least people like it enough to upvote :yay:. I am going to write more in the future. I've written a sort of follow-up to it, but I'm uncertain as to whether or not to release it. I it's been knocking around on my hard drive for a while now. What I'd really like to do is write something that isn't sad. I'll have a light RD ship fic out by next Saturday.

P.S.: Somepony made a TvTropes page for this fic: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Fanfic/LastOneStanding

I'm eagerly anticipating your next literary offerings. Until then, keep calm and brony on. :trollestia:

I really enjoyed this fic. The characterizations, the idea and the new characters were perfect. Althought Twilight's reaction to discovering that Celestia is her real mother was in good need of "OMGWTFBBQ" on Twilight's side, but it could be argued that she possibly knew or just didn't want to be angry at Celestia during her last moments of life.


Thanks for the feedback. I'll revise that part. I've got a kind of successor story to this one, but I'm undecided about releasing it.

1926975 Why not? I bet it's a good story.


I don't feel that it's up to my standards of writing. It's a sort of continuation to Last One Standing, but it is a conversation between a still grieving Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. They discus their troubles and worries, as well as the reason behind their existence. Mortality from the perspective of immortality is a recurring theme, as are loss, regret, and comfort. I'd summarize it as Celestia being angsty and Luna acting as her psychotherapist. It's actually unpolished; I wrote all of it in a single six hour dash and have not yet gotten around to finishing the revisions. I can PM it to you in its current state if you are interested.

P.S.: I just finished my initial attempt at an OC x Rainbow Dash romance fanfic. Now comes the revision phase.

That was absolutely brilliant. Rarely do I find a story that evoked that much emotion in me, and its hard to do that. the characters were well rounded, and enough back story to the current situation made it flow smoothly. Very emotion provoking, and over all, I give you 5/5 mustaches for writing:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:, and 5/5 'Fluttershy sad' :fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry:for the emotion.

Well, it's about time I delivered that promised review, huh? :twilightsheepish:
All right. I've never actually been called upon to give a formal review before, so I guess I'll just type my reactions and then edit them into coherent sentences.
First off, your first paragraph feels a bit stilted and I'm not sure why. Also, it sounds like you're calling Twilight a he when you reveal that she was the writer of those lines.
"golden sphere cutie mark" Who is this again?
Every once in a while you miss a page break. Not only between paragraphs, but when a new pony starts a new action. For example, this set:

“Have you thought about what it would be like to live forever?” Twilight looked up at Celestia.

“No, Princess. What’s it like?”

It looks like Twilight is speaking the first sentence, but it's not. I saw about three of these.
I think it could use another proofreading run-through. I spotted things like, "I just need you just answer one me one important question." and "I don’t want to stop being you student!"
I did like your use of varying words, though. Abject horror--I'm using that someday.
The flashback was pretty long and I had to read it twice before figuring out where it started and where it ended. That might even merit its own chapter, actually. I might just be saying that because long chapters aren't really my thing, though. Anything over about six thousand words in one chapter makes me hesitate before clicking. On second thought, splitting might be a good idea because the storytelling switches from dialogue-heavy to description-heavy right after she wakes up, and that's a bit of a shift.
I find it interesting that Twilight chose Rainbow because imo Rainbow would be the first to go because she's a bit reckless.
"...after the defeat of a plot which nearly threw the country into civil war." That smells like a nice side story that could use a little fleshing out. And I really hope they caught that rebel magician.
"He and Rarity did have a life together and had adopted foals." *double-take* Really? That makes that first scene, the one where she dies, a lot darker. I think this line could have come sooner, actually. Make me hurt even more at Rarity's death.
...wait, so did Spike abandon his adopted children to go to Zebracy?
I think you're doing what I was doing--trying to build a world while telling a story. Problem is, it has to make sense, so sometimes details get stuck in the wrong spot.
"...in order to protect some orphaned fox kits." For some reason, this makes too much sense. I can totally see her doing this. (though the "weak and sickly" Fluttershy can catch up to Rainbow Dash while dragging a balloon carrying four other ponies... explain, pls?)
"I hope I haven’t caused you too much trouble." Gah that's totally something she would say y u do dis to me?
And suddenly, replacements! ...how do they know they're the right ponies? And I have names but no elements. It doesn't matter too much, given the focus of the story, but it would be a nice bit of world building.
"...having had a truly astounding number of foals with an endless supply of fathers." *double-take* Pinkie? Settling down? With family? She's... but... This is weird enough that I'd like a little more background on it; as it stands, it's a throwaway line that makes me double-take and not in a good way. Actually, I think I've read a story like that. It got really campy towards the end, though.
I did like Rainbow's last scene, though. Nothing beat her down until the end. The only issue I had here was the third husband bit. I dunno, but it feels like I'm poking my head into a deep and wide world, and only getting a glimpse of it before having to move on.
"It had been so long since she had seen the baby dragon that he had nearly forgotten everything about him." Ehh...
"...and that almost everything had just been gravy." I'm not sure what you were trying to say with this line, but all I can think of is the gravy boat from the Discord episode.
"She felt content with that." Ok. But in the next paragraph, I read, "She could have been out in Equestria doing things, making friends, and living life to the fullest instead of trying to fill the hole in her heart with rationalization and avoidance. There could have been so much more, but now it was too late. Ordinarily, Twilight’s reaction would have been regret, but she was already too tired to care." I like the view into her mind; but this sounds a bit contradictory.
Pease, forgive me..." *double-take* "...my dearest daughter..." *triple-take* Not unheard of, but an interesting development nonetheless.
"Twilight had last experienced this decades ago in her youth in the blissful joy of sex." Woo! Twilight got some! I shall try to ignore the fact that we just learned that this pony is her mother, because that could get awkward if I think about it too much. Effective description? Yes. Squicky? Just a bit.
I like this insight into Celestia's personality. The term "bacchanalia" pretty much says it all. And right as I was about to ask who the father was, I read the next paragraph.
"There was no more diametrically counterpart" That should probably be an adjective instead of an adverb.
"In that moment, Celestia succumbed to her base instincts and somehow got him lying spread eagle on his back on her bed. What followed next was a flurry of sensations and feelings. There was such a kaleidoscope of passion, intensity, and heat that Twilight was overwhelmed by its power. It passed quickly and was followed by the intimacy of two tired but contented souls lying together." *spittake* Twilight just experienced her own conception.
"Surely enough, the end did come, but the pain was tempered by the fact that the love had indeed survived. Celestia had been happy for the first time in generations, and after only a few short years of waiting, she got to meet her daughter, Twilight Sparkle." This feels awkward to me, because 'the end' makes it sound like he died, but if he's Twilight's father, Celestia would have to be pregnant for a long time if she had to wait a few years before meeting her daughter. I'm sure that's not what you meant, but it's what I understood.
I wonder about this line: " 'Yes, dear. I can always hear them.' A comforting lie to ease the passing." because later, it's shown that Celestia can hear them. I dunno. Maybe I'm just thinking too hard about this.
I did like the open ending, though. "She couldn’t wait for them to return." It's like closure, but closure is impossible, but it's ok, because Celestia, the immortal alicorn, has learned about life from one single unicorn.
So... yeah. I took away from this story that Celestia is Twilight's mother, life goes on, and you should live while you can because ponies die. I felt like you were focusing on Twilight a lot, which made it slightly stilted when introducing side details (which were still important) about side characters and other happenings. It wasn't bad, but definitely not always smooth, and not earth-shaking or head-canon forming. Had I not been asked to leave a long review, I probably (assuming I had decided to click on the chapter; anything over six thousand words in one chapter is a bit of a turn-off for me) would have nodded and maybe thumbs upped for Celestia's character, but then moved on. Yes, I liked the insights into Celestia's mind; yes, I think you did a good job showing her... humanity? That's she's not the invincible goddess some ponies think she is, that she feels like a normal pony. I felt that Twilight was 'real', and reacted accordingly (bonus points for Twilight whispering, "Fluttershy?" when she met Ruby). On the other hand, I did think it was a little choppy in areas, sometimes I wondered if you pulled out a thesaurus for certain words just to make it sound smarter, and sometimes the way the descriptions were worded made me double-take.
All in all, not bad.

Hey there! Scribblestick here on behalf of WRITE to offer some friendly advice from one writer to another. Let's get started, shall we?

-First Impressions-

You story description looks solid from a technical standpoint. I think it would be to your advantage to shorten it up a bit. It is on the long side, and you don't want to give too much away. Your cover pic and title look good and complement the description, though I'm not sure why this has a "mane six" tag if all of them but Twilight are dead. Maybe I'll find out as I read the story.

-General Advice-

I really like the themes you address in this story. Showing how death affects so many different characters can be difficult, but I think you did it pretty well. I particularly like how their reactions matched their characters--young Spike, old Twilight, and immortal Celestia. Each had a different reaction that really fit with their particular circumstances, and I was able to feel what they felt and understand their reactions.

However, I feel like this story is trying to do a bit too much, particularly with Celestia's back story and her true relationship with Twilight. There's a ton of ground to cover, and some parts seemed to drag. Like your description, I thought most of your story could be condensed a little more, particularly the exposition-heavy sections of the mane six's deaths and Celestia's history.

And there are a lot of exposition-heavy sections. While sometimes necessary, exposition is not the most interesting thing to read. Play around with it and see if you can make it more interesting. Writing the scenes out might help.

Also, avoid repetition. I noticed Twilight said "I don't want to die" a lot after she met Ruby, and though that might be how people naturally talk, it gets redundant in fiction. Make your dialogue as succinct as possible (while still maintaining character) so readers don't feel like the story's dragging. For example:

“I know, Princess, but why do I still feel so afraid? I mean, death can’t be too bad now, can it? And it’s not like me or my friends will be forgotten, but I just don’t want to die. I want to live forever, studying magic with you.”

I think you could cut the two middle sentences and be just fine. Don't feel like you have to say everything. Use the principle of show vs. tell a bit more so that we can see, rather than be told, what Twilight and other characters are feeling. I didn't see any major problems with this principle, but I think you could apply it a little more. For example:

A pang of longing shot through Twilight as she was forcibly reminded of a friend long gone. Twilight’s her heart gave an incredulous leap. “Fluttershy?”

Just the mention of Fluttershy's name shows us the part in bold.


even as her bodied atrophied

You want "body," not "bodied."

Twilight arrived exactly in the middle of a grassy quad. “Greetings, my dear student,”

I'd like a little more description here. What does the courtyard look like?

Ruby Jiselle

I don't know why, but the name bugged me a little when I read it the first few times. Maybe it's the "Jiselle" part, which isn't a typical pony name. Or maybe it's that it came up so often. It's not a huge thing, but I just thought I'd mention it.

Be careful how often you use exclamation points. I think you use three in a row at one point. Reserve them for special occasions so they maintain their effect.

“What the hay, Princess Celestia,” she demanded. “How could you do this to me, dragging me all the way out to Canterlot just so you could parade your young prodigy in front of me like a new dress? Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to do anything at my age? Are you crazy?”

I can't really see Twilight speaking like this to her mentor after all these years. Being hurt, yes, but not using this specific language.

Is it Miria or Myra? You use both spellings.


Overall, this was an interesting story with a lot of good things to say. I think the biggest weaknesses are wordiness and exposition, and I think scaling down the scope will help you in the long run.

Cheers! :twilightsmile:

~Scribblestick, WRITE's notoriously friendly reviewer

-EDIT- Oh yeah, feel free to contact me or WRITE if you have any questions or concerns.

Did... did you just spoil your own story in the synopsis? :rainbowderp::facehoof:


Yeah, my fail. Thanks for the view.


Done my best to fix it, badly.

The magic of the story was lost to me due to MY F**KING PETS BARKING AT F**KING SHADOWS!!!!!!
it's taking all my restraint to not go outside and murder them

great story. I'll try to re-read later when they stop barking.


Don't forget. I'd like you to enjoy the story and I'd like to see what you have to say.

beautiful, simply beautiful. :fluttercry:

OMG the feels, and everyone one of them a shade of heartbreak.

:fluttercry: :fluttercry:

I'm glad that you enjoyed it.

I do my best. I'm really happy that it affected you so.

Thanks for the review. Say, do you know anything about the rest of W.R.I.T.E? I sent in application and some other review requests weeks ago and I'm still waiting on them without any kind of updates or information.

Thank you so much for giving me one of the best reviews I've ever received! I'll review anything you ask me to.

2241049 I am going to definitely read more of your work.


Thanks a lot. Be sure to drop likes, faves, and comments. I'm going to be adding more fic on Monday.

2241049 You're welcome! Sorry about the delay on the rest of your stories. It's possible that the requests got overlooked by mistake. My best suggestion is to check up on your submissions or PM one of the admins to ask what's going on.

This story has been reviewed by: The Equestrian Critics Society

Story title: Last One Standing

Author: kalash93

Review by: BronyWriter

The flaws and advantages of this story are in constant battle. One one hand there are many truly touching moments that leaves you with a sadness in your chest at the same time that you manage a small smile. On the other, this story has been done to death. There are a lot of topics covered here that one doesn’t even need to read to get the gist of, mainly the bittersweetness of immortality. However, kalash93 does as good of a job as possible with the topic making this one stand out a little more than the rest of this story type’s clones... until the pointless and implausible twist that is.

Full review

Final Score: 7.5/10

Cloud Shaker, could you please relay this on to BronyWriter for me? I'd very much appreciate it.
I'm sorry, but this review is subpar. Actually, that's an understatement. If I had to put a rating (which I don't do), I'd rate this review as a 2/10, if that.
Actually, I think I'll do a short review of your review, and point out just what made it so horrible.
Where should I start?

I guess from the top. This review's biggest flaw is that it does a poor job of "reviewing" the story, instead deciding to spoil all the good parts, leaving only the parts that you labeled "stereotypical" and "bad" untouched, all the while failing to provide any meaningful constructive criticism.

A few examples:

The Elements get replaced as they die and Twilight meets the future Element of Magic before she dies in a really excellent scene.

Well, you just revealed one of the, as you yourself said, best scenes in the story. That did a rather good job of lowering my desire to read the story, because now I know exactly what's going to happen. But that's not all!

However, the biggest detriment to the story is the ridiculous and implausible twist ending at the end which in turn is also stereotypical. It’s something that’s been done more than the story type itself and it’s eye-rollingly dumb.

So, you spoiled the good part of the story, but then told me that the part you considered the worst, which happened to be the ending, was, in your own words, ridiculous, implausible, stereotypical, and eye-rollingly dumb. Congratulations, you just effectively killed any desire I had to read this fic.

Now, not only did you make me just want to pass up this story, you failed to go in depth at all about the story's biggest flaws. As a result, you failed to provide any real constructive criticism for the author to use to improve. You turned away his readers and didn't tell him squat about how to make his story any better so he would get a better reception in the future. To be honest, that's a waste of everyone's time, because it helps no one.

I advise rewriting the review, going more in-depth about the story itself, analyzing the plot, character, etc... without spoiling information, or laying out the plot. Try your best to portray the good and the bad in a fic evenly in your review. Something that makes the review more personal, I've found, is directly talking to the author. Replace "kalash93" with "you". While this is optional, it'll make the author feel better about your review, and it'll make it look as if you're really trying to help him.

The most important thing you need to do with your review, however, is to provide constructive criticism. I'm not talking about just a small amount of it either; most of your review should be praising his strengths and pointing out ways that the author can build on his weaknesses and become an all around better writer.

"But Eric," you ask "why do you go through the trouble of doing all this?" Because my goal in the end is to help you improve. Normally I post on stories, but in this case I want you to be able to write a more effective, useful review that doesn't backstab the author, and make him feel like he wasted his time submitting his story for review. Be careful, be polite, be balanced (don't be too negative or positive), and always provide constructive criticism, and you'll do just fine.

Good luck with your reviewing, and have a nice day.



If you feel so strongly about it, why not message him yourself? I honestly do not have time to settle disputes between critics and all those messy politics.

Don't create unnecessary middlemen, please. :pinkiesick:

Fair enough. If you don't mind me asking, why didn't BronyWriter post it on here himself? As you said yourself, there's no need to create unnecessary middlemen.

Thanks for coming on here and giving me views. :pinkiehappy:

:rainbowwild:Ahh, group drama. i736.photobucket.com/albums/xx8/XXmidnight/DISISGONNABEGOOD.gif

Drama? Since when did reviewing literature qualify as drama? Even if the literature being reviewed is a review itself, it's still a review.


Normally, people don't fight each other over reviews.

Comment posted by Nahmala deleted Apr 5th, 2013

This is Phoenix Skyfire from Authors Helping Authors, giving you a review.

Grammar: 9 Your spelling and grammar were excellent, I noticed a few things but nothing major. Understandable for being your first Pony Fic.

1. Very well thought out.
2. Kept my attention with word play.
3. First Fic I've seen with reborn Elements of Harmony.

1. Twilight Slightly out of character. (IMO)
2. Twilight's show Parents? No info on them.
3. Forgive me. Did not see 3rd Con.

Comments: Your story kept my attention to the very to where I ignored PMs. While I am not a fan of Tragedy or Death story, your story was well written and thought out to an extent that I could truly picture happening mostly. That being said, I thought Twilight slightly out of character when she shouted at Celestia. In my experience she would never raise her voice to her mentor like that. I hope you continue to write with this strength in all your current and future story.
Please forgive me to shortness of this Comment. New to Authors Helping Authors and is my first review as a member.

Your Story has earned 9/10 Applebloom Crying for Sadness

and 9/10 Raritys for story in general

I thank you for your Review of my story and hope you will continue to stay with it.
That being said, This is Phoenix Skyfire, Signing Off.

To everypony’s surprise, Rarity had been the first to go.

WHAT?! :raritydespair:

She was still in her prime when she was struck by a piece of falling debris during an earthquake.

WHAT?! :raritycry:

He and Rarity did have a life together and had adopted foals.

WHAT?! Damn... the universe really hates Spike. Kick the Dog nothing, this is Kick your Flipping Wife! :pinkiesad2:

Great story, though I thought that there would be more characters around for Twilight's final moments. I was really hoping for Spike to show up for a few last words.

I read this a long time ago, and I mean way back when I first started reading fan fiction. I did not have a account on either Fanfiction.net, or this sight. I read this story on Fanfiction.net though. Trying to find it since, I have finally found it! This story in my opinion is one of the best sad stories I have ever come across. So I am going to suggest putting it in this group here. No, silly me.... Right Here, this link right here. I am also going to refer this story to a good friend of mine who is in charge of the sad folder in said group. (He won't make a review until it is added by the author)

Well done, and I say great job!

Masterpiece in my eyes.


Thank you very much! :twilightblush::rainbowkiss: Of course I would be happy to let you guys comentate on my fic, It is added.

3930727 This story... Was so beautiful.

Expect my Review soon. Right now? I need a moment. I tip my hat to you sir for writing such a beautifully sad fic.


Roger that. :pinkiehappy: You like it! :rainbowkiss:

3930997 Review completed... You deserve a spot in our masterpiece folder. Here is the Review

This was gorgeous. Absolutely. Gorgeous. :fluttercry:

3931603 this is probably the saddest and most beautiful fic I've read yet... :pinkiesad2:

The Feels! THEY STABBED ME!:raritycry::raritycry::raritycry:

That was...that was really sad.

Great story.

Since everyone else has gushed, kvetched, gabbed, talked and analyzed this story fifty-three ways from Sunday, I'll just say this. It's a lovely story, so it
gets faved.

Thank you for writing this....
I'm going to cry now....:raritycry:

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