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The Changeling hive needs the upcoming invasion of Canterlot to succeed. The preperations will soon be complete. All they need is intelligence to give them a way in. You are the one tasked with collecting it from an unlucky pony by any means necessary. This will not be over quicky. Neither of you will enjoy this.
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Daaaaammmmmn. That was impressive.
Nice job describing things, dude.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Chrysalis and Changelings being bad-asses? Auto-faved, moving on to read.
Excellent job on the story, bro. Also naming the pony Shadowfax? Nice little nod to Gandalf. LOTR ftw.
That. Was. Awesome. i.imgur.com/GyyeUrJ.gif
Biggest mistake the prisoner made: do NOT talk at ALL!
2963076
That's not much an AHA review now, is it?
2963216
You know what I'm asking for.
I invented it.
This is great!
Cleverly written and an interesting concept. A few grammar errors, but still awesome.
2997388
Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
This is Tracer with a response review of your story. Thanks for reviewing mine.
Grammar: I didn't spot to many errors, the only one I caught was your use of "our" when your story is being told in the second person. This occurred only once when talking about the hive. It should still remain in the second person, ie: "your"
Pros:
1. Great, original idea for a back story to the changeling invasion.
2. Remained Cannon.
3. Cast the changelings in a different light we may not have seen them in.
Cons:
1. Single interruption if second person use.
Comments: All in all, your story was rather solid. I liked the idea of the changelings gathering intel for the invasion and having to interrogate somepony to do so. However, while the story may have been well written, I personally didn't like it because of the subject matter, and the use of second person, basically saying YOU are the one doing this. I liked that the changeling, or, you, is feeling regret and even pain from the torment he is inflicting. I hated that, as the reader, I was cast as the one doing these actions. Its just a personal thing that brought me out of my zone and made me feel uncomfortable. That doesn't take away fron the story.
I'm not much on literal criticism, I'm a Marine, and an infantryman, so I have the average intelligence of a rock, (or, so we are told ), but ill give your story a 7 spikestachs out of 10.
3057338
Thanks for being timely with the review.
There are just a few things I would like to explain.
1. The breaks in second person are meant to be foreshadowing.
2. I designed the story to be a deconstruction of second person narrative. You are not really the one in control here. You are essentially a prisoner in your own body being forced to perpetrate a horror.
3. It's written so that Chrysalis is pretty much possessing and forcing you to do things.
4. Making readers squirm is one of the points.
5. Nah, it's the Navy guys who are dumb as coral :P.
6. Working with you has been pretty fun.
3057937
I understand that. Ill say, it made me feel much like I was being forced. I'd almost rather be the one being interrogated.
3059361
That is exactly the point. That is what I wanted to accomplish and make the reader feel.
I-I... you...
...
static.tumblr.com/qzlpe6e/s1Sm9i9b1/joker_clap.gif
It was like nothing I have ever read before.
I wonder what his thoughts are now that Chrysalis was completely defeated and humiliated.
Daaamnnn, this was awesome... the interrogator has- wait...
I have one heluva stomach of steel.
(IMO it felt more like a passive possession to me)
Well that explains my contradictory behavior/actions and the feeling that I was being controlled.
I really liked the aura vision (adding that to my Christmas list)
and the empathic feedback. I actually felt a tinge of sickness while reading the feedback (still feelin it) and it feels AMAZING!!!
Disregarding a few spelling errors, this was beastly!!!
Have three Fluttershys
Edit: Adding changeling emphatic feedback/ mind meld/ aura vision abilities to headcannon.
*processing...*
*processing complete*
Pretty good story. I liked how the changeling was feeling the emotions, and how the info he received was kept in cannon with the actual show.
Torture scene was actually pretty mellow, it wasn't very disturbing or make me uncomfortable, the comments made me thing something really bad was going to happen.
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
And have a thumb while you're at it.
I like this, well written.
On the other hand, here's what I want to do to the Changeling drone
4148685
Thank you. You are supposed to feel sorry for the drone, though. There was never a choice. Torture or die.
4264836
Maybe so, but what he did was so evil that it's hard to feel sorry for him
4265281
*Sigh*
You just don't get it.
4702148 Chrysalis forcing the drone to torture captive ponies on pain of death, even though it causes said drone very real physical harm, reminds me of only one thing.
"Would you like to play a game?"
Chryssy, you evil, sadistic cherga...
4265281
If I put a gun to your head, and tell you to kill a puppy, are you evil if you obey?
The threat of execution and torture is a powerful motivator.
I pity him.
Hmm...
Thank you. I feel somewhat disturbed now, and approve.
I eagerly look to read more.
6359489 That comment was before I matured somewhat.