• Member Since 16th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen March 31st

That Drunk Pony


T
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Spike has been in Ponyville for a few years now. He is still bipedal, but he now has wings and looks much more mature than when he first came to Ponyville. Things seem fine and nothing really seems to have changed in Ponyville with exception of Spike. But when a certain pony returns into his life, things will never be the same again.

Authors note: I have been holding this forever in my back pocket. Hopefully I refined it enough to be good.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 185 )

Interesting...
Tracking to see how it goes.

You need some work on your grammar.
You slip between past and present tense too much, and there's a lot of weird wording choices. I'd suggest an editor, or at least a prereader. You'll find plenty of people are willing to help you on this site, I think.

1392006
Yeah, that would be a good idea. I sort of tried to get this out as soon as I could without even thinking. I’ll see if I can get someone to help with it.

1392035
Good thinking.
For all the flaws, the skeleton of a good story is there. Just get an editor to give it some sinew and skin, and you'll have something honestly enjoyable.

1392035 i feel a fight between twilight ans spike coming in this story
hell
i was fuming at the part where twilight was yelling at spike (AKA the apex predator in ponyville)
i mean serously he should just let her clean up her own messes for a week without any help from her friends
i bet her attitude will change real quick

:rainbowlaugh:niiiiiice one.love it and keep it :moustache:up!

Yip

A good tip is to capitalize and fix up your title. It can shun away a lot of readers if a story has an ugly title.

1392277

Hmm well I at least Captalized it. Might change it later when a better title comes into my head. Thanks for the suggestion.

Like it so far.:twilightsmile:

you have my interest, i look forward to more :twilightsmile:

I see on conflict between a certain two on the horizon. :rainbowderp: :duck:

Anyways, this is kinda interesting, but Spike's a bit of a Gary Stu here, and of course he's got wings.

1396781
:trixieshiftright: I can see what you mean how is a bit OP.:rainbowderp: What would make it worse is if Spike was able to use magic and a full sized dragon with all the wing power and able to slice mountains, but that isn’t the case here. That is true OP, :pinkiesick: but yeah the wings are actually important in this story as is the rest of the things mentioned in the story otherwise I’d have to make excuses and that makes the story less fun for everyone. There is so many things i could have added to make him Mr. Gary Stu, :moustache: but yeah his only real difference from his younger self is that he is a bit faster and stronger which would make sense when you get older and matured a bit and his wings.

Also this was to justify why I made Spike how he is and how he shouldn’t be considered Mr. Perfect Dragon. Not saying I am angry :fluttershysad: I just want to give people a good Spike fic cause we need some more.

Please don't let this be a Sparity fic. Rarity left her hometown for who knows how long, only to return and meet the dragon whose had a crush on her forever. She obviously hasn't returned his feelings and abandoned him. She's not allowed to just waltz back in, notice the physical changes Spike went through, then decide that she has feelings for him based on shallow physical attraction. That's like calling dibs on something that you don't even intend to use, leaving for a few years, then expecting it to be there when you get back.:twilightangry2:

I don't normally oppose the Sparity ship, but the way you set up the story would make Rarity the villain if she just came back to Ponyville and stole Spike away from those who've stood by his side all those years.

Faved, btw.

1397709
You know I want to have it a little mystery of why Rarity left for Canterlot, but if people really want me to I can have the back story in the description. It won’t affect the story that much except your idea of each character will change, but thats gonna happen either way.

1398207

I guess I went on a little bit of a rant there... As long as there is a good backstory to Rarity leaving explicitly, I don't really have any complaints. I intend to read this fic regardless of the finer details at the moment, and you ARE the author, after all.:raritywink:

1398258
Well who said Rarity left on good terms? lol

Not too bad, just try to fix some grammatical problems and try to keep the ponies more in character.

1409738
Hmm, what I really need is to find an editor. English is sort of a second language to me so I won’t have it perfect, but I seem to write it well enough for people to understand. Still I know there is room for improvement and can you give me some hints where I sort of messed up with the ponies not being in character. I really want to make this story good for all the readers.

Now, time for the bombshell question: WHO is Spike going to end up with! :pinkiegasp
Heh, I like the story, can't wait to read more. Best wishes!

Now, time for the bombshell question: WHO is Spike going to end up with! :pinkiegasp:
Heh, I like the story, can't wait to read more. Best wishes!

Normally I don't do this: Y U NO UPDATE?
Did I write it right?

1584402
Because I think my editor for this story has bailed on me. So now I am wondering if I should wait or update it.

Sorry, but it seems I have to go on this story alone. No assistance ._. but at least I finally updated it and its even longer than the last chapter.

1609846 bout dang time you updated
also
YAY you updated

ohhh looks like things are getting catty and tense between rarity and rainbow

Tense issues are still vast. The stories good, but you tend to over explain things. Examples.

Spike answered with an honest truth

All truths are honest.

Spike thought to himself as they stopped right outside the boutique. ‘I think something is seriously wrong with Rainbow today. She hardly ever seems excited to do work. What’s she planning?’ Spike then asked before he knocked, “Are you sure that you’re alright?”

Spike worries if shes all right and then he asks. It could off be much simpler and more pleasant to read if you had gone with something like, "Spike couldn't help but notice that Rainbow Dash seemed way to happy about helping as they reached Carousal Boutique. "Are you sure you're all right?""

You also have a bad habit of using he,she, Spike, other name as the start o your sentances. Spice it up, or it gets tedious to read.

I wish to see more. Also, I would like to see more updates on your other stories.

1610074
It hurts me right in the heart when one of my favorite authors corrects me. Well it is still no excuse.

If this was one of those daytime television relationship shows, a fat women would have gotten up, pointed to Rarity, snapped her fingers in a "z" formation and said, "She's no good for you. You need to prioritize your portfolio." ~ or something like that.

In a Spike x Rainbow pairing, they'd play off of each other very well having a couple things in common and a lot of differences to keep things interesting. It's funny because for Spike shipping, it's usually Spike x Rarity, Spike x Applebloom, Spike x Sweetie Belle and Spike x Twilight, in that order.

I really like were this is going.:pinkiehappy:

Riz

1609846

So Spike X Rainbow ?

Riz

1609846
:pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowkiss: AAAAAWWWWWWWWWW YYYEEEAAAHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I did enjoy this chapter more than the others because things are now getting even more heated and it’s not a one track story. It’s any pony’s game. Who will be the one to conquer Spike’s heart? The Daring Rainbow Dash? The Glamazon herself Rarity? or up coming underdog Applejack? It is a three way crash course and Spike doesn’t even realize he is the prize. Also read the Special after this chapter to see something really MAGICAL. *sorry about my usual errors in grammar, but then again I am not sorry cause my editor bailed*

Wait, what? You never mentioned Rarity being married. I don't even know.

1707919
I didn't mention why Rarity went to Canterlot. I never mentioned why she was gone for three years. I never mentioned why Spike was so scared to see her again and why everypony was terrified of what would happen. and so on and so forth. We havent even hit the biggest twist.

1707950 so she got devoriced and now thinks that she can use spike as a fall back.,...
words can not express the rage i am felling right now
and i will leave it at that

1707950 That she's no longer with him. My point was more that such a large reveal needed more fleshing out then 100 words in a 600 word chapter.

Saying Rarity didn't handle it well is an understatement. Spike goes to tell her he loves her as she leaves for Canterlot she tells him to wait for her to come back to hear her answer and then getting wedding invitations a years later? Pretty sure he knew by then what her answer was.

Saying Rarity didn't handle the situation well is an understatement. Spike goes to tell her he loves her as she leaves for Canterlot she tells him to wait for her to come back to hear her answer and then getting wedding invitations a years later? Pretty sure he knew by then what her answer was. Rarity kinda does seem to just use Spike for free labor and leads him on. You'd have to be a rock to not notice how Spike feels about Rarity and if she didn't feel the same way about Spike why has she never said a thing to him?

Anyone else now runt'en for the underdog?

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