Picture, if you will, the most mundane of existences that could ever be imagined on our planet. What you just thought up was probably very much like my own, happy, regular, uninteresting-in-every-possible-way life. Simply mix in a healthy dose of 'staying away from women or romance of any kind at all costs' and you've got it down pat.
Well, that didn't last long.
I guess all that boring-ness was saved up in some cosmic karma pool or something, because I've suddenly woken up in a strange pony land where everything's flip-flopped and I'm treated like a helpless child. And all with a new body, to boot!
Joy of all joys.
Hi, my name's Heath. Here's my story.
RGRE
This narrative is essentially the culmination of everything I've wanted to see happen in similarly-themed stories but never did. It is my belief that perhaps the best reason for writing a story is that you really want to read one that has not yet been written. That was certainly the case for Libero.
In any case, I won't spoil too much, but the purposeful lack of Comedy, Human, or Slice Of Life tags should be indication enough that this fic will not be following the path of its predecessors.
Updates will likely be very sparse, as that's just the kind of writer I am.
Oh no, he’s an incel /j
Interesting
Gynophobia is a fear — or phobia — of women. Poor dude… he’s gonna suffer because of his condition
Well. That happened. Huh. Promising start, and I'll be keeping an eye on this one. Keep up the good work!
This reminds me of so many videos relating to the hatred of men seeming to trend on twitter.
Wow finally an interesting human to foal fanfic, no instant "I'm ok with this, time to relive my youth in pony heaven". Was getting a bit tired of those fics even though I knew it was wish fulfillment. Honestly looking forward to the next chapter.
This sounds like a promising story. I do also share the feeling of how incomprehension temperamentalness of many woman I have encountered, that I find impossible to understand the source of their frustrations with me at times. Though I hope this animosity from the protagonist is just played for laughs in this story, I am looking forward to see what sort of shenanigans his tainted opinion on woman will lead him to interesting situations in this story could. I am not exactly a fan of full RGR at least the guy being seen as desirable by every mare he walks by part, or that stallions of oppressed, there are certain element I do find interesting at least. Through I wonder if being on the opposed ends of the gender roles will help him give some introspection about himself and his bevavior in public toward woman. What I find interesting in the tags is that Derpy and Doctor Whooves are going to be involved and I wonder if they will be his foster parents in his stay in Equestria?
A pretty unique take on the "Human turned Pony" brand of story and I'm tracking this one as if it were a white whale.
Ah, don't you just hate when you spontaneously change species? Such a frustrating inconvenience.
Ahhhh, and here come the downvotes on completely innocuous comments that, for some reason, seem to contain facts uncomfortable for some people, along with the mysterious thumbs down on the story itself. Like clockwork.
Anyway, to the author: Excellent work. It is disappointingly rare to see a story that's actually written bloody coherently. There's no jumping between past and present tense, the punctuation is all there, everything's practically ten out of ten. Good work. One tiny nitpick might be this.
Needs a comma after the "come on". Or this.
The latter is just my personal preference, though. To quote the writing guide,
I'm in the "bad practice" camp, I guess. Italics for thoughts are great and I used them myself, but if you add thoughts and stuff denoting what you did, namely the "Thought I," then, imho, quotes look better. Your choice. Still need a comma, though, regardless of quotes.
Anyway, keep on trucking. I'll be watching this story.
Honestly, I'm interested to see where this is going and how RGRE will be invoked here. I don't wanna say much yet since this is the first chapter, but it feels very promising.
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Ah, thank you! I'm relatively new to the whole 'creative writing' thing, meaning I haven't especially dealt with the rules of dialogue before. I was aware that this comma rule applies to speech, but for some reason thought thinking to be exempt from it.
Ah, well, I knew I saw something wrong with it.
Thank you for the commentary! I'll fix it, posthaste!
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Cheers. If you're unsure about something, there is the writing guide in the help section. It's pretty thorough on technical matters, so don't feel embarrassed if you need to take a peek at it now and then.
Interesting, I'll be watching and waiting for the next chapter...
Also Good Job
Will he be getting his signature fedora and wolf shirt?
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Sounds almost like a bit of a mix of "nice guy" and maybe a bit on the spectrum. Especially with his response to the situation being very much "not normal".
As an aside, in my opinion women (especially young women) do tend to not like "average" in men. For a whole bunch of weird reasons, some I suspect due to the nature of natural selection mostly taking place through young males in humans, and others being just plain resource management (80%/20% rule). Of course, I've also been married for a few eons at this point so my data is likely very out of date.
This is definitely a different story than normal and I'm interested to see how it plays out.
HIE incel run. I look forward to reading it!
“By heaven himself, I hate females” this character just makes me think of a 101 incel, fedora wearing, neck beard, wolf shirt, Reddit mod of r/atheism. Good job on this though
Marvellous stuff. Looking forward to the next update! :D
so many people here can't read the title of the story
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I am sure your marital insight and experience will make for very interesting analysis for this story. I hope to see you around more for this one.
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Question, is this anon a "nice guy" incel or is he potentially on the spectrum and just not good at talking to the opposite gender?
The first thing I saw when I opened this story page was the blurb underneath your username. At first, I thought that was just artistic self-effacement. Then I read three paragraphs of the protagonist describing how he rubs his eyes, and the realization settled in: You were being completely honest.
Props for the self-awareness, I suppose, but that doesn’t make your prose any less of a tedious chore to slog through. Protip: The Eye of Argon is not supposed to be aspirational.
Besides the quality of your prose (you use the word “ponderously” at one point, and what a coincidence, that’s just what I was thinking), your story doesn’t offer many surprises. Or any surprises. The protagonist is a cipher. He hates women. Also, he’s Anonfilly (or at the very least anonfilly-coded). Not exactly breaking new ground. You claim in your own description that this is some sort of subversion of RGRE tropes, but I don’t really see how. The only thing that sets this apart from other stories in a similar vein is that your protagonist says the quiet part (”I hate women”) out loud, where most stories just keep it subtextual.
Maybe this is going to become some kind of masterful subversion, with your protagonist’s assumptions about gender roles and the female sex and what-not being challenged and rebutted, and the whole of the RGRE “genre,” such as it is (a woman-hating cipher with no redeeming characteristics and an absolute cesspit of a personality is an irresistible sexual dynamo because the universe is contrived to make it so), being torn down. But given what you’re working with, I don’t see that happening.
Good God, man, just anoint yourself Supreme Gentleman already.
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MFW I'm a F E M A L E infesting the comments of a story about a misogynist stuck in a F E M A L E-infested world
media.discordapp.net/attachments/692239896773001217/1143715215846936596/K.png
Incels can suck my non-existent dick 👏
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i.pinimg.com/originals/58/fc/78/58fc786c051480970fc4814824061667.gif
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You seriously think that the woman hater isn't played up for laugh or part of the character development? What makes you seem certain of that, if that is that case?
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Ahh! Scampy!
My sincere apologies if you were offended by anything I did! This was never my intention!
Gosh, I'm so honored you decided to grace my little corner of the internet with your presence!
Wait, no, that sounds snarky and insincere. Drat it all.
I'm a HUGE fan of your work! You, ma'am, are an incredible individual who's equally fantastic at storytelling. Many of your stories have been an inspiration to me and the humble mess I call my 'writing.' Love Me Like You in particular was an instant favorite of mine. I love seeing hurt characters heal thanks to the support of loved ones and therapy--it's kind of really my thing and the whole basis of my story Libero and its related bookshelf.
Not that I'm trying to advertise or anything, mind you. Just hoping that some links can help prove my sincerity even despite my...eh...way of speech.
Gosh, I'm sorry again if I did anything untoward. I'm just an anxiety-ridden ball over here trying to get some horsewords out there, even though they probably ring hoarse and too wordy.
I wish you luck in your endeavors!
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Ah, I'm hesitant to say anything this early on in the game. Were it I reading this story, I'd also think twice before making such hasty assumptions about the main character.
Honestly, it is a bit saddening to see so many people determine so much about Heath when they've only had two thousand words to get to know him. I'll answer your question with this: You have so little source data--a few paragraphs at most--to draw from, so I feel it's best to hold off on making too many judgements as of yet. Perhaps, after gathering more information about the character, you'll find yourself with a better idea of what he's like.
Right now, only the first few puzzle pieces of a grand image have been released. Meaning that, no matter how you put them together, you won't get a good glance at the bigger picture for a good while.
There is a Mystery tag on the story, after all.
Not that anyone seems to be paying much mind to the tags.
Ah, well. That's just how it is, I suppose. I will endeavor to write a worthwhile experience for the hordes of hungry readers on this site. I strongly suspect I shall fail in that, but hey.
That's just how it is.
This is going to get interesting. Cannot wait for next chapter.
Oooh, how familiar this is..... I foresee a lot of aggressive and awkward moments.
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And I'm here for every one of them.
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I’m getting more on the spectrum plus a lack of awareness of his phobia… mental illness is a terrible affliction because it is difficult to impossible for the sufferer to realize they are suffering from it. As they have no easy way to get an outside frame of reference to compare their thought process too. Likely his phobia effected how he interacted with girls/women and while he thinks he came off normal, they likely saw something very different. People tend to avoid those who seem even a little different, so he’s been likely a bit isolated from others which likely made his condition worse.
I could be mistaken of course, but I think it’s bit early to declare him a fedora wearing “nice guy”.
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I know it's not really related to the discussion, but personally I hate hearing about "the spectrum" being discussed. Because depending on how one look at it, just about any individual would qualify as being somewhere on there to some extent for another.
Take a look at me for example. I randomly alternate between being able to stay focused on my work for hours, to not having the patience to sit through a simple 5 minute video because if feels like it's taking too long to watch, to occasionally having an obsessive focus on certain thoughts and concepts. Which in my case was fire extinguishers last time for two long weeks.
I personally could care less if character is or isn't a "incel" as long as there will be no boring 10,000 word world building, and the character is at least tolerable, i will read it
Also i love how just because a character is a incel people automatically hate and go out of their way to bully the author, last time i checked we separated art from the artists but i guess not anymore lol, not to mention you bully person who makes content but then you go and cry about people who post HIE stories leaving the side and abandoning fanfics lmao
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So here's the first thing about first impressions: you only get one of them. And here's the second thing about first impressions: with very few exceptions, people use the ones they have of stories to decide whether they'll keep reading past the first line, then the first paragraph, then the first chapter, and so on. Every word you choose to use or not use for the story's entire length is a brand-new request for more of the reader's time and energy, and while there are any number of reasons someone might choose to drop a story at some point that you as the author have virtually no control over, you can broadly control the first impression readers have of your main character(s) -- or, as you put it, the assumptions they make about that character.
And that's unfortunately the main thing about this story: put bluntly, the overwhelming first impression we get of this character is that he sucks.
It's not just that he makes bad choices, or that he's not physically attractive or socially butterfly-esque, or even that he has a (putting it charitably) less-than-ideal view of women in general. It's all of those things combined with the fact that there's nothing sympathetic about him to balance them out. He doesn't make bad choices -- he makes no choices at all, other than to stumble around until somebody else knocks him out for a chapter transition. He doesn't have anything interesting to say about his new body and surroundings -- in fact, he goes out of his way to express how completely detached he is from it, as if displaying a human emotion like surprise or fear or even bemused confusion would make us think less of him, when we actually don't have any thoughts about him because he's not done or said anything worth thinking about.
As for the titular phobia... it's just plainly not a phobia as it's presented on the page. "Phobia" means fear -- for example, the protagonist seeing a woman and not being able to speak clearly even though he needs help, or insisting he's fine and trying to leave the hospital so he can avoid awkwardly doing the first thing. Both of those would at least make the protagonist an active participant in his own story. A reader may not specifically be anxious about women, but they can understand and sympathize with someone being irrationally anxious about something and failing to fight past it. We can relate to that. We might even be interested in seeing that character develop past that.
And instead, the sole distinct thought this character expresses is, "Folks, I cannot express strongly enough to you how much I loathe this whole entire gender because -- and I'm explicitly saying I'm doing this too -- of the wild generalizations I'm making about them." The term for that is "misogyny." Whole other thing.
More importantly, though, that's not a character. That's just a dude who sucks -- and even worse, one who's at least somewhat self-aware of his suckage but shows no particular desire to overcome it, and who hits every incel trope possible without being noticeably aware of that. If he gets better later on, good for him! But I don't particularly care if he does as a reader, because he's not sympathetic enough to forgive his flaws for now and not entertaining enough to want to see how bad he continues to get. It's like trying to make a story about a racial slur spray-painted on a building: there may be a tale to tell about how the slur got there to begin with, another to tell about the people and processes involved in cleaning it off, but the thing itself is just contextless and off-putting without being interesting in its own right.
And with all that in mind, here's the last thing about first impressions: if you give off a bad one, you can't ask for readers to give you the benefit of the doubt that the second or third or nth impression will be better. We all have limited time in this plane of existence and virtually limitless choices of what media we want to spend that time engaging with, and with exceptionally few exceptions, that all comes down to giving us at least one character who's relatable, interesting, or ideally both, but above all doesn't suck. Obviously, you've got some people who are willing to take the plunge with you anyway, so I can't claim my sentiments are universal, but if you're sincerely confused about why some people aren't focusing on the tags and the vague possibility of a very ugly rug getting pulled out from under them later instead of what's literally written on screen... that (everything written above) is why.
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I think this is a perfectly valid statement that I would agree with. I think any individual has times that their behavior, especially from an outside perspective, would be observed to align with some type of "condition". I suspect the usage of the word "spectrum" has shifted into a shorthand buzzword of sorts for any "quirky" behavior instead of the original meaning which (from my limited understanding) was more to describe the range of conditions that would still slot someone into that category (as a medical condition) but would range from very mild to extreme. I will state my usage was specifically because the magnitude of the character's reactions seemed very much outside the norm, but I am by no means qualified to make anything but a lay person's judgement on that anyways (STEM stuff I CAN give a professional level opinion, soft science absolutely NOT). As an aside, something I think those online self-assessment tests do a great disserve with, especially in an age where it is almost trendy to be "neurodivergent".
Well that hit close to home in how familiar it sounds, but is probably within the realm of normal (for whatever that is worth).
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My free opinion is worth exactly how much you paid for it
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Ugh.
Worthless, maidenless wenches who'll do anything in their desperate pursuit of a drop of clout, including hacking off one of their own limbs and claiming they've always identified as disabled because they hated having a functional and healthy body.
*Sees author's notes*
It's always a safe assumption that every narrator is being unreliable. That was a key element of Iron Man 3.
Don't see many of these on this site. It's a refreshing change.
Looking forward to the next update.
I'm liking the premise of this more and more. The One thing I felt could have been added to Libero was a good father figure, even though I love what you did in regards to the family in that story. Here's hoping that Heath finds a permanent one.
Keep up the good work! I'll be looking forward to the next chapter!
Finally read the second chapter. Ouch, he really had a skewed view on woman/mares, he got it way worst then I thought. At the moment I don't think he actually had nice 'guy syndrome'. I best guess is that he had repeated bad experience with a small number of woman, sensing weakness(being either shy or socially awkward) or oddities(probably being on the spectrum like me) from him, or just didn't like him(a lot of the time it's unconscious on their part), and started doing psychological harassment, to try to get rid of, and he ended up internalizing his resentment, projecting those feelings to other woman, which in turn didn't do him any favours in his interaction if his body language projected hostility or defensiveness. That is maybe what gave him a bias against woman, a combination of lack of social experience, and insecurities in himself.
One thing that had helped me a lot with my outlook on people in dealing with feelings of resentment toward people, and helped me to better projecting a confidant body language was actually doing horseback ridding. Dealing with a 900 pound animal with a mind of it's own, that can crush you at any moment, you have to learn to be aware of any subtle body movement they make and learn to read their temperament. One of the things that had really sucked with me in learning on how to ride was just to let go of any anger or resentment again horse that I ride(like biting, falling and moodiness) and always keep in mind that I am wrongly projecting intention of malice against them, but they are merely acting out of instincts in the moment; it helped me a lot to have a more open mindset with people and over look any perceived slights that I imagine against me; It really helped in my interaction with people in general and especially woman who feel emotion form people much more acutely then most guys. it's all a question of mindset that you project.
For the story itself it seems to be taking an interesting direction I hope it will take it's own interesting direction. Looking forward to seeing more of this story again soon.
Nice chapter. Sounds like he has a lot of attachment issues, and not just for the fact he is in a foal's body. Given that he is probably off putting to woman being instinctively nervous around them, his body language probably communicate a lot of nervousness and defensiveness. It was sad to see that he got his heart broken by Thunderlane, but if he refused it's probably that he wasn't up to the plate to beguine with, so it might as well it happened now rather then then later after discovering he wasn't up to it. Looks like Doctor Whooves and Derpy are coming up in the next chapter looking forward to see what versions they are going to be; I wonder if Blip, the colt(my name for him) we saw with Derpy in the soapbox race is going to be part of the herd?
:)
I was hoping you'd post a new chapter of this soon! Wow, this guy is pretty messed up, huh? I wonder who's in a worse mental state overall, Heath or Darkest from Libero. They're both pretty scrambled. There is one thing I'm wondering though. Is Heath speaking directly to the audience here, or is there some one he is meant to be narrating/talking to?
Oh Thunderlane, you absolute disappointment.
It was kinda weird how quick he seemed to turn around, interaction-wise, but there's probably something going on that we aren't aware of yet. That, or Heath is the stereotypical creepy/uncanny child that is a staple of horror. Oh well. I figured this was probably coming, since Heath apprently can't have nice things. Hopefully Redheart's husband is better. And that the herd has a pegasus or two. Gotta get the kid flying and proper wing care is probably important. Also hopefully Redheart doesn't take anything this colt says about her profession too seriously. Fun to see her as a full doctor, since most stories portray her as a Nurse, though normally one with a lot of seniority.
The thing about crossing fingers is, you need fingers. As a pony, currently equipped with hooves, Heath will soon find this is impossible.
Anyway, great chapter! I can't wait to see what happens next! Keep it up!
So the main character is a r*** victim right? Or maybe just a victim of abuse?
I can't think of much else which would explain his terror.
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Thunderlane... why would he take responsibility for an unknown child? Is he fed? Is he safe? Yes. Just because he was involved and honored the request doesn't mean he has to take him in. Cynical? It's life.
The hooves are basically fingers. Only one per limb. And he can cross them.
Misandry is unfortunately given to the average. “If you’re not better than the other ones, then you’re to be treated as garbage. Maybe that will inspire you to improve.” MC seems to have adapted and found solace voluntarily. There was a hilarious anime with a few similar characters to this called, Working!!
I’ll definitely read more, author. It’ll be interesting to see how MC adapts to this environment. I’d wager he can find somepony that he’ll be good friends with at some point.
MC contradicts himself in one paragraph. Impossible and improbable are distinctly different things and are inherently incomparable. Unless MC comes from a fictional human world where individuality is nonexistent or suppressed, a rudimentary examination of nature will disprove his claims quickly.
Some such stories place a rather high importance on the males for species propagation. Depending on the RGRE rules, MC might like being valued here.
Thunderlane. Coward.
I like how Redheart got her doctorate. Makes me wonder about the date of the present. She seems okay.
The existence of preexisting knowledge is concerning for MC’s situation. It means the pony’s brain he now controls wasn’t always his. Unless his current personality is the result of some damage and the previous one is lost? This would mean his memories are an amalgamation of broken bits and not trustworthy. Or he’s been downloaded into a previous pony’s body? Which would mean he likely would have some surviving kin somewhere…
I’m interested in learning more about the situation, author. I hope you keep going!!