As a writer, my expansive vocabulary and thorough knowledge of grammar are my only saving graces. Please help, the world is too vorticose and gyratory!
Deep in the cosmos there flies a solitary starship, drifting aimlessly and without purpose to the chagrin of the thousands of passengers inside.
Among those many escapees is Roseluck, a criminal whose hidden secrets could doom every creature on board. She won't stop, though, for her crimes are crimes of passion and a driving need that no law could ever hope to staunch.
This is her story.
An honorable mention in "The New Blood" contest hosted by Bean's Writing Group.
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This was absolutely excellent. Mercilessly hard sci-fi, that is almost oppressively bleak in the beginning, as it sets the stage for an 'Equestria' adrift and splintered. It is sometimes all too easy to relate to the feelings of the ponies within such a starship.
The reveal wasn't unexpected, but maybe that's why it impacted me so. I wanted so hard to see Rose's glimmer of hope in this world. When you gave it, with such a beautiful homage to Rose's fellow flower mares now parted, I felt profoundly moved.
Best of luck with the contest. This is the first story I've read from it and I'm already hoping it ranks as high as it deserves.
Really excellent. You made fantastic use of a lot of elements from the show, and to full effect. A very loving display.
I'd be interested to read more about the world you've cultivated here.
Hello! Have a review. Apologies for the belated courtesy note: a mixture of Covid and disorganisation is to blame. Keeping the focus tightly on Roseluck here works well, and I like that the world-building is fed through slowly rather than being infodumped. Could do with a proofread (eg spheres cannot, by definition, be oblong) but I appreciated the ending. Have a like!
Here's your New Blood Contest feedback!
My initial thoughts on this can be found in the contest results post - that this story was an inspiring example of sci-fi, but not perfect. If that alone is not enough for you, keep reading!
The writing was very efficient and strong, with this being the only error I found:
That period should be a comma, "She" shouldn't be capitalized, and "greeted" isn't a good speaking verb.
Oh, and while it's not really a technical issue, it was pretty minor, so I'm putting it here as well:
... So, if I'm understanding right, her excitement while trading black market materials actually comes from acquiring black market materials, and not some other reason? Woah!!!
Anyway. My major thoughts on this story are exactly as stated earlier: it's well-written, grounded, and detailed without being overly granular. All sci-fi needs weird tech bullshit, and you have Phasegates; and all sci-fi needs a strong emotional core, and you have that in spades. (Gardening pun! Bazinga!)
The utilitarian diversity of the Refuge is a really strong idea - signaling that everycreature was worth saving except the ones who needed it the most. And the transition between the ship corridors and Roseluck's garden really hit home how desolate the place must be for a pony dependent on earth magic.
In my contest result blurb I complained about the plague, specifically about how the lack of information on how it works kills the stakes on Roseluck's forbidden garden. While this is certainly not a fatal problem for the story - I loved it otherwise - it remains hard to ignore, given how good the rest of it is.
Thank you for writing it, and for participating in our little contest! This was a pleasure to read, and I hope to read more from you in the future.