Not all changelings are the hive-minded love-sucking warriors they are known as. Some of them may have their own interests and are just so caught up in the duties of the hive to show it. One particular changeling gets to know what it is like to have some encouragement from a friend and realizes that not everyone views her interests with disdain.
Written for Bean's Writing Group's New Blood Contest in the running for:
Bonus 2: "Include a bug."
Bonus 3: "An unusual matchup."
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This was a pretty good story. It got me hooked quickly, and kept me invested all the way through. The prose may have been simple, but as a fan of minimalism, I felt it made the story flow well. The pacing was good, and you had some great character drama as well. My only criticism would be the formatting, which was slightly distracting. I'm assuming the unusual spacing was an intentional choice, and while I can sorta see what you were going for, I think it's a little much. Good job overall though!
11663671
Glad you enjoyed the story!
Here's your New Blood Contest feedback!
Originally, I was intrigued by this story's unique take on changelings, but somewhat unimpressed by the execution of the core ideas. I think on a second reading it's better than my initial appraisal, but, well, let's see!
There aren't many technical issues or typos. A few like this:
There should be a comma after "hello".
... But my main technical critique is the italicized dialogue, which is harder to read and results in awkward bolded text where emphasis is needed, and the extremely simplistic writing style. The lack of names or titles, for the most part, doesn't help. All combined, it produces dry and overlong paragraphs like these:
There's nothing particularly bad about this (other than the few errors: "in its mouth" should be "in her mouth", and "the berries are not dangerous" should be "the berries were not dangerous"), but there's also nothing particularly good about it, either. It serves its purpose without much impact. This is true of, I would say, the whole story.
As for the narrative of the story, I found it quite interesting - positing changelings as a hive in name only, with each individual having free will and self-interest. This also makes it more impactful when the changeling hive goes on attack, as it means all these attackers have their own internalized reasons for doing so, though that's a bit outside the scope of the story.
Ultimately, I'm kind of left without any strong opinions. It's not brilliant, but it's not terrible either. I'd certainly have more fun criticizing it if I hated it, but it would be more satisfying to say I loved it. Alas, maybe it's just not my kind of story.
Nevertheless, I thank you for writing it, and for participating in our little contest. I hope you keep writing, and I look forward to seeing more from you in the future!
11775312
Thank you for your critique!