In my experience living on planet Earth, it is customary to rub one's closed eyes when awakening from a good night's rest.
I, of course, never cared to count how many mornings I'd started with that action; suffice it to say that the habit was thoroughly ingrained in my routine. Naturally, the deed assisted with regaining consciousness, helping to break that sandy stuff that keeps our eyes closed and perhaps rub some life into a rebooting brain. Obviously, the first thing I opted to do once I was sufficiently awake was this very action, as I'd done it countless times before with resounding success.
I'm sure you can thusly sympathize with my shock when I felt not the warm grasp of fingers across my face, but instead a cold, hard surface making rather speedy contact with my nose.
Ow.
Shocked, pained, and successfully roused, I could only blink stupidly as my blurry vision cleared. In my daze, I tried clutching my throbbing nose, which only earned yet another hard impact. This, as you can doubtlessly understand, was quite jarring and my eyes consequently flew open to glare at the offending appendage. I expected a closed fist, perhaps numb because I'd slept on it wrong and maybe that was why I somehow couldn't feel my fingers.
A pale green hoof, attached quite soundly to a similarly-colored foreleg, was the first thing my gaze focused on.
It was an objectively hideous color, one far too close to chartreuse for my liking. I'd always hated that particular shade, though for what exact reason I couldn't say. The fetlock flexed when I tensed what should have been a wrist and after some other small tests I concluded that it was, in fact, part of my body.
I laid there, vacantly staring up at the hoof, for quite some time.
After that, it fell limply to my side as I scrunched up my face, shutting my eyes in what could reasonably be called exasperation.
Oh, come on, thought I.
Now, you were probably expecting a slightly more...bombastic reaction. I will admit, the urge to scream and run in circles was definitely present--fairly tempting, in fact. The thing is, I just wasn't that kind of person. Now, I won't claim to be logical or clear-minded about things, but, faced with a sudden transformation into goodness-knows what, I found abject frustration to be my sole emotion.
Eventually, I reopened my eyes and rolled to my stomach, figuring it best to run damage control and see what the heck I looked like. It was at that moment, however, that I finally took a glance at my surroundings and my jaw promptly dropped.
This isn't my apartment.
Bright orange walls greeted my gaze, painted with murals depicting various woodland creatures prancing about in glee under a light yellow sun. Harsh fluorescent lighting glared down from above, working in tandem with the curtained window to illuminate the modestly-sized room around me. A sterile floor stretched below, looking thoroughly-cleaned and almost painfully white.
A harsh chemical smell wafted from seemingly everywhere, so strong I wondered how I hadn't detected it before. Spartan furnishing existed in the room; only a bedside table next to the raised mattress I laid upon and some monitoring equipment by an IV I realized I was hooked into.
I paused, straining my ears--ignoring, for the moment, the faint rustle and moving sensation I received from such an action--and managed to hear nothing aside from a soft beeping to my left. The white sheets I was tucked into were warm, soft and impeccably clean; they too smelled of that chemical scent I was beginning to recognize as soap.
I sighed heavily, either due to relief or disappointment I didn't know, and ponderously examined the room around me.
Is this a...hospital?
I'd never been in one before, but it seemed to fit the bill. Having studied all I could, I braced for impact and--slowly, to make sure I didn't hurt anything or pull some new muscle I hadn't had before--wriggled out of the blankets.
After observing my new body for a while, I found I could only shut my eyes again and let out another sigh.
Well, I suppose being an undersized Christmas-colored horse isn't the worst possible thing.
Still not my preferred option, though. Ideally, I'd be your regular, run-of-the-mill human male going about his day and not offending whatever cosmic entity decided to put me here. Evidently, I had somehow failed in that endeavor, something to which my bright red tail and tiny, feathery wings could attest. A rush of many different emotions flooded me in that moment, but oddly enough, panic seemed overshadowed by some kind of resignation.
Ah, well, I hardly had the time to do a deep-dive into my own psyche; I needed to gather information about my current situation and I needed to do it now.
Grunting softly to myself, I stood on all fours--a position that felt all too natural--and promptly hopped down off the bed. Immediately, I noticed two key things:
Firstly, the tube attached to the IV I was hooked into wasn't long enough to allow such an action.
Secondly, the nightstand in front of me stretched far too high in the air for me to ever reach the bandages I could see at the top.
Accompanying these realizations were their just-as-immediate consequences, which I watched as though in slow motion. The needle buried in my fetlock was painfully ripped out with a spurt of blood that, to my horror, didn't seem to slow down much at all. And, despite my frantic hopping, I still couldn't reach the one thing that would help me.
Perhaps because of my inexperience with this body, I ended up landing wrong and slipped on the growing pool of red liquid. The heart monitor--whose attached cords for some reason were actually long enough--was beeping wildly at this point and I found myself short of breath after having crashed down on my still-sore nose.
You know, as a grown man, all of this would probably hurt quite a bit and be rather inconveniencing, but nothing to sincerely worry about. This stupid little horse body, though, apparently felt pain far, far more keenly. I choked back tears as I laid there, cursing softly. My fetlock felt like it'd been ripped open and I could swear the whole front of my face was broken.
I'll spare you too many details, but suffice it to say I was not having a good morning.
It's times like this when I like to take a step back and wonder how on earth my life led me here. In my experience, 'phasing out,' as it were, of these particular situations tends to do a world of good, so naturally, that was what I did. Already in my short life as a pony, I was yearning to be back as a man with a host of completely different problems. Issues like paying my rent on time, waking up early enough to get to work, resisting the urge to get the more-convenient fast food and instead cook something decent for dinner. The simple, the mundane, the routine.
I'd been content with my lot in life, you know. I never once complained about my humble, all-too-average situation, at least that I could recall. Sure, I suppose it had been a bit dull, but I'd take boring over three-legged hobbling to the corner of the hospital room and crying my eyes out any day.
Not that I was focusing too hard on that, mind you. Once lost in my own head, the raw pain of this body all but left entirely. Really, it was quite an effective coping mechanism. I recommend you try it sometime.
Distantly, I heard hurried hoofsteps and my furry pony ears swiveled towards the door as it burst open.
I snapped back to attention once I saw what was standing in the doorway, wincing as sensation duly returned.
Another pony stood there, one I immediately noticed was quite a fair bit larger than me, by a margin such that I just as quickly deduced that my body must be a child. Next, I observed the nurse's cap the pony was wearing, as well as the intricate tattoo seemingly part of its flank.
Then, I saw the soft curve of its muzzle, the long eyelashes, and elaborate manestyle.
A female.
By heaven itself, I hated females.
Women and I, you see, had never exactly seen eye to eye. Despite my every attempt to be cordial, inviting, and above all, respectful, they never seemed to return the favor. I do realize I'm generalizing here, but go with me. Often, the best treatment I could expect from a girl was a glare of enmity as she slapped my offered hand away. Sometimes, I caught them talking behind my back, shooting pointy scowls as I walked by. Other times, women would genuinely try to antagonize me with a selection of methods so wide I couldn't even begin to list all of them.
Suffice it to say I'd had bad experience with females.
Worse still, I could never pin down the reason why they hated me so much; best I could tell, my only outstanding characteristic was that I was perfectly average in every feasible way. And any attempt at placation or defending myself was only met with vindictive retaliation the likes of which I could never have expected. It was like they had some secret code, some hidden method of judging people that I always ran afoul of no matter how hard I tried.
After a while, I stopped trying to get them to like me. I'd decided long ago that avoidance--under any cost--was the best solution. And that worked quite well for me, actually. The women in my life had finally reached a consensus with me, something along the lines of 'I hate you, you hate me, let's make sure we never see each other again'. That plan was wildly successful.
At least, it was until...
...well...
I won't bore you with the details. The fact remained: A female was standing in the doorway to my room and I needed to get her out before she did something unsavory.
It was at that moment, of course, while she was scanning my surely-pitiful figure up and down--doubtlessly calculating how vulnerable I was--that I involuntarily let out a pained whimper.
Of course, her eyes immediately bulged open and she rushed in for the kill.
"Stay away!" I croaked with a voice far too hoarse and high-pitched for my liking. This, of course, did absolutely nothing to dissuade the menace and in fact only increased her pace as she galloped straight toward me. Frantically glancing about, I spied the nearby curtained window and sped over, ripping apart the drapes. To my delight, it had been cracked open and I was even on the first floor of the building.
To my horror, this pony foal body wasn't near strong enough to open the thing any wider. Not in time to escape the stony forelegs that coiled around my barrel.
I yelled, thrashing as hard as I could, but wasn't able to stop myself from being bodily thrown back on the bed. The mare pinned me to the sheets, grunting angrily as I continued to squirm with all I had. I'm proud to say I managed to clock her pretty solidly in the face, but was more than disappointed when she didn't so much as blink and a fresh wave of pain swept across my foreleg.
Ultimately, the 'fight' was over before it even began; this lady was orders of magnitude stronger than me, likely due to my weakened state and comparative smallness. The second she tired of physically holding my writhing form still and leaned to the side to prepare a syringe, I knew there was no hope of escape.
Again as if in slow motion, I watched as she leaned back over me, grasping my uninjured foreleg and quickly sliding the needle in. The mare stared right into my eyes as she depressed the plunger, smugly daring me to try anything else. I thought I could even see her grinning mouth moving, though the world was growing too fuzzy for me to make out the words.
I didn't give her the satisfaction of replying. I merely glared up at her, willing my expression to reflect my hatred for her kind instead of the all-consuming fear I was actually feeling.
That was the last I knew before I slipped away.
Oh no, he’s an incel /j
Interesting
Gynophobia is a fear — or phobia — of women. Poor dude… he’s gonna suffer because of his condition
Well. That happened. Huh. Promising start, and I'll be keeping an eye on this one. Keep up the good work!
This reminds me of so many videos relating to the hatred of men seeming to trend on twitter.
Wow finally an interesting human to foal fanfic, no instant "I'm ok with this, time to relive my youth in pony heaven". Was getting a bit tired of those fics even though I knew it was wish fulfillment. Honestly looking forward to the next chapter.
This sounds like a promising story. I do also share the feeling of how incomprehension temperamentalness of many woman I have encountered, that I find impossible to understand the source of their frustrations with me at times. Though I hope this animosity from the protagonist is just played for laughs in this story, I am looking forward to see what sort of shenanigans his tainted opinion on woman will lead him to interesting situations in this story could. I am not exactly a fan of full RGR at least the guy being seen as desirable by every mare he walks by part, or that stallions of oppressed, there are certain element I do find interesting at least. Through I wonder if being on the opposed ends of the gender roles will help him give some introspection about himself and his bevavior in public toward woman. What I find interesting in the tags is that Derpy and Doctor Whooves are going to be involved and I wonder if they will be his foster parents in his stay in Equestria?
A pretty unique take on the "Human turned Pony" brand of story and I'm tracking this one as if it were a white whale.
Ah, don't you just hate when you spontaneously change species? Such a frustrating inconvenience.
Ahhhh, and here come the downvotes on completely innocuous comments that, for some reason, seem to contain facts uncomfortable for some people, along with the mysterious thumbs down on the story itself. Like clockwork.
Anyway, to the author: Excellent work. It is disappointingly rare to see a story that's actually written bloody coherently. There's no jumping between past and present tense, the punctuation is all there, everything's practically ten out of ten. Good work. One tiny nitpick might be this.
Needs a comma after the "come on". Or this.
The latter is just my personal preference, though. To quote the writing guide,
I'm in the "bad practice" camp, I guess. Italics for thoughts are great and I used them myself, but if you add thoughts and stuff denoting what you did, namely the "Thought I," then, imho, quotes look better. Your choice. Still need a comma, though, regardless of quotes.
Anyway, keep on trucking. I'll be watching this story.
Honestly, I'm interested to see where this is going and how RGRE will be invoked here. I don't wanna say much yet since this is the first chapter, but it feels very promising.
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Ah, thank you! I'm relatively new to the whole 'creative writing' thing, meaning I haven't especially dealt with the rules of dialogue before. I was aware that this comma rule applies to speech, but for some reason thought thinking to be exempt from it.
Ah, well, I knew I saw something wrong with it.
Thank you for the commentary! I'll fix it, posthaste!
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Cheers. If you're unsure about something, there is the writing guide in the help section. It's pretty thorough on technical matters, so don't feel embarrassed if you need to take a peek at it now and then.
Interesting, I'll be watching and waiting for the next chapter...
Also Good Job
Will he be getting his signature fedora and wolf shirt?
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Sounds almost like a bit of a mix of "nice guy" and maybe a bit on the spectrum. Especially with his response to the situation being very much "not normal".
As an aside, in my opinion women (especially young women) do tend to not like "average" in men. For a whole bunch of weird reasons, some I suspect due to the nature of natural selection mostly taking place through young males in humans, and others being just plain resource management (80%/20% rule). Of course, I've also been married for a few eons at this point so my data is likely very out of date.
This is definitely a different story than normal and I'm interested to see how it plays out.
HIE incel run. I look forward to reading it!
“By heaven himself, I hate females” this character just makes me think of a 101 incel, fedora wearing, neck beard, wolf shirt, Reddit mod of r/atheism. Good job on this though
Marvellous stuff. Looking forward to the next update! :D
so many people here can't read the title of the story
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I am sure your marital insight and experience will make for very interesting analysis for this story. I hope to see you around more for this one.
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Question, is this anon a "nice guy" incel or is he potentially on the spectrum and just not good at talking to the opposite gender?
The first thing I saw when I opened this story page was the blurb underneath your username. At first, I thought that was just artistic self-effacement. Then I read three paragraphs of the protagonist describing how he rubs his eyes, and the realization settled in: You were being completely honest.
Props for the self-awareness, I suppose, but that doesn’t make your prose any less of a tedious chore to slog through. Protip: The Eye of Argon is not supposed to be aspirational.
Besides the quality of your prose (you use the word “ponderously” at one point, and what a coincidence, that’s just what I was thinking), your story doesn’t offer many surprises. Or any surprises. The protagonist is a cipher. He hates women. Also, he’s Anonfilly (or at the very least anonfilly-coded). Not exactly breaking new ground. You claim in your own description that this is some sort of subversion of RGRE tropes, but I don’t really see how. The only thing that sets this apart from other stories in a similar vein is that your protagonist says the quiet part (”I hate women”) out loud, where most stories just keep it subtextual.
Maybe this is going to become some kind of masterful subversion, with your protagonist’s assumptions about gender roles and the female sex and what-not being challenged and rebutted, and the whole of the RGRE “genre,” such as it is (a woman-hating cipher with no redeeming characteristics and an absolute cesspit of a personality is an irresistible sexual dynamo because the universe is contrived to make it so), being torn down. But given what you’re working with, I don’t see that happening.
Good God, man, just anoint yourself Supreme Gentleman already.
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MFW I'm a F E M A L E infesting the comments of a story about a misogynist stuck in a F E M A L E-infested world
media.discordapp.net/attachments/692239896773001217/1143715215846936596/K.png
Incels can suck my non-existent dick 👏
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i.pinimg.com/originals/58/fc/78/58fc786c051480970fc4814824061667.gif
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You seriously think that the woman hater isn't played up for laugh or part of the character development? What makes you seem certain of that, if that is that case?
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Ahh! Scampy!
My sincere apologies if you were offended by anything I did! This was never my intention!
Gosh, I'm so honored you decided to grace my little corner of the internet with your presence!
Wait, no, that sounds snarky and insincere. Drat it all.
I'm a HUGE fan of your work! You, ma'am, are an incredible individual who's equally fantastic at storytelling. Many of your stories have been an inspiration to me and the humble mess I call my 'writing.' Love Me Like You in particular was an instant favorite of mine. I love seeing hurt characters heal thanks to the support of loved ones and therapy--it's kind of really my thing and the whole basis of my story Libero and its related bookshelf.
Not that I'm trying to advertise or anything, mind you. Just hoping that some links can help prove my sincerity even despite my...eh...way of speech.
Gosh, I'm sorry again if I did anything untoward. I'm just an anxiety-ridden ball over here trying to get some horsewords out there, even though they probably ring hoarse and too wordy.
I wish you luck in your endeavors!
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Ah, I'm hesitant to say anything this early on in the game. Were it I reading this story, I'd also think twice before making such hasty assumptions about the main character.
Honestly, it is a bit saddening to see so many people determine so much about Heath when they've only had two thousand words to get to know him. I'll answer your question with this: You have so little source data--a few paragraphs at most--to draw from, so I feel it's best to hold off on making too many judgements as of yet. Perhaps, after gathering more information about the character, you'll find yourself with a better idea of what he's like.
Right now, only the first few puzzle pieces of a grand image have been released. Meaning that, no matter how you put them together, you won't get a good glance at the bigger picture for a good while.
There is a Mystery tag on the story, after all.
Not that anyone seems to be paying much mind to the tags.
Ah, well. That's just how it is, I suppose. I will endeavor to write a worthwhile experience for the hordes of hungry readers on this site. I strongly suspect I shall fail in that, but hey.
That's just how it is.
This is going to get interesting. Cannot wait for next chapter.
Oooh, how familiar this is..... I foresee a lot of aggressive and awkward moments.
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And I'm here for every one of them.
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I’m getting more on the spectrum plus a lack of awareness of his phobia… mental illness is a terrible affliction because it is difficult to impossible for the sufferer to realize they are suffering from it. As they have no easy way to get an outside frame of reference to compare their thought process too. Likely his phobia effected how he interacted with girls/women and while he thinks he came off normal, they likely saw something very different. People tend to avoid those who seem even a little different, so he’s been likely a bit isolated from others which likely made his condition worse.
I could be mistaken of course, but I think it’s bit early to declare him a fedora wearing “nice guy”.
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I know it's not really related to the discussion, but personally I hate hearing about "the spectrum" being discussed. Because depending on how one look at it, just about any individual would qualify as being somewhere on there to some extent for another.
Take a look at me for example. I randomly alternate between being able to stay focused on my work for hours, to not having the patience to sit through a simple 5 minute video because if feels like it's taking too long to watch, to occasionally having an obsessive focus on certain thoughts and concepts. Which in my case was fire extinguishers last time for two long weeks.
I personally could care less if character is or isn't a "incel" as long as there will be no boring 10,000 word world building, and the character is at least tolerable, i will read it
Also i love how just because a character is a incel people automatically hate and go out of their way to bully the author, last time i checked we separated art from the artists but i guess not anymore lol, not to mention you bully person who makes content but then you go and cry about people who post HIE stories leaving the side and abandoning fanfics lmao
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So here's the first thing about first impressions: you only get one of them. And here's the second thing about first impressions: with very few exceptions, people use the ones they have of stories to decide whether they'll keep reading past the first line, then the first paragraph, then the first chapter, and so on. Every word you choose to use or not use for the story's entire length is a brand-new request for more of the reader's time and energy, and while there are any number of reasons someone might choose to drop a story at some point that you as the author have virtually no control over, you can broadly control the first impression readers have of your main character(s) -- or, as you put it, the assumptions they make about that character.
And that's unfortunately the main thing about this story: put bluntly, the overwhelming first impression we get of this character is that he sucks.
It's not just that he makes bad choices, or that he's not physically attractive or socially butterfly-esque, or even that he has a (putting it charitably) less-than-ideal view of women in general. It's all of those things combined with the fact that there's nothing sympathetic about him to balance them out. He doesn't make bad choices -- he makes no choices at all, other than to stumble around until somebody else knocks him out for a chapter transition. He doesn't have anything interesting to say about his new body and surroundings -- in fact, he goes out of his way to express how completely detached he is from it, as if displaying a human emotion like surprise or fear or even bemused confusion would make us think less of him, when we actually don't have any thoughts about him because he's not done or said anything worth thinking about.
As for the titular phobia... it's just plainly not a phobia as it's presented on the page. "Phobia" means fear -- for example, the protagonist seeing a woman and not being able to speak clearly even though he needs help, or insisting he's fine and trying to leave the hospital so he can avoid awkwardly doing the first thing. Both of those would at least make the protagonist an active participant in his own story. A reader may not specifically be anxious about women, but they can understand and sympathize with someone being irrationally anxious about something and failing to fight past it. We can relate to that. We might even be interested in seeing that character develop past that.
And instead, the sole distinct thought this character expresses is, "Folks, I cannot express strongly enough to you how much I loathe this whole entire gender because -- and I'm explicitly saying I'm doing this too -- of the wild generalizations I'm making about them." The term for that is "misogyny." Whole other thing.
More importantly, though, that's not a character. That's just a dude who sucks -- and even worse, one who's at least somewhat self-aware of his suckage but shows no particular desire to overcome it, and who hits every incel trope possible without being noticeably aware of that. If he gets better later on, good for him! But I don't particularly care if he does as a reader, because he's not sympathetic enough to forgive his flaws for now and not entertaining enough to want to see how bad he continues to get. It's like trying to make a story about a racial slur spray-painted on a building: there may be a tale to tell about how the slur got there to begin with, another to tell about the people and processes involved in cleaning it off, but the thing itself is just contextless and off-putting without being interesting in its own right.
And with all that in mind, here's the last thing about first impressions: if you give off a bad one, you can't ask for readers to give you the benefit of the doubt that the second or third or nth impression will be better. We all have limited time in this plane of existence and virtually limitless choices of what media we want to spend that time engaging with, and with exceptionally few exceptions, that all comes down to giving us at least one character who's relatable, interesting, or ideally both, but above all doesn't suck. Obviously, you've got some people who are willing to take the plunge with you anyway, so I can't claim my sentiments are universal, but if you're sincerely confused about why some people aren't focusing on the tags and the vague possibility of a very ugly rug getting pulled out from under them later instead of what's literally written on screen... that (everything written above) is why.
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I think this is a perfectly valid statement that I would agree with. I think any individual has times that their behavior, especially from an outside perspective, would be observed to align with some type of "condition". I suspect the usage of the word "spectrum" has shifted into a shorthand buzzword of sorts for any "quirky" behavior instead of the original meaning which (from my limited understanding) was more to describe the range of conditions that would still slot someone into that category (as a medical condition) but would range from very mild to extreme. I will state my usage was specifically because the magnitude of the character's reactions seemed very much outside the norm, but I am by no means qualified to make anything but a lay person's judgement on that anyways (STEM stuff I CAN give a professional level opinion, soft science absolutely NOT). As an aside, something I think those online self-assessment tests do a great disserve with, especially in an age where it is almost trendy to be "neurodivergent".
Well that hit close to home in how familiar it sounds, but is probably within the realm of normal (for whatever that is worth).
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My free opinion is worth exactly how much you paid for it
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Ugh.
Worthless, maidenless wenches who'll do anything in their desperate pursuit of a drop of clout, including hacking off one of their own limbs and claiming they've always identified as disabled because they hated having a functional and healthy body.
Misandry is unfortunately given to the average. “If you’re not better than the other ones, then you’re to be treated as garbage. Maybe that will inspire you to improve.” MC seems to have adapted and found solace voluntarily. There was a hilarious anime with a few similar characters to this called, Working!!
I’ll definitely read more, author. It’ll be interesting to see how MC adapts to this environment. I’d wager he can find somepony that he’ll be good friends with at some point.
Damb!
What type of jerks did this Character meet in his Past Life?
I've seen plenty of awful Men and Women, and it honestly depends 🤷 how you encounter them in the first place.
I was probably one of the lucky ones during High School, since I can watch the drama unfold in front of me while I'm peaceful minding my own business.
The story looks extremely promising. I imagine what a shock the main character will have when he finds out that all the alicorns are women, all the bearers of the elements are also women, like both rulers of this country, I think the main character will sincerely hate Equestria.
And in fact, this is an extremely and extremely promising concept, and because of his misogynistic nature, the main character may very likely want to destroy Equestria or escape somewhere beyond it, opportunities for the development of the work, becoming its truly dramatic story. Obviously, the main character will have enormous mental suffering, perhaps he will even commit suicide or end up in a psychiatric hospital. Judging by the tags, it will be a VERY dark story and it's cool, it's something original, this may be the first case (from what I've read) where the main character, being an ordinary good guy, will hate Equestria and really suffer in it.
that's a strong opening,
One that I completely understand.
A bold statement. I’m sure Future would love this guy
Okay gonna be blunt: main character is obnoxious.
( yes I know what Gynophobia is) I don’t know I mean it’s an interesting set up to have someone afraid of woman be out in a female body and sent to a ( I think) female dominated society
But honestly even with that in mind it’s such an off outing premise for a “ human into filly” story.
He comes across as obnoxious because he cannot even sit still without freaking out and trying to jump out a freaking window because a woman shows up and how he starts muttering about how much he hates woman.
The main character comes across as a gigantic invel. All he need his the fedora and wolf hat.
Yes I know his arc will probably involve overcoming that ( hopefully) bit… it’s hard to draw sympathy for him all the same( I don’t know maybe he suffered abuse by woman in past and it’s a coping )
mechanism?)
It’s a jarring premise for a story of this premise but maybe that makes it more interesting?
I don’t know, more power to ya.
I will mark it to my read later.