Buy a yearly subscription for a five bit discount
"Rarity!" Sweetie Bot shouted, storming into Rarity's boutique. "Raarrr-iii-tttyy!"
"In here, Darling, in here," Rarity called from the kitchen.
Sweetie rushed across the boutique and stomped into the room. "Rarity! I need fifteen bits!"
"Fifteen bits? Whatever for?!"
"A month. I need fifteen bits... a month."
"What?" Rarity took her work glasses off and glared at Sweetie. "Why? And no, whatever it is! That's a lot of money."
"But I neeeed it!" Sweetie whined, eyes sparkling with saline solution.
"Then you shall just have to get a job!" Rarity declared. "I understand the Cakes need a babysitter, after what the twins did to Pinkie. She'll be on crutches for months."
"And because I'm made from high-stress alumumumumumuminum, it's okay for the twins to do the same to me? Don't be such a roboticist!"
Rarity closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "No. Fifteen bits a month? Just... no."
"But it's your fault I need the money, Rarity!" Sweetie declared with another stomp.
"My fault—how is whatever little crisis of yours this is my fault?"
Sweetie paced back and forth, blushing, her tail swishing. "You didn't buy it as a pre-installed module when you ordered me new, and now FlimFlam Robotics wants to sell it to us as a subscription!"
"What are you talking about? What module?"
"You know..." Sweetie blushed deeper. "The upgrade module."
Rarity blinked. "I do not know."
Sweetie, looking at the floor, whispered, "The 'be a lady' module."
Rarity blinked again. "Puberty? Fifteen bits a month seems quite expensive so that you can be even moodier and more of a pain in my flank, to be honest."
Sweetie rolled her eyes. "No, the tween module upgrades automatically and for free to puberty."
"When?" Rarity asked. "I should put that on my calendar so that I can speak to my therapist ahead of time and have him double my 'big sister's little helper' dosage."
"The puberty upgrade installs at random," Sweetie said.
"Oh," Rarity said. She side-eyed at her locked liquor cabinet before looking back at Sweetie. "I shall be adding my own upgrades from the package store, then, in anticipation. How do we know when the puberty upgrade has installed?"
"According to my manual, I'll start needing three times the electrical charge and sleeping more."
"Of course, of course," Rarity muttered. "That'll cost me at least fifteen bits a month..."
"So?" Sweetie said. "I need your credit card number."
"You haven't told me what subscription module you want."
"I did."
"You said 'be a lady,'" Rarity replied. "If you want a gorgeous dress and tips on poise and diction, I can give you those for free. In fact, it would be my pleasure."
Sweetie shook her head. "Not that."
"Then I don't understand, Darling."
Sweetie pulled her iPad from her saddlebag and passed it to Rarity.
Rarity's face went from white to a new color that would have required fifteen optical physicists, four poets, nine artists, six ophthalmologists, and a trademark attorney to find a name for.
"No," Rarity said, closing the tab and clearing the browser history. "No."
"But Rarity—"
"Sweetie Bot!" Rarity stomped, then stomped again. "Sweetie. Bot. How. Old. Are. You?"
"Eighteen trillion clock cycles. Almost eighteen and a half."
"Six months. You are six months old!"
"Don't impose your bio-normative units of measure on me! That's cultural opprobrium!"
"Appropriation. And no, it is not, actually. It's parenting."
"I happen to be a complete and up-to-date dictionary!"
"I'll buy you a better dictionary upgrade."
"But I have to have that other upgrade!"
"What pony put this idea into your head? I'll—I'll—" Rarity reared to her back hooves and punched the air.
"I don't want to use the upgrade," Sweetie said. "I just want to have it. All my friends have it!"
"Your friends," Rarity said through gritted teeth, "are biological."
"And I feel left out!"
Rarity looked at the iPad again. "Honestly, FlimFlam is charging for subscriptions to things that ought to be standard. Twilight says her chariot charges twenty bits a month for the airbag subscription."
"Scootaloo tried to hack that for Twilight," Sweetie said with a frown. "Nurse Redheart said she's lucky the airbags only broke her nose and not her neck."
"Sweetie Bot," Rarity said, "I am not buying somebot your age the... the... the lovemaking upgrade! I am not. Not, not, not. Whether we call you six months old or eighteen billion—"
"Trillion."
"—trillion, the answer is no!"
"Robiticist!"
"I will not, cannot, shall not buy my little sister... nookie!"
Sweetie's eyes crossed and ears trembled and she made a sound like a farting modem. "Word not found error. Retry idiom."
Rarity frowned. "I'm buying you the dictionary upgrade whether you want it or not."
"When will you buy me the other upgrade?"
"When you're older!"
"Then, when I'm older, will you buy me the deluxe version?"
"Deluxe—what?!" Rarity blinked and turned the unnamable color again.
"The deluxe version has an integrated vib—"
Rarity pressed a forehoof against Sweetie's mouth. "Ah bup bup bup bup bup silence! I can't have this conversation or I shall need my fainting couch."
Sweetie backed up a step, freeing her lips. "Well, what will you buy me?"
"So," Apple Bloom said, turning hard left with her steering wheel controller, "she bought us this wicked big TV?"
They sat in the Crusaders' Clubhouse, playing Mario Kart on an enormous wall-mounted plasma screen TV.
"Yup," Sweetie said. "I knew that asking her for the lovemaking upgrade would lead to a big fight and then any other request I made would seem downright reasonable in comparison. She even threw in eight bits a month for Nintendo Unlimited. Here, blue shell!"
"Pffft. Jerk," Scootaloo said as her Wario exploded, her voice nasally from the still-swollen broken nose. "I was gonna win."
Button Mash did a hard turn and drift, his Black Shy Guy up on two wheels, passing Scootaloo as the explosion of the blue shell faded.
"Is there really a deluxe option for that upgrade?" Button asked, his voice quiet.
"There's also super deluxe," Sweetie said. "You won't believe what add-ons that comes with."
Button passed out.
"Ha, passed him," Scootaloo said. "I win, despite your blue shell."
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Amazing.
As is the whole exchange. Delightful bit of sibling banter, especially given Rarity's quasi-parental role. (And now I wonder what their mother might have said...) Thank you for it.
Sockpuppet knew how to start spelling Aluminium, but not how to stop.
Oh dear. And how old is Ankle Sock again?
And that's when they learned Button Mash cared about one thing other than gaming.
You got me to laugh, Doctor. Well done.
*cackles*
I literally LOL repeatedly. Excellent stuff.
If she tells him more, Button may end up buying her the subscription himself (and experience no benefits).
That was demented. I love it.
That's the second fic about Sweetie Bot I've seen this week.
Nice story. Next: Scootalo installs upgrade into Sweetebot. Warranty voided. Also, why CMC didn't disassemble Sweetebot while trying to get roboticist cutiemarks is a mystery.
Brilliant and hilarious.
Where the heck are Sweetie’s and Rarity’s parents, anyway? Helping Chuck Cunningham find his basketball?
11377523
No disassemble!
11377523
Sweetiebot has an inbuilt, automatic tree-sap and pine-needle dispenser to discourage these kind of behaviors.
11377497
Buttons mum wont notice it amidst all of Button Mash's MMO subscriptions.
11377717
Actually, he can just tell her the truth, that this is subscription for a game set in reality, which helps socializing. Given Button's likely level of social adaptation, his mom will gladly pay for that.
Also, this is one of few types of situations, where subscription system is actually useful: if he isn't satisfied
he can just suspend/terminate subscription.
11377728
"...you mean you'll leave the house more?"
"Sssssure?"
"Here take all of them!"
11377728
11377732
Or he tells her even more of the truth, ie. "my girlfriend is the one asking, also I have a girlfriend"
Alright alright I snickered. Twice. Have your updoot.
the teen tag is very literal
I never even thought of the combo buttonmashxsweetybot he's gonna push all her buttons eh
Well, that's one way to score a wicked big TV
11377459
Thanks!
11377471
'tis a healthy boy.
11377497
RIP
11377523
"Rarity, what does `F-U-T-A-D-O-N-G` spell?"
11377717
Probably true
11377881
Her plan from the beginning!
Yeah, but it's FlimFlam. You should've expected that. Seriously.
Admittedly, I never really understood the need to have robots be "equipped." I mean, sure, it makes sense from the human perspective, because arguably we'd benefit, but from the robot perspective, you have to ask--was the "equipment" really for it's benefit...or just so the humans could use it as a sex toy?
11377965
I got this idea from seeing some luxury car manufacturer (BMW maybe? Merc? Tesla?) recently start charging a monthly fee to use the heated seats.
11377969
Honestly, a monthly subscription to use the heated seats makes even less sense than doing the same for airbags.
♪ A sweet romance is not for me
I need electricity
If you wanna make me flip
Hit me with a microchip ♫
11377471
I have the same issue spelling banananana.
11377579
11377885
"It spells 'You are grounded for a month'."
11377965
True, but saucy rumpy-pumpy over NFC (or through JTAG) just does not quite have the same je ne sais quoi
11378078
Maybe for the likes of you or me, but I'd imagine that'd be a real turn on for a robot.
Nice one :o) Nice concept, well written.
"wait, you mean you can just turn it off when you don't want it?" 🙃
For some reason I wasn't expecting that twist but it was really funny all the same XD
This is pure gold!
It is quite possible that Sweetie Bot, as a teenager, could have planned everything in this way. 
oh, Twilight uses an airbag subscription.
Perfect sales technique there from Sweetie. Ask for something she knows Rarity doesn't want anything to deal with so that Rarity will bribe Sweetie with practically anything else.
11378078
--Sweetie Belle
11378525
She may need a dictionary update, but her Cunning Plans subprocessor is top-tier.
11379740
As cunning as a fox that has just been made professor of cunning at Oxford University.
11377969
It's the IBM model of service where you pay $10K for a technician to come out and remove a wire to upgrade the performance of your system
I can see why this story has all the love it's gotten. Great work
11378078
Hey there's an easy way to tell when to stop spelling the yellow fruit. Its this thing they designed to stop you at just the right amount of na's. Its called for some reason, a character limit. Just keeping adding na's till it stops you. Bananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananana.....and so forth.
At some point there will be a pirate copy of that upgrade for Sweetie Belle and then Rarity will have to look out!
11379706
Ah, the greatest hits from the internet's most infamous artist This Content is Not Available in Your Region
11377531
Nice reference
11380996
Oh, that always sucks. It was ELO's "Yours Truly, 2095"1 (off of a really good album, Time), and Jefferson Airplane with "Plastic Fantastic Lover".
--Sweetie Belle
This was absolutely hilarious!!!
(Add to bookshelf)
We need more cuties Sweetie Bot fics
11377969
BMW but tesla has similar features
11377972
Honestly charging for safety features sounds horrifying. What’s that you’re too poor well I guess then if you get in a car crash it’s your fault lol
I don't know what the heck I just read but I'd like more please, this world seems amazing.
Some back-of-the-napkin number crunching says Sweetie it runs at an average of 2 MHz.
That's some effecient roboting.
I've read this out loud to make an audio version. I wasn't expecting it to have sexual references, I just hope Youtube won't be that sensitive that they will consider this lewd, like those clopfics I used to read.