Exciting Words and Phrases Regarding Four-Legged Equine Mammals, and Your Future Business Ventures Therein!

Source

Invest in magic! Conquer Equestria! All this can be yours*!

*for a fee, payable to goat.

Written for the Quills and Sofas Speedwriting Group's April Fools contest. Posted because it's ridiculous and today is a good day to be silly. :D
Entered it into Bicyclette's Thousand Words Contest under the Experimental category.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 9 )

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ItsYaBoiSatan

ItsYaBoiSatan #1 · Apr 1st, 2022 · 1 · ·

Ayo, more goat stories.

Goatquestria for the win.

Scyphi

Scyphi #2 · Apr 2nd, 2022 · 3 · ·

Iron Will was not employed by us. Please disregard any stories you have heard about his exploits. Any goats you have seen with him are false goats. They are TRAITORS TO THE PROUD LINE LINEAGE AND TRADITION OF GOAT ENTERPRISES.

And here I was about to comment on how this explained why so many goats were in Iron Will's employ, since they both seem like they'd be on the same page as each other on this.

See footnote 12 above if you subscribe to the theory that ox-ford commas are a proper and necessary part of your language.

I do, actually, as point of fact. I tend to favor it more often than not as I think it helps add a visible clarity to the list, particularly if they list items each requiring multiple words to describe like here.

More importantly though, and why I bring it up at all, roughly about half of my English teachers throughout my schooling were for it as well. The other half, however, adamantly were not, which was extremely aggravating for me, the student, when I had one teacher who'd dock me points for excluding it while another would dock me points for including it. Talk about mixed signals!

FanOfMostEverything

FanOfMostEverything #3 · Jun 5th, 2022 · 1 · ·

Outstanding stuff. Working the footnotes into the word count was frankly brilliant, as is the premise as a whole. Thank you for a lovely bit of caprid madness. Best of luck in the judging.

PseudoBob Delightus

PseudoBob Delightus #4 · Jun 19th, 2022 · 1 · ·

I have come to review^[1] your story! Woo!!!
^[1] Editor's note: This review is based on two paragraphs of notes written on a plane. No guarantee is made as to the accuracy, thoroughness, or relevance of the reviewer's alleged statements.

First things first: Goats are funny, and the writing is charming from word 1. Great start.

Early stuff was a bit confusing and weak, relatively speaking, but the later stuff that just leans extremely hard into the incompetence angle, to the point that the author of the flyer literally can't type commas or the letter 'f', is hilarious. I do kind of wish it was more focused - as much as that is possible in this format - but overall it was very good, and very funny

PS: How the hell did you make those footnotes work!?!?

daOtterGuy

daOtterGuy #5 · Jul 11th, 2022 · · ·

Howdy, hi~!

I love this. This is so outlandish and ridiculous and an absolute treat to read. I love everything about this and now wish to support the goat empire. Glory be. Thank you so much for the read~!

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #6 · Jul 12th, 2022 · · ·

Editor’s note: We have been told that this was not, in fact, a pony’s doing, but it looked enough like one to legally count. It lives in Horseland, so it must be a horse.

fun implications for what Pinkie became

Your enemies could now be oranges!

the implications of magic like this being widely available don't seem to be very thought-out

Early investors discovered this the hard way after their demands for surrender granted them an all-expenses-paid vacation to the surface of the sun^{^[4]}.

hehehe, it is nice to see the goats respect the power of the alicorns in their own way

One lavender unicorn even threw a free sample of “magic” into our humble representative’s face when we referred to her as such^{^[6]}!

yay references to lavender unicorns! and what would that name have been, Sparkle-butt?

^{^[7]} Editor’s note: hooves.

pfft

^{^[8]} Payment is due upon the reading of this footnote. Exact change appreciated but not required.

dangit, i shouldn't have read it!

^{^[15]} Iron Will was not employed by us. Please disregard any stories you have heard about his exploits. Any goats you have seen with him are false goats. They are TRAITORS TO THE PROUD LINE LINEAGE AND TRADITION OF GOAT ENTERPRISES.

could said traitorous goats be considered Judas goats? also, wow, what's the story there!

^{^[20]} Editor’s note: ate the key that goes beore g. I was hungry and it looked tasty.

hehe, very goat-like behavior!

^{^[21]} See ootnote 20 above.

the fact that "footnote" has an "f" in it does lend a fun irony to the whole thing.

^{^[30]} Employees o Goat Enterprises of are not technically allowed in Equestria anymore so please disregard any previous claims o physical assistance or aide. We will support you in the spirit o business. ailure to read this ootnote does not imply otherwise.

hehe, nice way to end the running theme of how vague it has been, just what service it is exactly that the goats are providing. and this was a fun look at how ponies and their silly magical world would look like, viewed through an outsider's lens that is nothing but vague marketing-speak. the footnotes really made this work, with the repetition of them where the missing symbols should go making one think about what the purpose of characters and letters really are. thank you for it!

Loganberry

Loganberry #7 · Aug 10th, 2022 · · ·

Hello! Have a review. I'm a Terry Pratchett fan, so I have fairly high standards when it comes to footnotes. This story used them satisfyingly and cleverly. Maybe not quite to Pterry standards in terms of consistency, but what is? Anyway, well above average. And "Secretary has been ired" is one of the great lines. An easy like, and congrats on the Silver Medal!

Silent Whisper