Please leave a message after the [squee]!

This was written for the Quills and Sofas Speedwriting Group's "Write Something Terrible" Panic (though I did not, in fact, write terrible things.) We're on Discord here if you'd like to join us!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 30 )

Haha, this is really good! Really funny, and really creative! I’ve never thought about something like this!

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Huh - despite the lack of tags and obvious evidence, it still took me a few calls to realise this wasn't an Equestria Girls fic.

This was a fun little story. Thumbs up! And I was autistic enough to count as I read, and it's indeed [16] messages:pinkiecrazy:

. . . how did things with Gummy escalate so quickly? :rainbowlaugh:
also i loved how the scam call about oven warranty reacted when they realized who they where calling. . .

lol this was great!

All hail Gummy, King of the Salamanders! Long live the King!

I wonder what information #6 left behind on the Caller ID?

I love the creative layout of mini-voicemails all pieced together to make a story. I may be biased but Maud's voicemail was by far the funniest.

This is hilarious. I really enjoy watching you develop as a writer. But with Gummy and Fluttershy was wonderful. You really managed to capture the individual characters here.


This was wonderful and got a few chuckles out of me. It was really fun to see the stories progress with the little snapshots into others lives and pinkies impact on them.

Yes, because it was Flim or Flam who was calling.
You'd think they'd know by now to just keep clear of Ponyville, including any form of long distance communication.

We’re calling about your oven’s extended warranty.

That one got an especially big laugh out of me. I've been telling those calls like every other day; just replace "oven" with "vehicle" and it's the same:rainbowlaugh:

Just where are these writing contests opened?
I've always been curious to participate and yet the groups I follow, I never see announcements if they do any.

You have to join the Discord group.

As for you Silent Whisper, this was hysterical in the speedwrite and it's even better here. Congrats on this being featured box bait at that--I hope you get tons and tons of likes and follows from it. :raritystarry:

Crap, forgot to add the usual links to this fic (was tired, whoops!) This was written for the Quills and Sofas Speedwriting Group. We're on Discord here if you'd like to join us!

"Feature box bait" is a nice way to put it, though it wasn't intended... it was one of those "gosh, I think a lot of people would like this!" vs some of my more experimental fics, which are usually a hit or miss.

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it, Chessie!

[Caller Unknown], if we're being realistic, or perhaps [Your Very Special Somepony]. :twilightsmile:

Yeah, I must've counted them, like, six or seven times to make sure it was really 16 calls. If I messed up that number, I knew I'd hear about it!

Long live the king~

Marzipans Answering Machine? First thing that came to mind when reading this. <3 Homestar Runner

Me imagining if Apple Bloom was the one trying to call Pinkie Pie

Apple Bloom: Hey Pinkie this is.
Voicemail: You have reached the voice mail system.
Apple Bloom: (sigh) Okay okay, come on.
Voicemail: To leave a message, just wait for the tone.
Apple Bloom: I know how to leave a goddamn message.
Voicemail: When you are finished recording, just hang up. Or press pound for more options.
Apple Bloom: Really, hang up? No shit. I was just gonna keep talkin' until she decided to check her voicemail.
Voicemail: For delivery options, press five.
Apple Bloom: Just give me the damn beep!
Voicemai: To leave a callback number, press eight. To page this pony, press six.
Apple Bloom: Come on!
Voicemail: To repeat this message, press nine.
Apple Bloom: I will fucking stab you computer phone lady!
(Elsewhere with Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy dealing with an annoying beeping sound)
Fluttershy: Uhoh my God, is it getting louder? I bet the Crusaders don't have to put up with anything this annoying.
(Cut back to Apple Bloom Still on the Phone)
Voicemail: To mark this message as urgent, press eleven.
Apple Bloom: There is no eleven, you fucking whore!
Voicemail: To hear these options in Spanish, press dos.
Apple Bloom: I HATE YOU.
(Voicemail finally beeps)
Apple Bloom: Pinkie , it's Apple Bloom, I need to-
Voicemail: I'm sorry, but this person's voice mailbox is full.
Apple Bloom: Ugh damnit, damnit, damnit!

We at Frivolously Levitating Internal Management For Longliving Automated Machinery have heard that you haven’t been keeping up with your warranty

I see it. Smooth and slick, very nice.

~Skeeter The Lurker

OMG the Gummy thing was great.

That was glorious. Gummy is the king of more than just salamanders.

I like these humorous short stories that pop up on the front page now and then.

You'd never know it, but Gummy has the best adventures in the show.


I decided to record this as a little audiobook [squee!]

An acquaintance recommended I try this short story to see what my vocal range is like, and because he enjoyed reading it once upon a time.
I'd meant to go back and record the background noises (the animal hissing, background murmuring, etc.), but I've already spent long enough on this. Need to streamline my workflow... and buy a better laptop.

Hello, I love this! You've got a great vocal range, and seeing this brightened my day! Thank you very much for sharing this with me!

(Also it boggles my mind that people talk about my writing where I can't see it and people think things about things I wrote. Amazing how we have an impact beyond our reach sometimes.)

Wow, what am amazing and funny fic! I liked the Gummy plot the most :twilightsmile:

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