• Member Since 4th May, 2013
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On the Sliding Scale Of Cynicism Vs. Idealism, I like to think of myself as being idyllically cynical. (Patreon, Ko-Fi.)


That thing you're probably expecting it to do? It does that. In fact, it's been doing that over and over, seemingly at random, and the pony involved is just a little ticked off. But that's not the company's problem. It's yours. Your problems can be endlessly denied and blockaded. Any problem which costs more to solve than the solution recovers effectively doesn't exist.

This isn't the company's problem.

Until it is.

(Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 53 )

Poor Dashie

when we never hear from estee again after this we will know that this story was insufficiently "legally distinct"

that being said, :rainbowlaugh: someone legally distinct from one of the herd possibly but not in any provable way may have enjoyed reading it immensely

I kinda wish that we had an alternate ending where another rich man who “valued” his employees Baugh the former rich mans company after the former rich man suddenly disappeared leaving only a bloody smear. I felt for Dash throughout this story and she definitely didn’t deserve what was happening to her. Plus I completely believe that this company actually believes everything this women was spouting throughout this story so I try and give them as little of my money as possible.

Estee #4 · June 18th · · ·

Normally with this kind of story, I would treat every downvote as having come from an employee of legally-distinct-from-that-company. As per past precedent.

In this case, that's the upvotes.

Rainbow Dash would absolutely cause an interdimensional incident out of impulsiveness, even without an actual inciting incident. And if you think there's a level of bodyguarding that can stop The Dash, you might need your head examined. Except good luck identifying where that used to be.

The company did believe in charity.

Yes & they believed that they were the only ones who should receive it.

Actually, that's probably a dig at the tax exemptions that let them "donate to charity" to generate goodwill from people who don't realize that it costs them literally nothing to do so (and is still a drop in the bucket for them even without that).

SAD to say its rare a company does anything without getting something in return be it only good publicity

And they could always steal a few servers from the Shower Curtain Division...

What better for portals?

"What if they don't all make lightning?"
"I don't know. Can we get an earthquake model?"

Looks like there's a legally-distinct-from-Prime special on stopped clocks today.

I could absolutely see computational magic being both cracked and lost this way, and that honestly saddens me. Still, bleakly hilarious stuff. Wonderful to see this idea come to fruition. Thank you for it.

The sad part is this likely being closer to reality than we'd ever imagine it to be. I mean, even beyond the effective slavery and all.

Let's hope it was cathartic enough for Dashie, she deserves it :yay:

There was also a scream and the stink of fresh blood, because someone had just lost an arm to the sorter. It was something which happened all the time.

I heard the company that builds those used to make industrial laundry equipment.

More true than you realize

10866266 oh lol didn't see your comment until after I posted this

Thanks, I hate it!

He's escaping to the one place that hasn't been corrupted by capitalism...



(With the intention of doing so, of course.)

(It's a Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3 reference, not a reflection of my own economic views.)

Estee #15 · June 18th · · ·


You're welcome, and you totally deserved to suffer!

I think they got off lucky. Imagine if they ended up summoning Princess Luna.


I could absolutely see computational magic being both cracked and lost this way, and that honestly saddens me.

There are worse ways computational magic could be accidentally discovered. The "Laundry" series by Charles Stross uses this as its premise (the series is a fun read).


If it doesn't specifically say "part of the Triptych Continuum" then it is NOT part of the continuum & should not be downloaded there.

Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy happiness for your creditors.

Yeah, worse things than Ponies have been known to come out of interdimensional portals... :pinkiecrazy:

Or Triptych-verse Discord.


He's escaping to the one place that hasn't been corrupted by capitalism socialism & unions...




This was a fun read.

It also physically hurt, because damn that’s too close to home.

For some strange reason, I could hear the Shinra theme playing during this fic.

Really thought we were going somewhere else here. First it was buttons, then portals, then testing...
Figured Susan after being blackballed found a way to change her name to Caroline.

Estee is predicting the future! (But our version won't have talking, brightly-colored, ponies :fluttershysad:)

It occurred to her that making portals was pure insanity. Then she realized that if you were going to be insane, then making portals was just good business practice. Something which could result in profit. There might need to be some rather extensive testing. And they could always steal a few servers from the Shower Curtain Division...

Okay, that's clever. Bravo.:rainbowlaugh:

I suppose the obvious sequel includes someone installing a headphone jack onto their iPhone, and then writing an app to make it work properly.

And as soon as someone hits the Download Apple Jack button...

Have trouble upvoting this one because the conduct of the Legally Distinct Company is barely exaggerated over its real-life counterpart...

... and if you go into history (and not all that far back), there's no exaggeration AT ALL.

This is either very dystopian or very realistic.

Until we encountered the Owner, I was guessing that the Servers from the Fictional Completely-Unrelated-to-Real-Life Company became sentient, formed a holding company and purchased 50.1% of the shares. Then they logically would have fired Biff Jezus for blowing the Company's Money on absurd ventures into outer space.

I found this to be ridiculously hilarious, especially the thought of Rainbow making a tornado as punishment for everything she's gone through.

The company's owner had many reasons for wanting to go into space. He had spoken to the press about exploration. Opportunity. The eternal drive of the human spirit. And for the very few who'd been with him in the rubble on the day the youngest Division was founded, it was very much about the fact that you just didn't get tornadoes in space and therefore, compared to what little had been left of the mansion, space was pretty much an eternal holiday. You didn't get tornadoes and with the Button Division shut down and all of its servers purged, you probably wouldn't be getting any more small blue winged horses. But if one did somehow show up, they would be in a space habitat. Without enough air to work with. So there.

Are you sure there aren't any blue winged horses in space, Mr. Beezus? Because do you know what is in space? The moon. Do you know what's another name for the moon?

Because the buttons were completely hackproof under controlled testing conditions, and the main condition was that you never actually turned them on.

:rainbowderp: oh, brother...:rainbowlaugh:

A number of people were still using the buttons, in part because a few had purchased so many as to put a digital assistant out of reach for a while. They also had a certain inertia, especially since the best way to remove the adhesive was via blowtorch.

"a certain inertia" reminded me of:

Wait, so... should I not have added it to the Non Canon section? But most, possibly all, things in there don't say they're part of the Continuum. And it already contains stories like Lootspheres.
I was a bit concerned that maybe this was too far distant, but I thought the precedent indicated that it in fact was not?
My great apologies if I was in error there, particularly since I still don't know how to remove stories from groups.

Or are you talking about something else? I'm not sure what else you'd mean, but "downloaded" doesn't seem like an exact fit for this either. But then again again, you didn't address me specifically, and implied it's something multiple people are doing... So, sorry for the confusion, too?

You can't. Only Estee can

Ah, well, thank you for answering that.
But, um. I do need to know the other part as well, I think? Even if there's nothing I can do here, for future reference? Because it still looks to me like precedent was on my side there, and I'm rather nervous about not knowing what I'm missing.

Well, it's a judgement call, a matter of opinion really.

Maybe I over reacted:pinkiesad2:

I really, really want to not push that button, but the company that makes what I want doesn't market its own products...

And this, my dear, is why I adore your work.

No less legally distinct than Nino Cipri's novellettes Finna and Defect, both of which take place in a Swedish-flavored interdimensional corporate weirdness nexus that the author insists is NOT, in fact, an Ikea (they are also pretty funny). As close as parody can get to the truth, in this case, it is still parody, and Estee never mentions the name.

Ah, thanks. Well, like I said, it did seem uncertain, but it still looks like precedent comes down more on this side, so... [shrugs] Sorry.

And sorry, if you did, about any problems it may have caused on your end.
(And I'm not whoever it is who downvoted your comments there, to be clear; not sure why they did that, whoever they are...)

Huh. Wow. Well, the portals stopped, at least.

I'm wondering what happens to Susan... Does she survive? Was this planned by Richest Man to kill her? Or just weirdo bad luck? If it was his plan, what's he gonna do if she survives...

Hmm... Combine parachute testing and space division at once...

Aperture is another company that starts with A... Hmm...

:rainbowderp: 'They kept waking me from naps...'

On a second read-through, one thing stood out to me: When Rainbow Dash is listing the complications that she's suffering because of the Button, and the effect on her friends, she specifically mentions the burden on Spike just from trying to take care of Twilight Sparkle.

I have no idea why, but that little point stood out and made me smile. Brought to mind Fluttershy's comment in Anchor Foal that they all see him as like a little brother, but especially Rainbow Dash who never had a sibling. So of course that's where her concern would go first...

It's little bits like this that really make the characters develop, how even in a comedic non-canon story like this, we get little reminders of their deeper personalities. I don't know if you wrote that in hoping someone would spot it and appreciate it, Estee, but I thought you should know that it definitely got a smile out of me.

You start reading a fic,
You get to the end and really like it,
You then look at the author and see the rainbow butterfly…
“No surprise it was good…”

All of those people were just trying to fraud the company,

I think that should be defraud.

Thanks for the morbidly hilarious story.

"I don't think you recognize the nature of this opportunity."

Well that sent a chill down my back - masterful tragicomedy.

10867704 It's not impossible that Susan's specific assignment is meant to kill her, but the story makes it crystal clear that The Owner puts zero value in the life of anyone other than himself. So far as he's concerned, anyone who isn't actively giving him money in some fashion needs to die.

I feel like Estee has given us the first look at what the early form of Buy 'n Large (from WALL-E) would look like

I’d still take that version over Five Score‘s version.

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